How to disappear.
conrad x reader
nothing but pure fucking angst
“you’re not the only one who’s fucking hurting conrad.” the words left your mouth with a sour taste. you knew conrad would blow up in any second, and your sentence just gave you the ultimate death wish.
he stepped away from you as his eyes passed with a second of sadness before the blue in his irises turned black. he balled his once free hands into fists as he carefully chose his words.
yes, you guys were in a pretty heated argument but his worst fear is too ever say something out of anger that he will never get to take back.
“but what about me? don’t i get to hurt? don’t i get to deal with this in my own way? i understand that i’ve been more distant y/n, but i’m fucking hurting. everyday i wake up and smell her perfume within the empty halls just to realize that’s she’s not here. and her perfume is fuck-“ his voice breaks off.
“her perfume is fucking stuck to the walls like super glue and it’s nauseating.” his eyes leave you.
you know he’s hurting, he has been for months. you’ve given him time and space. you just miss the old him, the old us.
he can barely touch you, or look at you anymore. he doesn’t call you late at night when he’s studying anymore. no more late night showing up at your doorstep because he misses you. no more kisses at the red lights when you guys go on cruises. no more kisses in the rain. and no more pulling your hair behind your ears and kissing the tears the touch your cheeks when you have a rough day.
he was no longer the conrad that you knew. he became this ghost of a person on who you once loved. losing someone was hard, but losing someone who was still alive was harder.
everywhere you went; you were surrounded with the reminders of him and everything you guys used to be.
but god, you wish you could tell him that.
“con, i know you lost her. we all lost her. i lost her too, but that doesn’t mean you get to distance yourself for me and expect me be there when you’re ready to come back.” every time you spoke you were afraid that it’ll break him even more than he already is.
he’s been skating on thin ice for months before he has a full blown breakdown.
“i don’t understand what you fucking want me to do. i’m fucking trying. i can’t possibly give you more y/n, so please hop off my fucking dick already. it’s been months. just take the fucking hint already. leave me alone.” conrad stepped away from you and he gripped onto the granite countertop. his free hand pinched the bridge of his nose as his breathing lessened but hardened.
you flinched at his harsh words. they severed through the crumbling shell hitting you write in the chest. you eyes began to water up blurring the view of the boy in front of you.
“i’m tired,” you’re voice cracked. you watched as he stood there, lifeless, emotionless towards you. towards the argument you both just had but most of all to your relationship.
“what can that possibly mean y/n?” conrad questioned with a level of harshness in his tone.
you tried saving and salvaging everything the both of you built together with everything you possibly can. it was as if you were both two candles burning with the same flame. your fire still rapidly burning but Conrad’s was fading away. piece by piece.
you’re share your vibrant and strong flame as his would slowly die down but you’re burning your own flame out by trying to revive his.
a person can only take so much before they burn themselves out. you’re afraid it’s finally your time. the flame finally dying out leaving the room cold no longer kept alive with the heat.
“i can’t keep saving this. i’m tired of trying to pick up your broken pieces conrad. i can’t keep cleaning up your empty beer bottles that surround you as you sleep every night. i can’t keep trying to save you while i’m fucking drowning. it’s over conrad. i’m done.” conrad finally looks at you.
you thought you would break through finally to him. finally crack the wall that’s he’s built up for months now. instead, you received nothing but a blank stare and a slight furrow in him eyebrows.
you slowly begin to grab your things before heading to the front door. you turn the doorknob turning back to glance at him one last and final time.
conrad caught your glimpse. he now sat on a chair holding the same old beer bottle that chilled his hands every night. his stare was empty and cold. it was like you were never there.
you were now another ghost that haunted the house. filling it to the brim with more memories that conrad would later rinse down with the burn of alcohol down his throat.
you leave out the front door, practically spinning to the car. your knees buckling as you open the door and crash down on the seat. your sobs breaking the deafening quiet atmosphere that made your ears pound. your body releasing everything that you’ve kept in for months now.
you wanted to disappear. you wanted nothing more than to slip into the abyss of the unknown and just stay there for awhile. you wish you could forget conrad and everything you’ve been through together but you couldn’t.
conrad made you, you. you’d now have to learn to be without him. you’d have to wake up to cold beds in the morning that was once warm with conrad’s body heat as he lazily slept in while his arm loosely wrapped around your waist.
everything you’ve owned will no longer smell like the salty ocean air mixed with a soft musk of vanilla. no more late night texts from conrad saying how much he missed you and no more early morning muffin runs.
you wanted to learn how to disappear.
