Episode 2 certainly had some ...'opinions' about domestic violence
Really disappointed they saddled Jet with a "it's not our business if this guy is beating the crap out of his wife" line
Though it seemed to be the opinion of like every character
Even "the master" was curiously not concerned that one of the villagers could be possessed even after his often repeated "my duty is to protect the villagers" line
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Spanking children may affect their brain development in a similar way as more severe forms of violence, according to a new study by Harvard researchers.
Canât believe hitting your children has the same effect as hitting your children.
Why I woke up today with the overwhelming need to ask this ask, I don't know but -- it's a Tabula Rasa question: what about this story was self-indulgent to you?
Goodness what a question. What part wasnât?Â
I mean for a start writing a crack AU of my own fic, very far removed from the original canon and therefore appealing to the four people who still remember flower show and thought it wasnât angsty enough, that was pretty big for me, to deliberately write something with a very limited audience.Â
Also that there were some elements I just knew would be unpopular, like Raph and Esther, Eve both in concept and in execution, well, half the concept really. Everything about Esther, actually, I know people loved her but no one loved her like me. I know the genre is what made the story work, itâs impossible to hit an audience with the horrors of domestic abuse if they donât already love the abuser as much as the characters, but I knew it would be a big thing to take on and I know some people hated it. I had to want and love all this stuff very much to put it on paper.Â
And you know the biggest thing was just... Iâm not even sure how to express it. CW: DV coming up here. DV is terrible, and unless youâve been there itâs hard to understand why smart, loving people stay, why people defend their abusers, why itâs hard to walk away, why people who should know better still victim blame, why itâs easy for a victim to blame themselves too. Iâve heard a lot of really shitty takes over the years from real misogynists to the most staunch feminists - itâs fucking hard to talk about and not have someone slap your hands away from it. The division of sympathy can turn from support to revictimisation real quick.
âThe abuser is always at faultâ quickly becomes âthe victim has never done anything wrongâ becomes âthe abuser is an inhuman, unfathomable creature to hurt a blameless personâ becomes âactually, now that heâs explained it, I can understand and sheâs not blamelessâ becomes âmaybe sheâs just as bad as himâ becomes âwell if she didnât antagonise him...â
Itâs hard to say âI loved him and he was in real trouble and I couldnât help himâ without someone reminding you heâs an awful monster and even expressing sympathy for him is battered woman syndrome or something. Itâs hard to say âhe took me apart with a thousand paper cuts and I donât know how much was abuse and how much was honestyâ without someone pointing to police or hospital reports as the real abuse rather than a symptom of the cancer.Â
So, yeah, it was important to me, and self-indulgent, and fuck what other people think, to show it all play out. To make the absolute worst scene in that whole shitshow a moment when criticising the colour of someoneâs jacket is as bad as any of the torture porn out there. I wanted a trauma narrative, I wanted to show at least a little slice of the reality of it, that itâs not an inhuman monster and a damsel in distress, thereâs more to it. And I did it knowing it would tank my AO3 stats and thatâs okay.Â
The hard part is sometimes reading through the comments and seeing Iâve done my job too well, reading how many people go âWell, maybe it was Aziraphaleâs fault, really?â Which can be tough, but was also literally the point, to show how easily we fall into these patterns when itâs someone we care about. Â
Oh dear, this got a bit long, I hope I answered your question without traumatising you <3
Cullen gets to grips with this strange new girl thatâs dropped into his world.
Since Tumblr seems to be making posts with external links unsearchable, if youâd prefer to read it on AO3, you can find the link to my AO3 page in the sidebar. My Tumblr masterpost is here. As of today, that masterpost will also contain the link to my Spotify playlist for this story. Read on to find out why...
I rubbed my eyes, trying to clear the blurriness from my vision. I should have gone to bed hours ago, but there was too much to do. We were still trying to calculate the supplies that had survived the destruction of the Temple, make a count of who had been killed in the initial explosion and who had been killed in the fighting until Lady Trevelyanânow being acclaimed by the people as the Herald of Andrasteâhad stabilised the Breach. And I should make a start on the letters of condolence to the families of our soldiers.
Deciding that maybe a walk would do to clear my head, I left my tent and decided to do a circuit of the town. Maybe the people would take some comfort from seeing the leadership of the Inquisition present and moving among them. I had barely come through the gates when Varric called me over.
âCurly, you met with Oracle earlier. I couldnât get anything from the Seeker. How did it go?â
âWhat do you mean?â Cassandra had mentioned that Varric had taken immediately to the shy woman from another world. Having seen the way he was with Merrill in Kirkwall it didnât surprise me. Varric seemed to be a better big brother to the misfits he gathered around him than Bartrand had ever been to him.
âI mean,â he said sounding exasperated, âis she going to be shipped off to Val Royeaux as a scapegoat for this mess? The Seeker was pretty quick to jump on her earlier and the kidâs obviously terrified.â He squinted at me. âYou canât possibly think sheâs the genius behind all this.â
âNothingâs been decided yet. Weâre meeting again tomorrow.â I decided to throw him a bone. âHer story is pretty⊠unbelievable. But no, I donât think she had anything to do with the destruction of the Conclave. Either sheâs a very good actress, or sheâs genuinely traumatised. And it hasnât been examined yet, but the stuff sheâs wearing seems to back her story up.â
Varric seemed to relax. âGood. Is her story as wild as the one people are telling around here?â
âI donât know. Iâve been a little busy to listen to gossip.â Tiredness made me sharper than I had intended, but Varric let it slide over him.
âThey say that Andraste brought her from another world to sing prophecies for her.â
That floored me. âSing prophecies for Andraste?â
âYeah,â he nodded. âThat hut hasnât been silent since the Seeker brought her back from your little interrogation. Come on.â
âIt wasnât an interrogation,â I protested. But I followed the dwarf, unable to suppress my curiosity. Approaching the cabin she and the unconscious Herald were housed in I nodded to the guards stationed there. I was about to speak to them when I heard the voice floating out the crack under the door.
âI have run through the fields of pain and sighs.
I have fought to see the other side.â
Images flooded through my head. Images of her being beaten, shouted at, threatened, and finally stabbed by a slim man with long brown hair and cold, black eyes. I wondered why hearing her sing of suffering caused me to imagine what her husband had done to her so vividly.
âI am the one, who can recount what weâve lost.
I am the one, who will live on.â
She held the last note for a spellbinding moment before silence overtook us all. It lasted only a moment before she began again with a new tune.
âTime stood still for a while,
Your hand was holding mine.
The stars that shine in your eyes,
Donât let them go by.â
I looked at the guards. âHas she been singing for long?â I asked.
âAll night,â one answered, confirming Varricâs assertion. âSome make no sense, but several mentioned the Breach, there was one about the Grey Wardens and another about the Nightingale. TheyâŠâ he hesitated. âThey make us see things, Ser. Pictures in our head.â
âYou see now why people are calling her the Prophet of Andraste?â Varric asked, drawing me away again. âThey know she predicted weâd find the scouts alive on the mountain path and that she knew weâd be facing a pride demon at the Breach. Then they hear her singing those songs and they imagine they see things. I donât think theyâd stand for having her executed.â
âThank you, Varric. We needed to know that.â I hesitated. Obviously I couldnât tell him what we had discussed in the Council. But it might be useful to find out what he knew. âCassandra mentioned that you had spent the most time with Lady McKichan on the way to and from the Temple. What did she tell you?â
Varric squinted at me. Then he seemed to decide he could trust me. âNot much. Honestly, Curly, I learned more from what she didnât say. She was frightened and completely out of her depth. But she was used to being frightened. She spoke up when she knew something that would be helpful, but otherwise she wanted to draw as little attention to herself as possible. And she seemed to expect that shouting would lead to someone hitting her.â It was as serious as I had ever seen the dwarf. âSomeone has tried to beat the spirit out of that kid. And they nearly succeeded. If I didnât know better, I would say sheâd been a slave at some point.â
I nodded. âNot a slave,â I confirmed. âBut she has been beaten.â I laid a hand on his shoulder. âI promise that whatever happens tomorrow Iâll make sure sheâs treated gently.â
He gave me a crooked grin. âYou know, youâre not half bad, Curly.â
Sister Leliana, Ambassador Montilyet, and I assembled in what Leliana insisted on calling âThe War Roomâ early the next morning. As I expected, the Nightingale had already heard the rumours being bandied about the camp naming our two prisoners the Herald and the Prophet of Andraste.
âWe simply cannot accuse them of the destruction of the Conclave now. The people will not stand for it,â Josephine commented, echoing Varricâs assertion of the previous night.
âNo,â Leliana agreed. âAnd Lady Trevelyanâs ability to close the rifts and seal the Breach itself make her irreplaceable. But we must still investigate Lady McKichanâs origins. The story she told us is fantastic but she believes it. Unless Solasâ examinations reveal something else I think we must accept it.â
âShe wasnât acting last night,â I told them. âAnd having seen that wound you will never convince me that she shouldnât be dead. I canât think of any magic strong enough to have saved her.â
âYou are sure?â Josephine asked. âIt couldnât be managed by a strong spirit healer?â
I shook my head. âI have known two powerful spirit healers. Neither Wynne nor Anders would have been able to save someone with a wound like that. Even if she hadnât bled out instantly, the damage to the heart would be too extensive.â
âCassandra is supervising Solasâ examination of her as we speak. We will know more after.â Lelianaâs certainty was final and we moved onto other urgent matters.
It was half an hour later when a soft knock on the door yielded those answers. The bald elf laid down the folded bundle of clothes and inclined his head respectfully before addressing me. âSeeker Pentaghast informed me you believed Lady Lilyâs scar indicated a fatal wound?â I nodded. I may be trying to modify my opinion of mages, but open apostates still made me nervous. âYou were correct. The size, angle, and depth of the scar mean the wound should undoubtedly have been fatal. I know of no magic that would have been able to act quickly enough to save her. She is a walking miracle.â
âAnd her clothes?â I expected the question from Leliana but it was Josephine who asked.
He shook his head. âThe tunic she called a âjumperâ was wool and could have come from anywhere. The rest were of materials I have never seen. And while I can profess no knowledge of such matters, Lady Cassandra informed me that the⊠undergarments were like nothing she had ever seen.â
I was sure I flushed. Solas had begun extracting small items from the bundle and laying them on the table. âI removed these items from the pockets of her coat after leaving her. I have not asked her about any of them. I believed you would want to examine them first. Again, the materials involved are not to be found anywhere in Thedas. I believe she is telling the truth when she says she came from another world on the other side of the Veil.â
We all gazed curiously at the items before us. Leliana picked up a bright pink pouch filled with small, apparently edible bites. She nibbled the edge off one and declared it bad tasting but not poisonous. Then Josephine picked up a small cream tube the size of her thumb, removed the lid, and sniffed delicately. âVanilla!â she exclaimed in some surprise. I could make nothing of the two differently sized rectangles, one of which had a small rope ending in coiled hooks attached, but the small red thing seemed to be an unusual kind of whistle. Pressing the button on one end of the short, thick metal tube yielded a light at the other. Doing the same with the thinner metal tube revealed a blunted point that left a smear of ink when I drew it lightly over a fingertip.
âYou should perhaps also be made aware that Chancellor Roderick is outside preaching their guilt and demanding that the people help him seize them so they can be taken to Val Royeaux for trial.â
I sighed. As far as I could tell the Chancellor seemed to have been determined to cause trouble ever since the Temple exploded.
âIs anyone listening to him?â Leliana asked.
âVery few,â Solas admitted. âThe Herald and the Prophet are seen as greater servants of your god. Most people seem to think the Chancellor is trying to test their faith.â
âGood luck to him with that,â I muttered.
Leliana glared at me before turning back to the mage. âThere is one more thing. Cassandra told me you mentioned Lady McKichanâs connection to the Fade was in some way unusual. Can you explain that?â
He shook his head. âShe is connected to the Fade, for all she claims it does not exist in her world. Perhaps the Veil is thicker, less permeable.â
âWhat does that mean for us?â I asked. The safety of the people of Haven was my responsibility. If Lilyâs presence put them in danger⊠âIs she more likely to draw demons?â
âLess likely, I would say,â the elf replied. âI cannot guess what effect it will have. Though she is not a mage she is likely to have powers that are not otherwise present here or in her own world.â
âSuch as the images people see when she sings?â Josephine had been quiet for a while.
âExactly. I do not believe she is consciously projecting them, though she could if she wanted to.â
Josephine considered. âIf she could use those powers to show people what we face then she could be useful in persuading people to our causeâŠâ
âI would still like to test this ability,â Leliana was as cautious as always. âWithout experiencing it ourselves I would be reluctant to-â
At that moment, there was a knock on the door and Cassandra escorted Lily into the room. She looked little better than she had last night, though the dull wool dress that had obviously been borrowed from a servant was cleaner. She was pale and her dark hair hung in slightly frizzy curtains that shadowed her face as she kept her eyes on the floor. Her posture reminded me of a woman who had lived in Honnleath when I was a child. I had once asked my mother why she never looked up. Her husband is not a kind man she had told me. It had been years before I understood what that meant.
âGood morning, my lady,â I said gently. âI trust you slept well?â
She looked up, in surprise. âWell, thank you, Commander.â The dark shadows under her grey eyes gave the lie to her words. Probably she had as little sleep as I did. But the shy smile gave a hint of the pretty woman I thought she must be when you stripped away her fears and insecurity.
Then she noticed the objects on the table. âMy phone!â she cried and swept up the palm sized rectangular object. âPlease let them still be on there. Please!â she muttered desperately to herself. The black emptiness that had taken up most of one side came to full life and colour beneath her fingers. She tapped and swiped them as quick as instinct in patterns that were too fast to follow. Suddenly she let out a mingled gasp of relief and grief, fingers stilling to take in what was on the object. âTha gaol agam ort,â she murmured soft and regretful. The words had an elven lilt to them, but the sibilance and hard consonants told me they werenât words that had ever been heard in Ferelden before.
Cassandra slid the object from the womanâs numb fingers and laid it on the table before us. The blackness had been replaced by an image that could have been a painting had it not been so lifelike. Lily was kneeling in some grass with one dog pressing itself into her side and another resting its front paws on her arm so it could stand to lick her face. She was laughing and looked so carefree. As pretty as I had thought she would be.
She reached down and touched her fingers to the dogsâ faces, whispering those strange words again. I did not need to know them to know what they meant. She loved those dogs and she grieved them. âIâm sorry,â she said softly to the table. âBear and Mischief are⊠were my only family. Iâll never see them again, will I?â
âIâm sorry, my lady,â Leliana softly touched Lilyâs shoulder. She flinched but did not move away. âBut probably not. We have more questions for you.â
She swallowed hard, still staring at the picture of her dogs. âWhat would you like to know?â
Solas was the one to step to the fore. âThere have been some interesting phenomena around you, Lady Lily.â
âNot a lady,â she replied automatically before looking up, though I noticed she looked at everyone but the elf. âWhat phenomena? Not just the knowing the future?â
Solas ignored that she had ignored him. âA demonstration is needed. You know many songs, Lily?â A nod. âCan you think of one that would make no sense to us, but that brings a strong image to your head?â
âYes. Yes, I have one.â She picked up the object she had called a phone. âYou want to hear it?â
âI want you to sing it,â he replied.
âOkay,â she nodded and began to swipe and tap again. âOkay, but itâs easier with the music. It must be on here somewhere. Itâs Emmaâs ringtone. Ah!â
Another tap and there was noise coming from the rectangle. Music of some kind, but I was certain no one on Thedas had ever heard music like that. I couldnât even fathom the instruments that would make such notes. Lilyâs eyes closed and her head bobbed and foot tapped in time with the rhythm. She began to sing as another womanâs voice piped the same words out of the phone.
âHang with me in my MMO,
So many places we can go-o.
Youâll never see my actual face.
Our love, our love will be in virtual space.
Iâm craving to emote with you,
So many animations I can do-o.
Be anything you want me to be.
Come on, come on and share a potion with me.â
âEnough!â Cassandraâs voice sounded strained. A tap of her finger and Lily had stopped the strange music. âWho was that woman?â
âSlim, pale skin, red curling hair,â Cassandra began before Solas cut her off.
âSister Leliana, what was she carrying?â
âA fake mage staff,â Leliana replies without hesitation. âWhite staff, black and gold grip, green orb at the top.â
âCommander, what was she wearing?â
I recalled the image of the woman who had been dancing in my head a moment before. âA white dress with an obscenely short skirt. A red corset over it and gold trimmings.â
Lily had been growing paler and paler. âFelicia Day? You all saw Felicia Day in her Codex costume? This?â She dropped the phone back on the table. The bottom half of the image now had strange symbols and moving writing. The top half had a picture, the most prominent part of which was the woman I had seen dancing.
âYes,â Josephine replied. âWhen you sang, I could see her dancing, as if I was remembering something I had seen before.â
Lily swayed as if lightheaded. Cassandra caught her arm and guided her into a chair but it was my eyes she sought out. âAm I a mage now? I always played a mage. Is that how this works?â There was real fear in her eyes. Did she think that if she was a mage, I would harm her?
I crouched to meet her eye. âThere is no magic in you, my lady. You are not a mage. This is unlike anything I have ever seen.â
Her eyes slid closed in relief. âThank you, mo gaisgeach.â Her eyes flicked open in fright again. Whatever that last phrase had meant, it wasnât meant to slip out. Her eyes begged me not to ask what it meant. I didnât. She was worried enough already.
Solas interrupted whatever pleading her eyes were doing. âI believe it has something to do with the different connection your world has to the Fade. It gives you abilities which are not found here, but anyone coming from your world to Thedas would have.â
She nodded and closed her eyes, taking deep calming breaths. While Lily composed herself, Leliana dismissed Solas, though she asked him to remain close, and we were left alone with her again. She seemed calm again, but how many more shocks could she take?
Josephine seemed to have come to the same conclusion. âMy lady, you know the people are calling Lady Trevelyan the âHerald of Andrasteâ?â
She smiled softly to her knees. âTheyâve started that already? Sheâll hate it, but itâs good for the Inquisition. The Chantry will declare you heretics. You know that, right? If they havenât already. And Iâm still not a lady. Never have been, never will be.â
âThey are calling you the âProphet of Andraste.ââ
As predicted the result was explosive shock. âThalla âs cagainn bruis! Youâre not serious? Mhac na galla!â I hoped those phrases were as colourful as they sounded. âIâm not meant to be any part of this!â
âYou are, whether you want to be or not.â Leliana was blunt and to the point. âYou are here and the people have heard you sing and seen visions when you do. They know you have predicted things before they happen. They have decided that is who you are.â
âBut it isnât. Iâm not what they think I am. Iâm not a hero.â The tears were coming again. âIâm just a mouse.â
âYou are more than a mouse, my lady,â I told her. âBy saving the scouts on the mountain pass and warning of the pride demon, you have already helped.â I looked up at the others, met each of the womenâs eyes in turn. âWe are agreed that she stays? Not as a prisoner, but as a member of the Inquisition?â They all nodded. âWill you stay with us, my lady?â
Her smile was sad as she met my eyes. âI have nowhere else to go.â She made to stand and I held out my hand for her. âTapadh leat.â She flushed. âI mean, thank you.â
Josephine was scribbling again. âWe will find you some more clothes and necessaries. Are you content to continue sharing the cabin you were in last night with Lady Trevelyan?â
She nodded. âYes, thank you.â
Leliana was more interested in the business at hand. âIs there anything you can tell us now that will be of use?â
She thought. âEve will be awake in⊠two days, I think. By that time, the Chantry will definitely have declared the Inquisition heretical, Chancellor Roderick will still be spewing venom and driving the Commander up the wall, and you may have received an invite for the Herald to go to the Crossroads in the Hinterlands to meet with Mother Giselle.â That seemed to give her pause. âCach, I hope that doesnât mean sheâll want to see me as well. The fighting there is horrific.â She shook it off. âRegardless, you will get that invite at some point, so itâs probably a good idea to send Lace Harding out to do as much scouting as she can before Eve and her team arrive.â Josephine and Leliana had both been taking notes but Leliana looked up, startled at the mention of Lead-Scout Harding. Honestly, I hadnât even known her first name until now.
She looked around again, wary. âI said I would warn about anything that would harm innocents. So I need to let you know that Haven isnât-â
Her words cut off abruptly and her hands clawed at her throat, as if there were invisible hands strangling her. She pitched forward and I had to dive to catch her as she fell. Cassandra lunged out the door bellowing for Solas as I lowered us to the ground. Her face was darkening and her lips turning blue. Solas was at my side, pale green light flowing from his hands. âShe is being magically silenced.â The elf seemed to have lost some of his composure, the words coming out frantic. âThis is too powerful; I canât counter it.â Suddenly her throat was released and she let out a hoarse rasping gasp.
I could only hold her as she wheezed and coughed, clutching at my arm as if it was the only thing keeping her from drowning.
âLie still, Lily.â Solas had regained his calm, and his voice was soothing. âIâm going to try and take the pain away.â She nodded, lying as still as she could while her chest heaved to draw in as much air as possible. He held his hands up near her throat and she flinched. Solas paused. âI promise I will not hurt you.â She nodded again. I could feel the push and pull of his magic as the healing flowed into her, watched as her breathing eased and became less hoarse sounding.
When Solas stood, he addressed the whole room. âI assume Lady Lily was attempting to impart some sort of information or warning?â At Lelianaâs inclined head he continued. âSomeone, I assume whoever brought her here, does not want her to give you that information. This was not a true attempt on her life, but a warning. I would not pursue this line of questioning.â
âWhy that?â I could feel her trembling and her voice was weak, but it was enough to have Solas turn. âI was able to give plenty of other information. Why that one thing that could save so many lives?â
âI do not know. But I would not risk trying to speak of it again.â
She nodded again and gave a small smile as she sat up. âMa serannas, Solas.â
I hadnât seen him look so startled before. âYou speak Elvhen?â
Lily looked a little stronger now. âA few words and phrases. Iâm good at picking up languages.â She gave a small smile. âUsually the curses or terms of endearment, but itâs only polite to thank you in your own tongue.â
Solas nodded and returned the smile. âYou are welcome, Lily.â He looked up as I helped Lily to her feet again. âI would advise she is allowed to rest.â
The meeting broke up then, Cassandra again escorting Lily back to her new quarters. I couldnât help but wonder how she would fit into life in Haven. She was so fragile, timid. Even thanking him she hadnât been able to meet Solasâ eyes. But there was a strength and determination there, too. She wanted to help. And what warning was she so upset about not being able to give?
Tha gaol agam ort - I love you
mo gaisgeach - my hero
Thalla âs cagainn bruis - Away and chew a brush (STFU and clean your mouth out)
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âWhy do I think my dad has anger issues sometimes?â I ask myself, thinking about the time he couldnât get the key to the family station wagon to work so he broke the ignition switch off with a crowbar and jammed a flathead screwdriver in to use as a key instead, or the time he got pissed off trying to work around a PS2âČs very meticulous cabling and ripped the shell off which destroyed the ribbon cable for the disc driveâs eject switch and the wiring for the heat sinks, or the time he couldnât quite get a locking DVD storage shelf to slide shut properly because a case was jamming it so instead of taking it out and rearranging to make things fit properly and slide shut he yanked it open and slammed repeatedly until rather than just breaking the DVD case he bent the rail entirely so it couldnât shut more than halfway.
And definitely the fact that I owned two out of those three things and he refused to take any responsibility couldnât be part of why Iâd ask myself that. Nope.
Speaking of things I shouldnât have to explain to grown ass adults, when someone tells you âdo not do that, it bothers meâ it doesnât mean âunless you have a good reasonâ, âunless you have a special reasonâ, âunless you think you shouldâ, or âunless you want to do.â It means âdo not do that, at all.â
And yet here I am having to explain this to adults who seem to think itâs different because they think their reason is special no matter how many times theyâve been told itâs not.