#userbeans

Sirius is - really tired, honestly. He’s really tired and he sort of wants to die and the fact that he hasn’t shown up to any of his Bio 101 lectures because he’s a failure of a student is making it only slightly worse. Therefore (god, he just thought therefore unironically; the papers are getting to him), it’s completely reasonable that the bright spot in his day is going to a stupid hipster bookstore-slash-cafe and talking to his stupid jock friends, messing with the entire too good for you atmosphere the place has going on.

(He mentally backtracks, feeling guilty for calling James a stupid jock. James is the smartest man he knows. James is - he’s a fucking god is what he is.)

(Also it’s sort of unfair to call Peter a jock at all.)

And so it’s completely understandable to be slightly disgruntled when he sees some uncultured swine sitting at his table. In fact, it’s justified to walk up to said uncultured swine angrily, forgetting to keep his class in the heat of the moment.

“Um, hi,” the swine says, and shit, he’s kind of cute, not that it matters at all. “Would you like - ”

“You’re in my spot,” Sirius interrupts. “And I’d like you to move.” Swine raises his eyebrows. (Yeah. He’s definitely cute. Sirius hates him already.)

“Your spot?”

“My spot.” Sirius only then realizes how stupid he sounds, but it’s too late now to back down. “Again, it would be really nice of you to move over one table.”

“And it would be really nice of you to choose a spot one table down for a single day.” Swine smiles, and it’s sort of sharp and sarcastic but also really, really pretty.

“Sorry, but my friends and I usually meet up right here, uh - sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

“Because I didn’t say it,” Swine responds effortlessly. “But it’s Remus.”

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Remus,” Sirius replies. The name evokes a thought of sweaters and hot chocolate, an aesthetic that contradicts the essence of the evil man standing in front of him. (He’s not evil, a voice in the back of his head that sounds oddly like Peter reminds him. He just wants his seat. Sirius pushes the thought away.) “I’m Sirius.”

“Interesting name,” Remus snorts.

“I could say the same for you.”

“That’s fair,” he replies, and there’s an uncomfortable pause. “Anyway, you can just move one table down. My friends are set to arrive in, like, two minutes anyway - ”

“So are mine!”

“But I was here first,” Remus continues, infuriatingly calm. “And the whole notion of it being your spot is childish and, frankly, a little insane.” His voice is passive, but his posture is triumphant. Sirius hates it.

“Fine,” he snaps. “I’ll move one table down - for today.”

“For today,” Remus agrees, his lips twitching upward for half a moment. “And if you come here first tomorrow or whenever you want to claim it next, it’s all yours.” It takes Sirius a moment to realize this is a thinly veiled challenge, and he smiles only partially artificially.

“That’s good to hear,” he says, sitting at the next table as the bell rings. James and Peter hurry in, accompanied by three girls. They’re all laughing about something, and Sirius feels a pang in his chest despite knowing he’s not being left out of anything important.

“Oh! Sirius, this is Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas,” James says, grinning sheepishly. A girl with bright red hair - he thinks it’s Lily - is staring at James with an odd sort of fondness. “Lily and I went to school together until year 9, when she moved away, and now we’ve somehow ended up going to the same uni - ”

“And not knowing until now,” Lily finishes, a bit too eagerly in an endearing sort of way. “He was a prick in year 9, though.”

“Wouldn’t know, since I moved where he was for year 10.” He grins. “He was still a prick then, so I’m assuming not much changed.”

“Is he the same way now?”

“Unfortunately,” Sirius sighs, “I have to say no. Our scheming days are behind us. We’re mature and responsible adults - hold on,” he says, something clicking into place. “Are you three - are you all his friends?” He points at Remus, who’s currently scrolling through Instagram. God, of course he is, Sirius thinks, putting aside the fact that he spends most of his day scrolling through Instagram.

“We are,” one of the other girls says. She’s pretty in a soft sort of way, Sirius notices as she grins at Remus. “Here early for once, I see.” Remus looks up from his phone.

“Had to get a good seat,” he responds, glaring at Sirius, who tries to glare back more intensely.

“Did we miss something?” Peter asks. “I think we missed something.”

“He took our seat,” Sirius says, pointing a shaking finger at Remus. He’s gotten extremely good at exaggerating his emotions for dramatic effect. His old headmistress said he had flair, whatever that means.

“Does it matter?” James sighs, throwing an exasperated look at Lily as if to say ridiculous, am I right? Sirius is, frankly, betrayed and disgusted.

“Of course it matters,” he says slowly. “This is our seat. Don’t make me defend our honour alone, James.” The other girl – wearing a black and bedazzled shirt that says girls just wanna have fun, which is just Sirius’s style – grins.

“This is ridiculous.”

“People say that’s one of my charms,” Sirius responds. Remus rolls his eyes. “Hey. Rude.”

“What’s rude is throwing this big of a fit to get a fucking table.”

“A sailor’s vocabulary, I see. You should calm your language down; it’ll make you sound more elegant.”

“And since when have I given a rat’s ass about sounding elegant?” Remus counters.

“I wouldn’t know,” Sirius says, “and don’t mention rats in a negative light around Peter; that’s just insensitive.”

“Why the hell–”

“We took a stupid spirit animal quiz online once,” Peter says dully. “It said my spirit animal was a rat. They’re never letting me live it down.”

“It was six separate spirit animal quizzes because you didn’t accept the results the first time, and you’re damn right we’re not,” James says cheerily, pulling out a chair at the table next to Remus’s. (No, not Remus’s. It’s rightfully theirs; Remus just plundered it. Like a pirate, except hotter and with hopefully better hygiene.)

(God, what has his life come to?)

                                                              -

                                         A cool chat 4 cool kidz

wormy: first of all i’d like to once again protest the name of this group chat.

King Padfoot IV: Why, because you’re not cool? If so, I agree.

King Padfoot IV: James, virtual-five me.

Prongs: *virtual-five*

wormy: i’ve lost count of how many times you’ve used that insult.

Prongs: Anyway, this might just be me overanalysing again

King Padfoot IV: It usually is.

King Padfoot IV: I’m just kidding; I love you.

Prongs: Love you too

Prongs: But also were you eyeing Lily’s friend

Prongs: The one you were arguing with

Prongs: I’m not misinterpreting it right

King Padfoot IV: …no, I was not.

wormy: that absolutely means yes.

King Padfoot IV: For once, Peter, you’re correct. It does absolutely mean yes.

King Padfoot IV: However, it’s just because he’s an aesthetically pleasing man. Personality-wise, I was most certainly not eyeing him.

Prongs: I dunno Lily said he’s normally a sweet person

King Padfoot IV: Well, she’s either a liar or horrifically misled. I’m sure he’s a demon.

wormy: au contraire. i’m sure he’s a decent person and you’re just overreacting, as per usual.

King Padfoot IV: First, don’t use French against me; you know I’m more fluent than you’ll ever be

King Padfoot IV: Second, wrong. I have never once overreacted in my entire life. Right, James?

Prongs: Um

Prongs: Yeah of course

Prongs: Either way I’m interested to see how this plays out

King Padfoot IV: Speaking of romantic misfortunes, wasn’t Lily the girl you wouldn’t shut up about year 10?

Prongs: She may have been but that’s irrelevant to any discussion

King Padfoot IV: Fascinating. (No sarcasm intended.)

wormy: do you think there’s a chance of her liking you now?

Prongs: I’m honestly not sure

King Padfoot IV: Again, fascinating.