#tuserpaige

The beginning of my TK finale coda (most of which I forced myself to write just now): 

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Fear of loss drives everything he does these days. He’s not proud of it, but it is what it is. 

Which is why when he sees Carlos sitting at the kitchen counter calmly preparing his will, he maybe loses it a bit. But the thing about Carlos is that his boyfriend knows him better than anyone. So while they are having an argument about one thing, he knows they both know they are actually talking about something entirely different. Call it grief, call it trauma, but whatever the name it’s turned what should have been a calm morning into an argument full of sharp barbs and loaded words. 

It’s just…the mere existence of Carlos and dying in the same thought is enough to send him into a tailspin. Carlos is the most important person in the world to him. He is his entire life. And TK has lost so much, and those wounds are still healing. Sometimes all it takes is a little pressure for them to rip open again and for ugly things to start spilling out. 

“TK,” Carlos said firmly after a time, bringing their argument to a halt. When TK looked to him he nodded to the clock on the stove pointedly. “We should discuss this later,” he said, “you have a shift soon.” 

Rule number one in their relationship: never leave for a shift angry, because you never knew what was going to happen when you walked out the door. 

“You’re right,” TK agreed with a sigh, “I’m sorry.” 

Carlos gave him a weak smile and stepped closer to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Promise me you’ll at least think about what I said?” he asked. 

“I will,” TK promised, leaning forward to give Carlos a kiss of his own. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” his boyfriend murmured, holding him close. “Be safe.” 

“You too,” TK told him pointedly, because the fear that had started this whole thing was still there. Carlos had a shift starting shortly after his own and somewhere along the way something happening to Carlos had become his biggest fear. There were days that he could hardly keep the lid on the fear that wanted to bubble up in his chest and insist that Carlos stay home, where it was safe.

But that wasn’t fair to Carlos, so all TK could do was trust him when he replied, “I will.”  

I’ve slowly started to get back into this tarlos college au for @reyescarlos​ who has very generously not been pestering me for it. I haven’t done much yet but the brain juices are finally flowing with fic thoughts again

It was a month later that that he saw him again.

And it was, of course, once again he was doing his rounds. This time it was a frat party, and mercifully, he was on the earlier shift, so he won’t have the fun time of dealing with near passed out drunks. Still somehow he was surprised to see TK once again from afar through the open door as he helped a particularly inebriated student into his cart, and strapped her in for good measure so she didn’t fall out as he drove her home.

In the brief moment that he saw TK, he seemed just like he was the first time he caught Carlos’s eye, full of energy and the life of the party and it made his heart pang with a sense of wanting, just to even be in the same room as him and drink in his presence.

He would get that wish later in the week.

Paigeeeeeey! 🥰

3. what fic are you emotionally attached to?

I think I'd have to go with no right to love you. That fic is truly one of my favorites and I just saw it so well which is very rare for me. It did take me some time to actually sit down and write, but I felt super in TK's head and could feel his regret and longing so viscerally. I think it shows...at least I hope so!

8. does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

Yeah, my friends know. Funnily enough, one of them just started back writing fanfic too which is pretty neat

19. If you could write an ideal fic, what would it include?