#uncomfortable asks

He looks up at you from where he kneels on the floor and he seems to be so sad...

"Promise you won't tell anyone?"

You nod and he starts talking, his voice nothing more than a whisper.

"I keep thinking about my old life... all the time... Master thinks I forgot everything, that I can't remember how I got here, or why... But I remember everything. I remember how they kidnapped me. Drugged me. Sold me. How they tortured me for months until I behaved like the sweet obedient pet master had paid for... I did everything they wanted. I did everything he wanted. I tried to forget who I used to be because I thought it would make things easier... But I remember. I remember everything. Even my name. My real name."

He looks up and for the first time, you can see a tiny bit of self confidence in his eyes.

6: what's your lucky number?

seven! or, well, i don't actually have a lucky number because i don't keep track of that, but if anything significant to me has a seven in it, i get very excited because i'm emotionally attached to july as a month.

15: favourite song?

right now it's torna a casa by måneskin, but 5AM by amber run, guilty party by the national and talking to myself by mountains of the moon make their way to the top of my on repeat playlist often enough.

25: what colour socks are you wearing?

i HATE socks. if you have a mental image of me and she wears socks, you're WRONG. i will get out of wearing socks as often as i can. if it can't be done without socks, i'm not entirely sure it's worth it. waking up and dressing for school was a nightmare solely because i had to wear socks. all my good memories of travelling are tarnished by the memory of having to wear socks in the morning. i'm not wearing socks, if you couldn't tell. my toes are free. the arch of my foot is thanking me. no socks, ever.

thank you so much for the asks, darling, sorry i went off about the socks 😂

this was also buried sorry my inbox is jakced and swole and im trying to retreive whats lost in the sauce

There was an absurd amount of Harry Styles gifs I wanted to use for this 👁👅👁

I don't mind being put on my knees and my face used as a seat

CJ my iconic legend!!

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I don’t know? Like sometimes I’ll be thinking about my dad and he’ll call instantly. And lately, every time we say the name of one of my relatives, they show up at my dorm xD But other than not...nah xD

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

No, it was a misunderstanding hehe.

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Bro there’s literally no one else to talk to xD

91. Do you like your name?

I love it. It was the name of one of our prophets’ daughters so...absolutely <3

94. What are your strengths?

I’d like to say I have a pretty good grasp of people and their body language? Volunteering and working the job I have now only made that better. I’m also...good at communication I think. Other than that...not sure xD

"Do I really have to? Well then..."

He sighs and pours himself a glass of wine.

"Sometimes I... think about Jonah's feelings for me... or rather... the absence of feelings. Well, this isn't quite right either... he has feelings for me. Hate. Disgust. Fear. Thirst for revenge. I can see it in his eyes. And I hate it. I hate it because I know that it's my fault, that he... might have loved me if I hadn't decided to hold him captive... But now it's too late and I can't make it undone anyway, so... I guess I'll just have to make the best of it, right? I have to accept that he'll never kiss me awake in the morning, that he'll never rest his head on my shoulder while we're sitting in front of the fireplace, watching the snow falling outside..."

He turns away and downs the glass in one gulp.

"I know I could make him do all these things, but... I can never make him love me, can I?"

He laughs, but he already looks so very, very uncomfortable...

"Betraying him? Why should I do this? He's my friend... well, at least I thought he was my friend, but nowadays he only has eyes for that stupid boy... I have to admit that I wanted to see his reaction when he found his sweet little boyfriend with his mouth sewn shut and damn, it was a real pleasure seeing him freak out like this! He was furious, it was a fucking delight!"

He laughs again, but he doesn't seem to be happy.

"I probably shouldn't have done that, but... damn, I hate how he spends all his time with that freak, we used to go to the pub at least once a week but then he met him and suddenly he didn't have time for his best friend anymore... Yes, maybe I wanted to teach him a lesson, maybe I wanted him to be scared of me and maybe it was even some stupid kind of revenge, but that doesn't matter anymore, does it? He doesn't even talk to me anymore..."

He purses his lips, snorts and looks away.

Jonah grimaces and looks down.

"You mean the times when I could still look at him without feeling sick?"

He sighs.

"The first time I saw him, I immediately noticed how handsome he was with his dark hair, his radiant eyes behind those old-fashioned gold-rimmed glasses, his smile... and his hands..."

He falls silent for a while.