#utoronto

I go to the University of Toronto! St George Campus! I never had a chance to visit before making my decision and the tour videos online were lacking—I’d like to make my own video before I finish my undergrad (idk I’d like to stay there for grad school, though.).

I’m a dual US-Canadian citizen who grew up in the states. I dormed in my first year and moved out to live with friends after that.

I’m going to finish a Neuroscience Specialist and Physiology Minor. I’m finishing up my third year now. I could graduate next year, but I might take a fifth. I might finish an Immunology Minor. I do not know if I will finish a Physiology Major or Cell and Molecular Biology Major (I don’t expect to finish Cell&Mol bc I think a required course conflicts with a required neuro course I need to complete. Similar issues with the Physiology Major and also, I’m balancing my love of learning with a desire to chill and bring my GPA up). I’m happy to talk about our Program of Study (PoST) system—personally, I like it.

I love neuroscience. I really love studying pathology and therapies for diseases and conditions (like concussion, spinal cord injury, and pain and addiction—which has some disease elements), but pretty much only for neuro. I also like non-traditional (like, non-pharma/bio) therapies like brain-computer interfaces, meditation, and exercise. I’ve done a few research internships in Toronto by now, and presented a poster. I was supposed to take part in a paper that would’ve had my name on it, but then SARS-CoV-2 happened and I’m re-routing my research projects.

I am a Neuroscience Association of Undergraduate Students’ Co-President and I’ve been on the team for two years (we don’t have first year positions) and a NeurotechUofT Neuroscience & EEG Co-Lead. I joined the team in about oct 2019, after a lot of encouragement from a friend who happened to be co-president there. Tech is gradually becoming part of my comfort zone. I’ve held various exec and leadership positions on campus. I also paddle for UC Dragon Boat (looks like our season’s cancelled! The first half is, at least.). I grew up athletic-ish but didn’t start paddling until my second year. I used to volunteer at CAMH. I got to interact with their clients/patients but not doing research and not in a clinical capacity.

I’ve got friends in a lot of different programs so even if that doesn’t appeal to you, I might know someone.

I started out wanting to go to med school. I don’t know anymore. I think if I do, I want to do a masters first. I think I’d rather go for a research or research-related life, either in academia or industry. I’ve got a lot of ideas and contingency plans. Sometimes, I fantasize about going to law school. I used to love debating and I still care deeply about justice, especially social justice, and I can imagine a lot of ways where I could use my neuro/bio background in law.

Here I am, shitting in Robarts Library.

Just when my wifi didn’t connect

Into the academic industrial wasteland of this perfect privileged prison.

They say Robarts looks like a turkey.

I say it looks like a white man with too much time so he wrote 50,000 books and now we call it the Thomas Fisher Rare Book Collection. I wrote his name down in Comic Sans just to fuck him up.

Here I am, shitting in Robarts library.

Just when I thought I didn’t have any more shits to give to this place,

I’ve clearly got one more.

The librarian downstairs at the “Help desk” looks like she’s chained to her keyboard and the help desk should really be called the “Help Me someone, please?” Desk. Her name is Tonya and she wishes the fast food trucks outside sold Demaurier Lights.

Here I am, shitting in Robarts.

The bathroom smells like the bullshit I’m feeding my supervisory committee in my thesis

And the Starbucks barista downstairs is an eighth year doctoral student in Victorian literature. Her name is Alex and she can speak parsletongue but her Methodology chapter won’t make it past first base with her supervisor.

Here I am, shitting in Robarts.

Wondering why there are so many filled seats in this house of mentality but so many empty bodies yearning for purpose. So many international students given the promise of the West’s tomorrow, driving their depression scars deeper by staying silent about their mental health. So many Pakistani boys lying to themselves that they want to be doctors. So many gay boys capitalizing on their identity for scholarships. So many white administrators acknowledging land — but little do they know the people here before them would of never put up with this shit.

As the toilet bowl stirs I smell the shit of the academy shifting from promise to prison and I think I’ve been here too long. I think the university made me need it like an abusive boyfriend who tells me I won’t love again if I leave.

I take a sharpie I stole from the help me somebody help me.. please desk and write “I’m queer and I’m angry” on the stall. Maybe a commerce student will see it and go on Grindr for the first time. Maybe it’ll be the Instagram story of a second year who just realized that her woman studies course taught her more about her past then she could remember from that night.

hey friendo,