#twcutting

Long story short, i did it again..

Im weak and can't handle much so it was just about two liitle knicks, they look like like pin pricks

Im so sorry.. you were busy and i didn't want to burden you..

Im a failure.. and absolutely one..

If anyone finds out they'll be mad at me..

Im mad at me..

I just hope you don't get mad at me too..

Roses are red Violets are blue My legs are now the color of roses Just like my blade.

Roses are red Violets are blue I’ll make every last victim of mine, Beautiful as violets and roses.

Roses are red Violets are blue They are raising a killer, That will make them become roses and violets.

I’ve been thinking about death and suicide a disproportionate amount and I’ve been getting drunk alone almost every night or getting high or smoking cigarettes until my fingertips are numb from the 2am cold and I’ve been texting the suicide hotlines to calm myself down and to stop cutting which i also do daily and I take kpins to go to sleep at night, every night.

I am so at a loss for what to do anymore. I’m upset with myself that I’m still upset about my ex, if I’m being honest. It’s petty and stupid and I whine too much. I’ve been in therapy since I was 15 (I’m 22) and its helping less and less every session I go. Im on medication finally and it helps but it also makes me hyper focused and therefore i focus in on my pain and am abusing substances to cope with my now heightened emotions.

I’m rambling.

but pretty much everyday I’m scared of myself. I know the coping mechanisms, the good and the bad. I know I should be exercising or meditating or moving on or dating other people (which i try to, hasnt been workin out lol) and i try to better myself and focus on the positive and use the law of attraction and whatever. but really im just a depressed shell of a human and i am digging myself deeper into this hole.