#ufinished

that i take to keep a sane mind

mine, deep in this rooted

ditch i call my brain...

mess flows and causes me to block 

all positivity , anything positive, just hits a brick wall...

but back to what i was sayin’

god knows, or does he. 

i dont even pray to him

only prayin i do is prey 

on my own weakness and allow myself 

to sunbathe in this pathetic...

or is it pathetic?

i was never allowed to ...

hmmph, or maybe i just assumed that cos

of how i was raised that i couldnt allow myself

to ...

ya’know... feel sorry for my self.

MY SELF.

my fucking self,  the cause of all my problems

but yet still i want time to

feel sorry for ‘you’... me... myself..

just, god knows, but

if i dont pray to protect me from those

who prey

especially my naive self...

why must all my poetry be so selfish

or is it? am i selfish enough?

I dont need ...

but i keep beckoning 

pleading almost with this voice

in my mind , mind you its the same one

that tells me all this negative shit....

telling me whats the point ,

but yet still urging me to carry on..

for the satisfaction of others

but it seems like my downfall plays to noones satisfaction

but myself

wrapped myself in this midst

that 

life is so bad and everyone can’t wait 

for me to fail, but my own self 

subconsciously waiting for me to fail

so my.... i dont know why... 

prisoner’s cells. no way out. supposedly, no way in. a heavy duty door, thickest concrete walls and murky jail bars -  still no match for the impact of a rebound gone too far

merciless waves break through barrages that i didn’t even know existed, too late to teach this inmate how to swim, how to survive, how to drown in a terrible tidal wave disguising itself as the perfect surf.

no guards here, just me. steal the cell keys while i’m not looking. destroy the dam while i’m not conscious. let me learn and relearn over again what it feels like to have paddled out too far past the lighthouse only to have you break the oars and rip the sails. no way out.