Mayhe Vince and carter are the turtles for maximum chaos
now im picturing them in like, those onesies? (idk how to spell that) but basically them dressed up as turtles, full on racing each other.Ā

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Mayhe Vince and carter are the turtles for maximum chaos
now im picturing them in like, those onesies? (idk how to spell that) but basically them dressed up as turtles, full on racing each other.Ā

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Who would win a pet turtle race Vince or Carter?
like carter and vince have turtles, that they theyre racing?Ā
thats a hard one. im gonna say vince. mainly because ive picked carter for literally everything else.Ā
A Mary's Husband's Pub Play: Put It All On Number Four
A Maryās Husbandās Pub Play
āPut It All On Number Fourā
BELMAR: MARYāS TIME A One-Act Play by ChatGPT based on BELMAR stories from āConflict and Scotchā blog by Al DeLuise (Originally set in 1984) CHARACTERS AL Late 20s/early 30s. Observant, dry, steady in a storm. HARRY Same age range. Loud, confident, relentlessly joyful. JEN Same. Sharp, witty, protective of tomorrow. MIKE Same. Practical, anxious, believes in rules. DAVE Same. Friendly chaos. Earnest. Unreliable. BARTENDER Any age. Fast, unflappable, seen it all. DJ Voice only (or onstage at a booth). A hype man with authority. BAR CROWD Ensemble (4ā12), also covers SMALL ROLES as needed. SETTING Maryās Husbandās Pub, Belmar, New Jersey. Summer weekend night. The world is 1984: no cell phones, no texting, no glowing screens. People communicate by shouting, pointing, writing on napkins, and disappearing for long stretches with no explanation. STAGE A single set that stays Maryās the entire play. Upstage: A DJ booth (or a small platform with a microphone and speakers). Stage Left: The main BAR with stools. Stage Right: A few HIGH-TOPS. Downstage Center/Right: A folding table with a cheap plastic TURTLE TRACK. (Keep it visible even when not in use. Itās a totem.) Neon beer signs. A jukebox or wall speakers. A chalkboard with specials. The floor looks sticky. The air is loud and warm. TIME A Friday night into early Saturday morning, continuous. NOTE ON SOUND The bar is never silent. Music plays under most scenes. When the DJ speaks, music dips slightly so the words are clear. Crowd noise can swell and fall like surf. AT RISE Music. BAR CROWD occupies the room: laughing, flirting, arguing, dancing in place, leaning on the bar, moving through the aisles. BARTENDER works with practiced speed. The TURTLE TRACK sits empty. Lights up. SCENE 1 (An entrance from upstage. AL, HARRY, JEN, MIKE push in together, shoulder to shoulder, as if the crowd is a physical force.) AL Weāre really doing this again. HARRY Itās Friday. Thatās not a question, thatās a law. JEN I can smell the floor already. MIKE I can feel tomorrow already. (They approach the bar. BARTENDER looks up without smiling.) BARTENDER IDs. HARRY Weāre thirty. BARTENDER Then you should have them. (AL, JEN, MIKE produce wallets. HARRY produces his like a magician.) AL Here. JEN Here. MIKE Here. HARRY Here. (BARTENDER checks quickly, hands them back.) BARTENDER Whatāll it be? HARRY Shots. MIKE Beer. JEN Something that doesnāt make me hate myself. AL Something that makes me forget my name for a few minutes. BARTENDER So. Beer and shots. JEN Vodka soda. MIKE Light beer. HARRY Whateverās cold and honest. AL Whatever youād recommend to someone with poor judgment but good intentions. BARTENDER Youāre in the right place. (HARRY takes that as praise.) HARRY Thatās the nicest thing anyoneās ever said to me. (The DJās voice booms. The CROWD responds.) DJ (V.O.) BELMAR! ARE YOU ALIVE IN HERE? BAR CROWD WOOOO! MIKE Itās not even nine. HARRY Time is a social construct. Maryās is a different country. JEN A country with no indoor voice. AL And no consequences. (BARTENDER sets drinks down with a practiced thud.) BARTENDER Here. (They lift glasses.) HARRY To Belmar. MIKE To surviving Belmar. JEN To not making any new enemies tonight. AL To not making any promises tonight. (They drink.) DJ (V.O.) TURTLE RACES IN TEN MINUTES! GET READY! (HARRY snaps toward the turtle track table like a hunting dog.) HARRY Yes! JEN I hate that you get excited about that. HARRY You hate joy. Thatās your whole brand. JEN My brand is āI donāt trust anything that can be purchased with a bucket.ā MIKE Why are they racing turtles in a bar? AL Why are we here? MIKE To unwind. AL Exactly. Same answer. (They shift toward a high-top, gathering themselves and their drinks. The CROWD keeps moving around them.) AL (CONTāD) Whereās Dave? MIKE He said he had to āgrab one thing.ā JEN Thatās Dave-speak for āIāll return as a different person.ā HARRY Heāll show. He always shows. AL How do you know? HARRY Because the shore never lets anyone go. (They drink. Music swells.) SCENE 2 (At the high-top. The DJ and CROWD energy rises as turtle race time approaches. A CROWD MEMBER waves cash near the turtle table. Another points at the track.) HARRY Iām telling you, the turtle races are the purest form of sport. No politics. No scandals. Just a tiny animal and destiny. JEN And drunk people screaming at a reptile. HARRY Exactly. Democracy. MIKE I donāt want to bet on a turtle. HARRY Everyone wants to bet on a turtle. They just donāt know it yet. AL Iām not betting. HARRY Thatās not allowed. AL Watch me. JEN Al. Your self-control has a two-drink warranty. AL Iām on drink one and I already feel the warranty expiring. (BARTENDER passes, collects empties, leaves fresh napkins. Itās a small act of caretaking in a chaotic ecosystem.) BARTENDER You want a tab? MIKE Yes. HARRY No. JEN Yes. AL Put it all on Mike. MIKE Absolutely not. HARRY Put it on future us. Future us has money. JEN Future us is going to be furious. DJ (V.O.) FIVE MINUTES! TURTLES TO THE FRONT! MIKE How does he make everything sound like the Super Bowl? AL Because heās committed to the bit. JEN Imagine being that certain about anything. HARRY Iām that certain about turtles. MIKE Thatās not helpful. HARRY Itās spiritual. AL I used to come here and think, āThis is chaos.ā Now I come here and think, āThis is familiar chaos.ā JEN Comfort chaos. MIKE Comfort chaos is still chaos. AL Yeah. But it has a barstool. (HARRY drains his drink, sets it down with purpose.) HARRY All right. We pick. MIKE Pick what? HARRY Our destiny. JEN Our regret. AL Our tiny, slow-moving disappointment. HARRY Come on. (They move toward the turtle table as the CROWD surges.) SCENE 3 (Downstage at the TURTLE TABLE. The DJ becomes a ringmaster voice. The CROWD forms a loose circle. The turtle track is center of attention.) DJ (V.O.) ALRIGHT! TURTLES ARE READY! TURTLE ONE! TURTLE TWO! TURTLE THREE! TURTLE FOUR! PLACE YOUR BETS! MIKE Oh my God. There they are. AL Tiny. Majestic. Questionable. JEN They look bored. HARRY They look focused. MIKE How do you even pick? HARRY You feel it. You look into their little eyes and you see destiny. AL They donāt have destiny. They have a plastic track and a crowd problem. HARRY Turtle four. JEN You always pick four. HARRY Because four has heart. MIKE Iāll pick turtle two. JEN Iāll pick turtle three. AL Iāll pick none. HARRY Thatās not allowed. AL Fine. Five dollars. HARRY Ten. AL Five. HARRY Ten. (JEN leans toward AL, calm and lethal.) JEN If you donāt bet ten, heāll talk about it for a decade. AL Fine. Ten. HARRY Thank you. The turtle gods smile upon you. MIKE Please stop saying turtle gods. DJ (V.O.) ON YOUR MARK! GET SET! BAR CROWD WOOOO! DJ (V.O.) GO! (The CROWD erupts into shouting. Actors can overlap here; the goal is noise.) HARRY TURTLE FOUR! MOVE! JEN TURTLE THREE! DO SOMETHING! MIKE Come on, two. Come onā AL Turtle one isnāt even participating. HARRY FOUR! FOUR! JEN THREE! THREE! MIKE TWO! TWO! DJ (V.O.) AND THE WINNER ISāTURTLE THREE! (JEN throws her hands up. HARRY collapses in disbelief. MIKE looks offended by the laws of nature. AL just nods.) JEN Yes! HARRY No! MIKE Thatās not possible. AL The universe loves irony. JEN Pay me. HARRY We donāt pay you. The system pays you. JEN You are the system. HARRY The system is broken. AL The system is a turtle track in a bar. MIKE I canāt believe I just screamed at a turtle. JEN Welcome to Belmar. (BARTENDER passes behind them, deadpan.) BARTENDER Congrats. JEN Thank you. HARRY Rematch. JEN Absolutely not. SCENE 4 (Back at the bar. Theyāre slightly breathless. The music returns to full. The CROWD is invigorated by the outcome as if it mattered.) BARTENDER Another round? HARRY Yes. MIKE Water. JEN Water. AL Beer. HARRY And a shot. JEN No. (BARTENDER looks to JEN; respects the āno.ā) BARTENDER No shots. HARRY Traitor. JEN Iām preserving tomorrow. HARRY Tomorrow isnāt real. JEN Tomorrow is extremely real and it wakes up at six forty-five. AL Thatās the scariest sentence anyoneās said in this bar. MIKE Whereās Dave? AL Still missing. JEN Heās not missing. Heās adventuring irresponsibly. HARRY Heāll come back. He always comes back. JEN Like a rash. AL Like a boomerang with anxiety. MIKE Iām going to the pay phone. AL Thereās a pay phone? MIKE Thereās always a pay phone. (He gestures toward an offstage corner. He starts to go.) JEN Tell his mother he died heroically. MIKE Iām not calling his mother. JEN Then call the house. MIKE The house doesnāt answer. AL Because the house is also drunk. MIKE Iām trying anyway. (MIKE exits toward the pay phone area. The others remain.) DJ (V.O.) ROUND TWO! TURTLES BACK UP FRONT! HARRY Round two. Redemption. JEN Round two. Fraud. AL Round two. We pretend weāre in control again. (HARRY grins. JEN rolls her eyes. AL follows them back toward the track.) SCENE 5 (At the TURTLE TABLE again. The CROWD circle reforms quickly, like instinct.) MIKE (re-entering, frustrated) Pay phone ate my quarter. JEN Thatās Belmar calling collect. MIKE Nobody answered the house anyway. AL Because Dave isnāt there. HARRY Because Dave is on a quest. JEN Because Dave is lost. HARRY All right. We pick smarter this time. JEN I picked perfectly last time. HARRY That was luck. JEN Everything here is luck. MIKE Fine. Turtle four. HARRY Great choice. MIKE You picked four. HARRY Great minds. JEN Iām picking turtle one. AL Iām picking turtle two, and Iām not yelling. HARRY Youāll yell. DJ (V.O.) ON YOUR MARK! GET SET! GO! (They yell.) HARRY FOUR! MIKE FOUR! JEN ONE! AL Two. Do something. DJ (V.O.) AND THE WINNER ISāTURTLE FOUR! (HARRY and MIKE explode with victory. JEN groans. AL accepts fate.) HARRY Yes! MIKE Yes! AL Great. The universe corrected itself. HARRY Drinks on the winnings! MIKE We won ten dollars. HARRY Exactly. JEN That wonāt cover the ice in our water. (They drift back toward the bar.) SCENE 6 (At a high-top. The bar feels later now: louder, hotter, looser. The CROWD looks a little more ungoverned.) MIKE We should leave soon. HARRY Itās early. JEN Itās late. HARRY Itās Maryās time. AL Maryās time isnāt a real clock. HARRY Itās the only clock that matters. (Music hits a peak. The DJ is in full command.) DJ (V.O.) BELMAR! MAKE SOME NOISE! BAR CROWD WOOOO! (From upstage, DAVE bursts in like a parade. His shirt is stained. His hair is somehow perfect. He is triumph and confusion.) DAVE GUYS! AL Heās here. HARRY Heās alive! MIKE He has a look. JEN Please donāt say you brought a turtle. DAVE IāM BACK! BARTENDER (from the bar, calling) ID? DAVE YES! I HAVE IT! I HAVE TWO! BARTENDER Two? DAVE Long story! JEN No. AL Yes. MIKE No. HARRY Yes! (DAVE talks while moving, unstoppable.) DAVE I found mine and then I found another one and then I found a guy who said it was his but I didnāt believe him because he didnāt look like the picture but then I remembered pictures are oldā JEN Please stop. (DAVE reaches the bar, slaps down his wallet, produces his ID proudly. BARTENDER checks it, hands it back without comment.) BARTENDER What do you want? DAVE A shot. JEN No. DAVE A beer. JEN Fine. DAVE A shot with the beer. JEN No. DAVE Two beers. JEN Thatās worse. DAVE One beer and one water. JEN Thatās better. DAVE And a shot. JEN Thatās worse again. AL Dave, how far did you wander? DAVE Not far. Like five blocks. Or fifteen. Or maybe I went in a circle for a while because the streets all look the same when youāre determined. MIKE Determined to do what? DAVE To succeed. JEN At what? DAVE At coming back. HARRY He did it. MIKE Iām concerned. DAVE Donāt be. I made friends. JEN No. DAVE Yes. There was a guy named Sal who told me a story about a jet ski and a pizza. AL That sounds like Belmar folklore. HARRY Sal is a prophet. MIKE Sit down. DAVE I canāt sit. Iām too alive. JEN Thatās not a thing. SCENE 7 (HARRY suddenly gets sentimental, as if touched by a commercial.) HARRY We should take a picture. JEN With what? (HARRY pats his pockets, then freezes. Everyone realizes at once.) AL 1984. MIKE No cell phones. DAVE Wait. I can draw it. JEN No. HARRY We can do a photo booth! MIKE Thereās a photo booth? AL Thereās always a photo booth. (JEN points across the bar: a battered PHOTO BOOTH with a curtain. The CROWD moves like theyāve been there before.) JEN Fine. One strip. Then we leave. MIKE We are leaving. HARRY We are leaving. AL Weāre leaving. DAVE Weāre leaving. (They move to the booth. They cram in. Itās a physical comedy beat. Curtain struggles. Laughter. The booth flashes.) PHOTO BOOTH (a mechanical voice, optional) ONE. TWO. THREE. FOUR. (They spill out with the photo strip: tiny black-and-white images. HARRY holds it like a trophy.) HARRY Proof. AL Evidence. JEN A future mistake. MIKE A future argument. DAVE Art. JEN Donāt. SCENE 8 (Back at the bar for āthe last round.ā Everyone knows itās a lie. But itās a comforting lie.) MIKE Okay. One more drink. Then we go. HARRY Yes. AL Sure. JEN Yes. DAVE Possibly. MIKE No āpossibly.ā DAVE Definitely-ish. BARTENDER Last round? JEN Water. MIKE Water. AL Beer. HARRY Beer. DAVE Beer. JEN No shots. HARRY No shots. DAVE Shots? JEN No. (DAVE nods like he understands, but he doesnāt.) DJ (V.O.) THIS ONEāS FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID THEY WERE GOING HOME EARLY! (JEN looks up at the booth like itās mocking her personally.) JEN Thatās targeted. AL Thatās personal. MIKE I never said that. JEN You thought it. MIKE I always think it. HARRY Iām having a moment. JEN Oh no. HARRY I love you idiots. (JEN wants to deflect but canāt fully.) JEN Donāt make it weird. MIKE Itās already weird. AL Let him have it. DAVE I love you too. JEN Please donāt hug me. DAVE Iām not. Iām hugging the air near you. JEN Better. (They drink. A small pause. The bar noise continues, but something softens among them.) MIKE All right. We finish. We go. ALL We finish. We go. (They stand. They actually begin to moveāmiracle.) DJ (V.O.) BELMAR! WAITāONE MORE TURTLE RACE! (They freeze. Spellbound. Even JEN.) JEN Absolutely not. HARRY Just one. JEN No. HARRY For tradition. JEN No. MIKE Weāre leaving. AL Weāre leaving. DAVE Weāreā (HARRY turns to JEN, bargaining in a sacred tone.) HARRY Ten dollars. JEN No. HARRY Twenty. JEN No. HARRY Iāll carry the cooler tomorrow. (A beat. Thatās serious currency. JEN wavers.) AL Uh-oh. MIKE Thatās a real offer. JEN Fine. One. Then we go. HARRY Yes! MIKE Weāre weak. AL Weāre human. DAVE Weāre Belmar. JEN Shut up and pick a turtle. (They surge back toward the TURTLE TABLE as the CROWD swells with them. The DJās voice rises. The music spikes.) DJ (V.O.) TURTLES UP FRONT! PLACE YOUR BETS! (As they disappear into the crowd, the PHOTO BOOTH strip remains on the high-topāsmall, black-and-white proof that they were here.) LIGHTS FADE. END
ā¼ļøā¼ļøšUrge cities to cancel cruel turtle races: https://peta.vg/3rde Turtles are abducted from nature, confined, then traumatized in the races! <3 PETA. šā¼ļøā¼ļø
Urge the following officials to scrap turtle āracesā being held on their watch. Ask them to help ensure that turtles are left alone in natur
TURTLE Ā RACE AT BACKYARD DALLAS Ā https://backyarddallas.blogspot.com/2020/03/turtle-race-at-backyard-dallas.html

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TURTLE RACES // HAPPY HOUR https://backyarddallas.blogspot.com/2019/10/turtle-races-happy-hour.html
Turtle Racing starts at 10pm! $100 OFF Veuve, Jameson & Titos BEFORE 11PM REVERSE BEATS BY DJ AIDEN BRASHER GUEST BA...
HAPPY HOUR:
Monday- Friday 3pm - 7pm
$3 domestic DRAFT beer
$5 house wine, sparking, & wells.
$7 Craft and frozen drinks.
TURTLE RACE ONE YEAR MEMORIES ...