#ujiie

between monster and doctors, the ones who are fit to survive are the ones who are ready to bare their souls to the world — and sometimes, the one to do so it’s the one we expect the contrary.

at first, when i started to think about this thread, i was about to say “we have a chapter with two extremes: one character who’s ready to speak his mind and the other who’s afraid to do so”. but, as fast as this thought came to mind, it also slipped away because…well..they are not that different from each other, are they?

ujjie is tired. tired of people who do nothing but bring other’s down for their own benefits — and tired of being on the other spectrum of things. after all, what gives the right to some to step on others but act with superiority as soon as they taste their own poison? after a long time of being rejected and having his opinions denied, ujiie starts to speak what is on his mind without worrying about any retaliation — after all, what could harm him when he is someone who has nothing in the eyes of others?

having this power allows him to express himself more and fight for his place in the world, as well as serving as protection. this causes him to block himself from relating to other people who are not seen as equal in his eyes. if they didn't listen to him, why would he listen to them? why do they have this right and he doesn't? (and this becomes much more explicit when he has the argument with mitsumi, someone who is really the opposite of him and who tries to see everyone's heart before anything else.)

however, ujiie doesn't realize that he ended up falling into his own trap: what ends up slipping through his fingers is the opportunity to realize that other people also hide much more than he himself imagines.

then shima enters and the concept of appearance starts to suffer a shock. well, in a world divided between monsters and doctors, who knew a monster could have a soul after all? unlike what ujiie imagined, shima is much more like him than he thinks. after all, both were silenced several times and had their desires denied in different ways. while ujiie suffered from the hypocrisy of those around him, shima was forced to accept a desire that was not even his, but that of everyone else around him. both were created by a doctor, but in different laboratories.

and it's at this moment that the second monster has the chance to show its claws: shima is finally fighting for something he likes and for a role that he admires so much. this gives him the courage to feel like he does have the right to play whoever he wants, because he will do his best to make that possible.

shima is starting to change and come out of the glass dome he had previously been placed in. it is now becoming clearer to him where his desires stand in comparison to someone else's that were forced upon him. he is starting to fill up all the things that were stolen from him and is taking them one by one, with his own hands.

of course, not all change comes with serenity: it is still very difficult for shima to understand who he is taking the reins from. even though he now understands that he needs to make his choices alone, the shadows of all those who helped him begin to creep in. "if i have the right to take what's mine back, who should i take it from? if taking back what's mine would mean hurting those who helped me, would i still have the right to do it?"

it's still very difficult for him to see himself in any position other than the fine line between doctor and monster. he can see parts of himself with his character and his battles, but he also finds himself carried away by the speech of others, making him see a little of the doctor, who denies the monster a free life, in himself. that’s why ujiie’s right in his opinion, but that doesn’t mean he will accept it that easily.

compared to all the chapters focused on shima, this is a big leap towards conquering his identity. it's very beautiful to follow shima's growth and see him abandoning the silence that has always accompanied him. sensei chose to give him a chance to find his own voice in a very gentle way, without generating any other trauma that would put him back in a dark mindset. all of this could have taken another form and shima could very well have been forced to take risks that he had never before thought of taking — but that is not the way she chose to write this story; skip to loafer is written on the basis of love, and there is nothing more tender and painful than the struggle for self-love.

in the end, we had a chapter that wanted to show two very different characters but, in fact, ended up showing how the similarities are found in details that would most likely be ignored or overlooked due to the behavior or the way the characters were developed.

this is a technique that i really like in sensei's writing. it always tends to put into combat two characters who, on the surface, have no similarity at all just to then unravel them and make them connect in the end. i don't think this means that we will see a big change in the relationship between shima and ujiie (but i, personally, would love to see the two being friends or at least colleagues), after all habits are difficult to break, especially after just one event. but i believe this showed us readers new ways of reading them. now we have a more in-depth idea of ​​ujiie and his interpersonal relationships and we have a new shima who prefers to face what eats at him instead of absorbing everything for himself.

i'm very glad sensei chose to write this chapter and not jump straight to the trip. we do need a little more ground to stand on before facing what comes next, because that will take a lot from shima and his new power and confidence he found. he would not be able to face mitsumi if he didn't face himself or people who don't believe in him first — he needs to find his own strength to fight this new battle.

Finally! So happy to see Sousuke getting angry, showing his emotions! Usually he doesn't show his true emotions out of fear of being rejected like his mother did when he was little.

He also thought that getting angry wasn't worth it, so for him to get so openly angry shows just how much Sousuke has evolved!

Why did Sousuke get so angry? There are several reasons.

Firstly, Ujiie. Hearing those words coming from the person he always sees hanging around with Mitsumi, that must have irritated him. But that's certainly not the main reason.

What irritated Sousuke the most was the fact that Ujiie was saying things about him without knowing his background. Sousuke knows all too well what it's like to feel rejected, even if at first glance you might think that a popular person like him has never experienced this. People like him in a superficial way, they don't know the real Sousuke. The lonely one, the one with emotions, the human behind the character.

What Ujiie also doesn't know is that he's the one who most wanted this role, and that he is best placed to play it, given that he feels the same way as Frankenstein's monster!

But even so, Ujiie has put his finger on something. He's partly right, because Sousuke is aware that he has rejected people who have given him affection (Mitsumi, Mukai, Mika, Chris) and he has no desire to trample on the feelings of those who have given him so much.

Seeing Sousuke frustrated at having been eliminated from the tournament is such a pleasure; he wanted to win and be recognized for this role which was so close to his heart and for which he gave so much!

And what a joy to see him confront Ujiie at the end... He didn't give up and run away as he would have done before. He wants to explain his truth, he wants to tell her how he felt, why this role means so much to him.

Houndour illustrated by Atsuko Ujiie

So I wanted to do an Ujiie analysis from chapter 45. Why? Because lately, this scene…

…has been on my mind a lot! *Lowkey since the job market is hell in my home country, and I’m starting to really relate with the panel above and the feelings of distress lol.

And I think the insight into Ujiie’s insecurities are something very valuable the author has managed to provide us in just a simple chapter. Especially since a lot of the things he struggles with are stuff that a lot of people are starting to feel too. So even beforehand, we’ve been established a few core details anout Ujiie! Like how he’s studious and very reclusive/unwilling to respond to those around him. And now, we have some new information to build upon the core traits we know of. Namely:

How he’s been bullied before by other people around him. Ones he describes as more popular, sociable, and good-looking. Likely people he feels are able to fit in much better. As a result of being rejected by so many people, his exact thoughts are to turn down others when invited out. ‘Reject before you can be rejected’ is the logic of his rationale. Even when others are kind to him, he tells himself people only want to befriend him to be polite. Whether they’re genuine or not, the author doesn’t show us the people who invite him out are malicious. But we do see how distorted his thinking is — in that he can’t imagine anyone would WANT to be friends with him.

Self-rejection. It’s obvious here with the little arrows that say “Aiming for medical school” and “Wants to be a TV announcer,” he envies both his classmates’ good looks and aspirations.

His overconfidence is actually a facade for how unhappy he is with himself. We can see it in how he judges other people around him harshly. When in retrospect, he constantly tells himself that if he doesn’t have the appealing traits others have, perhaps he can one-up people with his academic capabilities — which falls apart when confronted with placement in an ultra-competitive & prestigious school where the best students of the entire country cluster in. It’s a realization Mitsumi had herself in the beginning too — where she found that being the best student in her small village doesn’t necessarily mean you are special when pitted against a school filled with incredibly smart and talented people.

So in a sense, he’s somewhat of a ‘gifted child finds out they aren’t special and now has a crisis’ situation where they have to cope, readjust, and find some form of acceptance. It’s a situation that happens to a lot of intelligent or talented people in real life, who’ve built their lives around being smart, or perhaps good in certain skills (art for example is one it happens a lot in). But once they leave their former environments and head towards a new one (perhaps upper education or a career involving a lot of equally-skilled and passionate people), they gain new perspective that others can also excel even better. Leading many to wonder where they place in the world lies, or how the identity or self-esteem they’ve built crumbles around them.

Gifted child crisis moment.

What does that lead to? How Ujiie genuinely feels so insecure that he stakes his entire self-esteem on academic performance and the abilities to get a good career. I think this one is especially depressing because in our high-pressure world, this ‘I’m worth nothing if I can’t achieve or accomplish’ sentiment is becoming more common. Ofc the schooling system in Japan with its brutal drill of exams, the equally-brutal job market, and the heavy social & familial pressures all contribute to Japan-specific cases — like the citations of many teens and young adults under the Japanese structure. But this problem has always been present with young people globally to an extent, where people are made to feel worthless if they can’t build up an image of accomplishment. It’s why you often get people who feel guilt when they can’t work when their health is down, or if they can’t finish schooling by a certain age. It’s why people often overwork themselves, neglect their own mental + psychological needs, or feel like their life is hopeless without the perfect career. It’s why most people often feel there’s this looming time limit to reach the metrics of life in regards to education, career, and family — or else they feel like a failure.

Which brings me to my last point: That Ujiie deep down is sad that he can’t not only make a friend, but that he doesn’t deserve a friend. I think a lot of his monologue indicate that he doesn’t feel he deserves a friend. He feels worthless, indistinguishable, and unable to connect with others. He can be judgmental, harsh, and very blunt (looking at the way he refers to Mitsumi). It’s partially why he values and prides himself with his schoolwork so much; it’s a way for him to feel there’s something good about himself. So removing the one trait of esteem he has — built on a very fragile backing — leads him to have nothing to fall back on. And where does that need to be special come from? From wanting to connect with others. From wanting a friend (like the idea of appealing to an employer by seeming exceptional is, in a sense, linked to the idea of envying those special ‘stand-out’ traits in many of the people he’s met that allowed them to have so many friends). That desire to shut people out? It’s actually because deep down, he already rejects himself and believes everyone will too.

In a way, this made his admission to Mitsumi of how he judges her as an admission to his own misjudgment, facade of arrogance, and how she has things he desires too despite being in a situation he was initially in. It seems harsh, blunt — in the typical Ujiie style we’ve been introduced to. But it’s a moment of humility, a show of vulnerability, an acknowledgment that deep down, he seeks to be the same: Someone who is cheerful, kind, and has friends who genuinely accept them for who they are.

Ujiie’s conclusions.

So really, he has this moment of vulnerability where he finally admits to himself that he WANTS to change. He wants to be able to open up, to be accepted. He doesn’t want to push away people out of fear that he’ll be rejected anymore.

That significant moment he has the revelation.

But something happens here that’s interesting, because he’s understimated one more thing.

With our knowledge of Mitsumi as the main character, we know that unlike some of the people who have bullied Ujiie before, she didn’t initially have it easy. She struggled too in the same ways as Ujiie was, in terms of fitting in with her new academic environment & Tokyo. She’s struggled with losing her sense of self worth, in the sole thing that she’s staked such a big part of herself and her feelings of pride & accomplishment in. She seems to be adapting well, because outwardly she reacts a LOT different than Ujiie. But similarly to him — despite being such different people — she’s bottled up her own feelings too.

Mitsumi’s moment.

It’s so interesting to see how empathetically this scene was handled, because the issues in it aren’t unique per say but important nonetheless. We see a lot of people on a daily basis who probably feel the same way both Ujiie and Mitsumi do deep down. And it’s a crushing feeling, one that’s terribly common in our world.

So the author has managed to hit the mark on a lot of points: Our global achievement-oriented cultural pressures, self-esteem, the gifted child trope, envy, misjudgment (like how Ujiie failed to see that it wasn’t easy for everyone else either), pushing others away, how bullying effects you in the long-term, and a desire for friendships and understanding — to be seen and accepted. All very complex topics, strung together with sensitivity and a resolution in mutual understanding between the characters.

If Ujiie reacts like this, it's because for him Sousuke belongs to the group of "people who get away with everything no matter what they do".

People in this group make fun of people in the other group no matter how hard they work, so why should he hold back just because Sousuke has worked hard?

For Ujiie, someone handsome and popular like Sousuke will always be supported and acclaimed without even having to be good at what they do. So seeing him in the role of Frankenstein's monster, an unloved monster that scares people away, disturbs him.