#tw. rant

Oh my fuckin God i hate how twitter can find me here. I hate it so much. People will dig to find old ass shit to "cancel" someone by sending death threats. I was just looking from a mineblr account nothing to fucking do with mcyt and oh dreams a trump supporter apparently. Despite the fact that has been disproven, apologized for etc etc.

For fucking christ every privileged person wants to cancel for performative activistism. While marginalized groups have seen it and said "hey this has been dealt with stop bringing it up". Please just...shut the fuck up.

You are allowed to hate dream. I dont fucking care. You can hate mcyt. Some people enjoy it . Its you fucks who go on your cancelation tours who say hey theyre famous they should have strong opinions. somETIMES PEOPLE CAN ENTERTAIN WITHOUT GIVING US THEIR POLITCAL BELIEF. Oh my fucking god i want to strangle performative activists.

You want an informed streamer? FOLLOW THEM. WATCH TEDTALKS AND SHIT.

Sometimes I just wanna deactivate from my life. At least for a little while.

And that’s probably another way those assholes fucked me up. Because that sounds perfectly reasonable, to an extent. Just an extension of the salvation doctrine. “Shall not perish but recieveth everlasting life.”

I just want to be done with them. But I don’t want to hurt my sister. But every time my mother opens her mouth it’s all she says. And I don’t want to lose her either.

Did I go through this phase? Who did I talk to? Anyone? Probably not. Maybe the Brown Brothers a little. Coworkers? Probably. Idk.

And I don’t want to deal with their shit. But idk if I want to ditch my friend. And my mother. And the town I live in. My grandparents and my sisters live here. She’s going through their shit. But she may never get out of their shit. I’ve known her since I was 6. I held her when her father left. And she held me when Jojo cut me from contact. And we held each other through the pain of her sister leaving. And she didn’t snitch on or abandon me when I started getting angry about all of the damnable things they started in the last couple years. She let me rant. My own mother wouldn’t hear me. My father and grandmother only had “I told you so”s

And it hurts. It hurts that they all placed solid blame on me. This time I am Not Guilty. I didn’t do this shit. I understand it’s a deflection. Because the self-named Shepard over my soul and his two little demon toys can obviously never be at fault. And the 4 and Big Momma buy into it. What did I do????? Adopt you into my life as family? Want to talk to you and please you and make you happy? Sorry I’m so fucked up

And they expect people to snitch to them in everything. For the salvation of their souls.

And I told her. I told her. I told her he didn’t want to hear what she had to say.

How much of anything I say circles back around? But at least I have this small insurance: in talking to me, anything she learns from me she can’t report back without damning herself.

But my demons corrupted everyone who left. Of course I planted seeds. Root of bitterness all that bullshit. Because all the people who have been grown-ass-fucking-adults and only ever looked at me as a nuisance most the time could be swayed by a word I say. Makes perfect fucking sense. Guess God doesn’t give wisdom to the one who asks.

And to top it all off, Mama decided she’s giving away her dog. I mean, yeah, sometimes I hate the little shit-for-brains, but we’ve had her for like 9 years. And she ain’t gonna know what’s going on. We’re just abandoning her to someone. And what if she misses us? What if she stops eating and gets depressed? What if it doesn’t phase her at all?