#ts intruloceit

“I don’t know, Roman and Virgil will be heading over to get them so-”

The footage cut off and changed to the floral pattern of someone's shirt. After a minute the shirt wearer moved and the hall returned in view.

Logan stood next to his brother at the altar nervously clutching a green and yellow bouquet. Patton nudged him and smiled.

Janus, in a yellow suit holding green and blue flowers, was halfway up the aisle on the left. He was accompanied by Virgil, wearing a purple dress and holding his arm with a sad smile.

The two stared at each other with heart eyes before Remus appeared from the right, wearing a green dress and holding blue and yellow flowers.

His brother, in red, stood next to him but had chosen not to hold his hand.

They all looked so incredibly in love.

The person marrying them cleared their throat, floral shirt stepped in front of the camera again and the footage changed.

The after-party was decorated in blacks, whites, and grays.

Logan, Janus, and Remus, now newlyweds, stepped onto the dance floor holding hands. With Janus sandwiched between Remus and Logan they began the first dance.

No children by the mountain goats played behind them. (the song I want at my wedding lol)

Remus, ever entertained, started laughing, Janus and Logan tried to contain their laughter but quickly succumbed to the giggles. The dancing stopped and the grooms caught their breath.

Janus grabbed Logan's hand and spun him as the chorus began.

The footage changed.

A drunk Virgill stood on a platform.

Janus sat just on screen, his face a bright red. “-and that is how Remus and Janus met. Janus didn’t want me to tell that story, but it's his wedding, I get to be mean” Virgil lifted his glass, “to a good beginning and an even better end”

Off-screen, Remus whooped as the crowd toasted them. Roman stepped onto the platform.

“Well that was an interesting story Virgil will most definitely regret telling later” the crowded chuckled, “But moving on, Congrats Remus, you have officially beat me at getting married”

“Hell yeah, I did!” Remus yelled from offscreen. Roman rolled his eyes, “yeah he’s gonna hold that over me until the day I die”

“Well got on proposing to emo-man and I might not” Roman turned bright red, “Remus!”

The footage changed.

Logan stood with an evil grin and a fist full of cake.

Remus was covered in cake and had taken to licking it off his dress. Janus was trying to stay cleaner, dodging the chunks of cake launched at him from both his partners.

“aaAAGG” Logan cried, the camera swiveled back to him. A cupcake had been squished into his hair, Patton stood behind him with an innocent smile and icing on his hands.

Logan grabbed a fistful of cake and smeared it on Patton’s face.

Patton squealed and the footage changed.

“-mus put me down this is highly un- REMUS” Remus burst out of the front door carrying Logan bridal style. Janus trailed behind laughing so hard tears streamed down his face.

He threw Logan into the car, gesturing for Janus to hurry up, and slammed the door behind them.

The screen went dark.

Remy stared at the black square with wide eyes, “That was what your wedding was like”

Logan nodded, “yes, it was… a lot of fun,” he said with a smile.

Janus snorted, “that’s one way of putting it. I’m just glad we didn’t get Virgil’s speech on record. I might have died”

Their ten year old son wiped around, “well now I got to know.” Logan laughed, “you don’t have to know anything. I’m going to go get dinner started, help me ‘mus?”

Remus hopped up from his seat on top of Janus, “yep!” and in a stage whisper he said, “I’ll tell you about it later”

“You most certainly will not!!!” Janus cried racing after his husbands, “and I won't let Virgil tell him either”

Remy stared after his parents, even after 13 years of marriage they still looked at each other with as much love as they did on their wedding day… and as much annoyance.

But there was something about them this time, maybe it was he was more attached to Logan and Janus now so it felt worse, or maybe they were just louder, crueler, and more plaguing this time around. He supposed a safe bet with him was always both.

-And of course, he knew they weren’t dead, he knew it.

Logan and Janus were the most alive those stick in the muds could be, he had heard them say they were gonna watch a couple movies, so he knew exactly where they were too.

So he just had to ride the thoughts out, they couldn’t be too bad after all.

He’d just stay in his room or go to the imagination and try to distract himself, because he couldn’t go anywhere else as he would steadfastly not either go in the room with them and wait for them to notice the intrusive thoughts residing in his head or downright go and tell the only people who could currently stand him ‘oh my stupid brain is saying you’re dead or are going to die and it fucking sucks, please help’ and wait for the harsh words because really what else could happen as a reaction when Remus talked about intrusive thoughts?

..Other than the worse option, they would be uncomfortable around him, again.

He loved making the others uncomfortable, squirm under his gaze, cringe as they tried to get an image out of their heads that he had put there, glare at him, shift uncomfortably.

But despite all that, they had been really nice- well not quite at first, but even then in Janus’s case it had been a lot better than he had received up till then, and then Logan had decided to track him down to ‘get his thoughts’ and had listened, without even squirming, and then it had been so much better than anything.

So he really didn’t wanna mess it up, especially by making them uncomfortable just being in his presence, again. 

So yeah of course he’d just ride out the peak of the thoughts that were cramming their way in and out of his skull somewhere them-free. He'd done it before.

The biggest decision he really had to make was deciding where that space would be, which wasn’t really a big decision at all considering how quickly, and without much thought, he quickly just rose into the imagination.

It really was truly beautiful, especially with the added rotting- decaying, corpses and pitch-black plants, and the dark red goop oozing out of the plants, and the crying vines hanging from the trees he had added for decoration- well not added necessarily, they had added themselves during a, particularly fun day. he really didn’t understand why Roman didn’t like it much over here, he was so boring.

Well- he supposed he understood a little since the thoughts had gotten progressively worse just being here for a second, he probably should’ve thought a little more about that, but he had felt it before, he would be fine, and it wasn’t like going back would help now, he would just ride it out, at least here nothing would see him, especially peering eyes.

He’d be fine.

_________

Logan wandered into his side of his imagination trying to find him for something, Remus was too preoccupied to notice him.

Blood.

So much blood, nothing could stop it, nothing, too much bleeding, he didn’t mean to, he didn’t, it wasn’t his fault, it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t know he was there, he didn’t know something had happened, he hadn’t meant to be too late.

He had been worried but still so sure Logan would pop right back up, dusting himself off and saying it was annoying but it ‘wasn’t real’ and didn’t affect him. Remus had Been waiting, trying so hard to keep hoping as he held onto Logan's corpse like a lifeline. 

“Logan,” he calls, in what was close to a plea, “nerdy wolverine, you’re being a bit boring, c-come on, wake up, this is just mean,” he said with a shaky voice.

Waiting.

Come on Logan, please.

He didn’t wake up.

_________

Remus sat down, trying to keep his breathing steady as he pulled his legs to his face in a self-soothing gesture.

 It’s not real, he knows that.

It’s not real.

_________

Janus had been told not to go near the imagination, especially not Remus’s side of it.

He had been told.

Remus couldn’t be to blame, everyone said no one but him and roman should ever go there, it was too dangerous.

But Remus had been there, and Janus decided he wanted to see him, 

Maybe it was his fault, 

After all, He had been too late, again. 

He was always too late.

He had met eyes with Janus when it happened, Janus had been about to say something,

But then right in front of his eyes, Janus was picked up and slammed into a giant boulder to the side of them by a creature Remus made.

He had seen the sudden terror-struck look in his eyes.

So much blood

“-Janus Please wake up, I got you away- please wake up”

_________

He choked on a sob into his knees, taking big uncomfortable gulps of air as he shook.

They were okay.

It wasn’t real

It wasn’t real.

_________

Janus crying out in pain, so much pain, as he was killed right in front of Remus’s eyes.

Remus hadn’t been able to do anything.

He’d seen the light dim from his eyes.

He tried, he fought the big creature, he fought it away from him, trying so hard to protect him.

But he hadn't done it right had he?

Because Janus wasn’t there anymore.

His corpse, already so cold and empty of any life.

_________

 No no no it wasn’t real.

He had to believe that.

Even as he saw their pale, blood-drained faces, and lifeless eyes every time he blinked.

He had to believe it.

_________

Logan twitched, and Remus was filled with hope instantly, wondering if he hadn’t been too late, wondering if he’d done good and Logan really would be okay. 

He had been banged up- but maybe he really wasn’t affected-

The air remained deadly silent.

He didn’t wake up.

He still wasn’t breathing, his body didn’t even care to continue its bleeding anymore, it was like it was spiting him, laughing at him for having any hope.

Maybe if he got Logan back to the mind palace he would be okay?

But Logan had said never to move an injured person-

What can he do? How could he fix this?

Logan please, wake up.

_________

They were alive he knew it they had to be alive, they were okay, they would be okay, and he just had to go find them and they would huff a laugh and roll their eyes at him-

They aren’t okay.

They’re dead, gone.

He tried and failed.

His mind was right no matter how much he tries to be good he can’t, he’s not good at it, he’s useless.

They’re gone because of him.

He sobbed as he clawed his nails into his knees painfully, he was useless, he couldn’t even help his friends when they were hurt, when they were dying.

_________

Blank eyes, cold and emotionless as they stare at him.

Remus’s body trembles trying not to scream, that’ll only alert more things to them.

Why are their bodies so cold?

How long had they spent there? 

He needs to tell the light sides, maybe they can fix it.

He needs them to fix it.

He can’t deal with those cold, lifeless eyes, he needs them back, he can’t handle them being gone.

They can’t be gone.

_________

Remus flinches hard as something touches his shoulder, preparing to either fight or just let it kill him, though it didn’t really matter to him, at least if he died he wouldn’t have to deal with the grief.

But he blinks when he realized a very important detail. 

Because apparently during the trembling, sobbing, and rocking back and forth, when he hadn’t been paying attention to anything around him, he had somehow managed to get to the dark side living room, he had probably been summoned, for some reason.

They were probably looking for Logan and Janus- that would make sense, but they were gone now.

Dead dead dead.

Skulls bashed in, skin bloody and raw.

Screaming, empty eyes.

He didn’t wanna tell them, he couldn’t tell them.

he pushed himself onto his side so he wouldn’t have to deal with them trying to look him in the eyes and continued balling up and sobbing, they could figure it out themselves, they always did, and he didn’t wanna go back there.

He didn’t want to see them.

Pale and bloody.

So cold.

Too cold.

Janus needs to be warmed up. He can't be cold, he'll get sick, he gets sick easily, he needs to be warm, he needs to be warm.

He doesn’t move, he waits, but doesn’t move, there’s what he can only assume to be several quiet minutes that pass that he waits, before he assumes they found where he came from and are going to his side of the imagination.

No no no they’d all be hurt too they can’t go.

No, they can’t go too.

They need to protect Thomas, he can’t do anything on his own.

They can’t go.

They can’t leave him too, they can't, they can’t they can’t they can't.

Please don’t leave.

His nails dig further into his leg, quickly drawing blood.

It doesn’t help.

He wishes it helped, he needs it to help, he needs it to ground him, everyone’s gone, everyone’s gone and he can’t do anything and he’s useless, and he-

“-Remus? Remus, can you hear me? Remus please-“ a voice begged almost soundlessly. 

Janus?

Wasn’t he dead?

He was pretty sure dead people couldn’t be alive, that went against their whole point, And he didn’t think sides could be zombies, he’d actually debated that with Logan.

Was his mind playing tricks on him? It did that a lot. Janus and Logan had started helping him with it recently, but they couldn’t anymore could they?

He misses them.

He doesn’t entertain the voice. He doesn’t think when he’s done crying that he’s ever going to entertain anything- much less move, again, just lay limply, at least Thomas will be safe from him.

“Remus! Please Remus listen to me-“ the voice says again, practically begging. 

Remus doesn’t want to dignify that with a response, but he doesn’t have enough energy to deal with the voice yelling at him so he just angrily goes “Janus is dead stop it, it’s mean.” and continues his harsh attempts to breathe.

And then suddenly the loud wordless static that the voice has been speaking that only occasionally dipped into what he could hear shut off completely.

he was thankful for that, at least his mind could leave him alone a little-

Two pairs of Hands, one gloved and one not, grabbed onto him suddenly, the gloved ones pulling his hands from his bloodied legs and rubbing them gently in their hold, and the ungloved ones of which he didn’t know the source of, softly rubbing his shoulder, almost unsurely.

He jolted at the contact, freezing for several silent moments before looking around.

Janus, Logan

“You’re not real,” he says more to himself than the apparitions, because that’s what they are, that’s all they can be.

Janus shakes his head and squeezes his hands with the words “sweetheart, I’m right here, I’m real.”

Remus shakes his head harder, he can do it too, “no Janus s’ gone and so’s Logan” he says, not offering much explanation to them as they really should know this, though he doesn’t think he’ll get very far arguing- can it be described as arguing? With his own thoughts in the form of Janus and Logan.

The voice behind him hums, “I am very much alive and well, of course, less well now because you're clearly distressed and it’s worrying, however, yes we are very real, do you wish to talk about why We wouldn’t be?”

Remus looks at him hysterically, he sounds real, and he feels real, but his brain has tricked him before.

What’s real?

His breath hitches at the knowledge he doesn’t know what’s real anymore, did Logan and Janus even ever exist? What if they didn’t die? What if they did and these are ghosts? That would explain why Logan sounds so Logan-y.

His attention is harshly pulled from his spiraling slightly hysterical thoughts once again when Logan- can he call it Logan? Takes his hands from Janus? and holds them in front of both of them before beginning to speak.

“I am real, you are real, Janus is real, the surrounding area is real, we”- small squeeze of his hands -“are real, I don’t know what triggered this derealization, but I know I would like to help. Janus is off to get a weighted blanket so we can see if that helps”- and a glance at where the Janus had been seconds prior shows at least that is true, can not-real people leave? He doesn’t think so, he hopes not at least.

Despite himself and despite the rest of the soothing monologue He finds the words bursting out instantly- though definitely a delayed instantly, at the first part “no no- no your not- I was in the imagination and Logan came in and he”— his breath hitches —“ he got attacked- and I was too late and he was bleeding and he was bleeding too much and he wouldn’t wake up and he died- and Janus-“

“No,” the Logan cut off gently, squeezing his hand again to try and get him to focus on the touch, it was working, “we all woke up around nine, we had breakfast, you ate the entire bottle of maple syrup, bottle included, roman got upset despite the fact we were not eating waffles or pancakes so he didn’t need it, and in the resulting confrontation he somehow ended up falling out of the chair. it was a break day so after the meal Roman went to go on a quest to go- what I assume to be, repair his ego, and Patton and Virgil went to go bake cookies, Virgil mostly only went to supervise and steal the cookie dough, meanwhile, I and Janus went to talk about a specific fascinating book we both enjoyed, before deciding to watch a couple of movies, after a bit, you came over to see what we were watching, we invited you to join us but you just mumbled something incoherently and then you left. at around four pm we decided to see what else we could do and went to check on you to see if you had any opinions on the matter and to see if you wanted to join in again, however, you were not there, we searched for you and at around five pm, we decided to just summon you, then you know a brief bit of what happened after, at no point however did we step foot in the imagination, which means, we are safe, and we will continue to be so, and you are too.”

Remus tried hard to remember with Logan as he retold the day's events, that sounded about right. It was really funny watching Roman fall out of the chair, he wouldn’t forget that, and hadn’t he known where they were before going to the imagination? They knew not to go to his side of the imagination unless he was within arms reach, maybe he was right?

His brain still felt really fuzzy and he was exhausted, and he couldn’t remember a lot, but honestly, he really wanted to believe this was Logan and that they were safe.

Remus squeezed Logan's hand and yeah that felt real, his hands were warm and solid and him.

Was he real?

There’s a sudden, very gentle squeeze on his shoulder, and he turns his head to see Janus, “Hey hun, I’m back, do you think you can handle a weighted blanket right now?”

Remus nods mutely and very carefully Janus sets it onto his shoulders and oh.

Remus sagged against the nearest warm body, which honestly he can’t tell if it ended up being Janus or Logan, but he kept the blanket between them for the most part, to do his best to avoid overstimulation from full-body contact, he loved the blanket so much, it did such a great job of making him feel less floaty, though he still felt like shit.

But He wanted Logan to be right. 

He wanted them to be okay.

After a minute He feels himself very carefully being picked up, before very quickly being set down on the couch, though the person not moving away from him, just getting somewhere comfortable, he feels a weight sit down on his other side, and he kinda wished he hadn’t kind of encased himself in the blanket like a caterpillar, but at the same time, he was thankful for not having to deal with the light.

He hears a couple of hushed whispers before Janus’s voice speaks again, “hey dear would you like Logan to turn on a show or documentary for background noise?” 

Remus paused before nodding, that sounded nice, and it can’t do much harm, nothing moves and he huffs to himself before moving the blanket just to uncover his face before nodding again.

Janus smiles before looking at Logan smugly and Logan sighs before shifting and getting up, luckily not having actually gotten Remus to move onto him again, and Logan very quickly turns the tv on before quietly calling over, “are you alright with animals at the moment?” Remus nods again and Logan smiles before finding a cute fairy penguin documentary and turning it on, making sure to turn down the volume a little and turn off the lights so there’s no chance of it being overwhelming.

Remus appreciates it, and soon Logan is sitting back down and Remus is very content to just collapse onto Logan's lap like a sad worm because he would rather not feel clingy or risk the chance of overstimulation by properly cuddling him. Thank you very much.

He hears Janus huff softly, amusement and humor very clear in his voice as he goes “do I not get affection?” Remus hums to himself before kicking his feet up and using him as a footrest, the small laugh he gets in return for the action makes him feel like he’s floating in the clouds, but not in a bad way like he normally had, but in the good fluffy way.

that laugh felt real, and really he didn’t think illusions could turn on TVs or turn off light, and his memories were a little bit jumbled and fuzzy- like moldy spaghetti! So he didn’t know exactly what unfolded on his end at the moment, he’d probably need a little rest or get that, but it all seemed right, and Logan, even a fake Logan wouldn’t lie, so knowing Remus he probably just spiraled and his stupid brain went too far, it made sense, but it doesn’t make him feel better or make the cold blank eyes disappear from his mind whenever he blinks.

He hummed to himself quietly before doing his best to gently grab Janus’s arm to pull him closer to him and Logan, Janus easily obliged and scooted closer and Remus smiles lopsidedly before deciding he didn’t really need the barrier at the moment so he pulled the blanket away from him a little so it wasn’t a cocoon around him and instead was just like a normal blanket on him, and with the added freedom he happily laid down on the two, very quickly making it clear they weren’t gonna be able to get up any time soon, even when Remus was feeling better, though they weren’t complaining now that he was getting a little bit of his spunk back, they could very clearly see he was in no way okay again, but the fact he wasn’t sobbing and so disassociated that he was convinced they were both dead and not real, was definitely an improvement at least, and they were happy with that improvement.

Quite honestly it had been terrifying- they were sure it had been even worse for Remus, but it had been terrifying nonetheless seeing Remus in such an awful state, and Janus had lived with him- not closely but still lived with him, for such a long time, and had never seen him like that, so he had no idea how to help, and Logan had just been trying his best to ground him like he did with Virgil, and had been scared he was just making it worse.

Logan and Janus silently take each of Remus’s hands in their own as the documentary finally starts, just holding them as another unspoken reminder that they were real.