#trouples

Why jealousy is a bad trope:

1.)    It’s toxic

2.)    It’s non-conflict

3.)    It doesn’t actually deal with the roots of jealousy

Are you a fan of Fap’s furious fujoshi fumes, but want a meta-analysis of the genre as a whole instead of specific titles?

Oh no it seems literally no one is asking for that…no one except Faps and FUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT HAHA!

So that brings me to “Trouble with Tropes” or heh heh TROUPLES!

Anybody who’s ANY fan of romance has had to stare into the unrelenting green eyes of this trouple.  I speak of no other than Jealousy.  While I think some of what I’m going to say will resonate with how jealousy is used in fiction on a whole, I’m going to focus on how it’s used in BL…which I feel is a very potent and distilled version of it. Also heaven forbid I read about anything beyond nasty gay tonguings.

What better place to start than What IS jealousy?

Jealousy can cover a variety of topics but in the case of romance here I will be talking specifically about romantic and sexual jealousy.

Dictionary.com states that - feeling or showing suspicion of someone's unfaithfulness in a relationship.

Seems to be the one best suited for a romance but I’d argue that the definition that suits BL’s brand of jealousy is more like

fiercely protective or vigilant of one's rights or possessions.

Why do I say this?

Well because sometimes they literally say their partner is a possession.  And even if not outright stated, it is heavily implied in the script.

(examples: Cute Devil + lamb project + Radical blood monster + Others)

There’s also the fact that very rarely is infidelity even considered a legitimate thing that would occur. As I said, the jealousy in BL is very, very POTENT and therefore has escalated beyond a suspicion of COULD BE UNFAITHFUL to a PERSON IS MY PROPERTY AND MY PROPERTY IS NOT ALLOWED TO INTERACT WITH OTHER HUMANS!  

 Getting real

Before I start ripping through this topic like a repressed teenage boy rips through a heavily populated street in Grand theft Auto… allow me to say that jealousy is a valid emotion to experience.  When I rip on this trope it is not my intention to invalidate people who do struggle with jealousy in their relationships.  However if you experience an emotion it doesn’t give you carte blanche to behave in any way you please.   It’s the same as regular old anger.  It’s normal to be angry if a partner forgets to let the dog out so the dog pees on the rug.  However beating the shit out of that partner is NOT the right way to handle the forgetfulness or your own anger.  Same with jealousy, it’s not unusual to get jealous of someone close to their partner. However that person responding to that with physically removing them, and screaming threats at them is SUPER NOT OKAY!  Yet that is not uncommon in BL.

One must also maintain an acceptable amount of jealousy in order to maintain a healthy relationship.   It’s not wrong to feel really angry or sad when you’re jealous…but if you get these feelings ALL THE TIME and due to things that are not a threat to your relationship, then that’s something to manage rather than something to blame on your partner.  Capice?

TOXIC

The main problem is that the jealousy that is common in BL is HELLA TOXIC! Jealousy is regularly tied to deeper issues of personal insecurity yet the fact there is any kind of insecurity is very rarely mentioned in the text or even subtext of the story.  Instead of this becoming a problem that one has to deal with on a personal level, it becomes a problem of the other having to obtain unrealistic standards.  Sometimes the source of the jealousy is not a feasible such as a TODDLER NEPHEW or the fact that strangers GLANCE AT THEM when in public and sometimes the source of the jealousy isn’t even human. I have seen characters throw jealousy tantrums over pets, work (school or career orientated), and even the vague concept of a SPORT!    So if you’re trying to avoid jealousy in a BL make sure you don’t go to school, don’t have a job, don’t own pets, don’t have family, don’t go out in public, and DEAR GOD don’t have hobbies either!  Woah faps those things aren’t humans so it’s not like romantic or sexual jealousy.  That’s a fair point…but the thing is the romantic/sexual jealousy functions the exact same way in those non-sexual/romantic scenarios.  HOW COULD THAT BE???? Well the jealousy that we see here is in part about being left out when a partner does other things but is in large part about dominance.  You got no other man to posture against? Well then just posture at a child, a puppy, or at a basketball why not?

Not only does jealousy crop up to unreasonable situations, an unreasonable amount of time (I’d estimate it occurs in 80% of BL mangas) but the way it’s handled is usually problematic as well.  

The most common response I’ve seen to jealousy is the seme grabbing the uke by the wrist, dragging him away from the source of jealousy, pinning him to a wall, explaining that the source of jealousy is bad for the uke or that the uke is behaving poorly/stupidly by simply interacting with the source of jealousy, and they a fit of forceful jealousy induced make-outs or sex occurs that range from consensual to downright very non-consensual.  Sometimes the uke will protest this treatment or the characterization of the jealousy fodder but this is pointless because it doesn’t become a conversation.  It is simply about the seme controlling the uke and asserting his dominance.  

Stalking is also extremely common if there is suspected jealousy.   Troubling jealousy behavior can range from as tame as going through someone’s phone without permission to drugging, kidnapping, and nearly killing a partner for one of these trespasses.

HEY HEY HEY NOW! You man-hater! Ukes can be super creepy jealous too! …but ukes are men too… THAT’S NOT THE POINT! You’re acting as if only dominant partners experience jealousy!

No, no, no, you’re right. Ukes get jealous too and sometimes to the same batty degree.  Yet, as a whole, uke jealousy tends to be less common and less destructive than jealousy of the seme variety.   The most common situation where an uke gets jealous of what a seme is doing is, the uke is pushed into a corner to admit he’s jealous.  The seme will reassure the uke he’s misunderstood and they make up.   On one hand you can argue that this is a much healthier way to settle a jealousy problem. On another hand you may view this as something of a double standard.  

If the uke’s jealous…it’s the uke’s fault and it’s nothing to worry about.  If the seme’s jealous...it’s the uke’s fault and it’s deadly serious.

This double standard even extends into how we view violent reactions for either side.  If a seme hits an uke for a trespass it will usually be framed as serious and scary.  If the uke hits the seme for a trespass it will usually be framed as a silly, and harmless outburst of tsundereness.

…Yes that’s right, the patriarchal set up of the seme/uke dynamic doesn’t just take a shit on ukes….though 9 times out of 10 it’s the ukes that do get the short end of the stick here.

Okay but let’s get the root of the problem…why is jealousy used?

If you’re a person who is not a bitter feminist killjoy who says aggravating SJW shit like, “TOXIC MONOGOMY CULTURE OPRRESSES MY GENDER NEUTRAL GENITLES” you may argue that jealousy is romantic.  I personally don’t think it is, but you’re fully allowed to view jealousy, as a concept, as a touching display of vulnerability and investment in a relationship.

However if you’re a cynical over-thinking fujoshi brimming with resentment to the genre you’ve mistakeningly dedicated your free time to, you may say the frequent use of jealousy is simply because it’s EASY WRITING!

It’s handy throw-away drama you can use in an established relationship that won’t have deeper ramifications for the relationship even if it’s on-going.  You can solve this pretty easily at any given point or decide to reintroduce it despite it previously being wrapped up.  You can use this almost TOTALLY regardless of either of the characters’ personalities or back stories.   It’s good for a quick antagonist, or to tantalize fans with a different flavor of sexual tension.  This is usually dependent on the gender of the jealousy fodder.

Ugh I’ve heard you use the term ~jealousy fodder~ like a billion times.  Why do you call it that?  

Because these characters rarely have anything going for them besides the fact they’re the conflict du-jour.  You’d be hard pressed to learn an interest of the fodder’s outside of “TRYING TO BANG PROTAG!” and they rarely do anything else in the story besides create this shallow drama.  Sometimes the jealousy drama is totally auxiliary to the main conflict of the story to boot. If you’re lucky and ONLY if you’re lucky the fodder will be shuffled into another couple.  Sometimes you won’t even see this jealousy used in a love triangle way.  It’s usually pretty obvious from the beginning that the protag is going to choose even if the other option is an objectively better person and choice for them.

In my years of reading BL I have only encountered 2 instances of a character being jealous and the other character ACTUALLY cheats on him. (Zetsuai Bronze and Totally Captivated.) Now people have different standards of what “cheating” is.  Some goes so far as to say that “Thinking about cheating” is CHEATING.  Even by that (pretty ridged standard) I would still say only the above.

Despite this low, low number, I see jealousy used in manga 80% of the time.  Are you picking up what I’m putting down here?  A breach of actual trust is not actually going to happen…99.99% of the time.  Oh but what if the jealousy is something a character has to work through to feel less anxious?  Excellent idea! I’ve seen that approach FUCKING ONCE! (Café Latte Rhapsody) So if there is no actual threat of trust breaching and it’s not something either of them has to work through on a mental or emotional level….WHAT KIND OF CONFLICT IS THAT?

NON-FUCKING-CONFLICT IS WHAT!

I’d be much more entertained by staring into my own fucking bellybutton….but faps obviously you would since you navel-gaze as if you have a gemstone there.  IF I BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH I’LL BECOME I CRYSTAL GEM OKAY!?!?!?!?

Eh-hem!

But you will see jealousy commonly used in one instance of actually plot important drama.  And that is the ever, important, cementing of a couple’s relationship.   I call the use of jealousy in this instance:

TOY TRUCK CONSUMATION

Da fuck is that?  Toy truck consummation is a character will only realize he truly cares romantically for someone because he experiences jealousy. He didn’t want that toy truck until somebody else was going to play with it.  Thankfully I don’t see this often outside of high school settings.  A grown-ass man who is that fucking blind to his own feelings and childish enough to throw a tantrum out of it, can fuck RIGHT OFF! ….Though honestly teenagers behaving that way is still deeply shitty.

This is not an auspicious beginning to a loving relationship, if it’s formulated over single-mindedly hating a 3rd party, a 3rd party that is typically on good-terms with the target of affection.  So, a relationship we’re supposed to root for is predicated on a dude swooping in and ripping a valued person away from them for entirely selfish reasons.  I wouldn’t consider it dreamy if a seme threw an uke’s beloved play station 4 out the window because it holds the ukes attention sometimes.  I consider it even less dreamy when it’s something even more valued like yanno a friend.  (Though of course this can happen from the uke to the seme as well.) While sometimes, this individual is romantically interested in one of our leads…I’d say a good half the time if not more…they’re not at all.  

“Why are you losing your mind over someone, you’re not dating, hanging out with their friend? Even if the friend very obviously has 0 romantic or sexual interest in them?  Is it because you’re an anal fungus that causes people to shit their pants for no reason?  It’s probably because you’re a parasitic ass mushroom that makes people poop uncontrollably”

This, also, is pretty damn lazy.  Writing someone coming to grips with a difficult emotion is hard in itself. Writers will usually use 3rd parties to help bounce information back to a struggling individual to help give them insight.  And that can be used in this case as well!  Interacting with another couple, talking to someone who’s an out LGBTQ person, or even just a friend or relative that can relate!  However all of that is harder to pull off as melodramatically as a petty fuck-lord gut-punching a jealousy fodder out of the blue.  Hoo boy sonny! We should have a parade in his honor cause golly isn’t that the way to handle your problems!

But what if the jealousy fodder was really after them?

Then I would say the story may feature the trope….

Irrational jealousy magiced into rational jealousy!

What I mean is that there is a dominant that appears to be irrationally jealous.  There is no indication in the text the jealousy fodder is not on the up and up and the dominant is not privy to classified documents that make him secretly suspicious.  However turns out the harmless friend, acquaintance, co-worker, boss, mail man etc is actually a heartless rapist just trying to lower the submissive’s guard.  

This trope makes me foam at the mouth because not only is it cheap, cliché, and annoying but it justifies abusive behavior.  It states that No matter what crazy shit that lunatic boyfriend of yours spouts he’s fucking infallible.  If he tells you that the atmosphere has become poisonous to you and the only breathable air is in his testicles, you better clamp down on that cocktail wiener like a pit-bull because any damn self-serving nonsense he spews must be followed to the fucking letter.  Why? Because he is a mind-reader, a genius, and a clairvoyant with flawless judgment by nature of being born a DOMINANT MAN! TA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

May I just add this is not a trope specific to BL but a trope that makes me want to drink into a stupor each time I see it.

Well if you’re so fucking relationship savy, how would you handle jealousy in stories huh!?

…By actually tackling the causes of jealousy which are very rarely acknowledged in BL.  As far as I can tell there are 3 major roots of jealousy.

1.)    Insecurity – I am not a good enough partner so my significant other is going to drop me as soon as they find somebody better.

2.)    Distrust – My partner does not respect our monogamous agreement and will sleep with other people if they can get away with it.

3.)    Missing out -  I feel left out if my partner is doing something without me.

I have seen all three roots play a role in fictional jealousy outbursts and they’re usually tied intimately together.  However the 1st two are the keys here.

Mistrust is an interesting situation because 99% of the time the mistrust is not that the partner will sleep around given the chance.  However the mistrust is shown as more of a, “I cannot trust my partner to avoid situations where they’ll be sexually assaulted.”

While this is framed as a jealousy issue at times, I don’t think it should.  Why?  If a character is sexually assaulted it is NOT the victims fault.   But haha welcome to the 50 foot deep pit of backwards sexual politics that is BL. YOU’RE WELCOME!

Insecurity plays a large role in BL jealousy…but I have only seen it addressed directly as a failing of personal confidence once. (Café Latte Rhapsody)

Most of the time characters that are subtextualy highly insecure are portrayed as powerful and that their jealousy tantrums is just ~how strong men act~ rather than ~they obviously hate themselves and fear their partner would find someone better.~  

I’ll be quite frank, a lot of the time…they’re correct the uke could do a lot better than the jerkass seme they’re saddled with.  However, instead of changing their negative behavior for the better they just control the uke’s every movements which is yanno not doing the uke OR the seme any favors. Sometimes this functions realistically in a story like in Space Between where Riki is an unwilling sex slave and Iason keeps him under his thumb.  However the majority of them treat this like a normal and healthy relationship…but

Wouldn’t it be better if one is not constantly wracked with fear over their partner leaving them?

Wouldn’t it be better if the other can have friends and leave the house?

I’m not saying the two can’t struggle with issues of jealousy…but I mean…can’t we treat jealousy like something they work on together instead of just,

“I can’t believe you talked to them! I DIDN’T MEAN TO!”

That sound clip? Just play it on loop

“WELP LET’S HAVE THIS SAME EXACT PISSING CONTEST FOR THE 90TH FUCKING TIME!  IT’S NOT GOING TO BE DIFFERENT NEXT TIME BECAUSE WE’RE NOT GOING TO TREAT IT LIKE ADULTS WOULD!”

 So the problem with jealousy as a trope in romance and BL fiction is thus:

1.)    It’s toxic, doesn’t treat it as toxic, and sometimes justifies the toxicity.

2.)    It’s pathetic, cliché, non-conflict