#uchihaa-itachi

No!

Character Name: Namikaze Minato

Age: 22 solar cycles

Species: Human [with a few tricks up his sleeve]

Planet of Origin: Konohagakure - although some reports mention him as a distant member of the Yamanaka tribe that resides on one of Konohagakure’s many moons. They share certain physical characteristics. He has not exhibited any of their psychic prowess though. 

Characteristics/Description: Blue eyes, blond hair and an average build [H: 179 cm], has no distinctive markings apart from a sliver of black ink visible from above his collar. Minato’s attire mostly consists of an everyday intergalactic traveler’s, along with titanium tipped boots, hard carbon coated gloves and a bare, tawny cloak he refuses to part with.

Occupation/Posting/Abilities: Archive/Rune Raider. He likes collecting information and runes, as well as the occasional shiny knickknack [because ooh, shiny] to make a quick ryō or two. He also occasionally likes to bother the crew on board the PES-172 Katsuyu. 

A lowly human through and through, he doesn’t have any of the skills possessed by the ancient blood cultivating clans that comprise of the Proxima Elemental System. The only thing he has in his arsenal is nimble fingers and perhaps sheer speed [which may or may not be as a result of a few sigils he may have used on himself at some point in time -cough-].

Minato is however, rather adept at dodging the Galaxy Police Force [considering how annoying they are, it should count as a skill]. They have yet to catch him, or any of the people he associates with [thanks to the nifty tricks of one retired Space Hermit]

The Triskelion - ancient Celtic sigil. 

Likes: Planet-hopping, burying himself in any and all sources of knowledge and alien languages, reading, logic puzzles, sweets and sigil carving/deconstruction. 

Dislikes: Senju tempers [Tsunade’s is bad enough, but it pales in comparison to the captain of the Galaxy Police Force - Senju Tobirama], the Galaxy Police Force, Uchiha glowers, loud noise, and blond jokes

Affiliation: None. [Although if he has to pick a side, he prefers bothering the Katsuyu folk more than he would ever like to admit]

Known acquaintances: The motley Katsuyu Crew [he enjoys bothering the droid that zapped him in the first place -cue side eye- who will henceforth be known as sparky], the Space Hermit Jiraiya and the owner of the ramen bar ‘The Jinchuriki’ on Whirlpool [they’re very good friends]

Thin rays of late-afternoon sunlight trickled in through the windows adjunct to the staircase, warming the pages of Spella Weekly that was draped across the boy’s knees. Grey hues dragged along the pages in a languid fashion, but did not take any note of the moving images or neat paragraphs. It was the same magazine that he paged through that morning at breakfast and all throughout their morning classes; with intrepid headlines such as ‘Britain’s Best Dressed Wizard’ and ‘126 delightful knitting patterns!’ serving as his chosen safeguard against answering questions or humouring attempts at conversation by his peers. It was a tactic that Kakashi perfected at the beginning of his second year at Hogwarts, most of his galleons now tied-up in subscriptions for all of the known (as well as a few lesser known) weeklies.

With his nose constantly obscured, Kakashi found that it was easier to ignore and be ignored. The glossy covers allowing him a faux sense of control; if only over whom he deemed worthy of a response and what salty snack he could sneak passed his teeth. There were a select few who seemed immune to the Ravenclaw’s bold captions (his Transfigurations’ Professor and that irksome Gryffindor with the bowl-cut to name a few) but as Merlin would have it, the insusceptible were few and far in-between....or so the Ravenclaw thought. Shifting in his perch upon the stairs, Kakashi’s lidded gaze altered from ‘Six sure steps to capture a Wizard’s Heart’ to inspect the crumpled piece of parchment currently serving as a bookmark, an accusing frown crumpling the boy’s brow.

The note found its way into his Potions Text-book during second period; a sly slip of paper nestled comfortably between Doxycide and the ingredients for the Wideye Potion. It wasn’t in any cursive that Kakashi was familiar with and the wizard had no inkling how it got there, since he only ever strayed mentally (not physically) from his desk. More confusing still was that the note bore no return details for the writer. It was a half-assed invitation really, a very strange, half-assed invitation, indicating only a time and place.-

‘Favoured Student,

You have been selected to form a part of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry’s most elite, a group with the core intent to cultivate the most promising and talented minds to better abet the Wizarding World and our honoured Ministry of Magic.

Saplings are better bent in the right direction when young.

Meet within room 1408 on the third floor, straight after supper.

All selected students will be required to show their invitations in order to be granted entry into Root.’

‘Root, huh?’ The boy rubbed a thumb across the ink, much like one would a genie lamp, but the answers were diffident in making their appearance; causing Kakashi to shift once more and exhale a sigh. It was a few hours to supper still, yet the Ravenclaw found himself hunched across the locked door and had been since his class was released from Advanced Charms. To his knowledge room 1408 was nothing but an abandoned storage space, a big closet for Homura Mitokado’s self-made, cat mittens and collectables. Kakashi hoped that if he stayed long enough, that he could glimpse the sender of the note, perhaps even gather what the group was really about and then maybe (just maybe) he wouldn’t have to show up and interact with the sender at all.

Text [10:16] Eh? So soon!

Text [10:16] Did she bring out the bony pinchers yet? 🦀

Text [10:17] Uso. What am I talking about, of course she did! You probably can’t feel your face.

Text [10:18] Poor, unfortunate cousin. I may or may not be coming through the back door tonight.💡

Yes a desktop. Not her laptop—no laptops for her. She doesn’t do laptops. They break. Always. Like a bad habit.

Just not her bad habit.

Her hand waves the phone in the air. Frantically. Desperately.

Dead. Again. Fifth time this month.

Why? She doesn't know!

Of course she knows. That stupid gambling app. THAT ONE. The one he WARNED her about like a month ago. She swears she only LOOKED at the little icon. Liar.

Itachi notices, of course. Would have been impossible not to considering she’s waving the phone like a tiny, pleading flag in the air.

She doesn’t know why she expects him to fix it without the snark.

But she does. She’s trying, really trying, to look innocent. Maybe if she acts well enough, he’ll ignore the fact that she—again—downloaded a cursed little app that had no business being on her phone.

She wishes he'd not find out. But the DEMON that he is, she knows he will know. Much like she knows he will know she is lying when she will deny the accusation. But despite him knowing, she will still DENY.

His eyes linger longer than necessary, measuring, calculating.

She narrows her eyes at him, trying to look like she’s in control. She’s not. Not entirely.

Because someone needs to rescue her from her own idiocy, and if it’s not going to be him, well…

She doesn't have the money for a new phone. The last of her salary went into the app that she, of course, NEVER downloaded.

#Blind Incandescence - Head Cannons Content from the collective madness that is Narnia's 3 lunatics - penned by Crazy Insomniac (CI), Finger Seizure (FS) and Typo Queen (TQ).

ANBU Structure

♦ Mr Coffee maker is the most productive agent of ANBU.

♦ The board members are Shimura Danzo, Sarutobi Hiruzen, Utatane Koharu Mitokado Homura, Uchiha Madara and Senju Tobirama. They fund the ANBU and are the cause of endless migraines. Danzo's demands for random audits may some day end with Tsunade being charged for murder.

♦ Izumo and Kotetsu are the receptionists. Izumo is incharge of filing and Kotetsu is incharge of phone calls. Which is why almost no paper gets filed and barely any calls (especially from the board members) are ever picked up.

♦ Homicide and organized crime Unit - lead by Tsunade. Itachi and Kakashi are her personal headaches/ hand-selected team members. They deal with cases no one wants to touch with a ten foot pole. 

♦ Marital Affairs Unit - members are Kurenai, Asuma and Anko. This is the unit that brings in the most money.  

♦ Insurance Fraud Unit - Genma, Raido and Gai - Gai's youthfulness is what keeps the other two sane.  

♦ Missing persons Unit: Tsume and Shibi 

♦ Cult investigation: Hidan, Sasori, Kisame - the rest of the agency tends to stay away from them.

♦ Narcotics Unit: Inoichi and Shikaku...its kind of their expertise.

♦ Forensic team: Yamato, Hayate, Yugao, Kabuto, Deidara

♦ Ibiki is in charge of interrogation. Anko assists at times. 

♦ Kakazu is the accountant - no one ever gets paid on time.

♦ Orochimaru is the Medical Examiner / resident terror of the agency. Naruto loves him.

When ever Tsunade has a mad scientist moment (she misses holding a scalpel) she tries to go to Orochimaru's lab in desperate hopes he'll let her assist him - the bastard always slaps her hand away, pushes her out of the lab and shuts the door in her face with a smug smirk as if taunting her for not finishing med school.  Naruto is the only one who has complete access to the lab. If one would dare to venture down to Orochimaru's 'dungeons' they would often find the chibi babbling the ME's ear off about what happened in school that day with said ME responding to the babbling while dissecting dead bodies. Good thing his school teachers think Naruto is just a very creative child. 

Tsunade dislikes the favoritism Orochimaru shows. She was the first blond in his life after all. She should have more privileges.

♦ Akatsuki Law - a VERY successful Law agency run by Nagato, Yahiko and Konan. They provide FORCED free services to ANBU because Tsunade insists that’s what family does and Nagato wishes he was cousins with anyone but her. 

♦ Any press conferences that require ANBU presence are dealt with either from a member of the department in question. Itachi, Tsunade and Kakashi stay in the shadows since their roles require them to keep a low profile. 

♦ Social events that require their presence are Senju And Uchiha family related and Tsuande and Itachi attend them. Itachi with a poker face and Tsuande with endless whining. 

♦ Kakashi is incharge of attending all of Naruto’s Parent/Teacher conferences. There is always a bet ongoing regarding how many dates the Hatake will have by the time he returns the next day. 

Tsunade went to one of Naru's parent teacher conferences --  It's ironically the same elementary school that Tsunade herself attended with Orochimaru and Jiraiya since Jiraiya stayed in his family home while the other two moved away.  Unfortunately, the principal remembered Tsunade. She remembered the blonde menace for that one time she had snuck toads into the classroom during recess (she was good at bullying Jiraiya and Jiraiya was good at catching toads) and had left them in the desks of all the girls that had been giving her a hard time for liking to spend all her time with boys (Jira and Oro). The screams once the students had returned and had toads leap on them had shaken the school.  Then there was the time the blonde nightmare had snuck in Orochimaru's new pet snake (without his permission or knowledge at that) and had gone around telling girls it was her new designer scarf. Suffice to say - no one was amused with her prank. Orochimaru had actually not talked to her for a week.  The principal remembered all these things -- that should have been bad enough right? But this is Tsunade we are talking about. And as her luck would have it --  While trying to act like a responsible adult...she notices the janitor and...recalls that the man is actually a suspect in one of her ongoing investigations - only they hadn't been able to find him - until now. She runs after him, tackles him, breaks furniture, swears up a storm that leaves parents, teachers and students traumatized and stumbles out of the school premises with a bleeding split lip, torn clothing, a limp and a murder suspect.  She wants to sue the school for endangering students. They want to sue her for property damage. Nagato swears he has white hair since that week. Tsuande says his hair is still blinding enough and tells him to get out of her office.  Suffice to say, Tsunade is never allowed to come back to Konoha Elementary School. .

#Blind Incandescence

Because its a work place and food is the only thing that makes getting through the daily routine worthwhile.

Note: From the collective chaos that are Narnian Inhabitants. Shared HC's between myself (Typo Queen - TQ), @konohagakurekakashi (Finger Seizure - FS) and @uchihaa-itachi (Crazy Insomniac - CI).

Kakashi:

Drinks of choice:- Kakashi does not have time on his side. He is always, always late for absolutely everything, so there are no spare minutes to order fancy coffees/teas/drinks. Most of the time he just settles for what he can get out of the vending machine, flickering in the lobby of his apartment building. Mostly it's a variety of Ooi Ocha green tea, jasmine or hot lemon, being his preference. And in the summer months he'll opt for Mugi-cha. He doesn't drink energy drinks or sodas, since they're too sweet. The only coffee he drinks is from their trusty, office coffee maker-kun when the hours get too long. Breakfast of choice: Tamago Kake Gohan Lunch of choice: Most of the time he has a proper bento lunch which he packed the night before, out of fear that he might have to digest cup ramen or (Kami forbid) some powdery dessert for lunch. If he was too lazy to do grocery shopping for the week or ran even later than usual, he'll brave Genma's gross flirting with sandwich-stand-girl, to get a sandwich. Dinner: He's the guy that demands some form of vegetable on the pizza (No. Tomato, mushroom and onions do not count). Read eggplant or artichoke.

Tsunade:

Drink: Anything with alcohol in it. If that isn’t an option - coke. A lot of it. Like dangerous quantities of it. She loves her fancy coffee's though - if she can find the time to get those so the task usually falls on Jiraiya and Orochimaru to be the providers. Honestly though, she'd drink anything with caffeine and copious amounts of sugar in it.  Breakfast: Pancakes/waffles. Drowning in syrup.  Lunch: If she is left to her own devices -it is the dessert she stole out of Orochimaru's lunch box (he swears she hired him only so she could do that) or whatever she can get out of the stupid vending machine - said machine despises her and is known to have eaten many a coin with no product to show for the worth.  Dinner would be picking out the disgusting pieces of eggplant off her pizza - alongside most of the other vegetables. She does it with a lot of skill along with an extremely disgusted face. And flings them across the room with annoyingly perfect accuracy….especially if Genma happens to be in the vicinity. Like WHY do they bother with toppings? Stick to extra cheese.  If she’s home, it's mostly expired instant ramen cups. She can not cook. You don’t want her to try. She will set things on fire and whatever she concocts will be a health hazard. 

Itachi: