#two-times-polydeuces

He’s not attractive, or even pretty, but he can be cute. You would very rarely call him ugly but you’re sure others would. Like a pug. You don’t dislike the way he looks at all. You think it suits him, but damn if you could ever find a way to say so that doesn’t come out sounding horribly insulting.

Other looks that suit him is when he looks actively terrifying, but you don’t particularly like that, because that would only happen in really BAD contexts. But honestly? If you’re being honest? It’s not attractive, but it’s badass, you can’t deny that it’s cool. You still like the pug comparison better though.

Most of the time he just looks like a nerd. A nerd with no variation to how he dresses and DUMB hair. But it’s very distinctly ‘him’ so you can’t sincerely begrudge anything about it. You think his teeth are cooler than yours. When you’re not watching him eat. You also appreciate his utter lack of pupils. His weird eyes make him more approachable, sometimes, because eye contact is virtually impossible. But at the same time you have no idea how many times he’s side glanced you. Oh well.

Sollux is kind of a mess. A very self-loathing mess. And though you’re blind to many of your other friends flaws, you can see his very plainly. He’s rude to strangers, and can be kind of mean to them, actually. His morality is... a chaotic neutral. You don’t know if he feels guilty for some of the things he did, or almost did, on Alternia if it involved anyone he didn’t care about. And sometimes he’s just annoying. 

You have a creeping hatred toward some of his traits that you try to deny having to yourself. His self-absorbedness when something's seriously wrong for you, two occasions you can recall needing help and getting it in a... kind of bad way, this weird perception he seems to have that his guilt counts as an apology. Ways he’s let you down, including times when you trusted him not to. Not all of this is even in his control, which makes the feeling worse.

But his self-loathing is misplaced. He’s very flawed, but he’s not terrible. You think he greatly exaggerates his worst traits in his mind and totally underestimates, or even forgets about, his best traits. Which you think far outnumber his negatives.

He’s so incredibly loyal to the few friends he has. Frankly, the lengths you’ve seen him willing to go to were a little alarming, you’re sure he’d risk everything if push came to shove. You’ve seen him do it. He’s so loyal that he’s seen you at your absolute worst low points. His opinion didn’t change. He didn’t judge or like you any less. And he’s sentimental enough that he saves every shitty doodle you send his way. You’re not even a good artist but that doesn’t seem to matter to him. He even kept the fucking furby. A shitty joke-gift. Sometimes he gives gifts back and they’re always actually good. And he’s bluntly honest. Tactless, really, but you like that he doesn’t sugar-coat anything. And, when he does fuck up, he doesn’t deny it. Or justify it. Sometimes he stews in his guilt, and you hate that, but most often he just apologizes. He doesn’t repeat his mistakes, because he cares deeply about the few people he has, too much to hurt them on purpose. And there have been times when you were down and he DID help. Even if it was just by being miserable with you. 

And he’s hilarious.

lmao when they first met she didnt believe him when he claimed 2 be an asshole lol he was too nice and she figured he was just another self-deprecating person of many and not nearly as bad as he made himself out to be. just sorta figured the dude had low self esteem but its ok lots of her friends are like that she wont hold it against him,,

but now she realizes that he is indeed an asshole. still refuses to believe hes as bad as he says he is because he’s really not, but he is kind of an asshole. but she doesnt hate that about him either bc it means she isnt really left guessing as to whether or not hes feigning some emotion.

at the beginning even tho they got along immediately they were sO awkward. like they could be hanging out and itd turn awkward and uncomfortable at the drop of a hat. they didnt really understand eachother and jade was terrified to say something and make it a lot worse and disappoint him and never be friends again etc etc etc that she. usually exacerbated the problem w/ her anxieties.

they were both way 2 stubborn to stop being friends tho lmao. i suspect a p key part of their friendship developing was probably when he was preparing 2 go fight eridan & expected 2 die? she didnt want him too but didnt think it was her business to help fight either but was fully willing to teach him to use a gun to get through it even tho at the time guns in general were like. hhhh. she was very frightened but opted 2 put it aside because losing him was scarier.

her relationship with him is completely unique to her relationship with other people. partly because if you remember the conversation where she started throwing vaugeposty shade about her alt he messaged her & like?? actually encoURAGED?? her pettiness??? she thought it was bizarre bc pettiness isnt something she thinks is very good, but at the same time it was like. gosh hes joining in what is this. gosh what did we just salt someone together. holy shit hes salting w/ me what the fuck. it was weird to her because she would have expected criticism but got a saltmate even though the salt was so incredibly stupid & petty, so she’s. willing to voice more judgy critical statements abt other people to him than keep it to herself, tho not that shes usually all that inclined to do so.

tbh their dumb misery club is kind of great bc she doesn’t like being visibly/overtly miserable?? but their miseryclub is just. it’s so dumb. but they get to be miserymates they can bOND over their mutual discontent.

the one M!A when she ended up suffering nightmares that werent visible to anyone else is probs worth mention bc he was nice enough to come help, even though she didn’t think he really had to. he had his own share of problems/priorities/concerns at the time, too. it wasnt a pROUD time & it was sort of awkward but he did help make it suck a bit less.

she tries very hard to be more truthful with him even if she loses face and feels like an i d i o t, because she promised she’d try that one time they watched a movie & she found the violence unsettling. she’s not 100% brilliant at it but she still tries her best because she’d prefer the discomfort to alienating him.

tbh when he dated feferi for that brief time i think she alsO got to know/understand him a bit better then??? mostly bc feferi came to her for advice a lot and she was very anxious. which meant when talking to her & using her own knowledge about what he’s like she sort of had to like. think about it and explain why “no youre fine hes just kind of like that neither of you did anything wrong just chill give it a little bit its just how he is you didnt screw it up with your minor mistake ok ccchilllllll” or like “yeah ok thats. unfortunate ok you both prooobably need space” she sort of had to think about it to word it. like when you know something, but explaining it makes you know it better? (tbh she was on sollux’s side when they broke up she didn’t think that fef was being entirely fair.)

the time he helped her w/ the anon was also significant she’s still. vERY grateful that he helped, he went way beyond what she originally intended to do and permanently solved the problem. it didnt ONLY help her it also helped her friends, and she knows if something like that happens again she can chose to ask him for help and he wont mind.

a few times during their friendship she’s also claimed that she was going to permanently leave a few times?? which wasn’t really a positive. the first time was because of the first incident with the aforementioned anon-hate, when she was in a bad mental place and intended to commit suicide (& ultimately couldn’t permanently do it), the time she got an M!A where she got a mystery bottle where she could forget large chunks of her life, and the third time when she had a more solid suicide plan and intended to go through with it. because she remembers those incidents very clearly, she doesn’t dare ever promise him that she won’t leave him someday, because her track record is against her? she doesn’t want to make a promise unless she’s 100% sure she can keep it. hOWever she sort of realizes that a lot of people in sollux’s life have left him without saying anything? like aradia? suddenly missing. she doesn’t want to do that to him because knowing him she’s sure he’d think it was something he did wrong, or because he was insufferable, or soMETHING. so she wOULD at least promise that if she ever decided to leave for whatever reason, she’d tell him before hand, and tell him why. just so he wouldn’t be left wondering why, bc she really can’t do that to him, it wouldn’t be fair & he deserves better.

he’s the only person she told explicitly about her suicide plan too & through the power of miscommunication!! bringing it up made her ditch the plan. at the time tho she couldn’t bring herself to be really grateful about it though, she just felt mournful and guilty for upsetting him, but also frustrated that he was upset to lose one of his very few friends because it only really made her feel worse and more selfish. she didn’t want it to be about his loss but she was wAY too guilty to voice it. she didn’t want to make him feel bad but ultimately felt she owed him an explanation.

also she gained the bec figure and shes keeping it.

since getting to alternia their friendship alsO DEVELOP. they bickered and were so snappy & impatient with each other at first, which?? only really. set up a new norm. they’ve sort of seen eachother at their worst by now, so now she airs petty grievances at him and she’s less likely to front for him. not that she still doesn’t, because in spite of her attempts not to & genuinely not being too uncomfortable to do so, old habits die HARD and because the situation is a serious one, it’s simply gotten easier to slide back into the supportive cheerleader role that she was in during her youth.

because the two live together & have done so for a few months by now she’s very very very used to his presence. she’s also thus far actively killed to defend him, where she considered such things terrible and necessary evils, though she’s not as guilty about it as she thinks she ought be. basically her feelings toward him have become INTENSELY RIDE OR DIE. he has her unwavering loyalty by this point and there’s really very few things she wouldn’t sacrifice or do to help him. she’s willing to go find (exactly) 10000 bees if he asks her to. would probably walk directly to hell and back if he asked nicely. shes currently willing to forego food, sleep, and properly talking to her other loved ones to help him find dirk- tho that’s actually also for dirks benefit and not solely because sollux is upset about it can u imagine.

he’s very dear to her and she’ll do very nearly anything for him even if she doesn’t really know how to comfort him in difficult times. she isn’t blind to his flaws, but she still sees and (sometimes wants to remind him about) the best in him anyway, because he’s a bit of an asshole & can be difficult, but he still cares a lot and tries his best- he’s just not as able to put a mask on his negativity like she can. 

tbh hes relatable too just in different ways.

but she fucking hated his quirk at first.