#userliddy

But it was that same love that had driven him to try and convince Carlos to leave a few hours ago; to go home and get some sleep in their (much more comfortable) bed. Clearly, TK thought fondly as he looked down at his boyfriend’s head pillowed on his arms at the edge of TK’s bed, he had been unsuccessful.

His fingers itched to comb through those curls, mere inches from his hand and always like a magnet to TK. But Carlos deserved to sleep; even if TK was miserable and could not. He had done enough sleeping over the past day, apparently. Enough, at least, that the pain was no longer overcome by the exhaustion leaving him with nothing to do but sit and feel miserable. He briefly thought about switching on the TV simply for something to focus on but ruled it out quickly. Carlos needed sleep and TK could suffer in boredom for a bit if it meant that he got some.

He was just about to resign himself to counting ceiling tiles when an accidental movement sent a spike of pain through his body and he let out an involuntary gasp before he could stop it. Carlos was awake in an instant, eyes wide and panicked, hands reaching for TK; hovering over his body as if there were somewhere he could touch that would help. TK forced himself to breathe through the pain, reaching out and squeezing Carlos’s hand in an attempt to calm him.

“I’m okay,” he told him as soon as he had enough breath, “just moved wrong. I’m sorry I woke you.”

Carlos waved off his apology but held on to the hand holding his, rubbing his thumb across his knuckles as he looked at him critically. “Are you sure?” he asked dubiously. “I can get a nurse to be sure.”

“I’m fine,” TK assured him again, voice much more certain this time, “I promise.”

Carlos visibly relaxed at his words and took a moment to scrub a hand across his face before he looked back up at TK with a smile. TK returned it and shook his head, “You have to be exhausted babe,” he said, taking in Carlos’s disheveled state, “are you sure you don’t want to go home for a bit? I’ll be fine, really.”

Carlos shook his head, “I’m good,” he replied dismissively, “I got some sleep.”

“I don’t understand how,” TK replied with a shake of his head. “Nothing about this looks comfortable for you.”

Carlos shrugged, still running his thumb across TK’s knuckles. He titled his head towards the heart monitor beeping steadily off to the side. “Your heartbeat is soothing,” he explained. “I like listening to it.”

TK took a moment to consider the rhythmic mechanical beeping before he raised an eyebrow in Carlos’s direction.

“That? I would think that’s the opposite of soothing when you’re trying to sleep.”

Carlos’s whole countenance changed as he shook his head vigorously.

“No,” he replied, voice adamant even as it wavered. “It’s the most wonderful sound in the world. Especially after yesterday, when I heard it stop…” he trailed off and the pain in his expression and his voice so palpable that TK could almost feel it. He swallowed and squeezed Carlos’s hand again. It wasn’t much comfort, but he didn’t know what else he could do to make this better. He was sorry Carlos had ever had to face that, sorry that he had brought it up. He racked his brain, searching for the words that would reassure his boyfriend; that would tell him it would all be okay. He couldn’t find any.

But a moment later Carlos smiled again — a sad but hopeful thing — and continued on.

“I never want to hear that again,” he said. “So I like the sound. Hearing that means that your heart is beating, and knowing that is knowing that you're here. And as long as that’s true, everything will be okay. I don’t want to face the alternative.”

And there was so much TK wanted to say to that. About how he wasn’t okay with that either, about how he didn’t think he’d be handling this as well if the roles were reversed. About how he loved Carlos more than he could possibly say, and that this was only one of the hundreds of reasons why. But that was all too much and it was too late and they had been through hell.

So he did the next best thing: he leaned down to meet Carlos’s lips with his own and pulled him into a deep and tender kiss. This, he thought as they broke apart and he could feel the heat of Carlos’s breaths against his lips as they lingered, was his proof. This was how he knew that Carlos was here and that they still had each other.