#ukactor

Yeah, I don't know.

Like what's this thing? Automatic subtitle? Or just random paragraph things? Okay, Tumblr. Not what I came here to talk about.

It's so weird!! Reading a book with a certain style of speech, it gets to my head and then it overcomes my own thoughts. The way I think. And speak. So odd.

It's Amy Herzog's play 4000 Miles - I'm reading it for an acting course at Des Fleming Acting - we're having a Zoom read-through tomorrow with my scene partner. Of course, I left it till tonight to read it and now I'm like wow, so refreshing to read something that actually sounds like human beings. And yes, I am trashing people's writing. Been reading a lot of scripts here and there since I started this whole acting idea in 2021. And what gives me the right to trash bad writing? Well, it's painful to read, for one. And two, I'm a good writer. So I can tell.

You don't agree?

You've read nothing I wrote. :D

You know why I'm writing like an uptight person? Haha. I've binged the first season of Jessica Jones AGAIN. Not ashamed. I also skipped some parts, because I had watched it years ago anyway. I love her attitude.

I think the characters I'd love to portray and be good at portraying are sort of like Jessica Jones: angry at the world and themselves, badass attitude, love/hate, take it or leave it, bitchy, irritated, annoyed.

Kinda like real life.

It's May Day. Bank holiday in the UK. A chill day, please. What does my flatmate who has to go to work do at 7am? Turns the volume up. Of some... film or series or whatever. Like why? Why do I have to wake up when she's going to work?! When I get up at 6am on a workday, I don't make a fuckin' show out of it. No one needs to bloody know.

Irritability.

Check.

What else is there?

You know. Auditioning. What the hell. It's like job interviews. BUT! My life doesn't depend on getting cast. And yet I get stressed out so much.... at least today my character was also meant to be nervous and stressed and scared, so that was fine. Despite that, I'm only hoping that I can get a chance at a callback. I can totally do this. I really know I can act. But it's the self-tapes and auditions that are absolutely harder than acting itself. Even the technical shit - I can hit the mark and cheat the position/volume - I've done that and I can keep getting better at it. Let me.

I want to get cast more often. Practise the craft, the art, the jooooooy. Meet the people on set, and enjoy it. It's so much fun.

Now, don't get me wrong, dear reader, I still love motion design, since that is what I do for my daily bread. But it's so technical and unnerving sometimes - like copying stuff into a Cinema 4D file with TAKES where there's ANIMATION already keyframed, arghhh!?!"?£? Why?! And how does this work?! And why I can't see some of the keyframes I just copied INTO this project file?! Why are they suddenly all over the takes?! Sure, self-taping and auditioning are.... sometimes frustrating. But motion design - MUCH MUCH MORE.

I don't know how you people multitask. Maybe drop me some hints. I bet it's gonna involve that diary stuff: ooooh, write down how many hours you want to spend on this and how many hours you'll spend on that. Easy. Sorted.

If only you had my brain. How do you sit down at 2pm to read a play, analyse it, get your S.O.S.O out and all that, and then at 5pm you comfortably move to something entirely different but equally energy- and focus-requiring? C4D tutorials to follow take ages. And are exhausting.

Maybe something's wrong with me? Maybe my brain is foggy? Should all this be much easier to go over? I have no issue getting it but that takes working on it.

All of it.