#ug.

Bad mental health night.

i wanted to post my canon divergence but,,, i realized that my timeline for my oc was really off and i needed to fix it. so thats what ive been doing for the last hour.

Caligula was really good.

I'm so often disgusting by a very human tendency within me that tries to reject what it doesn't know, doesn't relate to, doesn't understand, it makes me want to rip it out of myself and hold it close, "why is my first instinct this? do you not remember how much it hurt to be rejected just because we were different? do you wish for others to feel the same??" and it dies down a little bit more afterwards, although, I'm left appalled, the very thing that makes me grotesque, unforgiving, is the very thing that can't be disregarded as something inhumane but instead of something that naturally gave base to humanity in the way we're here today, and it makes me grieve about the lives that were spent in tears, isolated and shattered, just because of a simple instinct that spoke like a defensive heart on the verge of suffocation.