#tttf

I couldn’t get the image out of my head, even as I watched her eating from across the table. The sun shining down, lighting her hair up like liquid gold, making the blue-grey of her eyes smolder, surrounded by Elain’s garden of roses. It was something I imagined Feyre would’ve liked to paint. For any other female, it would have been a picture-perfect setting. But not for Nesta.

Yes, the sight was as beautiful as she is, but this woman wasn’t meant to idly sit in a garden and look pretty. She was a warrior and fire burned through her veins, even though she acted as if ice coated her heart.

I tried to pretend I didn’t see the quick glances she threw my way all throughout dinner. I tried to pretend I didn’t notice the way she hurried off to the study while we all gathered in the living room for a few drinks and to relax. I tried to pretend I didn’t see her slip up to her room without so much as a “goodnight” to us all. I tried to pretend I didn’t hear the way her door creaked open in the middle of the night, hours after I’d gone to bed. But most of all, I tried to pretend that I didn’t hear her take three hesitant steps towards my bedroom before she changed her mind and descended the stairs.

It took me all of two seconds to decide to follow my warrior-hearted girl. Tossing my blankets to the side, I rolled out of bed and grabbed for my discarded pants on the floor. On an afterthought, I also reached for a shirt, and once I slipped the white tunic over my head, I stretched out my wings.

The dull ache was lessening every day. The damage this time was nowhere near as destructive as the first, but I knew I was still weeks away from flying.

As I tucked my wings back in, I recalled the moments that would be burned into my mind forever. First, the feeling of her lips pressed against mine, the look of pain and surprise in those brilliant eyes as I pulled away, thinking those breaths would be our last. I cursed myself a gods damned fool for not acting on my feelings earlier, for not proving to her that my actions and intentions were pure, but after Tomas… I didn’t want her to think my affections, as sarcastic as I may be, were anything but genuine.

Second, the absolute terror as she threw her body over mine. I was destroyed, my wings snapped and broken, my siphons drained and empty. I couldn’t move, couldn’t get away. But she could. I would’ve fought to my last breath if it would’ve bought her even a second to run. But she didn’t; she wouldn’t. And when I felt her warm body cover my own, she ripped what should have been my last breath right from my lungs. But then I knew what she was feeling. If we were going out, we were going out together. So, I wrapped my arm around her waist and I clung to that fire that was Nesta Archeron as I buried my face in her neck, breathing in her sweet and spicy scent of mimosa and cypress wood one last time.

I opened my door and slipped out onto the landing. I glanced over the edge, only to find an empty living room. I headed downstairs, my bare feet padding lightly against the hardwood floors and pushed the kitchen door open, half expecting to find her leaning against the counter. I was met with darkness and I allowed the door to swing back shut as I headed into the dining room. If I couldn’t find her, and I couldn’t sleep, I decided I’d make myself a drink. As I crossed the threshold, my heart skipped a beat.

There she was, in the same spot I’d seen her in earlier, facing away from the house, sitting in Elain’s garden. The double doors were opened to the night and the scent of roses, jasmine and lilies wafted in. I stepped out onto the veranda and leaned on the banister. The starlight lit her up in a way the sun had tried earlier, only to fail miserably. Her hair, set ablaze in the sun, was shimmering as it fell over her shoulder. Her skin shone, almost glowing in the pale light of the moon and stars. The pastel night gown she wore hugged her body in an elegant way, so different than what many of the women of Velaris wore in the more intimate moments of their life.

I wanted nothing more than to join her on that stone bench, but after taking the first step, I remembered her own timid steps she had taken towards my room. If she had wanted my company, she would have taken the last few to my door, but she didn’t. She turned around and came down here, alone with nothing but her own thoughts, the roses and the stars. In a way, it was as if her sisters were with her. All that was missing from the symbolic trio of the Archeron sisters was Nesta’s own fire. I turned, heading for the dining room and the decanter of amber liquid with my name on it.

“I know you’re standing there, you brute.”

I couldn’t help the smirk that appeared on my face as soon as she spoke. I continued in the house, grabbing the bottle and not one, but two glasses, and made my way through the garden to where she was seated. The bench was just a slab of concrete with artful designs etched into it. It had no back, to ensure someone with wings could still comfortably enjoy the beauty around us. Sitting down next to her, I poured two knuckles of the drink in each glass. I offered her the first, expecting her to refuse, but she gently took it, resting it on her silk covered thigh. She didn’t even look at me, her gaze locked on the sky instead.

She lifted the glass to her lips and as she took a sip, her brows knitted together as her nose scrunched up. But she said nothing as she took another and the set the glass on the bench beside her. I took a larger drink out of my own glass, feeling the burn in my mouth and my throat as the liquor flooded my body with warmth, so different from the chilled night air around us.

“I heard you’ll be flying again soon.”

I glanced at her. The glass was back in her hand, resting against the palm of the other. Her voice was laced with something I couldn’t fully detect, yet it sounded like disappointment. “Probably not for a few weeks, maybe longer. I don’t even want to attempt it until I know my wings are strong enough to support me.” She swirled the contents of the glass around and stared into it as if it held all the secrets of Prythian.

“I suppose once you can fly, you’ll be staying in the House again?”

It was then that I followed her gaze. She had been looking at the stars, impossible not to do in Velaris, no matter how hard you tried, but her eyes were locked on the mountain that contained my home. The rooms and halls that I’d lived in for 500 years, where I’d eaten and trained, even while Rhys was Under the Mountain. As I looked back at her, the emptiness in her eyes nearly broke me.

“I suppose,” I said, leaning back on my hands and flaring my wings out in a wide stretch, the bravado I knew she’d come to loathe easing its way into my tone. “Why? Are you going to miss me?”

She snorted and rolled her eyes and I knew I’d achieved my goal. When she looked at me, the fire I adored had returned. “Not in the slightest. I was actually wondering when your room would be vacant. With my impressive salary, it seems I now have more clothes than before and have run out of space in my armoire. I was going to set up racks in your room.”

I laughed, and even though it was near three o’clock in the morning, I didn’t try to hide the sound. A smirk graced her own lovely face and we slipped into a comfortable silence as we sipped from our glasses. I decided to hedge my bets as I said, “You know, you still have a room up at the House, if you ever wanted to stay up there for a change of scenery?” She stiffened and I knew I’d made the wrong move. When she’d first been changed, she and Elain had isolated themselves up there. Once I’d been able to fly, I visited, claiming it was to work my wings, but in reality, I couldn’t stay away. I was still figuring out this pull between us that left me feeling empty when I couldn’t see her.

I downed the contents of my glass and was about to stand and leave her with her thoughts when she whispered, “What’s it like? To fly?”

I almost brought up the trip she’d made from the House with Rhys, but I knew that’s not what she meant. Her eyes looked wholly grey in the starlight as she looked at me and I glanced up into the night sky, my wings twitching with the instinct to take off.

“It’s the best feeling in the world. The wind calls to Illyrians, the open skies speak to us in a language only we can understand. It’s in our blood, and from an early age, all we want to do is soar. It’s the feeling of being completely free.”

I wanted to tell her how the takeoff would make your stomach drop into your feet no matter how many times you’d done it. I wanted to tell her about the feeling of the wind caressing your wings, like reassuring hands. I wanted to explain the rush of the freefall, but in the arms of someone you trust, the exhilaration and joy, and how badly I yearned to hear the peals of her laughter as my wings caught the updraft and we swept back up into the sky.

She shivered next to me as a chill wracked her body, and I placed a hand on her arm. For a split second, I marveled at the beauty of her lighter, soft skin next to my golden, calloused fingers. “Come on, let’s get inside. It’s freezing out here.”

She nodded and we made our way back into the house. I returned the bottle to its home and took our glasses into the kitchen to be washed in the morning. The kitchen door swung closed and I was surprised to see her standing in the living room waiting for me. The house was silent as I stepped closer to her and lifted her face look into my own with a finger under her chin. I whispered, “What’s going on in that head?” She only closed her eyes and shook her head and I let my hand drop, not wanting to push her any farther than I had tonight.

We made our way to the top of the stairs and I leaned on the railing, watching as she toyed with the lace on her nightgown that framed her breasts. “I’m thinking,” she started, and I straightened to my full height as she quietly said, “I’m thinking about my place in this new world, and how I have no idea where that is. One of my sisters is a High Lady of Prythian and the other is a Seer. They both have a purpose, a role.” She paused and I watched her hand fall to her side in defeat. “I’m thinking that as a High Fae, I’m just as unimportant as I was as a human.”

I didn’t try to stop myself as I took the few steps that separated us and wrapped my arms around this magnificently headstrong girl. She made no move to push away, but also no move to wrap her arms around me. I hesitated for a moment. We hadn’t spoken of that day since we’d returned to Velaris. My cheek was pressed against her hair and I breathed in the scent of her fire as I said, “You listen to me, Nesta Archeron. You helped save the world. You ended the King of Hybern. You separated his head from his worthless body and I have never seen anything so amazing in my entire, immortal life. When I roared at you to run, you refused and I have never been so angry, desperate and grateful at once. You threw your body over mine to protect me, when I should have been the one protecting you. I don’t care if you never do another damn thing in your life. You are the most important person in this world to me.”

Silence filled the corridor and I heard a faint sniffle before two slim arms slipped around my waist. She didn’t have to say anything in return. I knew. I understood.

We stayed there, clinging to each other for gods know how long. When she finally made to pull away from me, I leaned back, not ready to give up the hold I had on this impossibly beautiful female in front of me. I wiped a tear from her cheek and she looked up into my eyes and I could finally see the truth. I could see the girl who had been left by her mother, hurt by her father, overshadowed by her sisters. She wrenched her eyes shut just as one last tear fell down her face. I kissed it away and let her go. “Goodnight, Nesta.”

I turned and headed for my door, placing my hand on the knob, before I heard, “Wait.” I looked at her and she looked so devastating in the candlelight that I had to keep from going and dropping to my knees before her. She looked over her shoulder at her own door on the other end of the hall before glancing behind me at my own. Her eyes met mine and the silent question was clear.