#type:mine

“James told me about the…disagreement.” He thought she didn’t quite meet his gaze, as to tell him, wordlessly, that she still held the same opinion. “He would’ve come, but you know…Dumbledore has the cloak. He didn’t know who else to send.” She took another drag, leaning against the fire stairs.

“I know you don’t agree…” Marlene huffed, almost inaudible. “…but I think…we need to cut down on the people we trust. More so now than ever. After…Dorcas, who knows what will happen.”

“I can’t believe you still think Remus did it. He…he loved her.” She’d hesitated, and Sirius knew why. 

Drag in, drag out, they stood quiet for a long while. The lights in the building next door shut of, then the ones in a flat across the street. Not until then had he gone through the words in his head enough times to dare speak them. 

“I’m gonna say this.” He took a deep breath. “And hope you forget it in the morning.”

“The chances are high.” Marlene pulled out another cigarette, and sat down on the edge of the roof as she lit it. 

“I…I did. I do.” 

Marlene frowned at him.

“That night, you asked if I loved you. I did.”

“Past tense.” It wasn’t an accusation, or a question. Just a simple acknowledgement. 

“No, I mean, I do. I love you.” Of all the ways he’d imagined telling her those three words, this wasn’t one of them. But he’d learnt that life didn’t ever go like you imagined. 

The night hid her reaction from him. “Maybe…maybe I do too.” She pulled her knees closer to her. 

“I love you, Marlene McKinnon, and it scares the bloody hell out of me. Because I’ve seen what happens when you love, you end up heartbroken. You don’t understand how much I wish I could hate you. I wish you could disappear into the night and I wouldn’t spend every moment worrying until I heard from you again. But fucking hell, I can’t.” He didn’t notice the tears running down his cheeks until he took a deep, slightly shaky, breath and stopped talking. 

Marlene was moving, he heard her shoes touch the stone. They were still high heeled, like they were still in school, and Mary was still there to compete with her. The tapping sound as they moved across the small square, and the unreadable expression on her face as she came close enough for him too get a proper look at her. 

In the years to come, he’d replay it in his mind. The tapping, the facial expression.

Then, she pressed her lips against him, slowly, softly. It was an apology and an explanation. It was all the hellos and all the goodbyes. He just didn’t realise what goodbye. The last goodbye.

When she leaned back, their hands touched. Sirius would always remember that touch. The last touch.

“If I’m supposed to have forgotten this in -” She glanced at her wristwatch. “- five hours, I better get to that forgetting.” He’d replay those words time after time, until they were the constant background song to everything he was doing. The last words.

James laughed, adjusting her head so she wouldn’t hurt her neck when it hung over he edge of the sofa.

“I want you to know…Lily, that my feelings haven’t changed a bit. By legs still feel like cooked spaghetti when you talk to me. I still think my heart is going to jump up my throat when you enter the room. I just…I know you don’t feel the same thing, and it hurts. It hurts so much to know that I want something I’ll never get. Some people might enjoy the chase, I enjoy it when the chase is done. I like it when I get the Quaffle through the goal-hoop, when the boss is beaten. Everyone has told me to give up, but I don’t want to give up. I don’t want to stop loving you, because loving you is the best feeling ever. Oh my god. I love you.” He blinked , no longer sure himself what he was saying. He thought Lily might be asleep, but he kept going anyways. “I love how you wear sandals, even when it’s freezing, I love how you bite your nails when you think no one’s watching. I love all of you, and I want to keep loving you, every day.”

Lily’s eyes flickered open. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. What had he done. He’d just screwed up everything. You don’t just go telling someone something like that.

“James…” She slurred. “Maybe I like you too.”

“Okay, you’re really drunk.” James made an attempt to lift her from the sofa.

“I mean it.” Lily sat up, breaking free from James’ grip. “You’re so sweet.” She put her hand in his. “I want someone who’s sweet, like you. I want you.” It was all James had wanted to hear since he was thirteen. But she was barely conscious, she couldn’t possibly be aware of what she was saying.

“Come on, let’s get you into bed.” He made another attempt to move her. “We’ll talk in the morning.”

She didn’t protest this time, and let James put his arm around her waist, slowly guiding her towards the stairs. She was leaning into his chest, giggling.

“What?” He looked at her.

“I’m…I’m not gonna forget this.”

“Let’s see about that.” He kissed her forehead. “Can you walk?” They’d reached the staircase.

She shook her head, still buried in his sweater.

“Okay, come on then.” He picked her up bridal style and, with one hand on the banister, started up the stairs. By the time James remembered the slide function of the stairs, it was too late. He was falling and Lily was falling too. Lying on his back on the cold stone floor, Lily beside him, he started laughing.

“What?”

“This is just…” He chuckled. “It’s not going well.”