#ushikiyo

It was a simple and soft gesture the way Ushijma’s hand brushing hers and his eyes watching her skin color instantly.

Kiyoko didn’t know when it happened, having him so close and allowed to unravel her. Before, he was standoffish and someone she barely knew. She knew his past in Shiratorizawa, having the professional volleyball world watching his every move. Being in every interview and having scholarships or big names surrounding him. He was stranger that underestimated her team when they were still in high school. She barely knew the guy; she hardly gave a hoot because back then Karasuno was her world. She loved volleyball because of her team, she spent hours memorizing its rules and regulations. Only back then, in a brief moment did she watch him go against gravity and fly. He was strong, but Karasuno was stronger to move on. He was impressive back then, but now…he was in another level. He grew from his loss and became a bigger name that broke records and expectations. He was creating a new wave of awe by himself that it drew her. Not only that but when she was named his partner for their science class Kiyoko was forced to interact with Ushijima on a weekly basis.

It wasn’t like she complained. More like she was surprised to be in the same university and class. The odds were so slim that when she noticed him a couple of rows away from her in the first day she couldn’t help but stare at him as indiscreetly as she was possible. Within the short months away from them since graduation and a new semester in college made her weak against his stare. He was still confident and aloof, he was polite and it boggled her mind the way he gave the impression that he remembered her. She couldn’t hide her blush when he complimented her side ponytail she wore for lab the next day. It hit her harder and unexpectedly the way his honest charm soothed their one-hour lecture and three hour labs, he made it bearable to go to class and learn. It almost felt like falling in love was the right thing to do; no matter how fast it was. It was Ushijima that made Kiyoko falter with her words, to tremble in her sleep and, make her cheeks color when he praised her nonchalantly. He didn’t even have to try to make her stomach flutter with butterflies, and that only fueled Kiyoko with envy. It wasn’t like she was happy for having a crush on someone, believe her she was ecstatic; but with amount of time she was daydreaming was starting to affect her studying habits. The weeks eventually melted into months of sparing glances at Ushijima wondering how he felt about her. He never talked too much about himself that it made her curious about his love life. Like did he ever date, or liked girls. Kiyoko couldn’t ever recall him staring at a certain gender or make comments about dating.

After all, they only talked about their class and very small off topics like the weather or tv shows. It didn’t matter how much time passed in the beginning, they were strangers that wanted to pass their shared class. But then on day Ushijima’s gaze was a little more focused. His skin, hot against hers leaned closer to hers. They were in the back of the library finishing their worksheets before he had practice. Sitting side by side, one of Ushijima’s swept closer to on hers, she could feel his eyes watching her scribble on homework. When she could handle it, she stopped writing and slowly looked up. By then she would be forced to watch his smoldering eyes and then just like that her face would burn. They wouldn’t say anything, but Kiyoko would recognize the way his lips would curve into a small smile in satisfaction before going back to work. 

The rest of the day would conclude with Ushijima’s passive goodbye and Kiyoko staring at his retreating form until she was unable to see him. Her thoughts would be mostly of him and how Ushijima was driving her insane with his looks and how gentle he was. Her dorm mate was nice enough to listen to her stories and how these simple small gestures were tallying up to the point where Kiyoko was unsure where they would end up after the semester finished. She knew she liked him, but Kiyoko wasn't sure how much she would gamble to ask him out. That was the tricky part; because falling in love was one thing to accept. But to commit fully was another, with college going on and her having to figure out her future she wasn’t sure if she wanted to spare what little time she had to her heart and make a deal that could potentially hurt her. Ushijima didn’t give her any doubts for fears at the moment but, that was because they were still just science partners.

Yet, Kiyoko couldn’t deny the effects he had with her. His voice somehow calmed her when she told him small worries, his touch was always gentle and careful. But it was always his eyes that made her blush, with the intensity he always gave her. They always made her feel like she was all he wanted to see and be around. When her thoughts got muggy he was somehow able to clear them, not only that but he was one of the best partners she ever had with his organized notes calm personality. They were always acing the labs in record times, and he was a great studying partner when she was able to breathe properly.

“Do you still watch volleyball games?”

Kiyoko hummed as she processed the question while finishing her last question on their lab. “Only a few, I haven’t really had time to check them out.”

Ushijima nodded, as he started to clean up their station. “I have a practice match coming up soon. If you are interested in watching our school’s team you are more than welcomed to come.”

Kiyoko looked at her phone before smiling at him, “Alright just tell me when and maybe I’ll go and see.”

She honestly didn’t know what else to except when his practice game came and she saw him once again dominate the court. He was memorizing in the way he was able to mold into his new team and take charge when needed. His power and range grew the way his spikes looked murderous when they connected to the floor. And while the gym was different, the same old feelings she had when she was manager clung to her. The sound of shoes scattering and jumping, the shouts of people thumping into the ceiling and back to her ears, and the smell of sweat brought her back home. They were different people, but nonetheless volleyball was still close her heart the way track was during middle school. By the time it was over and Ushijima waved at her Kiyoko was sure she smitten even more. It was just a simple gesture but at that moment Kiyoko felt her heart squeeze inside her chest. She didn’t know how long she could last, but with Ushijima going it looked like she didn’t have much.

It was childish, Ushijima thought as he settled on his seat one morning.

It has been over two months since he’s officially started talking to that girl he met by off chance when he changed routes after a construction zone for the time being. It had been quite a journey for that small ache in the back of his mind to have the audacity to increase randomly and without mercy when he thought about her. It was a strange change thing to mix into his everyday chores and to maintain them in order. He couldn’t (and, mostly didn’t want to understand why) he was getting fickle over something that wasn’t about volleyball. Because, for most of his lifetime he hardly had any time to converse with his heart in these types of matters. As much it was a foreign territory to feel unsure of himself when it came to her, Ushijima tried his best to be not weak and to allow it consume his plays negatively. Unlike most adolescent, Ushijima continued to pursue what he was ahead of him after the taste of youth but, he sadly he still couldn’t push everything all of the time.

He remembered her smiles, the twinkle in her eyes when he said something that was probably abnormal. She continued to talk to him the longer he went out of his way to take a small break during or after his runs. At the time Ushijma was curious why a beauty like herself would want to waste her time with him. He knew that in the sports realm he was popular, but when he wasn’t interviewed or in a game Ushijma understood that in normal situations people hardly went up to him like they did to Semi or stalk around like they did to Oikawa. It was just a fact that unless they were well-versed in high school volleyball players that were borderline ready to stomp the professionals then they wouldn’t waste their time and humor him. And for most of the time he was okay how people were, he liked how he was not as well-known to be able to freely run in the mornings and go to school without too much of a fuss. The matter of the fact was that Ushijima was used to how the world saw him however, this girl who he forgot to ask her name quietly insisted on making time to keep him company on odd days when it was allowed.

He didn’t know how to feel about that; all he knew that his heart was starting to play nasty tricks on him the way his hands started to feel calmly when he thought about her. It was like a trickle of water from a loose faucet, slow, and recognizable at the calm early mornings. It was stubborn and quite delicate to mess with in haste. Ushijima only felt like this fondness of spending time with this girl was either going to ruin him or make him get a new heart after all the exhaustion he felt of his current heart was beating to his chest. It was tiring the way he felt all these emotions rile him awake on late nights; and as he stared at the white board he couldn’t stop himself from feeling embarrassed knowing one girl he met and talked to sparingly for two months was making his blood boil and color his cheeks at this moment.

He stood up with the rest of student and greeted the teacher but, Ushijima felt like his head was getting muddle the longer he allowed this type of behavior to linger by the passing hour.

It was like a feather’s touch, so delicate that it sent shivers around his skin. Ushijima sat down with the rest of the class, the clock tick and another second passed with his heart swelling and filling up. He scribbled on his notebook, and just like that Ushijima knew that this moment would last longer than lunch hour. He could see it now playing in head how lunch would run, Tendou would ask about the smile that crept into his lips recently with Reon and sometimes Semi trying to coax Tendou’s outrageous antics from overwhelming Ushijima’s predicament. And while Ushijima was fully prepared for this type onslaught he couldn’t deny that it would be futile to lie about his troubles.

 After all, Tendou could be creative on getting information. Ushijima firstly was thankful for achieving a good number of teammates and friends within his high school career; but what Ushijima felt like was that even if he did consult his friends he wouldn’t know where to beginning or explain this slow descend that was sweet yet cruel to him. It was interesting the way this fondness was starting to control his train of thought. Even as he jots down everything from the lecture there was still room for him to think about her and trying to guess her name. To think about what they could talk about the next coincidence meeting would be for them. Maybe it would be grocery shop or a café, either way Ushijima knew he would forget everything but breathing if he saw her face. It was refreshing to some extend but overall he did not how to handle this entirely.

As the next subject around and a new professor came in the room Ushijima barely moved an inch of resolve or reached an epiphany that truly hit him. All past memories with his father and grandmother taught him was that love was not something to take lightly; it was source of joy and misgivings. It was powerful and it depended on the individual’s actions to let it sore and evolve. It could be forgiving, tolerable, peaceful and outrageously addicting. It was fleeting and everlasting. It was by far in a different space that Ushijima was sure he couldn’t step into it without staying utterly confused and hesitant with every move and thought. Her smile was just as soft like the flowers he gave to his grandmother when it was her birthday, her laugh was far sweeter than any sweets he ate and it felt like this ache would always intertwine with his lungs. Momentary, Ushijima felt bliss; good. All too powerful and yet weak. He glanced at his notebook, then the window as he felt his lips twitch.

It was childish, he said again in his head.