#understand yourself

if you've found...

...yourself struggling with the same problem again and again, then maybe it's time to look into the root causes.

just loving yourself isn't enough. sometimes you need to understand yourself from deep within so that you know why you struggle with what you do.

I mean... do you even need to change yourself in the first place ? It’s normal to feel rage and resentment sometimes, especially if you’ve been through some tough stuff. If by changing yourself you mean becoming gentle and kind and completely free of any resentment All The Time then I think you’re setting yourself up for failure bc I doubt that such a thing is even possible. 

I wish it was always easy to be “good and wholesome” but it’s just not, we’re not angels, we have to make an effort. But keep in mind that as difficult as it can get it’s also very rewarding. You’ll learn to understand yourself better by actively thinking about why you’re angry at x moment, why you’re resentful, why you don’t want to be nice when y happens. And you’ll earn the trust of good people eventually by choosing to do the right thing despite your anger so just... forget this idea of “changing”, it’s fine if you’re full of rage rn but just try to understand why and try to think about your actions more. And maybe next time you want to be petty and mean or you are fulled with envy instead of happiness or anything negative like that you’ll be able to realize “hey this is happening bc it reminds me of x thing, or because I tend to have issues with y thing” and you’ll be able to neutralize those negative thoughts faster or at least diminish their impact on you. 

This is gonna be such a fucking generic advice but: have you tried yoga ? it really helps you realize how much you’re agitated and ‘on edge’ actually, and helps you bring that type of energy down ! I recommend you try it, maybe set a small goal like a 10 days of yoga challenge, i’m sure you’ll start seeing benefits really fast !

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. ~Kahlil Gibran.

3 Things I am proud of:

I travelled solo (for leisure) for the first time.

Finally paid off my debts.

Spending time with my friends and making new ones in the process.

3 Things I learnt this year:

No one is going to take better care of you than you.

Saying no can open doors, not close them.

I relearnt to love myself and who I am. (Although, I’m still redoing this)

3 Things I did this year:

Completed my travel challenge to see all EU countries before the original Brexit Deadline.

Saw BTS, Blackpink, Epik High and H1ghr Music!

Registered myself on classes for 2020.

2020 and Beyond

Goals for me:

Don’t be afraid to do new things. You have done it, can do it and will do it again.

Have some faith in humanity. Not everyone on this Earth has a bad agenda. It’s not our natural nature to be unkind.

Be kinder to myself. You don’t need other people to justify self worth. You are and can be loved by yourself.

And if all else fails, at least this planet has Namjoon.