#ultimate favourite

‘Tale of Four Cities’ Nidhi Sunil by Bikramjit Bose for Harper’s Bazaar India 

in my heart as the fic i always reread when i was having a bad night or just wanted to remind myself that life isn’t always bad and thing will work out eventually. i read foxfire blossom downloaded on my computer at a camp where there were no other gay kids and i had no internet or cell service. it left me screaming into my pillow at two am and brought me so so much joy, not to mention how much it taught me (a young, impressionable child) about proper communication in relationships and how (2/?)

no matter how much it felt like i had to grow up and marry a man and have babies and be the perfect straight cis woman that society wanted of me, that didn’t have to be the end, and i could be in a gay relationship and still have a home and be happy. again, young, impressionable kid - the honest and real and beautiful way you wrote about lgbt people and the love we have for each other probably impacted me even more than i can tell. and hart of the storm. oh my god, hart of the storm. i have (3/?

no words to describe how much that story blew me away. it left me completely shaken and emotional and was one of the most powerful things i’ve ever read. i remember how excited i used to get when i got an email from ao3 that you’d posted something new. my time in the fandom coincided with a really rough period of my life, and to be completely honest, there were times when one of the only reasons i could think of to stay alive was that you were going to post a new fic soon, and i wanted to (4/?)

be able to read it. your writing brought light and hope to some of my darkest days, and it gave me something to look forward to when i felt like there was nothing left that could make me happy anymore. when i first figured out that i was autistic, and i went online and saw that you’d written fics with autistic cas, being able to have other experiences that i could relate to, in a format that i was able to understand, and by an author that i’d always admired, it helped me gain the confidence (5/?

to stim in front of my friends and explain to them why i sometimes had trouble speaking when it was too loud in the room and begin to learn how to work with my brain, and not against it. you and your writing have had such an incredible impact on my life, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything. (6/6)

//

this message has me shook, in the literal sense. i’m trembling. i just read this 10 times over. i have no words, friend. i can’t think past the haze of emotion to express how utterly i appreciate this and how much it means to me, and how much i want to never, ever, ever forget this message so i can remember it every. single. day. and use its power to keep going in my own fight, and always keep creating.

i’m so glad your friends are so understanding and accepting!! (you bonding over my stories is so cool to me??? so cool.)

this is gonna sound internet-person cliché, but sometimes it’s hard for me to visualise the folks who are reading my stories - i know whatever i say or share is impacting someone in some small way, but even the messages i get from friends are still pixels on a screen, y’know? i always feel kinda distant and removed from the people as opposed to the statistics, as much as i try not to be. but your words are so important to me, you are important to me, and i’m so utterly grateful you shared this ;u;

thank you for the honour of letting my stories help you, anon. i appreciate that you chose life, firstly, but i’m extra glad you used my upcoming works as an incentive. (even more reason for me to carry on writing, right? i may never know who’s counting on it.)

the fact you mentioned ‘hart of the storm’ is especially exciting to me, since that one is akin to the novel-like stories i dream of writing in the future, and i wasn’t really sure if many people liked it. it feels good to get some feedback.

i hope you find yourself on the path that’ll lead you to more happiness and healthy relationships with friends and fandoms. i wish good things your way, indefinitely ♥

//

(links to the Dean/Cas fics mentioned)

Roost (12k domestic chicken AU)

Try-Something Tuesday (48k teacher AU)

Foxfire Blossom (283k flower shop AU)

Hart of the Storm (119k historical fantasy AU)

all of my fics with autistic!Cas so far