#uvar

And thus, the third cycle of bullshit began. Yes, you read that right. THIRD CYCLE. The first was in December 2014. The second was in March. Thankfully, my husband and I share a close relationship and he has always known everything about my online activities, including the entire history of this situation.

Over the last 10 months, I have been dragged through the mud. FRANCHESCA CHAI AQUINO CERONE, who calls herself an “advocate” for victims and who claims to be all about being “supportive” of women and “lifting women up”, has been trying to destroy my name with false accusations and outright lies. But of all the things that has EVER been said, the following (which was posted the day after I posted a cease and desist letter I wrote her) is what I CAN NOT ACCEPT AND WILL NEVER ALLOW:

Similar things about me “protecting rapists” have been said in the past 10 months, and of all the shit thrown at me in my entire life, this takes the cake. I’m not offended my many things. This offends me. Anyone who knows me will tell you that getting bashed online doesn’t bother me. But this - “protects rapists” - do not ever say that about me and/or paint me in that light. Say what you will about my character, I don’t care. Do not say that I would protect rapists.

When I was 9 years old, I was molested by the adult son of my babysitter. Their dog attacked him and saved me from being raped. From 14 to 17 I was in a physically and mentally abusive relationship. He raped me. Just before my 16th birthday, I tried to kill myself. But instead of telling him to stay the hell away from me after we broke up, I agreed to try to “fix things” and “work things out”. A few months later, he came to my high school unexpectedly to “surprise me”. It was lunchtime, and I was sitting in a car with some of my girl friends. No big deal, right? Wrong. The car we were sitting in happened to be owned by a guy, and he knew it. That I was sitting in a guy’s car sent him in a fit of rage. He walked up, opened the door, grabbed me, and started pulling me by the arm away from everyone. We were struggling with each other and motioned like he was about to hit me. I turned my head away and braced for impact, and that’s when I caught a glimpse of my friends. That’s when I realized that this was now actually happening in front of people, and if I didn’t get myself as far away as I possibly can from that monster, things would likely not end well for me. I don’t know how I did it or where I got the strength, but I managed to free myself from his grip and punch that fucker in the face. I walked away from him and never looked back. Two years later just when I turned 19, I was working for a marketing company. I was in a part of the city I was unfamiliar with, and I got hopelessly lost. It was the middle of the day, and I was wandering around on foot, getting more lost by the minute. I saw an apartment building and decided to go there and ask the building manager or caretaker for directions and call my coworkers. I pressed the button for the caretaker and a friendly voice answered. He buzzed me in and even came to the door to get me. We were walking towards what I thought was the apartment office when suddenly there was a hand covering my mouth and nose and I was frozen in fear. He put something on my head and pulled it down to cover my eyes and led me to what I assume was his apartment. I can’t remember much of anything other than I thought he was going to kill me. I remember thinking that because I was stupid enough to get lost, and of all the people to ask for help, I had to ask the psycho rapist and now I was gonna die. I have a scar on my leg from the knife or blade or whatever it was he used to scare the living shit out of me so I would not fight or scream. I can’t remember anything about the building except that the door was glass and the word caretaker next to the button that I pressed. I don’t remember what he looked like other than he had a beard and I *think* brown hair, but I’m not even sure if it was brown. I don’t remember getting cut by the knife or blade or whatever. I don’t remember when the head cover was removed. I remember almost getting hit by a car when I was crossing the road. Then I remember being on a busy road and walking to a car dealership. To this day, no matter how much I try, I can not remember much of what happened. But then bits and pieces snake their way to the surface at the most unexpected times. Trigger warnings are stupid and useless because nothing can say what will trigger a flashback. Literally anything and everything can trigger a flashback/memory. What’s worse, the memories that came back have all been mundane things or things that don’t help me with being able to identify the man, like for example what he looks like, or the street address of the building. What I got instead was that the car that almost ran me over was a silver 4 door, and that there was bird shit on the walkway leading up to the door of the building. That man was never prosecuted or even arrested. I never even filed a police report, and for a long long time, I didn't even tell anyone. It took longer still, to tell anyone I was close to. How could I? I had no details. In fact, I didn’t even know anything for a while. And even today I don't know much. I felt so stupid on so many levels. Because of how I felt, I was convinced that everyone would not only feel the same way, they would also not believe me and think I was lying. I suffered in silence for many years, but I made it through, and I know I am a much stronger person because of it. One reason I believe in God is because there is no way I could have made it by myself. I truly believe He carried me through the hardest times. I have been through a lot. I am not perfect, but I am proud of who I am today. I am proud of what I accomplished despite what I have been through, and it's thanks in part to those events that I know I have the strength to do anything. It hasn't been easy. I still have my bad days. But they are becoming fewer and far between. I am very anxious about experiencing the flashback or series of flashbacks of the actual event, but I have a strong support system in place and I am confident that although it will likely be rough for a while, everything will turn out well. I am fortunate that there is no statute of limitation for sexual assault in my country. I don’t have to worry about my brain missing a deadline and I am free to pursue legal justice when I am ready in my own time.

It's time for me to speak and be heard. In this blog, I will tell the story from my perspective. I will lay it all out, INCLUDING my own actions and indiscretions. I will address everything that Franchesca and the other people of UVAR have ever said to and/or about me that I know of. Every accusation, every allegation, every problem, every statement, every lie. I will also take us through my own personal story of survival. You will get to know the real me, not the cockamamie version of me that Franchesca/UVAR is advertising.