after a short while of almost-stable life - me and my wife have lived in one place (a rented flat) for more than 2 years - it's so hard to make decisions that will again change your life and make it unpredictable for a little while. even if it's necessary, it's scary to undergo some major life changes, when it's already not-so-easy to live your life.
and I had a thought... "ah, I was just about to finish my degree and be able to find a job and finally have some sense of stability, and now I have to do this another pretty big thing, which is. a bummer. since I have not had a stable(?) life since I was 12 or something"
(at the same time [the thing] is a good and necessary choice for me, to be safer AND more stable in the future. and also yes, I am aware that everyone had troubled teenage years, but still. it was pretty hard, considering everything that happened)
but when I thought more about it, I figured that maybe I shouldn't divide my life into different time stretches, judging whether this or that situation I was in was safe/unsafe, stable/unstable, stressful/peaceful etc. because then, I'll always be thinking "is this it? am I finally okay? is this where I'm supposed to be, what I'm supposed to be doing?", waiting for the moment that will signify the start of a normal life.
and it shouldn't be like that! life will always be messy! most things don't go our way, but that's not a reason to put your life on hold and wait for the perfect moment to live it!
there will always be problems to solve and things to endure, but there will also be pretty sunsets, silly graffiti, tasty food, the sound of laughter of your close ones...
I hate the "life is a bitch and then you die" mindset. what if life is a beautiful woman on the bus who smiled at you before walking out at her stop? her lingering perfume and understanding that you will never see her again, but you smile nevertheless?
what then?
