#tw sterility

Pregnancy & infant loss ; Infertility ; Sterility & Medical Sterility.

About 10% of known pregnancies result in miscarriages, while stillbirth affects 1 in 160 births. A miscarriage occurs before the twentieth week of pregnancy, and stillbirth occurs after the twentieth week of pregnancy -- before, or during delivery. About 50% of miscarriages are the result of random chromosomal issues, rather than inherited chromosomal dysfunctions. However, the causes of more than 1 in 10 stillbirths is infection -- either an infection of the placenta or the mother, usually before the 24th week of pregnancy. Pregnancy and infant loss is extraordinarily tragic and can be difficult to cope with, for everyone involved. Though it affects many, there are many resources to help parents manage their grief. 

Infertility is defined by not being able to become pregnant after one year of trying. Infertility can affect both males and females, with 12% of women having difficulty conceiving or carrying a pregnancy to term, and about 8% of couples reporting a male cause in trouble conceiving. Causes of infertility can vary from age and genetics, to illnesses and childhood illnesses such as mumps or chickenpox. However there are treatments available for those who are looking to conceive.

Sterility & Medical Sterility occurs when a person is unable to have a child due to the after effects of a medical procedure or an injury. The feelings that come after an induced sterility -- whether planned, consensual, or not -- can be confusing and isolating. In the United States, it is still completely legal for disabled persons to be forcibly sterilized at the request of their guardians or caretakers; and as recently as 2020 the United States government has been accused of forcibly sterilizing migrants who have sought asylum on U.S. soil. However, not all causes are as egregious or criminal. Some people who planned on having families have had to make drastic decisions for their health that have resulted in sterilization. Others have had encounters with violence or combat that have impacted their ability to conceive. The feeling of grief is still the same, as there is still a loss to mourn: both potential and autonomy. However, there is still life to be had, despite, even if it is not one conceived.

It hit like a ton of bricks. You’d think after years of swallowing back tears and quieting anguished cries, it would be a practiced art to keep composure. Remain strong, despite the reminders around you of your own shortcomings.  The familiar sting of hot tears threatens to drag the once strong paladin under. An almost imperceptible quiver of her lip the only sign of the torrent of feelings crashing into the jagged edges of her mind.  Jade eyes locked on larger hands on the perch above the main floor of the tavern. She’d read his motions right, had she not? A baby? A beautiful gift of life bestowed only to those worthy of such a treasure. Here she stood damaged and yet a miracle. Unworthy in her own eyes of the one thing she longed for. Instincts kicked in, she found herself congratulating the new father, despite the stabbing pain in her own abdomen. A phantom pain, as real as her chances to carry her own little life. “You should come see her, darlin.” the large paladin signed down to her. She swallowed thickly, praying the fragile mask she donned held tight once more, knowing damn well he saw right past it. 

Unsteady words. Familiar excuses used to shield an aching heart.

“I’m sure shes beautiful, I’m so happy for you.” she goes through the motions. Wants to be happy for them, instead she only sees a leap she can never hope to make. No matter how many times she takes that running start she will never reach the end. 

The man she loves stands next to her. 

How can you look at me?

I can’t even bare your child. 

I’m unworthy of those pale grey blue eyes.

Deemed unworthy by the light to even perform as any woman would be proud to do. 

“I’m happy for you.”

There was a time when she didn’t know her condition & didn’t want babies... but then she realised this choice was never hers, especially when she’s thinking of a family.