#turtely

*March 28, 2020*

(1 option for non-ADHDers)

(it started with a john having a nightmare of the war)

i have a JOB!!!

i repeat

soooo i have been officially diagnosed with ADHD a bit ago. and apparently it's super obvious i have it (still took 27 years and my therapist to get the diagnosis but that's a different story)

and somehow some part of me doesn't believe it?! am i in denial?! imposter syndrome?! or am i really just a lying bitch to excuse my laziness, forgetfulness and lack of organization skills???

here are legit reasons why i DO have adhd:

(not that) short recap of the last year of my life (tw: mental illness)

this year has been crazy. bad in many ways: i had a fling going on and got my stupid heart broken because i wanted something serious. i pined over a girl for way too long and on the day i finally decided to ask her out i learned she had a boyfriend. i had a serious case of anemia and i spent the first night of my life at the hospital. i had lots of follow up dates at the hospital after that. i hurt my heel and had to use crutches forr the first time in my life. three of the concerts i was supposed to go to got cancelled - one of them the fucking Taylor Swift eras tour. my amazing grandma decided to move to heaven. some of my friends decided to "need some space from me" - it's not been the same ever since; yet another time my heart broke. resulting of all of that my mental health at a very low stage in september. i was/still am extremely overwhelmed by many aspects of my life.

and yet here i am. i made new friends. i have my family always - even if it is not easy all the time. i moved into an apartment, with my sister who seriously is the best flat mate to exist for me. i tried to draw more, i listened to so much music (thank you to everyone who makes music - i would surely have done worse without you). i met old friends, talked to them. i was able to rant at my bestie. and last but definitely not least: i started therapy.

not gonna lie, i am a bit surprised i am still here. that i made it through this year of my life. i feel relief and if i am honest a bit of dread that i have to deal with this life still. but i am proud too, i am proud of myself i accepted that i needed help to make my life worth living again, to start learning to love myself again.

and not to forget i managed to write a damn fanfic which is more than 10k words long for FTH.