#trotsdair

(and who else should be drawn like this)

Trotsdair I love Trotsdair..... and its all @glassandhamsandwich's fault (no to be fair I'm pretty sure we both trapped ourselves and each other in the toxic yaoi hell) /silly

I LOVE TROTSDAIR THOUGH!!! I LOVE TOXIC YAOI!!

I'm just going to like.. give the rundown of what their relationship dynamic is like. To me.

Spoiler alert me and Glass have both decided to continue calling Addair by my headcanon full name for him, Addair Taylor. Since him being called his first name is pretty key to his character in Glass' AU. So just for those purposes, Addair Taylor 👍

SO!!! Trots and Addair are both lonely on the rig. Addair is very much outwardly disliked, as we all know. And he's mostly not helping his own case, because he sucks as a person. Him and Trots both do, really. But Trots! he's lonely too, he doesn't feel like he can be himself with anyone on the rig. Even with Gibbo and O'Connor as his "friends," he feels like he has to restrain multiple parts of himself. He feels like he talks to much, and that's not even getting to his internalized homophobia. Him and Addair both suffer from it, even if Trots is trying to practice radical acceptance of himself with Simon. Simon feels like the only person who ever understood and liked Iain Campbell, everyone else just finds him annoying. They prefer Trots.

Addair and Trots are both separated from their spouses on the rig, they're both lonely. and they feel isolated from everyone. Addair's jealous (particularly of Caz, though I could go on and on about that) and only really knows how to be angry, and Trots feels like there is no room for himself anywhere. So, they use each other as an escape from that loneliness. Anything is better than to be alone.

Addair listens to Trots, and they both know he will. There is a security in that, because Trots sees himself as "above" Addair, in a way. As most people do. Trots can say anything to Addair, he can be himself with him, because Addair is safe. Because Addair is always worse than him, Addair is always lower on a hierarchy than him.

Addair is aware of this, too. It's no real secret. Addair is already pretty hated by everyone and he knows that he is always going to be the angry one in everyone's eyes. They would listen to Trots before they listened to him.

They have a power dynamic, in that sense. Its also what drives their relationship to be mostly a secret. Trots is, in some sense, ashamed of Addair and their connection, and he wants to keep their relationship secret from his coworkers. He is also ashamed for Simon, just as Addair is ashamed for Liselotte. Just as Addair is angry at Trots for his superiority, how he thinks he's better. Addair often does get angry. He often starts the fights, but Trots fires back, he participates in them. He can be just as mean and petty as Addair, he could be worse, too.

But, the hierarchy.

And the loneliness.

So they always find their way back to each other. No matter what they say or do, they always end up in each other's arms under the cover of night. The relationship is always at its best in the dark, in secret and silence. They do love each other, in a way, but they don't love themselves, and beyond that, they don't know how to love each other. Neither make it easy.

I pmv I made for @glassandhamsandwich of their epic epic AU because they are an epic and awesome person <333333

alright... alright you guys get my dumb toxic yaoi poem. Food for the Trotsdair nation, if y'all are out there. because I have decided that to be cringe is to be free and also.. secretly I have become proud of it <3