#tsfa

FANFIC COMPLETED!

Series - In Pursuit of a Normal Life

Title: The Search For Absolution (Part 4 / 4) Fandom: Final Fantasy VII / Kingdom Hearts - Hybrid. Modern AU Pairing: Zack Fair/Cloud Strife Chapter Rating: PG Summary: Cloud breaks the news of his decision to Zack.

Chapter 17 - All In

He had actually done it. It had been a lot messier than he ever anticipated but Cloud had accomplished it. He had been able to walk out of the hospital, after getting his fingers tended to, with his head held high and feelings of triumph gently washing over him. By the time his journey ended at the door of his warehouse Cloud was exhausted. He slumped down next to his bike unable to care about much of anything bar the relief he felt. He lay on the ground, staring up at the sky. It looked bluer than he had ever seen it before. The sun shone brighter than it had ever before.

Cloud was free. Free like he had never been before in his life. The shadow of the past no longer hung over him. It was still there, and would always be there, but it was safely tucked away in a corner, and Cloud felt confident that it would never threaten him again. Because things had ended right. It hadn’t been perfect, but it had been right.

He could focus on his future now. What an alien concept. He could actually for once in his life truly focus on his future. That thought made him ecstatic. And not in a demure and quiet way either, as often was Cloud’s prefered state of existing. No, he was burning with energy all of a sudden. His heart drummed a wild tune. His cheeks ached from the smile he had worn since he turned his back on that hospital. He wanted to dance and sing and scream. And he wanted to do all these things with Zack.

But Zack was gone. This was the resupply run to the church weekend. And Cloud knew Zack had gone down this morning, with Denzel and Rupert. And on top of that he would be visiting his parents this entire coming week. Cloud would have to sit on his excitement until Zack returned.

Cloud supposed he could share his joy with Roxas. His brother had tried to call him several times that morning, after all. But Cloud had ignored the calls on purpose. He had needed to concentrate on pumping himself up for his encounter with Sephiroth. But Cloud was now in a much better frame of mind to actually be happy on his birthday and to talk to another living being.

Cloud lifted his hips off the ground and rummaged through his pockets, feeling for his phone.

A shadow fell across his chest on this most beautiful and cloudless of days.

Cloud’s hips dropped and he looked across to the source of the dark shape. His breath caught. His heart erupted and burst. Cloud lurched into a sitting position. “Zack! What are you doing here? I thought you’d gone to Gongaga.” The pieces of Cloud’s heart that had remained intact thumped with excitement. He couldn’t keep the ever increasing joy from his face.

Zack however spoke stiffly, “Roxas called me. He told me today’s your birthday,” Zack rubbed the back of his head, “so I figured I should stay - no one should be alone on their birthday.”

Cloud felt touched by the man’s love for him. His smile only broadened, scrunching his face up with the immense affection he felt.

Zack had - of course - guessed correctly that the old Cloud would be having a miserable time on his birthday. Even though they weren’t technically on speaking terms right now Zack made the exception to look out for him. Because that’s the kind of guy he was. Because that’s how much Zack loved him.

Jumping up, Cloud lightly dusted himself off and strode towards Zack for a hug. But he was taken aback by Zack’s serious expression.

There was pain in his voice as he quickly spoke, “You went to the hospital today, didn’t you? I was looking for you earlier, but you weren’t here.”

Cloud’s smile fell and he stopped within arms reach of Zack. “Yeah. I saw Sephiroth,” Cloud responded. The gravitas in his voice matching Zack’s, beautifully.

Zack refused to look at Cloud, casting eyes to the side. “I’m sorry to do this to you on your birthday, but - I’m all out of patience, Cloud,” Zack’s words were labored and burdened.

Cloud believed him. He had stretched Zack’s good will to the limit.

Zack’s eyes flicked up. “I need an answer, today.”

This is the penultimate chapter for this fic.

Series - In Pursuit of a Normal Life

Title: The Search For Absolution (Part 4 / 4) Fandom: Final Fantasy VII / Kingdom Hearts - Hybrid. Modern AU Pairing: Zack Fair/Cloud Strife - Cloud Strife/Sephiroth - Sephiroth/Genesis Chapter Rating: Moderately explicit. Violence Summary: Cloud sets out to end things. It is the final showdown - eight years in the making.

Chapter 16 -  The Gift of Absolution

Cloud spent another week digesting all that he had learned. He thought about whether or not he truly wanted to let go of Sephiroth. He thought about whether he was ready to let go. He thought about the past eight years and what he had been through. He thought about that space of time and contemplated what they all had been through. Cloud had learned so much about himself and his own capabilities. He had learned about the good and the bad side of himself. He had grown to understand his parents better, and most of all Sephiroth.

The man was hung up on Cloud’s dead father. Cloud felt incredible sympathy towards Sephiroth. Because he knew what it was like to be hung up on someone else. He had been pining after Zack for so long, and that caused him to be completely unfair and borderline abusive and manipulative to someone who never deserved it. Cloud had done to Irvine what Sephiroth had done to Cloud, and Cloud would have to live with that. He never wanted to let it ever happen again.

He could completely understand how easy it was to do crazy things when you were in pain. That thought led Cloud to start spending more time in his bathroom looking at himself in his dingy mirror. He ran his eyes over the marks and familiarized himself with them until they no longer bit into his heart.

Zack had been right. They were so incredibly faded, almost blending in with his pale skin in spots. Even the scar on his chest itched less with time. Time healed everything, if you didn't let yourself dwell on it and revel in the pain it brought on. Cloud wasn’t very good at that last part. Not yet anyway, but he thought himself to be improving.

Cloud made a habit of sitting on his desk at lunchtime, with a sandwich he was eating in one hand, and his dad’s photograph in the other. He looked at the man and memory in deep thought. At first the thoughts revolved around wishing he had known his father better. Wishing he hadn’t died, but wishing changed nothing. Wishing only caused more pain.

He thought he had made peace with those parts of himself in Wutai. But that chapter was only really coming to a close for himself now. And he probably had Sephiroth and Genesis to thank for that. Slowly he was able to look at the photograph without wincing in pain. He could start to just appreciate the fond memories he held in his heart of his father. He began wishing the same peace for Sephiroth.

One day Cloud was drawn out of one of his pleasant memories of getting a piggy back ride from his father around their backyard, by the sound of a motorbike roaring to life outside. He looked up. He knew it was Zack’s bike. He hadn’t seen heads nor tails of that man in two weeks. Heard him, sure, but not seen even a hint of black spikes or caramel tanned skin.

Cloud missed him.

He hadn’t gone over there to tell Zack his decision. Cloud felt it was too early. He would only go over there when the deed had been done. He didn’t want to make promises to Zack only to go meet with Sephiroth and then fold. He didn’t intend to fold but it was a very serious and terrifying possibility.

The past was too overpowering. Cloud thought clearly right now, but when he came face to face with the man who had meant so much to him all bets were usually off. Cloud didn’t trust himself enough to make a bold statement and commitment to Zack. Cloud didn’t want to disappoint Zack yet again, giving the man false hope. He was fed up of hurting Zack over and over again. He really had to stop hurting those he came in contact with.

A new chapter for my fic. Updated Weekly...

Series - In Pursuit of a Normal Life

Title: The Search For Absolution (Part 4 / 4) Fandom: Final Fantasy VII / Kingdom Hearts - Hybrid. Modern AU Pairing: Zack Fair/Cloud Strife - Cloud Strife/Sephiroth Chapter Rating: Mature Summary: Cloud has fallen into a trap.

Chapter 14 - The Ultimatum

Days passed without Cloud setting foot near the hospital. Sephiroth’s threat loomed large in Cloud’s mind. Yet a voice inside himself said to pay it no heed. He wanted to test the man. See if he would come looking for Cloud. But largely Cloud just stayed away because he needed space. He focused on staying in the present. He focused on enjoying his work, helping and teaching Denzel. He focused on continuing to establish his business. He made more of a habit of calling Roxas up and checking in to make sure their connection with one another remained strong.

He also spent a lot of quiet time in deep thought. Zack’s words reverberated around his head. Cloud had felt so incredibly bad after Sephiroth had kissed him. He had felt even worse after he kissed him back. He thought he had cheated Zack, himself and Sephiroth as well.

He had wanted to punish himself.

When Zack had come in wanting sex it had seemed like the perfect solution, because that’s what had worked for Cloud in the past. But Zack hadn’t indulged him. That had simultaneously pissed Cloud off, and caused him some relief. He knew what he had done with Irvine hadn’t been healthy. He appreciated Zack caring too much for Cloud to let him destroy himself.

Cloud wrestled with how he seemed unable to sully Zack’s opinion of himself. How many hideous things had Cloud confessed to now? How much more would Zack take before he left?

He had confessed about his whole sordid past. He had confessed to what he made Irvine do to him. He had confessed to the kiss he had shared with Sephiroth. He had wanted Zack to be disgusted with him. To turn away and leave him in that cold bathroom. Because why wouldn’t he? Why shouldn’t he? Everybody else Cloud ever cared for had left.

Cloud clung onto the thought that he had wanted Zack to get angry at him. He had wanted to feel Zack’s burning rage, because Cloud felt he deserved that. That’s why he had told him about the kiss. He had wanted Zack to get a lot more angry than that previous time though.

Yet nothing shook Zack’s love and acceptance. Cloud couldn’t fathom it. Zack had stayed and actually kissed him, chastely. And then much later with more passion than Cloud could remember having received from the man in a long while. Which was a pretty big feat considering Zack always had such incredible passion for Cloud. No matter what time of day/night, or under what circumstances.

Cloud had failed at sabotaging himself. Zack seemed to hold tightly onto Cloud, refusing to let him drown in the powerful riptide that was Sephiroth. Zack was his anchor to the future. Zack kept Cloud from drowning when he was too tired to swim on.

Sephiroth made Cloud forget all the good things about himself, dragging him down. He could see what a negative influence that man was in his life. But Sephiroth’s words drew Cloud in like a moth to a flame. Sephiroth loved him. Heat swirled inside his core every time he thought about it. It was a mixture or anger and intense longing. But then Cloud thought of Zack’s words. Did Sephiroth even see Cloud? Or was he truly just pining after his long dead father?

That questioned burned in Cloud’s mind. He didn’t know what he would do if the answer was ‘no, Sephiroth truly loves you’. Nor did he know how he would deal with the answer being ‘yes, Sephiroth truly loves Oswyn’.

It’s what drove him back to the hospital after a few weeks.

He visited Sephiroth, with a violent pounding heart. He wasn’t going to flounder. He wasn't going to be eaten alive, or drowned. He was going in there with questions, and coming out with answers.

He should have known better, to be honest.

A new chapter for my fic. Updated Weekly...

Series - In Pursuit of a Normal Life

Title: The Search For Absolution (Part 4 / 4) Fandom: Final Fantasy VII / Kingdom Hearts - Hybrid. Modern AU Pairing: Zack Fair/Cloud Strife - Cloud Strife/Sephiroth Chapter Rating: Explicit Summary: Zack and Cloud have a long conversation.

Chapter 13 - Sensible Decisions

Zack heard Fenrir approach and pull in next door. That sound always made Zack breathe a sigh of relief. He wanted to go over and welcome Cloud home but he was currently tied up with a long phone conversation regarding new delivery schedules for an existing customer.

Zack tapped his pen impatiently on his notepad, trying to listen but ultimately getting absorbed in his own thoughts.

He hated Cloud going out to see Sephiroth. Cloud was torturing himself and was refusing to stop. But what could Zack do? Cloud had kept his promise. He was spending less time over there, and more time with himself, Denzel and Rupert.

Zack had gotten Cloud into doing small things to look after himself. Like the breathing activities. They exercised together, and not just the fun naked kind of exercise either. Cloud was even beginning to pick up some of the basics of guitar. So Zack shouldn’t be so worried.

Cloud assured Zack that he spent a lot more time talking with Genesis, so it wasn’t like Cloud was just going over there to be with the guy who abused him.

But it upset Zack irrespective of how well Cloud thought he was handling things.

Zack slammed the receiver down in relief when the phone conversation ended. He sprang up and lightly ran towards Cloud’s workshop, in search of his darling sunshine.

He couldn’t spy the blonde mop anywhere obvious. He did however find Denzel, who was busy running an engine check.

Zack and Cloud were both so very proud of Denzel’s work ethic and attention to detail. Zack’s heart always swelled thinking how lucky he was that Cloud had given Denzel an opportunity to do something he really enjoyed.

“Hey Denzel, where’d Cloud go?”

“He’s gone upstairs. Said he needed a shower.”

“Cheers, bud!” he beamed and bounded up the stairs, letting himself in.

They had managed to furnish the place up nicely so it looked less austere and more like a home. For it was their home. Rupert and Denzel were left in Zack’s former place. Zack had moved most of his possessions over, so he could share and live with Cloud.

The walls were decorated with Zack’s uncle’s buster sword. He had very carefully moved it and hung it much like it had done in its former home. There were also a lot of photographs of them on the walls, both old and new. Cloud always made a fuss whenever Zack snapped a photograph of them together, but Zack wasn’t fooled one bit by the showy protests. He knew how much Cloud loved making new memories with Zack.

They also had a large sofa and an armchair. As well as a big dining table so all four men, who lived next to each other, could enjoy meals together like civilized people, instead of sitting all over the place. That thought always made Zack grin. He knew Aerith would approve.

Stepping into this place brought immense joy to Zack. But he was happiest when he saw Cloud in these surroundings. Cloud lazing on the lounge, smiling up at him. Cloud in the kitchen, smiling at him. Cloud in bed, preferably naked and sweaty, smiling. Zack loved making Cloud smile.

Zack’s attention was drawn towards the bathroom. He could hear the water running and headed over. It suddenly occurred to Zack that there had been an almost criminal oversight; a sharp toothy grin unfurled itself across his face.

He knocked and waited for Cloud to invite him in. When the invite didn’t come instantaneously Zack knocked again.

“Hey Sunshine, it’s me. Everything alright?” he called out.

Zack grew worried when it took a few more moments for Cloud’s response to reverberate through the door.

“Yeah, come in.”

Zack did.