#upstead poly

You’ve been living in the new city for almost three months now when Hailey and Jay walked up the steps to your apartment, knowingly aware that you deserved better but they couldn’t help themselves.

After the Roy Walton case closed, they immediately requested a week off and now there they were ringing the doorbell to your new place.

With a glass of wine in hand you heard the ring of the doorbell echo through your apartment.

You checked through the blinds, and sighed before opening the door. Hailey was tugging the winter jacket close to her body and Jay’s hands were tucked into his jean pockets, a baseball cap sitting backwards on top of his buzzed haircut.

You immediately felt a chilled breeze come through the opening and after letting go of the door, with your free hand, you adjusted the blanket and raised a brow in their direction.

Jay took that as a queue to begin the conversation. “Hi, how’s work been at the new job?”

Hailey elbowed him and looked at you in the eyes. The color of them was always something that she loved. “I’m so sorry for the way we reacted. And neither of us have been entirely honest… Can we come in and explain?”

She looked sincere and you had been with them for almost three years so you couldn’t not accept an explanation. After all, you hadn’t received the closure you felt that you deserved.

“Sure.” Voicing with uncertainty, you opened the door wider and gestured for them to come inside.

Hailey walked through the door first hand in hand with Jay, pulling him inside with her and then paused to allow him a second to shut the door and flip the lock.

When Jay turned and glanced around, he was impressed with how you had filled the rooms within only a little over two and a half months. Especially being as you were a cop working impossible hours throughout the week.

“Nice place you’ve got here.” He commented in a sad, melancholy tone. Knowing that you were getting settled in all on your own was like a stab to his heart.

“Yeah, I got lucky with this place since it was last minute and all.” You shrugged and sipped your drink after sitting down on the couch. The plush throw was still laid around your shoulders as a comforting presence.

“So, what we’re about to tell you is all off-record. The night Kim was taken and attacked, I-I followed Voight and he was with Roy. I was able to salvage the situation but he reached for Voight’s gun. And since we hadn’t told anybody about our location, I had to shoot him as self defense and we couldn't do anything except hide his body—” Hailey admitted.

“—Geez Hails, are you okay?” You questioned after placing your glass down on the end table next to the couch.

Jay could see the concern in your eyes and wanted to reassure you. “She’s fine, b-i mean y/n. Long story short, the case was closed without a link to Intelligence.”

You nodded knowing that if they had reason to cover something like that, then it was a necessary life or death situation.

“So, Hailey was a prime suspect? Was the open case and targeting of her the reason for her panic attacks?” You asked, trying to analyze the situation with a glance towards Jay, genuine concern written all over your face.

“That's half of the reason. Well, the fact that I became a suspect and the constant questioning was a triggering reminder for me. I couldn’t sleep at night and I was suffering from flashbacks of that night. Imagining the blood on my hands was the worst.”

You nodded with understanding and quietly commented, “It’s not your fault.” She gave you a small smile and continued, “When you and Jay fell asleep, I stared at the ceiling until the sun came up and the alarm went off for work. It was awful.” She sighed and you frowned.

“And I knew because I confronted Voight after noticing how odd he was acting. It reminded me of the situation with Erin and Alvin. And so of course I inserted myself because it’s not fair for him to hide valuable information from the team. It could put us in danger and I didn’t want him to become reckless again. So I formed a plan with him to get rid of the FBI agent that was sniffing around to place blame.” Jay said with empathy and care.

You shimmied out of the blanket that was around your shoulders before getting up and grabbing your empty glass. Walking over to the small table by the winery collection cabinet, you poured another half glass of wine to gulp down.

You could see the concern in their eyes when you turned back around to face them.

But it wasn’t fair for them to be concerned about you when Hailey had gone through something life changing that would be stuck with her forever.

“I feel like a jerk now. You were struggling and I was just feeling left out.” You commented and looked down with guilt.

The pair stood up quickly and walked over to you. Jay wrapped an arm around your middle, pulling you close into his side. “It’s not your fault, it’s ours because you didn’t know.”

Meanwhile, Hailey grabbed your hands and interlaced them to offer you some support. “And it’s no excuse either that we left you in the dark. I’m okay baby. I’m so sorry we left you in the dark but we were concerned for your safety. Jay and I wanted to protect you but I promise no more secrets okay?” She said and you soaked in her promising words with the glint of love in her eyes.

“No more secrets between the three of us,” Jay agreed then added. “And Voight told me that he will come to me from now on. Intelligence is okay now, we’re okay now sweet girl.” Jay spoke in a low whisper and gave you a big squeeze before wrapping his arms around your middle, readjusting so your back was leaning against his chest.

Hailey stood on the other side of you and kissed your cheek. “Will you come home now, please?” She questioned but you had a better idea in mind first.

another day has gone by since hailey's panic attack. another day you've been forgotten. 

they were in the living room and cuddling while watching a movie. you were making dinner in the kitchen and envying them.

you were supposed to be in a relationship with them—not the third wheel. how can things fall apart? how can they forget that you are supposed to be their world?

after putting down the spoon that you were using to stir the sauce, you walked towards the living room with hesitant steps. not wanting to say what you were about to say, but it's gotten to the point that it's a necessity now.

"when?" 

hailey and jay turned their position on the couch so they were facing the back, glancing up at you. his eyebrow raised and the blonde questioned. "when what?"

"when did you forget that i'm here too? it's been a whole month of feeling like i don't exist. how can you sit there and not even look at me?"

hailey looked down and played with her fingers while glancing at jay from the corner of her eye. jay got up slowly with caution as if you were a wild animal and he was the prey. "y/n, we never forgot you. i—"

a tear fell down your cheek but you wiped it quickly before putting your hands up, signaling that he shouldn't get any closer. "no! i hate you, i hate you, i hate you!"

hailey finally shook her head, getting herself out of the funk she was in and got up from the couch. she followed as you backed up but you continued walking to the bedroom. "i've just been having a hard time baby, i'm so sorry."

you turned around to place a duffel bag on the bed that was sitting in the closet. you blew a strand of hair away from your face as you grabbed some clothes as well as toiletries.

the blonde watched you helplessly while leaning against the door and jay came up from behind her to slide his arms around her middle.

you shook your head, ignoring the distraught looks on their faces and continued shoving clothes into the bag. 

"sweetheart, please put the bag away and come sit down. can we just talk please?" jay asked and took one of his hands off from hailey to reach his hand out in your direction for you to take.

you felt bad for the zipper when angrily zippering it across the bag. but there was no time to be precious with it, with the need to get out of there fast.

once the bag's strap was around your shoulder, you took a deep breath to contain the emotions struggling to come up to the surface.

then after mentally preparing yourself and turning back around, you walked towards the door frame where they were currently standing.

before either could say anything you treaded past them in a hurry and yelled, "get out of my fucking life!”

the transfer to another precinct was already turned in when you left your shift earlier. after slipping it to trudy on your way out, she immediately picked it up with a frown directed your way.

trudy would never say it to anybody but you were her favorite. but she understood because the past month you've walked in with circles and puffy rings under your eyes.

at night when jay and hailey fell asleep, you'd run the water in the bathroom and lean against the wall. not even blinking up at the ceiling stopped the tears dripping down your cheeks.

you slipped into the seat once the car was unlocked and put the address in the gps. only a total of three hours until you arrive in a new city. 

already knowing that soon enough, everybody at the precinct would have forgotten you.