#tripflys

1. How did you choose your name? Honestly? I made it up lmao. I made tons of names for various characters I’ve written about or made for D&D games, and at one point Illenia was a name I chose for a pony-sona or something of mine.

2. What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria) Physically? Definitely facial hair and facial structure. I have a… complicated relationship with my genitalia and with my voice but by far the part of me most contributes to any dysphoria I feel is my face and facial hair.

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria? Physical.

4. What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric? Usually a tiny bit of makeup helps in the short-term, like if I am going out in the immediate future, but generally speaking I just try to wear something that I feel good/cute/correct in. I’m very lucky in that my closest friends are very supportive, so I can usually rely on them for external validation too.

5. What was the first time you suspected you were transgender? That’s a tough one… Probably at the latter half of high school/the start of college (so 2010-11ish)? I don’t honestly remember when I learned about transgender people, but I do know my knowledge was complete shit until after I started college, because my first introduction to trans-ness was via porn.

6. When did you realize you were transgender? During my first year of college, though I hadn’t yet settled on my exact identity at the time. Prior to that, I knew I really liked crossdressing, partially for sexual reasons, but at the same time I just felt better about myself, more natural, when I was wearing “women’s clothing”. By the end of my first year of college I knew that at least part of me was a woman, and after researching things I settled on labeling myself as bigender/genderfluid.

7. What is your favorite part of being transgender? This is a weird question to me… I love who I am, and I love the community that comes along with being transgender and bisexual, but transgender people face a whole slew of societal and legal pressures that make life extremely difficult for us. It’s difficult for me to pinpoint something that makes me say “this is my favorite part of this aspect of myself” when that aspect is so unjustly stigmatized and persecuted in many places in the world.

8. How would you explain your gender identity to others? Now that I figured it out for myself? It’s simple. I’m a woman. Case closed.

9. How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed? Funnily enough I can answer all of these because I have experienced all of them, technically. I came out to my now ex gf and my closest friends and they all supported me from the start. Admittedly it caused some issues between my now ex and I, since she is straight, but even so we remain best friends. My friends have been nothing but supportive, and I owe a few of them quite a bit for helping me pick out clothes and start my makeup collection. I’m still closeted with most of my family, including my parents. I just… don’t wanna cause drama I guess. I intend to change that soon but my grandma just passed away this month so I let everything fall by the wayside tbh. Hopefully now I’ll get back on track with things. However, those of my family who are Facebook know I’m trans because I changed my name and pronouns off of my deadname. The two aunts I’ve had a chance to speak to since have been nothing but supportive.

10. What have your experiences with packing or wearing breastforms been? I don’t have any. I wear padded bras though, not quite the same however lol.

11. What are your experiences with binding or tucking? I cannot tuck to save my life tbh. But I also don’t really want to. I sometimes feel dysphoria about my dick, but most of the time I’m fine with it. Aside from that, I don’t think it’s my responsibility to go out of my way to pass, and I know I look good without tucking. I won’t judge if a trans woman does tuck but it’s just not my thing.

12. Do you pass? I try my best not to care if I pass or not… But sure I guess I do. My voice doesn’t really pass I guess, though I am trying to expand my vocal range.

13. What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition? I’ve been on hormone replacement therapy since April of this year. I may eventually get bottom surgery but I’m undecided/leaning towards not.

14. How long have you been out? This varies but more or less a year or two? Depending on who you talk to.

15. What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set? I started out thinking I was a male. When I started crossdressing I considered myself a trap or femboy (I don’t mind the latter term but trap I now hate the term trap). At some point I settled on transgender, specifically bigender and genderfluid, and as of maybe two years ago I decided I was a trans woman.

16. Have you ever experienced transphobia? Yes, I can’t remember any major incidents but I have (and continue to) experience microaggressions from family and friends. Sometimes I speak up, but it really depends on my mood and mental state.

17. What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public? Surprisingly this has not come up yet. The last time I had to use the bathroom in public I was male-passing/stealthing. I dunno what I would do tbh. Probably use the woman’s restroom?

18. How does your family feel about your trans identity? The family who know have been accepting.

19. Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth? I do when I’m at family gatherings and whatnot, mostly because I’m not out to people. When I stealth in public it’s either for safety reasons or for work.

20. What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans? I would educate myself on gender identity and probably try to jump-start the process of realizing who I am.

21. Why do you use the pronouns you use? I use she/her because those are the pronouns that best describe me? Sorry for the vague answer but I don’t have a more thought out reason.

22. Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender? Not as far as I’m aware.

23. What’s your biggest trans-related fear? Being the victim of abuse or violence because I’m trans.

24. What medical, personal, or social steps have you already taken to start your transition? Spoke about this already but I am undergoing HRT, am out to most of my friends and a good portion of my family, and I wear gender-affirming clothes as often as possible.

25. What do you wish cis people understood? A friend of mine said something I really agree with. We aren’t more depressed/suicidal/poor because we’re trans, but because of how most of society at large treats trans people. I was not afraid of being out to everyone because I thought of any stigma I had with trans people. I was afraid of coming out because I was/am afraid that my friends and family would treat me like I was garbage or like there was something about me that was broken.

26. What impact has being trans affected your life? My trans-ness has fully cemented my place in the LGBTQ+ community and has made me a lot more politically conscious than I otherwise would have been. I was far left when I was younger, drifted towards the center as high school came to a close, and swung back firmly into the political far left as I realized I was a trans woman.

27. What do you do to validate yourself? Wear cute, gender-affirming clothes; take selfies; write about my experiences; talk to my friends about my experiences as a trans woman.

28. How do you feel about trans representation in the media? It’s slowly improving but by and large it has been abysmal. Aside from movies and shows that have a very small demographic, like the movie Tangerine, most media with trans characters and themes have been sorely lacking. Maybe we’ll get there one day, though.

29. Who is your favorite trans celebrity? I don’t know if she counts as a true celebrity, but the pro starcraft 2 player who uses the tag Scarlett (real name Sasha) is probably my favorite. I root for her at every tournament she participates in, and have been a fan for years. She’s also one of the only women playing in WCS-caliber tournaments.

30. Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most? I couldn’t tell you, tbh. I feel like it’s too well distributed to really say.

31. How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online? I’m part of a few trans-centric discord servers, and when I can I go to trans-centric groups and events. I haven’t done the latter in a year or so now, but there is a trans support group nearby I just found out about.

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years? In five years I think I’ll be identifying and presenting exclusively as a woman/trans woman. I’m so close to being 100% out and I’d like to reach that goal by the end of the year.

33. What trans issue are you most passionate about? Um… all of them? But definitely either violence against trans people and trans women in particular, or TERFs trying to exclude trans women from women’s groups and lesbian groups.

34. What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them? I’d say that their safety should be their number one priority. There are ways to combat dysphoria even when stealthed, just take things at your own pace and do what you need to do to stay safe. Things can get better.

35. How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality? Okay this feels like a super complex/broad question that I dunno if I could answer with a dissertation, much less a tumblr ask. But I am a relatively tall and thin Asian-American transgender woman who does not have a disability and comes from an upper-middle/upper class Asian-American family, I know that I am the target of racism, sexism, and transmisogyny. However, due to my socioeconomic background I am extremely fortunate to not have to worry about food, water, shelter, or money to anywhere near the degree of many of my peers. I know that I have to take care to examine my actions and words for instances of ableism, as well as prejudice against other non-white races. Additionally, I know I still deal with a lot of internalized transphobia/homophobia, but I’m trying my best to challenge those internalized beliefs head on. Sometimes I feel like my sexuality (bisexual) and gender make me the subject of scrutiny or discourse within the LGBTQ+ community.

36. What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and gender expression? Aside from instances in which I choose to stealth, there isn’t really a difference.

37. Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither? I guess I feel more feminine? I haven’t really changed in terms of personality since transitioning; I’ve grown as a person but I wouldn’t say that such growth was a direct result of coming out. I feel more feminine because I like presenting feminine, because feminine clothes are more interesting/pretty to me.

38. What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it? I typically don’t use the split attraction model to describe my orientation, and typically leave it at being bisexual. I’m honestly still wondering if I am truly bisexual or not; I prefer women so heavily that I haven’t ever been interested in a relationship with a man, despite having crushes on a few. Also I worry that some of the transphobic ideas I am trying to unlearn have affected my perception of my sexuality, or that compulsory heterosexuality might be an issue.

39. Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference? Well I’m pretty sure I’ve met my ideal partners already, but it’s only a coincidence that they are both trans. I don’t really care too much about a person’s physical characteristics, but I think that sharing the experience of being trans creates a strong bond with my girlfriends.

40. How did/do you manage waiting to transition? I wore gender-affirming clothes in private, and took selfies as self-validation. Also I spent a lot of time talking to my best friend/ex-gf, who really helped me work through my experiences.

41. What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things? I’ve used all sorts of different sources, from blogs to academic papers to the DSM, but I think most of my info came from either Tumblr or from friends in the LGBTQ+ community.

42. Do you interact with other trans people IRL? Yes, not as often as I’d like but I know quite a few trans people IRL.

43. Are you involved in any trans-related activism? One of my big regrets is that I’m not involved in as much activism as I’d like… Honestly I’m just too afraid of putting myself out there in that way. I want to contribute somehow but I just don’t know entirely how to. My family may have plenty of money but I sure don’t.