The apocalypse is drawing nearer and nearer. Everything hangs in the balance. And in Room 312 of the Harmony Hills Motel, an angel appears in Dean Winchester's bedroom.Ā read under the cut or on ao3 here
Castiel is aware of how late it is. Dean has asked him before not to show up like this, not to just appear in the middle of the night with no warning. He wanted to waitāhe tried to wait. But Castiel is weak, and every day, he grows weaker.
At his arrival, the sudden displacement of air, Dean stirs in bed. Heās the only one in the motel room tonight; Sam is at a womanās apartment, sharing an encounter Castiel didnāt want to spend too long looking at. Dean and Castiel are alone in this place, Room 312 in Harmony Hills Motel, together.
āCas?ā Deanās voice is rasping, low in the darkness. āThat you?ā
āYeah,ā Castiel says. āItās me.ā
āWhatās wrong?ā Dean sits up all the way, already sounding more alert. Through the dark, Castiel sees him reach for the knife under his pillow.Ā
āNothing. Nothingās wrong.ā
Dean groans. āThen what the hell are you doing here? Itās, like, three in the morning.ā
āIā¦ā Castiel looks at Deanās form in the bed, the blankets pooling around his waist. His soul is soft in a way Castiel has only seen it in very specific moments: moments of calm and safety, of contentment. āI apologize. I shouldnātāI donāt know why I came.ā
āWoah, hey.ā Deanās voice reaches out at the same time his soul does. They both curl around Castiel, imploring and gentle. āWhateverās wrong, itās fine. Justācāmere. Tell me whatās going on.ā
There was a time when Castiel would have been strong enough to refuse the request of a human. But that time is long past, and this isnāt just any humanāthis is Dean. So he goes, against his better judgment, and sits down gingerly on the edge of the bed.
āHello, Dean,ā he says.
Dean smiles, but itās the smile he puts on when heās worried about someone. āHey, man.ā
Castiel looks down at the bedspread. The pattern is floral, and he traces each flower with a fingertip, recalling their scientific names as he looks at them. Centaurea cyanus, Myosotis sylvatica, Gypsophila elegansā
āYou gonna tell me whatās wrong with you?ā Dean nudges Castielās thigh with a socked foot. Heās out from under the blankets now, sitting perpendicular to Castiel, and he bends his head in an attempt to catch Castielās eye. āCāmon, whatās up?ā
āIāmā¦ā Castiel speaks slowly. Itās been a long time since human language felt foreign to him, but this is difficult to translate. Difficult to say. āAre you⦠are you scared, Dean?ā
āMe?ā Dean laughs, the sound tumbling out of him in surprise. āUh, why?ā
āAre you?ā
Dean searches Castielās face, and Castiel tries his best not to look away again, tries to bear the weight of the Righteous Manās gaze. āYeah. Yeah, Iām scared. All the fucking time.ā Deanās eyes glitter in the white light of the parking lot outside. āAre you scared?ā
āIāā His voice falters; thatās never happened to him before. Castiel takes a long breath. Feels Deanās soul, glowing warmly within him. āI canātāIāve never felt this way. Afraid, like this.ā
āAbout the apocalypse?ā
āAbout everything. All of it,ā Cas says, voice beginning to shake. āIām afraid for your safety, and Samās, and Iām afraid about losing my powers and leaving you without my help, and Iām afraid of what will happen if we fail, and Iāmāā
āWoah, Cas, hey,ā Dean cuts in. He reaches out and takes hold of Casās wrist where heās still tracing the bedspread, Centaurea cyanus, Myosotis sylvatica, Gypsophila elegans. āItās okay.ā
āBut itās not.ā Cas thinks there is another name for this feeling: despair. Hopeless, terrible despair. āI canāt save us. I canāt keep you safe. And Iām terrified.ā
Dean looks at him for a long moment, his thumb feathering back and forth across the softest pulse point on Castielās wrist. And then, carefully, slowly, he gets down on his knees in front of him.Ā
Castiel watches with hungry, disbelieving eyes. Dean slips off Castielās shoes, peels off black socks to reveal pale skin Castiel has never seen before. Then, he reaches up, hands hovering over the crotch of the pants Jimmy picked out one morning a million years ago. Thereās a question in Deanās eyes; Castiel nods, and Dean unbuttons and unzips and then slides the pants down Castielās legs. He squeezes Castielās knees with warm hands.
āStand up.ā
So Castiel stands. Heās the weakest heās ever been, and despite that, he knows he could overpower Dean without much effort. But he allows Dean this, allows him to remove the coat and the tie, allows him to unbutton the shirt and reveal the white tank top beneath. He allows Deanās hands to skim up his sides, raising goosebumps that feel like the thrum of grace through a vessel.
āLetās lay down,ā Deanās voice is so soft, so quiet. Castiel wants to curl up in it.
Castiel doesnāt think heās ever laid in a bed before. The mattress creaks as they settle side by side, and it appears to dip in the middle, forcing them closer. The sheets scratch against his skin. The floral bedspread is thinner than he expected. And Deanās face and Deanās soul and Deanās skin is here in front of him.
āI know you donāt sleep,ā Dean says, leaving it unsaid that Castiel might soon require it if he continues to lose his powers, ābut sometimes itās nice to lay with somebody you, uh. You care about. Sometimes it makes you feel better about things when theyāre shitty.ā Dean grins wryly. āAnd theyāre pretty shitty right now.ā
āThey are,ā Castiel agrees. āThank you. For sharing this with me.ā
Dean turns pink, right at the top of his cheeks. Castiel watches with fascination. āYouāre welcome,ā he says awkwardly.
And something about that, the color, the closeness, makes Castiel terribly honest. āI love you.ā
Dean doesnāt seem surprised, not really, but his soul is flaring a bright, brilliant gold, something like fear and adoration and hope. āCas, you donātāā
āI know what Iām saying.ā
āIā¦ā Dean lets out a breath like heās been punched, and Castiel doesnāt miss the sudden shimmering tears in his eyes. āCas, this is really bad timing, man. Itāsāthe world is ending.ā
Castiel reaches out and touches the warm pinkness of Deanās face; his thumb traces the path of a tear, and Dean leans into it. āI know.ā
āIāfuck.ā Dean chokes out. āCas, what are we gonna do?ā
āI donāt know,ā Castiel whispers. The edge of terror is close, still, but Dean is with him. Theyāre together. āI donāt know.ā
Thereās nothing more to say. Dean eventually reaches out and pulls Castiel flush with his body, tucks Castiel under his chin, runs calloused, gentle hands up and down Castielās back. Presses a kiss to the top of Castielās head.Ā
And against the skin of Deanās neck, the smell of motel soap and deodorant and human sweat, Castiel prays. His Father isnāt listening anymore, but maybe someone will hear it. Maybe someone will hear it, and answer. Castiel prays for safety, for victory, for love. He prays until the dawn light creeps up in the sky, turning the room into grey shadow. Then, he watches Dean breathe. Thatās something to be grateful for: Dean, beside him, breathing and warm.Ā
Some prayers are answered. The day is new. And Dean is holding him like something precious. Thatās enough, Castiel thinks.
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Congratulations on 6k followers Bex!!! Seeing your amazing fics get more and more recognition has been awesome, you totally deserve it! I heard this song forever ago, and immediately was likeĀ āomg. its them.ā so i'm glad i finally got the motivation to put it together! I was able to play around with voice overs for the first time too! Hope you enjoy :)
Dean Winchester / Volvo Driving Soccer Mom by Everclear
For @chocolatecakecas and @smokerdeanĀ ās mutual-anniversary event! I have been thinking about dean and this song for so long (same as most of my amvs) and finally had a reason to make it! Hope you all enjoy!
Tagging some mutuals :) @sheranatural @cumguzzlerdean @dont-steal-my-demonsĀ @confused-castielĀ
9:28 pm but I finally got it done! Not sure if this is the house I think they built or the one I imagen bird!dean and bird!cas living in, but I like how it turned out. Canāt wait for the next rwylm chapter! :)
I kinda like the sketch more than the final version but im not sure
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