#userfritz

"Their laws were really different than ours. They didn't have guilty until proven innocent laws for officer discrimination cases and accusations. Every law was in favor of the government and police." There's a sort of pain in her eyes as she speaks— one that I've never seen before. I can't look at her. It hurts to.

2020. As I think about the things human beings have done, I'm no longer sad. I'm angry. A virus was spreading around the entire planet and a group of ass-wipes lent it a helping hand because they wanted hair cuts? Whether a murderer should be charged was controversial?

It's not even the half of it. An entire continent was on fire (and the rest of the world was soon to be as well), people were losing basic human rights in other countries, and so much more. And even after all that, it took them so long to change.

No. I’m wrong. The world was dying. But there was something they could do about it. And they didn’t.

“You alright?” I shift my gaze up to meet Ms. Ngeze’s eyes and smile lazily. She sets a piece of paper down on my desk.

“I’m fine. Just thinking about how horrible people were to each other— particularly white cis-het men to everyone else. I can’t even imagine having things like what happened to George Floyd done to people like you and I. It all feels so distant, now.”

Her face softens and she speaks calmly, her voice like honey. “It does, doesn’t it?” I don't think she's being honest as she agrees with me, but I don't mention it.

“Yeah. I’m really thankful we can say it feels distant, too. I couldn’t imagine the human race surviving if we had stayed that ignorant and terrible.”

At this, she laughs. “Me either.” After passing out papers to the rest of my row and the class, she walks back up to the front of the classroom.

“Alright, everyone! I know it was upsetting and a little bit hard to hear today’s lesson, but I hope you feel satisfied with what you learned. If you have any questions about your homework or need an extension for any reason, send me an email or come in during homeroom. I’m here all day,” She glances at the clock a moment before the bell rings. “Bye, everyone! Have a nice day!”

Everyone in class stands up to leave, shouting their ‘have a nice day’s and ‘see you tomorrow’s.

I walk down the hall, smiling and waving at friends as I go along. I eventually find my spot in the quad and set my things down on the grass softly. Asa can’t handle loud noises.

Malee looks up from her book. ‘Hey, Hugo,’ she signs.

‘Hey,’ I respond. I sit down next to her and turn to smile at Asa.

They don't smile back, and my own smile fades a bit. “It’s alright. You want to use your phone to talk or do you just want to hang out?”

They shrug and grumble lightly and unintelligibly. I just touch the top of their hand lightly before opening my backpack. “How about we read a little bit?” I pull out my headphones and they pull theirs out, too.

I pull out my phone and open up an audiobook, handing it to Asa so they can play and pause it as they please.

Their current special interest is energy and I’m honestly finding it really interesting. Regardless of whether or not their special interests are "useful", they’re always interesting. Asa’s interesting.

One of the coolest and most surprising things I learned was that 99.999999999999% of the world is empty space between particles, but energy binds it all together. Zero-point energy, to be exact.

As we listen to the quotes of several physicists and engineers, they often pause the book and tell me facts or stories that certain words or phrases remind them of. But not on days like today. And that’s okay.

Listening to audiobooks and eating red bean cakes with Asa is just as lovely as talking to them. They slip their hand into mine and I smile. It’s more than enough for me to understand.

As a soft melody begins to play from the school speakers, I look over at Asa. They nod and we know that it’s three minutes until the bell rings. The music is one of our favorite things schools have implemented to help neurodivergent people. It can help ease them into the transitions from one thing to another, and I love it.

The two of us— who had both been laying on the grass— sit up, and I lean toward Malee, tapping her on the shoulder lightly.

‘Hey. You should start packing up. It’s a minute to the bell,’ I sign.

She nods and gives me a thumbs up before signing, ‘Okay, cool. Thanks for the heads up.’

I nod and begin to pack my things up. When I’m finished, the bell is about to ring. I look at Asa, who seems to have recharged a little.

“You doing any better?” I ask in a soft voice.

They shrug yet again and speak quietly. “I guess.” Their voice cracks from not having been used for over half an hour.

I smile at them and take their hand in mind for a moment, tracing my thumb in a circle over the top of their hand. I look them in the eyes and speak quietly. “I’ll see you after school. I love you.”

Asa nods, and I glance over at Mali who’s standing up with their binder in arm, ready to go. I wave goodbye to Asa and walk toward Mali. The two of us make our way toward the gym.

We sit down for a few minutes and chat about classes and family before Coach Min does roll call.

When Coach Min looks up at me, I smile. She grins back at me. “Hey, kid.”

“Hello!” I respond with a small wave as she goes back to taking roll.

As she moves down the rows, I don't go back to talking with Malee. My mind wanders back to today's history lesson.

It was so different. People were forced into such horrible situations. I bet they didn't learn sign language in school like we do.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and snap my head toward Malee. She cocks her head. 'Hugo? What are you thinking about?'

I shrug and sign back. 'Just the world. We learned about 2020 in history today and it just made me so mad.'

Nodding her head, she begins to sign. 'The world was a mess, but it was angry at itself for being a mess. It took longer than it should have, but people fixed the way the did things. We're okay now.'

Coach Min calls for us to get in a line for instructions, and we do.

I fling my hands forward in pure annoyance before regaining myself and signing back. 'Sorry. I just don't think it's okay. It was a race to the bottom— to being the dirtiest— and no one batted an eye at participating. I hate that we dismiss it so easily now that it's over. It's not even over yet! There are still bad people.'

'That's true. Bad people still exist; they always will. But we know how to deal with them, now,' she retorts. 'We know not to listen to them. Things aren't completely perfect. They never will be. The human species is a flawed one. But we'll keep learning how to be better. There will keep being setbacks and obstacles and we'll keep overcoming them.'

'But what if we get worse again? What if we repeat history again?' I want to scream. Malee's right, but she isn't seeing my side.

'We won't repeat history again. We stopped repeating history when we started actually teaching history— our full history. Look at us, Hugo!' She flails her arms in an effort to emphasize. “Schools and jobs are working to accommodate everyone. The majority of the population treats people of different races, sexualities, and genders with the exact same amount of respect. That wasn't true in 2020. Yeah, there are still assholes. But we'll keep growing. We'll keep getting better.'

I sigh and roll my eyes. 'Why are you so good with words? It's not fair.'

She giggles and smiles her wide smile.

"Hugo. Malee. Please."

Looking over at Coach Min, I smile sheepishly. "Sorry."

We shift our focus to her and listen as she finishes speaking. "Okay, so those are all of your options today. If for one reason or another you have a disability and haven't discussed it with me, or if you have discussed it with me and are having a rough day, come talk to me now. I'll find something fun for you to do."

The entirety of the class runs toward the back wall of the gym where sports equipment was sitting in baskets. A few people follow Coach Min as she walked toward her office.

'You can choose what we do today. I chose on our last free day.'

Malee's eyes light up like a gasoline-fueled fire and she signs at a speed that’s almost too fast for me to read. 'Can we do volleyball? We don't have to play with the others, but I'd love to at least bump and set the ball back and forth with you!'

I grin; her smile is contagious. 'Of course!' We walk toward the wall where everyone else already is and grab a deep violet ball from one of the baskets.

Volleyball isn't really played anymore, but when it became one of Asa's special interests, we all heard about it a lot, and Malee fell in love with it. Now we play it a lot, even though we don't have volleyballs themselves.

Passing the ball back and forth, I can't help but think of what Malee said. We have changed a lot. We have gotten better.

I hope we'll keep doing that. Getting better.

1. All the people in me are dead

The only person that could get Seulame out of her current situation was herself. No one would save her. But to attempt to save the body that held her was impossible. The air was slowly leaving her lungs but she couldn’t breathe in. No one was there, not even her own conscience. Her inner monologue had long since faded away, leaving nothing inside. She was an empty shell, going to rot away in an endless maze unless someone came and pulled her up. But who would when she wouldn’t even do it for herself?