#understandingcptsd

Writing this because when I was 22-23, I thought I understood the kids I was working with with mental health things. Now I'm 27, and I know I didn't. Not saying those ages specifically mean anything, I just mean that living with it myself changed my outlook. I'll use myself as an example.

Complex PTSD is PTSD, but originates with repeated trauma over a period of time, instead of one event. That trauma breaks down the mental psyche over time, so you're left with the normal symptoms of PTSD, along with changes in your sense of self, your outlook on life, etc.

--Their triggers may not make sense to you. Example: My trauma was repeated rejection from those I loved, from my parents to the men I fell in love with. So now ANY rejection can cause days of pain and grief. Rejection takes all forms--abandonment, emotional neglect, being left out, not being accepted, someone else being accepted when you're not, feeling like your opinions and feelings don't matter, etc. It can get tiring on those around me when I react strongly to something they think isn't a big deal, but it's a big deal to me, and I'm trying so hard to not be a burden.

-- They need clear communication. They need very clear, very honest, and very specific boundaries and reassurances. Example: I can't understand hints, random silences, actions that mean something to someone else, etc. I need to be told if I'm crossing boundaries, because unless I've been told where they are, I'll have no idea.

--Many people with c-PTSD feel worthless and have so sense of self-worth or self-confidence. They feel ashamed or guilty. Example: I've had several people very close to me, who had helped me through hard times and who I had been there for, and suddenly, they left without explaining why. It was almost like a whiplash effect, my brain feels scrambled and confused, and now I have a hard time believing that I'm worth anything or that it wasn't all my fault, because over and over again, people's actions have proven otherwise.

--They have a hard time trusting people. Example: see above

--They are likely struggling with depression, insomnia, emotional flashbacks, and other symptoms commonly associated with PTSD. Example: I'm on medication for depression, I usually have some over-the-counter sleep aids on hand in case I need them, sometimes I can't leave my apartment, and there are times when grief, sorrow, pain, and anger completely take over, and I can't function.

--They struggle with fear of their trauma repeating itself. Example: I'm absolutely terrified of offending and losing people. I'm constantly over-explaining, repeating myself, checking with friends/family to make sure they're okay with me, and getting people's opinions on me and the choices I make.

--Their worldview may have drastically changed. Example: I build my life around my faith and the people in my life. When people I had trusted so much and had been vulnerable with (even though they didn't understand how they were hurting me) rejected me by abandoning me or making me feel like I wasn't worth their time/effort, etc, it felt like the floor gave way under my feet. Repeatedly. It felt like left was right, up was down, and red was blue. I started questioning what was basic right and wrong and if I even had a right to feel what I felt.

--They struggle with relationships. All relationships--friendships, romantic, family, etc. From what I've been told and taught (and I am not a professional, I'm just someone with it trying to explain how it feels), most c-PTSD involves trauma involved with another person. Abuse (all kinds), human trafficking, emotional neglect, etc. So, they have lost the ability to feel safe with other people and are struggling to get that back.

--Their brain can't turn off and won't stop processing it. It is exhausting and overwhelming. Even when I sleep, my brain is processing things, so I might wake up grieving, in pain, or afraid, and I don't know why. I have to have constant distraction, like TV shows, books, problems, things to do, to simply function. I never get a break, I just have good days when the processing stays in the back of my mind, and I can work on professional and hobby things.

Obviously, not everyone with c-PTSD feels all of these, and some might feel more symptoms. But this is what I feel, and I know those around me struggle to understand. I'm hoping this helps others get a glimpse of what we're feeling, so they're better able to help. People with c-PTSD need patience, reassurance, and empathy from those around them.