#duckmetas

the desire to be loved: how different characters act out solely on the need to receive what they need the most. this time, a more focused view on yasaka

after i read chapter 81, i felt like i was already missing a lot of yasaka’s storyline due to how it was divided and distributed through the volumes. since i always have my eyes on her, mostly due to her similarities with shima, i decided that it would be way better for me to go back and reread every chapter she was involved to try and understand her a little more, which would also give me a better understanding of even ujiie’s perception of her.

we start to dive a little bit deeper into her around chapter 44. there, we had a tiny glimpse of her life at home, which would give more fuel to understand her need for attention. juggling her storyline with shima and mitsumi’s first fight (which also marks the beginning of yasaka and shima’s parallels), we get to see her acting like her observant self, slowly enchanting every boy around her and manipulating them to get what she needs. 

one of the parts that shines the most for me, and the one i always remember when i look at her, is when she gave mitsumi the challenge to try and reflect more about herself and her upbringing (at the time, for those who don’t remember, shima didn’t defend mitsumi when the girls from their class where rude to her). by saying that mitsumi must have grown up filled with attention and affection, she’s not trying to undermine mitsumi’s feelings, but to give her a chance to understand more about the reason why shima acts the way he does. she definitely knows where she’s coming from when mitsumi complains about how people prefer to not be fully sincere, but yasaka knows that there’s way more depth into it than the surface she’s relying on. 

shima and yasaka want peace to themselves, because they are already surrounded by way too much noise. bringing back the first two pages of the chapter (44), it’s clear to us that yasaka doesn't have a very present family nor someone to rely on. her need for attention and the way she plays with the boys isn’t just for fun, but also a way to give her the power she needed, the chance to fill this desire that she can’t get at home. by having this fake love and passion around her, she’s building her own castle and ruling how she wants to be loved or heard. while mitsumi, on the other hand, had the privilege to grow up with so much love and care, which gave her the chance to be more sincere and open to people. 

now we jump a little to chapter 63/64 and the whole school travel arc — the moment we get to know yasaka even more, especially her desire to have people loving her constantly. 

yasaka got caught in a love triangle, with two different boys, who she was leading on, decided to ask her out at the same time. different from everyone's reaction (that is, get scared and surprised by their confrontation), yasaka just saw it as a bummer and something to be left behind, ready to start anew. to her, she never really lead anyone on, all she did was stroke their egos and give them exactly the attention they wanted, exactly what they needed. and, in response, she got the love she so much desired. 

when ujiie and mitsumi look at her with a troubled look on their faces, yasaka reminds herself why she does that, why it is way much easier to trick people than to really dive deeper into any relationship. in fact, at the beginning of the trip, she was already asking herself why on earth mitsumi would be talking to her after her being so cruel to her, why would she try to make amends when all yasaka wanted was to be far away from any relationships that needed way more from her than just blind, empty attention that would be discarded as soon as it got serious. 

profound relationships would only give her loneliness. all she could extract from it is a disappointed look, the one she hates the most, the one that makes her think of home. she doesn’t want people knowing her or even trying to form any impression of her (like ujiie did, when he asked “you’re not that sort of person, are you?”). after all, everything she could gain from being perceived was disappointment and anger, while on the contrary she would only receive love. 

yasaka needs love, but the one that could be discarded the moment she wants to. the more she showed of herself and not give what other people needed, more alone she would become. she needs a type of love that would bewitch those who are easy to manipulate, who would give her the attention she needs to fulfill her quota. nothing more nor less than that: she’s the one in control, she’s the one who made the rules of this game.

then, we jump a little more to the last chapter, 81: directly inside the best time of the year for yasaka, the one she can act the needier she wants, all to receive the love she craves the most. 

here, i think i won’t really dive deeper into her, but go more for ujiie and mitsumi’s conversation. that also plays a good part in understanding yasaka’s character, but it’s mostly because i feel like i would be repeating myself if i just kept analysing her actions, that just follow the same pattern. after all, we still don’t have any more than a little below surface level, since we don’t exactly know her backstory fully yet. 

ujiie and mitsumi debate what makes a person mean, as a summary. by dissecting yasaka’s action of giving ujiie chocolate, they start to reflect on why she does that and what she really expects from people when she does that. 

while ujiie still sees some kindness behind her actions, mitsumi, who’s standing outside of this whole situation, is able to see it a little more coldly, specially because she kinda went through the same thing with shima (not exactly the same, obviously. i would have to go way deeper into that. but since mitsumi brought it up as an exemple, i would like to use it as well).

she knows how yasaka acts and she’s not blindsided by love, which gives her a wider view to slowly put out ujiie’s expectations on it all. she knows that yasaka is in constant need of attention, so she does that truly for her own gain. she’s (yasaka) not doing that because she loves or even cares for ujiie, she’s doing it because it strokes her ego and makes her look more lovable. 

ujiie does bring a counter argument, that it could all be an act of shyness, of someone who prefers to give someone a less expensive gift rather than confessing. however, ujiie does have colored-rose glasses when he talks about her, especially when he says that she’s “too friendly to anyone”. and now i do have to agree with mitsumi when she says that he’s underestimating her and denying her capability of doing things in a very calculated way just to get what she wants from someone else. 

i don’t think that ujiie is wrong by thinking that she’s just burying something inside her and covering it up with lies. but it’s hard for me not to see this interpretation as of someone who sees himself as a savior. deep down, even tho he keeps repeating that he doesn't want a relationship or that he agrees that she does lie for her own benefit, he believes that he can be the one to change her, to save her from this circle of lies. the problem is that yasaka doesn't need to be saved by a prince, it’s something way deeper than that. the one that could save her is herself only, because the one she’s lying to the most is to herself.

i don’t see malice in ujiie’s actions and fantasies, however i do see him underestimating her. he really created this perfect version of yasaka, and still wants to fight for it, even if he does know, deep down, that there’s a lot more to it than he can handle. and this gets even more complicated when we see yasaka getting very annoyed with his gift, since she sees this as someone trying way too hard to get closer to her (tho i do find it cute that she decided to try it anyways).

to finalize this, i want to talk a little bit of mitsumi’s reflection at the end: if she sees yasaka as someone mean, would shima, who also gives her a gift with (in her perception) no big feeling behind it, also have the same mean intentions?

well, we need to remind ourselves that, as readers, we do have a little better understanding of shima's actions and why he was thinking so much of mitsumi while he was traveling with his family. there’s more than just “a nice act” behind his actions, however it’s not based solely on selfneed, as yasaka’s is. i don’t think either of them are mean but, in my opinion, there’s a clear difference between both of their actions. both are calculated? yes, we can say that. specially because, at the end of the day, the results they seek is the same: to be loved.

mitsumi will have to work a little more with her interpretations of people and how she views shima’s actions, but she can only do that by herself. as a reader, i don’t think she sees yasaka as someone mean, especially when we remember her conversation with the girls about her, but she does see her as someone calculating. what she fears the most is that shima might also be the same, but she’s being tricked by it because of the same rose-colored glasses that ujiie is using, but more based on fear than blindness of one’s action. well, mitsumi, all i can say is that there’s a lot to unfold here, and maybe you will only find your answers when shima gets brave enough to show all of his sides and his full mind to you. 

the acceptance that comes with a friendly shoulder: mika's character evolution tied with her platonic relationships. and, ironically, a certain boy who always appears at the strangest times.

i think that, before starting my analysis of the chapter itself, i wanted to make a critique (?), a comment (?) (something related to that, kind of) about something regarding the general context that left me a little bothered or, perhaps, somewhat confused. first of all, i think the introduction of another character who shows romantic interest in mika was very important, especially because it has a very big impact on her character and the way she had been developing up to that point (will get to that a little later).

but… i'm a little confused by the introduction of mukai's girlfriend. to be honest, i thought she was cute and i was quite curious to know more about her. yet, in the end, it felt a bit unresolved. yes, i know that, somehow, sensei needed a slightly more solid hook to pull mukai into the narrative, making him more present as the story progressed, since he often ended up just appearing as a "commentator" or someone who’s there to observe. introducing a girlfriend was a strategy to give him the chance to open up a little more and be more honest about himself. however, i wonder if this wouldn't have been possible with one of the boys (specially yamada) or even a prior development between him and mika. i feel that the introduction of more characters who ended up being discarded very quickly left this whole "dating" arc a little confusing at the end of the day, since we didn't see in depth what the relationship between them is actually like (i mean mukai with his girlfriend and mika with her boyfriend).

of course, as someone who has been rooting for mikamukai since the beginning, i'm very happy with this development between the two and this cute conversation they had. but it's kind of hard for me not to wonder if this couldn't have been introduced earlier, bringing back the briefly in chapter 55, when mukai, mika, and nao talked a little about mika's feelings (or rather, mukai just reflected on everything that was happening while the two of them talked. again, he was just a spectator. but he could have brought up to her at some point, and they would talk. i don’t know…just thoughts).

in the end, i think it was a hook that could have been pulled in a different way, which would result in an earlier development of said relationship. maybe i'm just being picky, as i always am, but anyway. in any case, i still really enjoyed the chapter where mukai opened up more, and i really liked seeing mika having this new moment in her life.

anyway, let's get to the chapter!! (and a little analysis i want write on mika).

i confess that when i saw the chapter for the first time, i laughed. i found the whole unfolding hilarious, as well as very cute. mitsumi crying, oh my god!!! it was so cute and a small detail that made such a difference, especially when we look even deeper into the relationship between mitsumi and mika. besides her, nao automatically understanding who mitsumi was referring to made me so happy, especially reflecting on all the past conversations the two had. mika is truly a second niece to nao, and i think that's beautiful. to add to that, mukai's slip-up was very well placed, making the end of the chapter more fun and increasing the possibility of a slightly more romantic development between him and mika.

i think, overall, the chapter was light and sweet. one of those chapters that sensei loves to write, leaving small clues about a new arc that's about to begin without going into too much detail. well, i could write several things about the conversation between the two, about what i expect from the relationship that might develop, but i think for now i want to focus much more on mika.

mika's development as a character began in the first valentine's day chapter and has been progressing slowly, in the background of every other character’s arc. and i say that because the difference between how she reacted when shima rejected her and now, when her boyfriend broke up with her, is quite noticeable.

to start with the beginning: the valentine’s day. in chapter 30, when obuchi hints his interest in her, mika’s instant reaction is to deny his feelings. for her, the idea that she could attract someone romantically was so illogical that there was no way he wasn’t joking. because of this contempt she felt for herself, it was extremely hard for her to tell someone about everything that happened or, even worse, ask for help, so she just let everything bottle up inside her. (ironically, the one who “tried” to help was mukai himself, but we all know how messy that was).

and then, we have the confession to shima on chapter 31, one that she already knew she would be rejected. at first, mika responds by trying to disguise her feelings, diminishing herself and trying to belittle them, to give a false impression that she wasn't so impacted by everything that happened. however, to her surprise, shima responds with respect and care, kindly rejecting her but showing how appreciative he was of her feelings.

in two chapters, we see the beginning of the long road mika would face to accept herself. and this gradually returns, timidly showing how she is increasingly reflecting on what it means for her to like someone romantically and, above all, how to accept that she is indeed someone who deserves to be loved.

and that's where the group of friends comes in, and all the moments mika experiences with them. not only them but also another huge piece of her inner puzzle: nao. 

mika begins to understand that, to be accepted, she doesn't need to completely change or deny who she truly is. she just needs to face this fear of finally opening up more to people, and then she will find someone who truly loves her, platonically or romantically. there’s no need to change, there’s no mold to try to fit in. the ones that love her will love her for her ugliness and beauty, for her flaws and qualities. 

and this comes in a slightly more timid way in chapter 55, when she manages to open up to nao and admit the loneliness she feels, and then in chapter 62, where she finally opens up to mitsumi and tells her about her past with shima, as well as openly demonstrating how much more important her friendship is to her than any other. and I want to reiterate how important this conversation with mitsumi was, because she was the complete opposite of mika, someone she saw as inferior (at first) and had a very hard time trying to form a bond with. at the end of the day, the girl she thought was the weirdest of them all, became the one she was closer with.

when she truly understands the importance of her platonic friendships and gets to experience how good it is to have friends who are there to love her for who she is and give her the strength to follow her own path makes mika feel even more prepared to open her heart to new people.

and it's thanks to all of this that she has the reaction she had in chapter 70, when she finally had the (second, whether she wanted to or not) confirmation that yes, she is an attractive person who deserves to be loved romantically. romantic relationships were something mika had desired for a while, so there's no denying how much this invite for a date made her even more confident in herself. however, she was only able to face this romantic feeling head on when she had all the platonic love around her. 

instead of denying the other person's feelings or thinking she's being the victim of some joke, mika agrees to go out with the boy who would become her boyfriend. and, when the relationship ends, she no longer has the drastic reaction of putting herself down or trying to deny her importance. this is all because she has people by her side who will repeatedly tell her how amazing she is.

once again, we had a chapter that, despite having a tiiiiiny hint of romance between the lines, ends up focusing much more on the importance of forming platonic relationships and finding people who will love you the way you are (yes, i know how repetitive i’m getting, but bear with me). this time, mika isn't alone: a simple phone call brought them all together to cheer her up and distract her from a broken heart (and i hope nao did talk to her at some point too. it's impossible for me not to root for more interactions between these two!!!).

well, let’s see what sensei is planning for mika and mukai individually and for them as a couple (or not, who knows! maybe the bestest of friends). i can’t wait to laugh more with her surprised and little twists she likes to pull on us!! 

hanazono-sensei and the future she unknowingly created: the farewell chapter of the senpais trio focuses more on kazakami, concluding what began in chapter 59.

it's incredible how a teacher can change a student's life with just a simple conversation; words exchanged in the school hallways that quickly transform into a new future, a new opportunity. but anyway, before bringing up the previous discussion, i think we need to start from the beginning and focus on the chapter ahead.

sensei delivered a short farewell chapter, without much rambling or dramatic goodbyes. trying to close three cycles at once and tying up loose ends, she focuses much more on providing a general summary of two characters whose stories have already been told, to finally conclude kazakami's, which had been left with a very open ending.

kanechika has been part of the narrative since the beginning. we know about his childhood, how his passion for theater began, and his entire journey with shima. i don't mind that we said goodbye to him in a quicker way, with a short conversation with mitsumi; his arc is over, there's nothing more to say.

takamine’s farewell is conflicting for me. even though i think we didn't have much to talk about regarding her, since in my opinion her story was resolved quickly, i still feel that the conclusion was a bit abrupt. i'm happy to see her talking to kazakami with an open heart, even though he still seems very reluctant to listen to what anyone has to say. but, in the end, i think we had more of a flashback of all the high points of her arc just to summarize it quickly and show readers that today she accepts herself much better than before and has found strength within herself to believe she’s capable of doing what she puts her heart into. sometimes, the pressure we put on ourselves makes it hard to accomplish our dreams and it’s not worth it to keep thinking about the worst outcome, when in the end we all find out ways. i'm happy, obviously, and i'm also grateful that she finally had the chance to laugh at the whole situation at the end of the day. so, i don't know. it feels complete but like something is missing? well, in the end, i think it was overall a good ending for a character who didn't return many times in the story, but who left an important mark when was given the chance to shine on her own arc.

now, the star of the show: kazakami hiroto. of course, it wouldn't be possible to have a farewell chapter without focusing more on him, especially since sensei left us with a loose end at the end of chapter 59. for those who don't remember, chapters 58 and 59 focus on him and his difficulty in finally asserting himself and finding what he wants to do with his life, no longer just following his parents' orders. in a moment of anguish, kazakami ends up letting out much of his pain, which opens a small window for other characters, like the two already mentioned here, to interact more with him.

but it's only in chapter 59 that his arc truly takes shape. kazakami finally meets a worthy adversary, one who doesn't mince words or try to sugarcoat the situation: hanazono-sensei. by recounting her life story and what made her believe in herself, kazakami finally understands that his time isn't over. and so, in this concluding chapter, we reap the fruits that were planted earlier. (if you’d like to read my full analysis on both chapters, you can find it easily on my profile). 

chapter 59 ends with kazakami picking up the k-university textbook, focused on liberal arts, literature, and education (also, could this be a hint that kazakami intends to pursue the field of education so he can influence students the way he was influenced?). then, in chapter 79 we have him finally standing up agains his parents and announcing that that’s the path he wants to follow. from accepting that her mother threw his figures away in silence to raising his voice, all because he had the strength to grab the book about the university he desired. 

well, i think chapter 79 made it clear that all his confidence comes from his ability to stand up, to start again, and show that he finally managed to reveal who he is. i don't know if there's an answer to takamine's question about which of the two comes first, his confidence or the ability to back it up. in the end, i believe they blend together. and both are needed when you finally face the parents who only saw a puppet, not a son. parents who made you choose between family or your own life. i’m glad that he chose the latter. 

fear still lingers. kazakami no longer has the comfort of knowing his whole life is written for him. deviating from the path chosen by his parents is choosing an abyss of new possibilities, and not even the most confident escapes the self-deprecation that comes to those who are walking on their own two feet for the first time.

a short chapter, a farewell. or rather, i want to be cliché: a chapter of new beginnings. i can't be sure if we'll see these characters again, or if they'll have another arc. i think that, just as the characters have this uncertainty, so does the reader. and for me, that's great. i'm happy to say goodbye to such beautiful characters, and i'm preparing to find out what the next loose end that sensei will tie up will be.

“who shall be the one to mend this lonely soul?”: the counterpoint and similarities between the dreamer and the desolate and how to move forward even with the feeling that there is nowhere to belong.

when i opened comic days, i confess that kanechika was the last person i was expecting to see. so much so that, thanks to this confusion, i first thought that the chapter would take a completely opposite direction to what i was expecting, which was the school play. but i soon understood what sensei was trying to do and the overlap she chose for this very important moment.

it’s not new for sensei to intersperse two stories into one in order to develop one character or the other (or both) a little more. this mix of elements brings more life and support to the narrative, since the character is able to open up more when faced with something that is opposite or complementary to them. and here i believe that sensei decided to combine the two forms and gave kanechika the role of being the opposite and, at the same time, the complement to shima.

kanechika has always had a huge passion for cinema and theater. this has been evident since the first time he showed his homemade movies to his insistence that shima join the theater club. but, something that hasn't been explored in depth yet is the loneliness that comes with this passion. not everyone around you will always grow up having the same interests as you or feeling them to the same intensity. sometimes, especially for a child, it’s much easier to ignore the “different boy” than to try to understand what this cinema that he likes so much is all about.

but, even though he felt alone and couldn't really fit in with people his own age, something inside kanechika encouraged him to keep going, to try, until he found people who shared his passion or came face to face with something he had brought to life, understanding that everything he had gone through had led him there. seeing shima blossom on stage not only brought him a sense of pride for the kouhai he held in such high regard, but also the idea that he was indeed on the right path and that there were people in the world who were able to listen to what he had to say and who were able to consume his art. 

this insistence on what he loved, even if it hurted you, is the opposite of shima. the realization that your tastes, desires and dreams are valid and that you have the right to feel them would be the complement. 

shima finally took the stage dressed as the monster he had always believed himself to be. and this becomes even more vivid considering the moments in the play that sensei thought were important to highlight, such as the monster's understanding of his loneliness, the forced isolation imposed on him and the understanding that the person closest to you, such as the one who raised you, will not always be responsible for curing the persistent pain of not belonging.

while kanechika sees his passion for theater shine with his own eyes, shima stands against the world. even though it is not him himself standing on stage, it is not his words but those of the monster, shima finally stands up to face everything that he swore was much greater than he could handle.

and, in contrast to everything, we have his own victor frankenstein waiting on the other side, with teary eyes and the fear of trying, once again, to connect with the monster. a mother drowning in the open wound sees, for the first time, her son blossom and live for himself, live for his ideals and passions, face his fears and move forward. her creation that she herself could not fix, the soul so sad.

however, next to her, there is someone who has the courage to say out loud what she so desperately wants: yuki does have the right to try one more time, to be honest with her son and listen to him with all her heart, to try not to rebuild something that is broken, but to forgive what cannot be undone and start over something that they can both build together, side by side, mother and son. she sees the child she raised forcing himself to be an adult from a very young age, giving him the chance to be young for the first time, to try to take control of what hurt him so much. why not try again, in a new play this time?

for the first time in years, they look into each other's eyes, completely raw, ready to face this new unknown. for the first time, she allows herself to praise her son, something she was so afraid of doing, with a great fear of putting an enormous pressure on his shoulders once again. and he allows himself to accept the hand that his mother extends, letting himself dive into this vulnerability that the monster gave him. not only that, but he also now shows a new interest in this family that was given to him, an enormous desire to belong, to be the older brother that his little brother admires so much, to be able to be someone who has frank conversations with his stepfather. shima and yuki are, for the first time, experiencing what could be a complete family. 

and in the midst of so many new beginnings, endings, goodbyes and new days to be lived, there is that one girl, who still waits for him in the same hallway, emanating the same light that welcomes him so much. letting himself be carried away by the feeling and embracing mitsumi once and for all is another step that shima takes in his favor, another step that he allows himself to take to finally be able to walk side by side with this person that he admires so much and finds so special. falling apart in her arms, not so that she can pick him up and rebuild him, but so that he can show her every little piece of himself.

the monster found not only someone who could mend his oh so lonely soul, but someone who would give him the strength to fight alone and for himself. mitsumi isn’t the saviour nor needs to be saved: she’s the light that guides him to find his own path and our courage. it was she who showed him how beautiful it is to be true to yourself and now that he has finally embodied this monster that haunts him so much, he can give himself the chance to walk side by side with her towards a new future.

how beautiful it is to be able to read such an incredible story about taking a chance on yourself and loving without regrets. we’re once again being able to experience another beautiful chapter and for that i’m so grateful.

before we go, can we also appreciate kanechika's shirt when he was a kid? he once wore a shirt with monsters on it only to later see a monster on stage. what a comeback, huh?

the pressure of greatness: mitsumi and the constant fear of being a burden to her parents.

once again (i feel like i'm even getting repetitive) we had a chapter full of cute moments between the group. we even had a special appearance by meiko, who i think is adorable and i'm always hoping she'll show up a little bit!!

it's always so nice to see their friendship strengthening and seeing them doing new things together. i'm so happy to see how united they are and how they fight harder and harder to stay that way, even if one or the other is in a new phase of life and starting romantic relationships, for example. besides, even though i always rooted for mikamukai, i can't deny that it's very cute to see mika teasing mukai to get him to tell her more about his new girlfriend. i feel that their friendship will grow even more and that makes me happy!

now, i think focusing on those moments would be too redundant, as i would end up repeating things i've already said in several other analyses. we had two (not so) hidden moments within the chapter that deserve more recognition and need to be highlighted.

the first is mitsumi's dedication to her studies, often staying up late into the night, as hinted at after the new year's celebration with nao-chan, or when she forces herself to be a little more reclusive, dedicating herself solely to her studies and not going out with friends as much as before, which was briefly mentioned by the group of friends, who then try to help her by suggesting the possibility of studying for another year so she can take things a little easier.

but of course, this privilege is not something mitsumi possesses. being able to study outside her hometown, in a city as expensive as tokyo, is not something anyone can achieve, and mitsumi knows this. she knows that by opting for a more in-depth study at a more elite school in a capital city, she ends up demanding more money from her parents. knowing this, she puts increasing pressure on herself to achieve perfection, maintaining high grades or securing a place at university as soon as possible, as a way to prove to her parents that the money they spent on her was not in vain.

at no point did we see any scene that showed any pressure coming from mitsumi's parents or any greater demands. but that doesn't mean she won't feel pressured in some way, since she knows very well that she made a request that required a lot of planning (mainly financial), something that her siblings may not have, all depending on what the future holds.

of course, for teenagers who grew up in tokyo, the idea of ​​spending all their time studying and losing their youth may seem a little more distant than for a teenager who came from the countryside, a place with far fewer opportunities. after all, they are already there anyway and will most likely continue studying in the city where they were born, while mitsumi decided to give up a lot to live the same life they live.

i don't think the others are wrong to worry about mitsumi and to try, in a way, to comfort her. i don't think they said that as a way to belittle mitsumi's effort or treat the subject as "silly". i truly believe that they genuinely care about her and know from the bottom of their hearts everything mitsumi had to go through to be there with them. even though mitsumi doesn't open up much about this whole process of change, it's clear that her friends realize how difficult it is for her.

and shima's wish, for me, represents a lot of the general wish of the friends: that mitsumi be happy and achieve everything she's ever dreamed of without having to lose too much of her youth or stress herself more than necessary. it's painful to see her carrying so much alone; i really hope she opens up more and shares more of her fears and insecurities with them.

now, since we're talking about shima, the second topic i wanted to discuss is about him.

besides what i've already said (about him "spending" his wish wishing something for mitsumi instead of for himself), i need to talk about how surprised and excited i was to see shima pulling mitsumi off the train to be with him. of course, he also did it thinking about her safety, as she was crushed between people, but he himself admits that he had ulterior motives, since he wanted any excuse to be able to spend some time alone with her.

it's so sweet to see shima being so courageous in such challenging ways. they might seem silly or small, but these actions are something the old shima would have been terrified of doing. i can see him freaking out even before taking any action and getting mitsumi out of the crowded car. he's really changed and ready to take much more selfish actions, and i'm proud of that. and, in the end, mitsumi was also super happy, and deep down, she also knows that her happiness in being alone with shima also has its hidden reasons.

anyway, may shima's wish come true and may mitsumi achieve all her dreams in a much lighter and healthier way. may she be able to ask her best friends for help and maybe form a study group with them, so they can help each other in some way. mitsumi has a very strong tendency to keep everything to herself, with a huge fear of bothering people in some way, since she believes she needs to show gratitude all the time, because she knows that not everyone has had the same opportunities as her. however, she's also human and, above all, a teenager, and needs time to enjoy moments with friends and this happy and emotion phase of self-discovery.

oh, and may shima manage to get mitsumi off a crowded train many more times!

one day you're lecturing your childhood friend about romantic love, his actions and reactions, the next, you're asking yourself the very same questions: mukai and his world of contradictions.

who would have thought that the long awaited chapter focused on mukai would be about him reflecting on himself in relation to relationships, be it platonic, romantic or the one he has with himself? thinking about skip to loafer, this isn't a surprising topic or something that seems a bit "out of the ordinary," but i find it sweet to think that the same mukai who brought so much reflection to shima is the one who seems so confused at the moment.

even though relationships were one of the central focuses of the chapter, i think one of the highlights is how seriously mukai takes himself and the expectations others have of him.

mukai has always shown himself to be a much more "serious" and focused person, preferring to observe the people around him rather than putting himself so much in the spotlight. we saw this when the main focus was mika and later in all of his conversations with shima. and even if his impressions ended up being wrong or a little more superficial than he imagined, mukai was always willing to listen to other people and put his points forward where he had space to do so, even if he didn’t fully agree with the outcome. but, in the end, it seems that things are much more complicated than he imagines and now he needs to recalculate his life.

mukai tends to see the world in a much more "mathematical" way, often leaving the emotions to the side. he approaches situations with a more objective and clear view, which often leads him to make mistakes. when he admires his two friends (whom he considered to be on the same level as him) having opinions contrary to what he expected or much more complicated and emotional than he anticipated, he begins to understand that, perhaps, things are not as simple to solve as a mathematical formula.

and, of course, this also ends up affecting his personality. mukai is a rather reclusive teenager who, while enjoying hanging out with his friends, often prefers his own company and immersing himself in his passions. for him, a balance is necessary to prevent things from spiraling out of control and preventing him from enjoying his alone time. there's nothing wrong with that, of course, but we know that the impression we make on others is often not the one we believe we are projecting.

because he prefers peace and quiet, mukai often ends up being labeled as being "too serious". for a while, this didn't bother him so much, as it allowed him to achieve his so needed balance. however, one day he became so accustomed to people's serious image of him that he fell into a comfort zone, without much desire to go out and see the world differently.

when placed in a situation where he needs to show more of himself (for exemple: a date), mukai starts to put himself down as a way to "soften" the other person's reactions in case they don't want to continue dating him, or find him way too boring. it's as if he arrives already thinking that said relationship (in this case, a romantic one) has an expiration date, since his seriousness often ends up making the moment too boring and empty.

what he often forgets (and that’s totally fair, since he's just a teenager) is that everyone around him also doesn't know the right answers to questions they've never had to answer before. sure, yamada knows much better how to behave on a date now, but he also had his first time and his first encounter with these questions. shima also went through similar situations where he needed to stop, look in the mirror, and ask himself what he really wanted. now, even though he prefers to stay in his comfort zone, it's his time to do the same.

and that's where he encounters his contradiction: when the girl he's meeting denies being bored and, in a way, praises his seriousness, he realizes that his reactions also diverge from that mathematical formula he had imposed more often than he had imagined. a simple encounter becomes a difficult chemical experiment to solve, when in the end, all he needed was to take a deep breath and do his best to solve each step of said mixture.

i'm eager to know what his steps will be in the future and what else he will discover internally, what other contradictions he hides.

besides him, the chapter also featured our beloved group of girls spending the end of the year together. i'm always so happy to see them being teenagers so freely, celebrating the time they can spend close to each other and how well they know each other…after all, the gifts they shared were perfect for them (even if mako thought hers was a bit strange). it will be interesting to see mitsumi spending her first new year's eve in tokyo, and i hope she manages to go on her shrine visit with everyone. after all, they're about to enter their final year of high school, and this will be one of the last opportunities they'll have to do this together as teens.

i'm also always very happy to see a little more of yamada, and i love seeing him so in love. he's a character i find very endearing, and his romance is one of my favorites in the series!! and shima, what can i say about shima? i was hoping he would at least buy the scarf for mitsumi, but i think he needs a little more courage for that. and not only that, i was also happy to see him worry about mukai and try to help him in the best way he can, even if he ended up getting confused by his own thoughts (and contradictions!). in the end, they are all teenagers living their life to the fullest.

an arc concluded with a hug: after much hard work and dedication from the students, the school festival has come to an end. mitsumi, previously a newcomer to tokyo, can finally enjoy it without worries, and shima doesn't just watch her walk through the halls, but instead he takes actions that not even he expected.

i always enjoy chapters that conclude such important arcs. not only because i enjoy seeing how each character has grown through the events, but i also find it interesting to see how sensei chose to tie up so many important plot points and bring in new ones to be explored.

first of all, let's start with the long-awaited hug. this moment of such strong impulse from shima is incredibly significant. he, who previously could barely express himself properly, did what his heart told him to do without even thinking twice. this shows, in my opinion, the comfort mitsumi brings him and the sense of relief of finally facing acting with an open heart (and, consequently, his family too).

the hug represents more than just affection, but a victory. shima finally feels he's taken another step forward and is closer to achieving the person he dreams of being. being able to perform such an important role on stage, portraying a character he identifies with so much, is incredibly significant in the life of a boy who believed he would never again be able to remove the social mask he constructed with so much fear. facing his mother and stepfather and hugging his brother with such affection the day before represents, for him, the final stretch of a race he's been facing for years... and on the other side, mitsumi is waiting.

i also think his reaction afterward (or rather, the confusion) is completely justifiable and fits his character very well. of course, his confidence wouldn't be at its full strength as soon as he stepped offstage, so having a short-circuit at that moment demonstrates how young he is and how he still has a lot to learn. however, it's extremely important to note how his concern fell directly onto mitsumi and how she would be perceived at school by her peers. he also reflected on how his actions could cause more trouble than good, leaving mitsumi even more confused about him and her feelings. it shows how much he sees his relationship with her much more important than any other societal norms that he imposed on himself as a protection. it’s not about him and his reputation anymore: it’s about her and how she would be affected by all of this. 

all this worry returns a little later when he watches mitsumi give her speech. it's confusing for him to understand what she felt in this whole situation. is he really the only one facing such raw feelings? now, we wait for more chapters. 

and to end all this turmoil with kanechika's provocation... so good!!!! he was present in several moments where shima's confusing feelings for mitsumi were clear, so having him there to make the atmosphere even cuter and funnier was a perfect choice.

speaking of presence, another person who was there for so many important moments was nao to mika. i'm so happy she managed to arrive just as mika was talking to the new boy and overheard some of their conversation.

nao sees in mika a lot of her past self and also everything she always dreamed of being as a teenager. she can connect with mika on a deeper level because she can unravel what's going on in the young girl's mind just by looking at her. and, of course, the concern of someone who has experienced so many heartbreaks also ends up surfacing, since no one wants to see the one they love suffer such a deep disappointment.

i think it's important for mika to understand that she is indeed seen as a pretty girl by other boys and that she tries to go on dates and be herself. it's hard to know whether this will work out or not, and i have the same concerns as nao, but it's extremely important that mika tries and builds her strength through trial and error. we (and aunt nao) can only hope and pray that he's a nice and respectful guy (and that mukai does something... but that's another conversation entirely). 

nao being present while mitsumi gives her long-awaited speech also highlights the importance of her aunt's presence in her life. even though her family is always close to her, far away or not, the one who was there throughout this new experience in the big city was her aunt. she was the one who saw mitsumi make new friends, open up, explore more of her interests, and fight for what she believes in. having the whole family together with nao represents the past (nao finally being able to be her true self with the ones she holds so dear in her heart) and the future (mitsumi taking the steps towards a bright tomorrow).

mitsumi's confusion about the hug is quite normal for a teenage girl, and i love it. really, such an unexpected moment is cause for so much confusion!! what did he mean by that? was he really feeling sick or testing her? this last question made me reflect on how her first reaction was to get angry and not forgive him. i think this is a huge step, especially for her, who is so bewildered about the whole situation. but deep down, she knows that shima is, above all, a great friend to her and wouldn't use her like that.

and finally, we end with a beautiful speech from a girl who fought so hard to carve out her place in this immense tokyo. while at the last festival she reflected on the loneliness of being an outsider, today she can demonstrate all her hard work, which she achieved thanks to her perseverance and strength. mitsumi is a beautiful character, full of layers so well written and developed, and seeing her grow so much and become the senpai she always admired carries a huge weight in her development. it's beautiful to see a story where the main character brings so much happiness to everyone around her as she grows and evolves with each step. mitsumi never stopped opening her heart to new opportunities, even with all the fear and insecurity. finishing the festival successfully and without any problems reinforces how important her presence is in the lives of so many.

this is definitely a day she will never forget. and i bet she isn’t the only one who thinks like that…!

the loneliness of living in a world where falling in love is intrinsic to human beings: yuzuki and the debate on the fear of loneliness.

this chapter discussed how love blossoms in different ways. on one hand, we have adolescent romantic love, which always begins timidly and lightly, where the curiosity to learn and immerse oneself in something new grows with each moment shared with this new person you've learned to love (in a way different from all the friends you've loved so far). on the other hand, we have a love that is divided between two people: yuzuki and makoto. and what kind would that be? the idea of loving so much that the fear of loneliness becomes greater

i could start with yuzuki, but i feel that my closeness to the case will make me go on at length. so, i want to first briefly talk about makoto's love for this girl who is so different from her, but who quickly became a safe haven, to the point that it's difficult to imagine being away from her.

even though makoto knows yuzuki intimately, she still knows how closed off her friend is, to the point that she can never access a part of her story (and, of course, she always respects her friend and waits for her to bring up the subject first). but, because they have such distinct personalities and grew up in such conflicting environments, makoto still perceives that yuzuki always prefers to avoid rather than dive headfirst into a relationship with another person. thanks to prejudices created long before they met, makoto still sees her as someone who "had everything she wanted" and never truly knew what it was like to be alone, since "there would always be someone after her."

of course, we readers know that this isn't entirely true, but it's worth remembering that yuzu's past is still very obscure for makoto and the other girls. she never really opened up much or tried to explore the world she grew up in, so it's not surprising that makoto reacts sharply to seeing yuzuki stand up and try to nip the issue in the bud. and seeing yuzuki distancing herself creates a huge fear in makoto, because she fears that yuzuki will never fully open up to her and will abandon her, especially because she never told her friend which college she ended up choosing for her future, something they all discussed it before.

this loneliness of makoto's comes from yuzuki's loneliness, which for years has kept her closed off from the world. seeing yuzuki keep so many secrets makes makoto think that she isn't "worthy enough" to be the kind of friend who will walk alongside yuzuki for so long. and finally, makoto talking about it and getting the weight off her shoulders makes yuzu realize the mistake she made, even unintentionally.

now, makoto's loneliness has been exposed and embraced, but… what about yuzuki's loneliness? how can someone embrace a loneliness so difficult to put into words?

adolescence is a critical time for the intellectual and emotional development of a human being. hormones are raging, futures need to be resolved, new people need to be met, and understanding how society works is crucial: all this happens while personal identity, sexuality, and preferences also struggle for space to express themselves.

all her friends always fell in love. everyone always fell in love with her. no one ever understood how someone could never fall in love. yuzuki must be lying; after all, how could a beautiful and desirable girl like her never have been romantically involved with anyone?

this agonizing pressure causes yuzuki to nurture a loneliness she has cultivated for years: the idea that she will always be left behind, since everyone around her will fall in love and "find something more important than friendship," and that is completely terrifying.

it's difficult to talk about this subject without bringing in some of my own experiences as a teenager. i don't consider myself an aromantic person, but i vividly remember what it's like to see all my friends romantically involved with someone and feeling like i'd have no other choice but to fade into oblivion for them all. i could never compete with their romantic partners. i would never be put first when the competition was with someone my friend was romantically involved with, something that both she and i learned early on was a much more "justifiable, intense, and lasting" love. so, in a battle between platonic and romantic love, how could a teenager like old me or yuzuki see ourselves as winners if we've already lost before even entering the field?

love, in all its different forms, intensities, and worlds, is a difficult feeling to express, understand, or even feel. the love one person feels will always be different from the love another feels. and, to make matters worse, the love we understand today is thanks to a huge social construct that has been formed over centuries, becoming completely ingrained in society and how we relate to each other as individuals. platonic love is often seen as inferior and easily replaced, while romantic love is something that bubbles and burns, with such a vivid color that it's impossible to look away.

and what remains for those who haven't yet found their weapons while all their friends are already winning battles?

yuzuki now faces a new moment in her life, a moment that has been cultivated since childhood, that was drilled into her brain before a question could even be formed. now, she not only needs to learn how to relate healthily to this understanding of love, but also understand that she may very well understand it differently from others. will she ever truly fall in love and understand herself as aromantic? could her romantic interest be somewhat different from her friends', and perhaps her love is with a girl, not a boy?

adolescence brings with it many debates that will only be resolved much later, in adulthood. and sometimes, not even adults can solve all the universe's questions. little by little, yuzuki will begin to understand that what she feels is just as valid as what all her friends feel. but until then, loneliness will be her biggest obstacle, until one day she manages to befriend it.

maybe we're one step closer to one of my dream conversations inside the series: will shima and yuzuki finally sit down to talk and discuss their own understandings of romantic love? 

2025 was a gorgeous year for skip to loafer, can't wait to see what sensei is planning to show us in 2026!