i look left, and see a never-ending row of cubicles. i look right, and see more cubicles, but also two long lines of people, where, i assume, the bathrooms must be. i walk over to the lines, and see two key things: 1, both bathroom lines are much, much longer than i anticipated; 2, there are only women’s and men’s restrooms. double shit.

i estimate i have about 10 minutes before i pee my pants. i run towards the building directory, and see the only gender-neutral bathroom is on the first floor, in the lobby. i’m currently on the fifth floor, and the elevators are being repaired today. triple shit.

i run down the first two flight of stairs, stop to catch my breath, and walk down the next, clutching a stitch in my side. i run-walk the rest of the stairs, and stop at the receptionist’s desk to ask for the key.

she looks at me, clearly annoyed.

“why couldn’t you have used the one on your floor?” she asks.

“this bathroom is the only gender-neutral bathroom in the building,” i explain, shifting from one foot to another.

“oh,” she says. “m’kay.” she hands me the key, and i walk quickly to the bathroom. after doing my business, i walk back to the receptionist’s desk, give her a quick thank you, and walk back towards the staircase.

i look up at the eternal expanse of stairs, and say the one word that comes to mind: “shit.”