#untransition

I mentioned transition regret in the context of “some cis people increase waiting time to access services in the mistaken belief that it decreases transition regret”- it’s true that did mention that.  There is no evidence that this is accurate- indeed, trans folks are better educated about our care (we often have to train our providers) and have researched it well before we present for care, and our rates of regret are much lower than for those who undergo other irreversible types of care (like plastic surgery).  You’re right that transition regret is a real and rare thing- this blog has not shied away from the discussion of de-transitioning/untransition or transition regret here in the past.  It’s important that we recognize that it’s both rare (less than 0.5% to 3% depending on which studies you look at) and that it’s most generally caused by social stigma.  If i transition but then I learn that my family has rejected me; I’m unable to find a job; I have nowhere to live and i can only sometimes afford HRT- it’s likely that I may choose to live a life that doesn’t reflect who i really am in order to put a roof over my head and food in my stomach.  It’s also why more than 60% of those who choose to untransition go back later and re-transition to live as their true selves.Some of the studies that report high rates (2-3%) of regret accept “disappointment” over surgical outcomes as regret- even when the respondents report they WOULD have the surgery again. (for example, if the result isn’t as cosmetically attractive as they had liked, it’s not as functional as they had hoped, it’s reported as “regret” even if the patient says they would do it all over again).     When you speak of understanding about regret being new- it’s not.  We’ve been studying it essentially as long as we’ve been doing transition surgeries.  While the language changes over time, one of the underlying themes is that social support/ability to live and be accepted in the true gender is key to decreasing regret.  increasing timeline to transition doesn’t change that.  

(some of these links may be behind a paywall, i have access through my school. let me know if you have trouble accessing them- i downloaded most of them)

2nd well-being and daily life.They are really wondering whether I actually am a man or I just hating serious body image issues and hating the view of women in society. I'm not sure they want to give me trouble or are transphobic but apparently my traits are shared with a lot of cis women who, if started, regretted their transitions because it wasn't actually a trans issue and actually body image and view of women in society they disliked and more needed therapy to learn how to3rd accept being a woman. So they don't want me to be another one of those. I also have below the shoulder hair and said I'd definitely keep it.Can't I both have these views + be actually dysphoric and trans? I have actually thought I wasnt female ever since I was little but they thought it was mostly because I have more male family (even the sitter role was male) thus did not have enough female role models in my early life even though my test results are more on the feminine(4th not received) 5th last. l side. Oh and my uncle has below the shoulder hair and my dad has neck length hair so I still managed to get feminine traits? And also well apparently one of my grandpas was misogynist too and his son/my uncle used to have a history of cheating and sleeping with a bunch of women (I actually have 2 cousins he forced to pay child support on) before he finally settled and said these might help explain my view on women. I think I am starting to ramble on sorry. But any ideas here please?_____

Here’s what i read: Hi, I went to a research hospital and they put me through a bunch of tests for research purposes (as opposed to evidence-based tests). Despite my gender-based discomfort that interferes with my every-day wellbeing, the researchers who are trying to study trans-ness told me they thought I wasn’t masculine enough based on some tests they’re trying to develop.   My scores are similar to an incredible minority of people who have de-transitioned (not accounting for the fact that the majority of people who un-transition actually are transgender but are dissatisfied with living as their true gender due to society’s pressures).   They told me that my appearance isn’t masculine enough to fit the traditional male stereotypes and they attributed my gender feelings to Freudian dislike of the patriarchy due to family stress.  Does that sound pretty close to what you explained to me? you can probably guess how i feel about the researchers at your clinic (fuck them).  I can’t tell you if you’re transgender or not.  

What i can say is this:There is no harm in transitioning and de-transitioning (or un-transitioning) (unless you personally feel harmed by it).  If you’re not confident in your decision, you can choose to transition in only reversible ways until you feel more confident about what is the best decision for you (avoiding HRT or surgery until you know that these will be in your best interest).  Many people NEVER opt for surgery or HRT and that’s a completely valid choice.  

Having long hair is absolutely not a reasonable criterion to say that someone is too feminine, neither is handwriting or speech patterns (both of which are influenced by the type of raising you get and socialization you have up to now: if you’re taught that a person who is AFAB is supposed to have nice handwriting, you generally do work harder at it, similarly, you generally do have greater speech pattern variability  (there have been studies about trans man speech patterns being more similar to cis women and trans women speech patterns being more similar to cis men- where through the process of transition- not hormones alone but resocialization as their true gender- brings the speech tone, quality and patterns into alignment with the true gender.)

sometimes it’s not as simple as “oh i’m definitely trans” or “oh, i’m definitely cis and i just hate the way the patriarchy imposes rules on women” (actually it seldom is).  But if you’re really feeling conflicted, I think it’s best for you to talk to a trans (and nonbinary) friendly therapist.   It sounds like your providers are VERY binary driven, and want to place people in VERY gendered boxes (you must be this masculine to ride).   It makes me have an icky feeling. 

Good luck.