#tw:panic attacks

“But, Chris, do we have to?”

“Yes, honey, now, c’mon.” he sound exasperated but you were probably overthinking, already tense with nerves at the prospect of going near a needle.

You stayed close to Chris and time went by in a blur. You were called in to the doctor’s in no time. The routine questions were asked as you held onto Chris like a lifeline, your fingers slightly digging into his bicep. Though you did answer each question, your voice became quieter and quieter, you mind slipping away, thinking of the worst.

You were brought back to reality at the sound of shuffling and clinking, as the doctor took a seat next to you.

"Okay, Ms. Y/L/N. This is just a standard vaccine. You'll just feel a quick pinch and it'll all be over."  Her voice was soft and reassuring but the didn't help calm your anxiety about the situation.

Chris took a hold of your hand.

"I'm right here, honey, keep your eyes on me and squeeze my hand as much as you need."

You closed your eyes.

Don't look. Don't look. Don't look.

You repeated the mantra in your head but each time, the temptation to look grew. So you did. You gave in and looked.

When you saw the needle mere milimetres away from your skin, your breath hitched. You involuntarily flinched and jerked your arm away. You held onto your arm as you turned away, squeezed your eyes shut and shook your head.

"No." You whispered.

"No no no no no no no. Chris please." you begged, your eyes filling up with tears, "Please don't make me do this." 

Your breaths were becoming laboured. You faintly heard the doctor say something before hearing the door shut. Chris immediately sprung into action, pulling you closer to him.

"Hey, honey, Y/N, im gonna need you to breath for me baby. Can you do that for me? Yeah? In... two... three... 4....out... two...three...four."

You curled into Chris placing your face against his chest, listening to his heart as you tried copying his breaths. But it didn't work. Your breaths shortened as you felt a lump in your throat.

"C-chris, I c-can't breathe. I can't breathe."

"Hey, honey, yes you can , you can, look, I'm right here, I'm right here. Im gonna need you to do something for me. Can you do that, sweet girl?"

You nodded slightly.

"That's great. Can you think of a colour for me? Any colour you want."

"Um, g-green." you stuttered.

"That’s perfect honey. Now can you name some things in this room that are green? Can you to that for me?"

You glanced around the room, finding a couple of objects.

"Um, the-the poster. On the door. The, um, the..." you listed the objects as you felt your breaths evening out. Chris throwed in some praise here and there.

You quietened down, closing your eyes for a few moments, just listening to the steady, calming beating of chris' heart.

"There we go," chris whispered. "You did amazing, baby."

You gave a week smile and moved your face as Chris's cupped it in his large hands.

"You're safe, honey, your safe. Look at me, baby, there is nothing, nothing to be scared of."

You looked at him skeptically as he reassured you.

"I promise. How 'bout we try something, yeah? How 'bout when the doctor's gonna give you your injection, i want you to pinch me. On my arm."

You shook your head. "I don't wanna do that."

"Baby, i promise you it'll be fine. I'll be fine. Do you trust me?"

Of course you did. You trusted Chris with your life. So you went along with what he said.

The lady came back in. Chris kept your face in his hands. You brought your left hand up to his resting on your face.

The doctor was kind enough to give you a countdown and at 1, you squeezed your eyes shut and pinched Chris. You shuddered at the feeling after but soon relaxed.

You stayed there with Chris as cotton and a bandaid was placed.

You stayed there as the Doctor talked to Chris.

He murmured something, before standing up and pulling you into his arms.

You fell asleep on the ride back, the events catching up to you. Chris let you sleep, knowing how mentally exhausting this was for you. But it was all over now.

He was proud of you and knew what would make it all better.

Cuddles.

Nero stared at the form in front of him; a hulking demon unlike any he had seen before. This one was humanoid in its form, blue skin coursing with energy, veins of light pulsating in small crevices circling its limbs and torso. Its face held an almost human expression, one of curiosity laced with what he could only describe the feeling of as disgust.

Feeling, Nero thought, how do I know what this thing is feeling?

Its clawed arms were across its chest, shimmering blue winged claws resting against ridges in his shoulders. The long, white hair framing its face and the halo-like feathered horns made it appear almost angelic, but Nero knew deep within his chest that there was nothing but a demon stood in front of him.

Its lip upturned into a devilish smirk, revealing the sharp teeth hidden below, yellow eyes locked onto his in a piercing gaze. He couldn’t move; his body was immobile, paralyzed, in fact he couldn’t feel if his body was there at all. Nothing else mattered in that moment but the beast before him as its lips opened to speak.

“It is time, time for you to acknowledge what you really are, even if you don’t understand it yourself yet. Soon, all will be made clear.”

Nero attempted to open his mouth to speak, but he could not feel lips to move. He knew he should be panicking, afraid, yet his heartbeat was as calm as ever, as if it weren’t his own. A blue claw raised itself from its shoulder, reaching to grasp where Nero’s wrist would be.

With a flash of light and near blinding pain from the fingertips of his right arm to his elbow, he heard his voice for the first time let out a shrill scream, echoing off the none existent walls of the space he shared with this monster. The light was becoming blinding, blue filling his vision, the last whispers of the demon rattling in his head.

“Now awaken.”

***

Nero’s eyes opened in a start to daylight breaking through the thin curtains. He sat up, eyes scanning the room for any sign of the demon that haunted his dreams, heart racing uncomfortably fast in his chest. His chest heaved with each panicked breath he took, his face wet from a combination of sweat and tears, his ears ringing from hypersensitivity.

His throat felt raw, as if he’d been screaming for hours, but considering Kyrie hadn’t burst through the door he must have remained silent. He reached up to press a hand against his chest, to ground himself and attempt to slow his near painful heartbeat.

His nerves flared, sending a shot of adrenaline up his spine the moment his hand touched skin, the prickle of something sharp causing an alien sensation against his chest. He sucked in a breath through his teeth, eyes pointing forward afraid to look down, memories of the excruciating pain still fresh in his memory.

With a shaky intake of breath, he moved his eyes slowly downward. His heart began to race in his chest as his eyes laid upon the red scales that took the place of his once skin covered arm. Unnatural blue light shone from the cracks in the scales, pulsing lightly in time with each heartbeat, steadily increasing as panicked breaths started to escape his throat.

“Hey, what the fuck is this shit?! Was it you, you fucking demon?! I don’t know where you are, but I know you’re still watching. Just leave me the fuck alone! Make this shit go away!” His arm throbbed with pain at his words as he gripped it tightly, grimacing at the hard, chitin-like texture.

“Give me my fucking arm back! Get this thing off of me!” He tugged at the joining at his elbow in a fruitless effort to peel the demonic skin back before making a fist in pure anger, smashing through the wooden bedside cabinet with ease as he slammed the fist downwards.

“Shit. What the fuck?!” His head shot upwards towards the door as he heard a gentle knock.

“Nero, is everything ok in there?” Kyrie’s calm voice cut through his tension, before a jolt of horror shot through him. No, she couldn’t see me like this, don’t come in! He jolted himself up off the bed and threw himself at the door as the handle moved.

“Stay away! Don’t come in... please.” He slowly lowered himself to the ground into a head against the floor, pulling his knees to his chest.

“Nero? What’s wro-”

“JUST GO!” He grimaced at his own voice, at the sharpness of his words. I have to keep her away, at all costs. “Go downstairs. Leave me alone, I need some time...” A moment silence, before he heard the shuffling of her feet.

“Ok... I’ll just be downstairs if you need me...” He could hear the break in her voice; he hated upsetting her, but he had no choice. She couldn’t see him like this, looking like a monster. He couldn’t touch her with this hand. She was more fragile that the cabinet, he could break her with just a touch. No, this is for the best.

He listened to each quiet footstep as she returned downstairs, the silence that followed feeling almost oppressive. He tried to breathe, to keep each intake of air even but he couldn’t fight back the stinging in the corner of his eyes as he looked down once more at his hands; at the arm that so clearly reflected that of the demon’s in his dream.

He felt the sweat gathering in his human palm, as it began to shake, the adrenaline kicking in triggering his fight or flight instincts; one half shaking uncontrollably as sweat begins to drip from his brow, the other unmoving and unwavering.

"You guys are doing kidnapping training today. More specifically, you're going to learn how to escape, and then you're going to run through a simulation. All of your classes have been canceled, otherwise. Your parents already signed a waiver for you, approving you all to do this, but if you want to back out now, no one will blame you."

Aizawa looked over the class and grinned when no one took him up on his offer. "Good. Any questions?"

Three hands went up. Iida, Kaminari, and Midoriya.

"Iida, you first."

"What exactly will be the simulation, sir?"

"I'm glad you asked. First, you're going to be kidnapped and taken to a building off campus for the actual exercise, where you will be informed of the scenario we have planned for you, then you will be divided into groups, and your priority from there is to escape. Your kidnappers will have three goals: One, get the information from you. Two, use you as ransom to get their ally out of jail. Three, convince you to do something for them. If any of these are accomplished, they win. You lose." Aizawa looked over his class, still seeing Kaminari and Midoriya's hands up, "Midoriya?"

"Mr. Aizawa, why are we doing this? Isn't it a second-year trial?" 

That question was expected, so Aizawa sighed tiredly. "Normally, it is. But, it's been moved up to first years from here on out. Even if some of our hero course students don't become heroes, and some students leave after the first year, we're going to prepare you all for the real world. In the real world, people get kidnapped regardless of if they are a hero or citizen. Kaminari."

Kaminari bit his lip, glancing at Bakugo. "Sir, does this have anything to do with what happened at the training camp?"

There was silence. Kaminari had a nasty habit he shared with Bakugo of saying what was on people's minds. Bakugo said what was on his own, Kaminari tended to say what was on everyone else's.

"Yes. However, it was already in preparation after the USJ attack, so I don't want to hear anyone yelling at anyone else."

Yaoyorozu and Uraraka's hands went up.

"Uraraka."

"Mr. Aizawa, by kidnap--"

"I mean you will all be either knocked out, restrained, or otherwise taken down to be brought. This is training, and it will be an exercise. At any point other than your debriefing you will be allowed to attempt to escape, and your score will be taken off of how well you do." 

Half the class gulped. Bakugo had been suspiciously quiet, and Yaoyorozu's hand went down. 

"Everyone got it? Good. Go change into your gym uniforms and meet me in the gym in half an hour."

The class was surprisingly silent as they changed, and Bakugo knew why. He may act like he was all high and mighty and above it all, but even he couldn't make it out of that situation without some mental scarring. He knew it was his fault that it had been moved up. Why? Why him? He didn't wish it on any of his other classmates, but he hoped he wouldn't end up paired with Deku. Maybe one of his squad members would be good. In the best case, Kaminari. He could say Kaminari had all the information then get him to go stupid and so he would be non-verbal for an hour. But that would also mean he would be useless to him. Getting paired with someone like Kirishima as well would be good. With Ashido she could melt through any forms of restraint, and Sero would be able to help him get out of the actual building and restrain their captures. 

As he planned the different forms of attack, Bakugo realized that Aizawa was a part of this operation. No one could rely on their quirks, in that case. He noticed Kaminari out of the corner of his eye lingering behind. Soon, it was just the two of them in the changing room, and Bakugo walked over to the spaced-out teen.

"What's fucking wrong, Sparky?" He asked, and Kaminari jumped slightly, his body lighting up in sparks. He knew the other boy wasn't good at holding his composure, and especially not at containing electricity.

"I... Uh. Man, this is so stupid-"

"Nothing is that damn stupid."

"It's just. I don't want to. To end up being thrown under the bus, ya know?" Kaminari glanced at Bakugo, knowing they had the time to talk.

"You can still back out if you wanna be a wimp." Bakugo shrugged, and Kaminari clenched his hands, shaking.

"It's different, Bakugo. I'm not wimping out. I'm scared. I know if I get paired with someone they're just going to say I have information and I'll end up short-circuiting, going stupid, and I'll be useless." Kaminari looked down, his face pink, "I don't mind going stupid if it's something useful, but. It's painful. It's physically painful, and it's terrifying." 

"I don't fucking know what you feel when you go stupid, but I also fucking know that it's possible you won't get the chance." 

"What do you mean by that?" Kaminari turned around, his hair falling in front of his face.

"I mean, Aizawa's going to be there. He knows whoever ends up with you is going to figure it out. He'll get rid of your quirk. For now, don't worry about it; We have to learn how to escape first."

Kaminari smiled a bit, blushing. It made him feel better, despite that he hadn't figured it out himself. "Thanks, Bakugo. You're not all bad, ya know?"

"Who the fuck says I'm bad?!"

"Alright. First thing's first, we're going to go through the main ways of restraining someone that will be used against them and how to beat them," Aizawa pointed to the items laid out in front of everyone, "And we won't be using quirks to aid in the escaping." He picked up a clunky piece of metal, shaped like a v and it seemed to cover the hands. Bakugo took in a sharp breath, however silent it may be. "You may recognize this from the sports festival. It's almost unbreakable, almost inescapable. These are used in high-class facilities to restrain dangerous people if a straight jacket doesn't work."

He turned to his class, "Any ideas on how one would get out of this? Remember, your hands are immobile while restrained with this."

Kaminari knew, glancing away. He couldn't say what it was, or he'd look too smart. Or it might come off as incriminating, considering they were likely looking for a traitor to explain the villain attacks. 

Iida, Todoroki, and Yaoyorozu raised their hands. Aizawa picked Todoroki.

"On the back, there is a small hole. If you hit it hard enough with your knee, it breaks a latch, and that presses into your restraint. It will cut your skin, but it will give enough leverage for someone to pry it apart, where the entire mechanisms will begin breaking."

Aizawa grinned, and Kaminari clutched at his arms, shaking slightly and thankful he was behind Ojiro and Iida, where no one would notice. He'd grown up with villains, been born into it, and he'd been rescued from it at the age of seven, but he remembered the crazy training his parents had forced him to endure. He knew how to get out of all of these restraints. Handcuffs? Take a shim, or a bobby pin, and shove it into the lock mechanism, tighten about four clicks, then once it's sufficiently in there, you can pull it right off. Or, pick the lock or break the open rivet. Zip ties? Either a blade or a kevlar string. Usually hidden in shoelaces, wear down the actual tie, and bam you're out. Rope? Find a loose strand and work your way through, also useful with a blade. Duct tape was even more comfortable, if your hands were tied in front of you then even biting down on edge can rip it enough to start being able to get you out with a turn of the wrists. 

He even knew the easiest way to get these snuck in was usually under a bandage, or hidden in the shoes. Kaminari had once been forced to escape the trunk of a car, by using the emergency unlock in the trunk of a modern vehicle, digging into the actual lock of an older car, and kicking in the back seat. 

On the high, elbow covering versions of the restraint Aizawa was showing, there was a release latch between the arms, and you had to be flexible to get your foot there to kick it hard enough for it to release, but it was possible, as Aizawa was demonstrating. 

Kaminari couldn't focus, though he knew he needed to. He had some bobby pins in his pocket, and he slipped them into his hair carefully, so as not to seem suspicious. When it came to his turn to escape the restraints, he was shaking so much with the entire class's eyes on him he could barely get the shim into the clicker. Eventually, he did, and the robots brought in the boxes with the supplies. Aizawa left the room, telling the students to hide them on their persons.

Everyone stared at Kaminari when he walked towards the first aid kit after taking his supplies, while everyone else was tucking them into their shoes or something. 

"Hey, Kaminari?" Ashido said, "You got hurt during that?"

"No, I just-" He opened the first aid kit, taking out the largest band-aids, "Needed a few of these. Sero, you can help, too." He smiled, and the smarter kids in class seemed to understand what he was doing. He was hiding the tools under the padded part of the adhesive, which would likely confuse the teachers. Despite this being training, it was something they could do. What teacher would take bandages off of a student?

Honestly, Kaminari had read it in a spy novel once, and he hoped the book would help him in this class. 

Sero seemed to get the idea, luckily, and everyone started taking the concept to heart. Not too many people could do it, or else risk raising suspicion, but Kaminari was happy he would be able to help. 

The five minutes they were given passed quickly, a sweet aroma filling the room. One by one, people fell unconscious, thanks to Midnight's quirk. 

Kaminari awoke in blackness, dimly lit by his own burning body. Oh no.

"Dammit-!" He swore, the bleariness in his eyes caused his head to hurt. 

"Keep the fucking noise down." He heard the owner of the voice right next to him. It was Bakugo.

"Hey, Bakugo? How're you feeling?" Kaminari whispered, noting the slight echo. Okay, there was space. Meaning they were probably in the back of a van.

"I'm fucking fine, dipshit. What about you?" Bakugo asked, though his breathing was labored and his voice tight, kicking at Kaminari lightly. They'd been improperly restrained, the need to move quickly causing sloppy work. Likely to impersonate how a villain might do it. The rope itched.

"I'm okay, I... Uh. I think they used some kind of quirk stopper? Is it just me or is it sweltering in here?"

"No, it's fucking warm,"

"Okay then, so no chance of some light?" Kaminari could feel the electricity in his body building to a crescendo, burning to escape. Usually, he'd let it go, the waves becoming too much to bear. It didn't usually hurt this bad, though he assumed his standard output being a reason for that. 

"What the fuck do you think, dumbass?" Bakugo hissed, causing Kaminari to roll his eyes. But before he could say anything, he could hear Bakugo's breathing getting faster and more shallow, could see Bakugo's outline shaking next to him. Right. Kaminari glanced down at his rope bindings, easily undoing the knot and not caring how incriminating it was. He reached out, to undo Bakugo's, and he heard Bakugo attempt to yell at him not to touch him, but it was panicked, and he sounded scared. More scared than anyone in their right mind should be, knowing it was just a test. Bakugo started kicking at him, pushing him away, and in his panic nearly kicked Kaminari in the face. Kaminari gently put his hands over Bakugo's, whispering, "It's okay. I'm just going to get the rope off; then we're gonna get out of here."

Bakugo started to relax, just a bit, and he stopped struggling. Kaminari made quick work of the knots, hearing Bakugo ask, "Where the hell did you learn so much about undoing rope...?"

"Oh, that? Yeah, this isn't my first time dealing with rope restraints." Kaminari blushed, realizing how he sounded, especially in front of someone as hot as Bakugo. "I-- Not in a- A kinky way, I mean. I just had to work through rope restraints as a kid on the regular; learned to pick a lock too." He heard Bakugo chuckle, and he finally got the ropes wholly undone. 

"That's the stupidest thing I've heard all damn day, Sparky." 

"You're very calm when you've been restrained," Kaminari said, receiving a light kick to the gut. He winced, but leaned over Bakugo and placed his left hand on the back of Bakugo's neck.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, dumbass?" Bakugo growled out, and Kaminari responded simply.

"Do you want to be able to use your quirk, yes or no?"

"Fucking yes, duh."

"Then put up with this for just a minute, okay?"

"The fuck-" 

Kaminari summoned as much electricity as he could, his whole body getting covered in it. Quirk blockers, which caused burning, usually could be overcome if forced, but it took an incredible toll on the user's body. He could hear the buzzing and crackling, could see Bakugo's eyes widen-- Are those tear tracks on his cheeks?-- And he forced as much as he could directly to his fingertips. With any luck, it will fry the drivetrain, making the van pull over, and Kaminari knew it was enough to give Bakugo's quirk a boost while taking away the effect of the blocker. 

If the part of the brain which handled quirks went into overdrive, it sent out enough of the hormone which allows for quirk activation to overcome most blockers, so Kaminari knew this would work. But Bakugo' quirk will be more volatile until his hormones had evened out again Bakugo hissed in pain, the electricity running through his brain as Kaminari tasted blood, felt blood vessels burst and his nose start to bleed, every nerve in his body alight and thrumming. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry, he could feel tears well up, but Kaminari had to finish what he'd started. Three seconds. That would be enough.

One.

Kaminari's neck burned, he was hissing, and his electricity was being sent out in such specific patterns he couldn't keep track of it. 

Two.

 Bakugo's hands started crackling, his body reacting to the stimulation, his body twitching as a squeal came from outside, the rear wheels slowing.

Three. 

Kaminari pulled his hand away from the twitching teen, and he started coughing badly, a metallic taste as blood dribbled out of his mouth, gasping for air which wouldn't come to his lungs, he couldn't focus, couldn't do anything aside from slump over against Bakugo, who had started yelling. Kaminari couldn't hear him, a high pitched ringing overtaking every other noise. He felt lightheaded, his vision brimming black. Somewhere, far away, he wondered if Bakugo was going to leave him here and escape, his chest tightening. What was this feeling?

Oh, right, suffocation. He shot a glance at Bakugo, who was helping to steady him, so he didn't choke on his blood, and with a smile he shakily gave him a thumbs up, not noticing how Bakugo's red eyes held worry, and he fell into unconsciousness. 

Kaminari woke up in short bursts if one could call it waking up. It felt like he was in a white world, walking alone. It was warm, cozy, like a good hug from someone he loved. As he walked, occasionally, voices would call out to him.

"He's gonna be okay, right?"

"I can't believe he did that! Idiot!"

"Kaminari will be fine; he just pushed himself too hard. I swear, you 1-A students have no sense of self-preservation. Maybe that should be your next lesson, Aizawa!"

"Denki... You need to fucking- Fucking wake up."

"I know you've had a crush on him for the last month, but... You need to rest. Your quirk got messed up during the training, ya know?"

"I fucking know, but- Argh! Fucking dammit!"

"Calm down! We're in the nurse's office!" 

"That's rich, considering Kaminari said something similar to you."

"Whatever- you don't intend to leave other than for class?"

"You can be damn sure of that."

Whenever a particularly harsh voice would speak, Kaminari could feel a warmth surrounding his hand, and a gentle kiss to the forehead. 

It felt nice.

Oh? Was the light getting brighter the more he walked? Kaminari glanced behind him, and, yes, it was getting brighter. It almost hurt to look at, but he kept walking like an invisible string was pulling him towards it.

He awoke to a bright light shining overhead. Wincing, he shut his eyes again, a beeping becoming more and more alert.

"Don't you fucking go back to sleep," A voice hissed, and Kaminari opened his eyes carefully, seeking out the sound.

"B... Bakugo?" He asked, not noticing how hoarse and scratchy his voice was.

"Yeah, it's me. What the fuck did you go and do that stupid, shitty thing for?" Bakugo asked, and Kaminari saw their hands were intertwined, almost like a couple. He remembered the kidnapping training and cringed at the memory.

"I. You were panicking, and I could help. I had to." He gasped.

"I didn't need to save me, fucking, dumbass!"

"But. I didn't save you? All I did was reactivate your quirk." Kaminari thought back, and, yes, that was all he had done. How was that saving someone? If anything, he'd made things worse since he had passed out.

"And I used my quirk to knock open the van doors. We fucking. Fucking passed." His grip on his hand tightened, and Kaminari felt warm all over.

"That's good, isn't it?"

"You've been out for the last three days! Aizawa was pissed!" Bakugo yelled, which caused the smaller blonde to chuckle, feeling better by the minute.

"Guess I have a lot of homework to catch up on, huh?" He lifted one of his hands to cover his mouth, though his mussels were tense.

"No fucking shit."

Kaminari leaned over to Bakugo, their faces as close as they had been in the van, and Kaminari whispered, "I heard about your crush, Bakugo." 

Bakugo's face went bright red, and he let out a string of curses, pulling away though he didn't take his hand away.

Kaminari responded by pushing forward and kissing him. Bakugo tensed, freezing, but Kaminari couldn't say it was his worst kiss ever. 

After he received the lecture of the century from not only Bakugo and Mr. Aizawa but also Recovery Girl for doing such a reckless, idiotic thing, Kaminari was released from the nurse's watch. He expected to walk back to the dorms alone, but instead, Bakugo waited for him, his phone in hand.

Bakugo shoved his phone at the smaller blonde, telling him to put his damn number in, and Kaminari beamed.