#trinary au

Various Biro doodles for a bunch of my Fics and AUs (mostly Ford’s bc I’m obsessed with him but we knew this)

Small list:

Stan & Ford from Apocalypse Squared

College Ford just cause

Billford from Relentless Chase

Ford, then Stan in Circuit Breaker

The Fanatic, The Scientist and The Survivor from Orbit of a Trinary System

Stan & Ford from Circuit Breaker

Mullet Ford from my Mirrorwalker AU

AT LONG LAST! I'VE DRAWN THEM!

This probably makes very little sense unless you've read my fic, but the long and short of it is I attempted to dissect Ford's psyche into 3 distinct aspects.

These guys are (in order), The Scientist, The Survivor and The Fanatic

Oooooh!!! Okay okay so

I feel somewhat less confident on this front simply because even though I know as much about Stan I find it sort of harder to replicate his mindset. That being said, I think he would have similar divisions to an extent - in that he’d have one that’s distinctly a front, one that is more deeply insecure and one that is more loving.

The difference is I think they’d all present very differently and work separately. I would propose the following:

The Showman - as a front / his career. This is the look of Town Darling Mr Mystery, his conman self, the self assured grin he wears. This guy is a fraud but he’s also presenting the way Stan wishes he was. I imagine he presents as a sort of in-between age and shifts between older and younger, depending on his current ‘con’. Somewhat similarity to The Survivor for Ford, he keeps Stan safe - but it’s primarily from an emotional perspective. He prevents things getting too heavy - sort of acting as a repression medium - whilst also assuring he’s in a safer place in the world. I think it would be difficult for him to take anything seriously. I think he’s also the one that is so artistic and creative which is sort of a healthy outlet as Stan gets lmao.

The Convict - a version of Stan who basically holds all his internalised issues about his relation to the world to an extent. He’s the one who keeps himself in ‘check’, self monitoring and the survival instincts which are less social in nature. Has abysmally low self-esteem, but is also very resourceful and best at managing himself alone. This Stan is really good at escaping, lockpicking, etc. and monitoring a situation to see when it turns back. Probably also the most skittish of the 3 as such. This Stan probably disassociates when things get too heavy, withdraws and generally hides things. Compulsive liar because the truth puts you at risk, but in a very different way to The Showman. He’s also probably the most defensive Stan - since that aggression was a way to push back against danger.

The Twin - ah good old ‘Spare Parts’ mindset. The Twin is exceptionally codependent, and embodies all of Stan’s best and worst aspects as a twin. He’s exceptionally protective, loving, and caring. This Stan experiences the brunt of his high emotionality and the back and forth between guilt and lashing out. He lacks a filter, gets hopeful, fights back, yells. He’s pure unadulterated Stan. And yet he’s also dependent on being seen by someone else - particularly by Ford. He’s half a dynamic duo. He’s a Grunkle. He’s the unwanted kid. He’s desperate to be wanted. All the messy contradictions and identity issues of Stan, wrapped up in a sweet little ‘will do anything for people he loves’ bow. Contradictions thy name is Stanley Pines - Twin attitudes indeed.

As a resident D&D loser and character obssessor, I have gone through the Stan and Fords in each of my active Fics and categorised them as different D&D classes (with justifications) because I respond to character analysis like a shark to blood in the water. I included subclasses when they came to me immediately, but I may go back and add them where they weren't later lol

Enjoy, lol.

Relentless Chase:

Ford - Rogue / Artificer Multiclass - (Inquisitive and Artillerist)

This Ford is sheer audacity, cunning actions and quick thinking and all of his actions are based around his assumptions of the other person. He's about as great of a people-reader as Ford can get. He also, however, has a gun. Flash of Genius and Reliable Talent are good explanations for how Ford is constantly getting himself into and out of trouble. This is very much a Dex/Int build Ford through and through, and very few classes are chaotic enough to match his frankly manic energy in this story.

Stan - Paladin

This class surprised me when I realised it, but it makes sense; RC Stan is loyal to an absolute fault and that's his main source of conflict. Despite being a conman, he dedicates himself so completely to people and causes that it may as well be an Oath. He draws power (authority) from the places he got himself with these. He's also exceptionally strong, since he hasn't been malnourished in years, and an expert in fighting - whilst also having a lot of that signature Stan charisma that Paladins share with him. His main goal in the story is as a protector, and boy does that fit.

(Bonus:) Bill - Bard - (College of whispers or eloquence)

Despite being a high Strength stat Bill, this one prefers to take words over force any day and is even better than most at getting people onto his side. He's able to convince Stan of most things when he wants to and pushes him beyond his natural moral limits with ease. He's exceptionally intimidating, and very driven, with that 'sheer force of will' aspect of charisma that's hard to look past. High poker face, persuasion, intimidation and deception stats? Yeah, bard expertise will do that to you. Certainly, most his damage is indeed psychic in nature thus far.

Orbit of a Trinary System:

Ford has to be split into 3 for the sake of this lmao:

The Fanatic - Sorcerer

The Fanatic is really the 'heart' in this split, so the Intelligence stat is sort of inherently lower. What he lacks there, though, he makes up for in force of personality and will. He consistently invokes the strongest reactions out of people just by talking normally, and he is the most 'persuasive', managing to get Bill to open up emotionally. I put him as a sorcerer because I felt he had this sort of 'natural magic' to him and how he interacts with his mind intuitively instead of logically. He's all passion and whimsy and intent - which doesn't really line up with a lot of other magic classes in dnd. He's also not especially good at fighting, so the non-magic classes were off the table lol

The Scientist - Artificer / Wizard multiclass - (Artillerist / Illusionist)

I would have put him as exclusively artificer given that he's sort of the logic central here and is also associated very much with the guns in Ford's life, but the wizard part felt necessary. This is largely because: 1. The Scientist is quite literally a representation of summoning/dealing with a demon, 2. He's constantly appearing/disappearing/teleporting in a way that an Artificer could never have the spell slots for. He also is not the strongest fighter, and has a frailer constitution than you'd associate with a typical Artificer. This wretched little guy just reeks of 'I let my curiosity make a load of bad decisions and now I'm suffering for it' and what is Wizard if not the hubris class.

The Survivor - Barbarian with levels in Rogue

The Survivor is all about sheer endurance so the barbarian ability to take just about any hit and shrug it off makes the best sense for a man who has been stuck in the multiverse for such a long time. Furthermore, the barbarian's focus on natural instinct aligns pretty well with this guy, who is the root of basically every Feral Ford AU. He's stronger than the other two and protective and tries to take all the hits. The rogue levels are also reflective of his multiverse time, but also on the basis that a combination of Reckless Attack + Sneak Attack is a hilarious, ridiculously effective combo which is also ridiculously Ford by nature.

Stan - Cleric

Once again, a pretty shocking development given that Stan is a godless man by any measure of the term and clerics are typically a moral compass in a group. Here, I took it to be because of Stan's faith/belief and how he uses it. Stan has extremely strong willpower, and the way he conjures doors reminds me of spells like Etherealness which get a party safely out of harm's way. Not to mention, he is here quite literally as a healer to help restore Ford's mind. Stan's mental abilities are also no joke - canonically having exceptional control of his mindscape and dreamscape as well as strong mental resilience - it screams of Wisdom-based class.

Apocalypse Squared:

Ford - Warlock

Oh, a wretched, powerful long-ranged attacker who's sitting at the end of a bad pact, borrowing magic from more powerful beings in order to get by? This one writes itself. I think it would be hard to find a more warlock Ford than one who has something deeply eldritch inside of him, pulling away at his sense of humanity whilst he tries to escape the consequences of trusting the wrong being. The eroding morals are just the icing on the cake. Not to mention that the crossbow is a typical starting item for warlocks. (A pact of the tome would be especially fun way to look at his journals, too.)

Stan - Rogue (Arcane Trickster)

This Stan is an adaptable, creative problem-solver who combines a silver tongue with some brute force to manage problems and find solutions. He managed to steal a whole ass man from the Fearamid, which has to say something. He's new to magic as a whole in this part of the story, but with the items and abilities Ford is figuring out and giving him, Stan is adaptable enough to use them very well very quickly. If you're willing to extend your disbelief that a pair of Brass Knuckles may be considered finesse weapons if you enchant them, then sneak attack is just a really fun way of thinking of opportunity shots in his boxing.

Circuit Breaker:

Ford - Wizard - (Abjuration)

This Ford is an arcane glass canon in every sense of the word. He comes into the story casting a very powerful spell and trifling with things he shouldn't then promptly gets beaten the hell up. This Ford relies almost exclusively on spellwork, where he specialises in protection, wards and utility spells, and oscillates between being the squishy wizard who always seems to find himself in very bad situations, and being an exceptionally powerful force who changes the entire game whenever he's in his element. Not to mention the rituals.

Stan - Rogue - (Swashbuckler)

This Stan is a quick-thinking specialist well-known for giving people the slip and discovering loopholes. He's particularly resourceful and willing to use any method at his disposal in order to achieve his aims. As many Stans do, he quickly identifies bluffs and weaknesses and exploits those in his opponents, putting information together quicker than others. He's also a much more prominent risk-taker for all those reasons. All in all, the wit of a rogue, the evasiveness of a Swashbuckler and an emphasis on charisma for the subclass felt like the best fit, though a lot of things could have also gone well with this Stan.

Death and Three Obstacles:

Ford - Sorcerer - (Abberrant Mind)

He's so goddamn messed up, and he's left as only a sheer force of disembodied will by being a ghost. Is he particularly charismatic? No, but I am allowing that charisma to be substituted in by the natural unsettling aura that comes from being a ghost. I put him as abberrant mind because due to his ghost category and power set, he is assuredly dealing exclusively in psychic damage and very powerful stuff at that. The powers also come innately to being a sorcerer, the way that they do with being a ghost. Illusions, nightmares, mind fuckery and more - get it today from your local ghost Ford!

Stan - Fighter - (Battlemaster)

The Fanatic

Associated Symbols/Imagery: Weirdmageddon Statue Ford, The Journals’ Gold Handprint, Ford’s childhood trophies, stars, Bill

Associated Emotions/Aspects: Joy, love, excitement, passion, whimsy, curiosity, discovery

Age and Personality: He presents as a young adult Ford, newly in Gravity Falls. His personality slips between that point and the point of being a young child, as well as his Bill-era attitudes. Generally, this makes him variable in his level of confidence, but he typically feels safe, particularly so if he’s around at least one person he cares about. 

Significance:

The Fanatic for this fic isn’t just love – he’s the reflection of relationships and what we take away from them. This part of Ford took the childlike wonder and love of anomalies from his time with Stan and deeply internalised his love of his weirdness from him. He’s especially fond of ‘Sixer’ as a nickname. Once The Fanatic loves someone, he doesn’t stop no matter what, which can leave Ford feeling a bit conflicted if he knows that things are bad between him and them. The Fanatic is the driving force of his sheer sense of passion, curiosity and love of the unknown that made him who he is.

Inspiration:

When I was coming up with The Fanatic, I thought a lot about what parts of Ford people like / want from him. For the most part, people want him to be Loyal above all else:  Bill wants devotion, Stan wants to stay together, Fiddleford wants to be listened to and valued. Even Mabel wants him to stick with his family and Dipper wants him to hold him in high esteem. So, when I look at Bill making Ford literally ‘what he wants’ in Weirdmageddon, it seemed like a good baseline for the appearance. His golden handprint shows what people wanted from him as the author. His trophies are what his parents wanted from him. Discovery is what he wants from himself. Thus, this version of Ford is unwaveringly loyal to everybody without hesitation. He trusts indiscriminately and caters to whatever he believes people want him to be as well as what he wants himself to be. He takes all the actions of others in the most favourable way possible.

General gist:

The Fanatic is not necessarily more emotionally intelligent than the other aspects of Ford’s psyche, he is just much more willing to acknowledge what he is feeling (particularly in relation to people). He doesn’t feel a need to hide anything, which leads him to let out information at inopportune times which reflects how he’s truly thinking or feeling about things. Whilst he’s able to logically understand what he should or shouldn’t say, he often struggles to put together and compartmentalise his experiences of others and what they might do with that information with what he feels about them. There is a degree to which he is quite separated out from The Scientist and The Survivor, because they both focus more around survival and their ability to trust others – whilst The Fanatic trusts everyone he holds dear implicitly and hopes they’ll do the same. Anything beyond the scope of that, like consequences, tend to fly over his head and he rarely considers how others will interpret his words when he speaks. In a sense, he is the most blunt and forthright part of Ford – immediately saying what he believes and what comes to mind with conviction but not properly addressing the context surrounding it. In a sense, autism headcanon. He appeals to others wants and emotions without properly understanding them, similarly to how Bill will offer people things they ‘want’ without understanding the drawbacks or why. He also doesn’t particularly prioritise these things well, so less important wants may overtake others and the wants of other people. The Fanatic isn’t entirely oblivious, but he rarely focuses on needing to understand these things long enough to comprehend them.

The Fanatic is easiest to get along with in general because he’s more than open to do what others want of him – yet he doesn’t easily recognise boundaries and implicit understandings which require rational thought. He chases joy and affection and curiosity without restrictions. With The Scientist, he can be reassuring, but he can also push him into situations where he feels unsafe. With The Survivor, the two of them lack a lot of understanding of each other despite trying to care for one another. On the scale between the three of them, where The Survivor falls to the extreme of selfish and The Scientist sits at the extreme of self-sacrifice, The Fanatic falls on neither neatly and has a selflessness driven by his own wants in a selfish manner. It’s hard to describe, but it makes it difficult for the other two when The Fanatic is so willing to surrender trust and choice to those around them.  

Positive Aspects:

The Fanatic tends to love all people and all things important to him strongly and unwaveringly, with a loyalty born of the same stubbornness which underlies his grudges. He’s exceptionally trusting and willing to put faith in others – which isn’t often able to present, but when Ford acknowledges a person’s skill or brilliance it really shines. He is open-minded and flexible, willing to allow ideas and thoughts to change when needed. Similarly, he socially presents as the part of Ford which is able to be silly and bond with others – he reflects back the humour shown to him and connects with people over it, such as teasing with his brother, puns and enjoying Bill’s weird jokes. Irrespective of what he does, he does it with passion and genuine love and appreciation for it, because he is guided by those feelings to motivate him.

Negative Aspects:

The Fanatic’s passion and curiosity become detrimental when they blind him to the other aspects of a situation. He is overly reckless, not just with himself but others too. Lots of people close to him end up injured because he is thoughtless about throwing himself or them into danger in the name of bonding or discovery. Alongside his naivety, this makes The Fanatic susceptible to just about every type of human (or nonhuman) manipulation. He was eager to trust Bill, fell easily for his love-bombing and was easily manipulated because he did not care to look for red flags. Much the same, he can ignore the way a situation has grown bad until it boils over – his thoughtlessness similarly puts others at risk, and when he is caught up in the idea of something it is hard to convince him to stop even for the safety of himself or others. The Fanatic can be dismissive in this way, ignoring concerns or feelings of others when he doesn’t understand them – even if it isn’t out of malice or lack of care or respect. The Fanatic, in this way, was a major contributor to Ford’s fallout with Fiddleford.

Names for Others:

Stan – Lee

Mabel – Jellybean

Dipper – My boy

Bill – My Muse

Additional comments:

I’ve always felt that, from the series and external material alike, Ford has a tendency to love extremely strongly, even if it doesn’t necessarily show outwardly. The Fanatic hides behind The Survivor, so to speak, but he’s always present. Ford’s mind constantly returns to people in his life in his writing, and even when he tells himself bad things about Stanley, there’s a part of him in the back of his mind who still trusts him beyond anyone else. His mind can lie to him, but his heart always knows exactly how he feels about others. Even fighting with Stanley in a particularly brutal manner, the moment he believes he’s done actual damage he stops and cannot suppress his concern. Even when he acts selfishly in his relationship with Fiddleford, even 30 years later he’s still thinking about him near-constantly and wants to make amends. Even after everything Bill did to him, he still had his ‘funeral’ with Mabel because that love persists even when it ‘shouldn’t.’

For me, The Fanatic is the core behind Ford’s research in Gravity Falls. It’s his own reluctant self-love for his own anomaly that draws him to other anomalies, his own wonder for the world around him that leads him to be passionate about every discovery and that sense of loving Gravity Falls and all its creatures permeates all aspects of his research. Ford is an exceptionally passionate character in spite of being a bit more reserved than most, and passion drives so many of his major decisions both for good and bad. He does his research because he loves it, not because it’s a field he thinks will make him much money. He regularly places his life on the line simply because of his love for his research. And I think that’s neat.

The Fanatic’s area of the mindscape is basically all just a cumulation of things he loves. I imagine that there is the beach somewhere around the rim of it, but primarily Ford’s love for anomalies and his family places him in the middle of a quiet night in Gravity Falls, where he can see the moths and the stars and feel at peace with his life decisions. It reminds him all at once of the stars of his mindscape, his hikes with Fiddleford, the place he met his niblings and the peace he felt as a child with Stan. Not to mention, his sheer love of Gravity Falls as the one place where he truly belongs out of all the multiverse.

The Scientist

Associated Symbols/Imagery: The Portal, Bill’s Fire, the Memory Gun, Ford’s Tech, The Zodiac Circle

Associated Emotions/Aspects: Fear, anxiety, hope, guilt, remorse, ambition, analysis, logic

Age and Personality: He presents as paranoia-era Ford, but his personality isn’t entirely consistent with that. He can draw from any time he experienced regret, but particularly any heightened emotional times of feeling hurt (as a teen, young adult, portal, Weirdmageddon). His demeanour retains some of the insecurity and meekness from his teen and college-age self, with a lot of the high-level anxiety of his paranoid self.

Significance:

The Scientist in this fic encompasses all of Ford’s rationale – including his logic, but also his conscience and morals. He’s the embodiment of things Ford thinks and feels with intention and how his outlook on the world influences his feelings. He’s the quieter part of Ford who studies and analyses and makes behind-the-scenes decisions. Because he encompasses rationale, he makes both accurate and inaccurate judgements which inform how to proceed with a situation, or how to allocate blame for something.

Inspiration:

Ford’s self-esteem is a constant point of contention within the show, related media and fan-base. When splitting it apart, I thought about how the biggest betrayals in Ford’s life shaped his perception of himself in relation to others: his deal with Bill, Fidds’ memory gun being used on him, and being pushed through the portal by Stan. All of these events are associated with bright blue in the show. Ford’s own sense of invention also takes on this hue – such as his electric gloves, blaster and quantum destabilizer. Blue seems to represent power and control, so I wanted to see what the product of that would be. The Scientist wants power, but also fears what he would do with it, and how others will use it against him. He wants connection, but he’s also frightened of how trust will be used against him – so he’s stuck in a constant back-and-forth state of uncertainty. When splitting defence mechanisms apart, The Scientist is squarely in Flight, the anxious part of Ford’s brain that just wants to hide from people and be safe to avoid being hurt again.

General gist:

The Scientist is sort of a post-fall Icarus. He’s skittish and prone to jumping between extremes due to how black-and-white Ford’s worldview is. He’s stuck between wanting to trust people but not being entirely able due to being trapped in a loop of remembering all the times that others have hurt him and that he’s hurt others. Trauma tends to rewire the brain in that sort of way, and it discolours how we see ourselves and others as a whole. The Scientist is constantly trying to fix things and make them better, but he has no idea how to. He’s quieter than the others, sometimes unable to speak at all – which is more of a personal headcanon around autistic verbal shutdowns as well as PTSD flashbacks. The Scientist is similarly stuck between two lines of logic – one being self-blame and the other being a deep-seated need to protect himself from being hurt again. The two conflict, as they foil one another’s attempts to get/avoid being close to others again. The Scientist is smart and capable and analytical but lacks the self-preservation The Survivor has or the enthusiasm for his work that The Fanatic has.

So much of Ford’s trauma ties to control and autonomy, but he also seeks people he can depend on in spite of it. This leads The Scientist in particular to both seek and reject the other aspects of himself: The Fanatic being supportive, but too trusting (which places him at risk), and The Survivor as someone who he can hide behind but similarly restricts his control of the situation and his ability to express himself.

Positive Aspects:

The Scientist is an exceptionally hard worker, with a strong drive to solve problems for himself and others. He wants to be both helpful and useful, which drive him to create and reach greater heights. This part of him is ambitious, wanting to see just how far he can go and what he can do for others. He is similarly the best planner, organiser and analyst of the aspects – the ‘smart’ one so to speak. He holds a strong sense of morality which informs all of his decisions, even though it is somewhat inconsistent at times, and is the reason he never ended up joining Bill despite his ambitions. On that same note, he also empathises the most deeply with others and is able to recognise the cause and effect of the impact he has on people in his life: this, in turn, also causes him to experience remorse and a drive to make things right. This is the only aspect of Ford who is easily able to identify and admit for his shortcomings, as well as putting in efforts to right them.

Negative Aspects:

On the other side of the equation, The Scientist’s extremes leave him in a state of all-or-nothing. If he does not choose right, he is self-blaming and self-destructive – setting the foundation and serving as the centre of Ford’s martyr complex. An overly-keen awareness of cause and effect push The Scientist to take blame for things he logically could not be blamed for – leading to an overwhelming sense of shame which eclipses him and feeds the self-loathing which damages himself and the other aspects (and also hurts those around him). Fed by past experience, The Scientist is exceptionally paranoid which makes him skittish and flighty and very avoidant. His assumptions that he is at fault and that others will hurt him work together to push everyone away from him – which simply makes things worse for everyone involved. The Scientist can switch very quickly and easily between hoping for a chance to get close to others, and startling and hiding away – typically making bad, destructive decisions in the process. He makes assumptions about himself, the world, and others’ intent based on what he perceives as a logical analysis following previous experience – but we in the real world would refer to these as trauma responses.

Names for Others:

Stan – Stan

Mabel – My dear / sweetie / sweetheart

Dipper – Dipper

Bill – Bill / Cipher / Bill Cipher

Additional comments:

For me, The Scientist represents dysregulation of sorts. All of his scientific achievements were brilliant, groundbreaking things which were subject to no regulation on their use and subsequently were used for the worst. He is unable to regulate between extremes, cannot force himself to confront problems face-on often, and can’t stand up for himself; and yet very much still wants to and rationalises that he should. Even though guilt and remorse are good for understanding and demonstrating care about others, past apologising and attempting to make amends, they no longer serve a purpose and need to be let go. The Scientist cannot let them go – because if everything is not his fault then he’s lacking the control which he needs to feel to fight back against the fear of being betrayed. And if everything is his fault, he will enter self-destructive mindsets anytime something goes wrong. He is anxious, and ‘invisible’ and silent sometimes – but constantly poking around the edge of Ford’s subconscious waiting for something to go wrong that will prove him right. He doesn’t want to be correct, but he also does. He wants to heal and be safe, but he pulls back every time he begins to let himself – still haunted by all the things which have happened to him.

The area the Scientist occupies in the mindscape is the portal room where so many things went wrong. The house where he would meet Bill, the room Fidds used the memory gun on him and the construction crew, where he realised Bill’s true intentions, the place he tried to keep Bill out of, and where Stan pushed him through the portal. It all leads down to here. Throughout the room are scattered memoirs of betrayal – his torn tapestries and broken prisms, replicas of his destroyed perpetual motion machine and memory guns, tattered mathematics from working on the portal and even the rope he used to pull Fiddleford back. It reflects The Scientist’s role – not just as a Scientist – but as the embodiment of every time Ford has been hurt or betrayed. Even still, he keeps himself in this painful place because he still maintains that sense of self-blame for everything that happened – and he can’t escape it.

The Survivor

Associated Symbols/Imagery: Blood, Scars, The Journals, his Sweater

Associated Emotions/Aspects: Anger, calm, pride, embarrassment, ego, instinct, defensiveness  

Age and Personality: He presents as the Ford who exited the portal, because that was the last time he was ‘in danger’ the way he has been adapted to. His personality fluctuates between all of his time in the Portal, and a little into the paranoid Ford who came directly before it.

Significance:

The Survivor is the cumulation of what will allow Ford to, well… survive. He acts as the front which Ford presents to the external world and buffers the responses of The Fanatic and The Scientist. This part of Ford protects him from ridicule and judgement as well as actual physical danger, equally willing to jump to physically or verbally fight at the first sign of conflict. He is Ford’s ‘persona’ that makes him larger-than-life, powerful and confident. He is also the part of Ford that keeps him calm under dangerous circumstances and thinks on his feet.

Inspiration:

I was inspired a bit by how Ford is presented without his trench coat and weapon strap in depictions of him with his ‘guard down’ and the popular headcanons that Ford wears his turtlenecks to hide his scars and tattoos. Similarly, both he and Stan exhibit this connection and rejection of each other which base around their sense of ego and need for acceptance – they’re both matched in stubbornness, an unwillingness to admit to faults or shortcomings, and this anger which they use to mask pain. In that way, I thought blood was a good base for this Ford: even when he’s antagonising Stanley there’s this deep underlying connection that he’s made of exactly the same stuff.  Much the same, the journal and that maroon tone on his sweater is how he symbolises and presents himself. I wanted to incorporate all of his scars into his design because it reflects why he’s so distrustful of everyone and the ways he ‘keeps himself reminded’ of that fact.

General gist:

Ford, much alike Stan, has a wide gap in how he presents himself vs. secondary personas which hide beneath the surface. Ford rapidly oscillates between serious, sci-fi badass hero and silly guy, as well as between self-hatred and arrogance. The Survivor is how I see this discrepancy manifesting: a counter-balance to the world’s (and his own) attempts to tear him down. Every part of him he was made to feel ashamed of – his background, his hands, his intelligence, even his being human (in the multiverse) – he inverts in a purposeful manner and instead positions as a superior trait or something to use against his enemies. He’s driven by a need to prove people wrong about him, and that is driven by insecurity and it keeps him determined. Ford has a very powerful sense of spite, which I think he and Stan share, and a pettiness which is equal parts frustrating and very funny. He wants to come out on top in all situations, because not being on top signals that he’s in danger. Additionally, there is the literal threat of living in Fight-or-Flight mode for 30 years, and Ford’s tendency to choose Fight in a vast majority of situations. He’s a very stand-your-ground sort of guy and keeps a gun on him at all times. I think Ford’s trauma and responses to the trauma similarly manifest in The Survivor, who is the only aspect of him to manifest keeping weapons on him at all times.

The Survivor similarly represents the part of Ford who keeps calm in the face of danger, but he doesn’t have a healthy outlook on trauma or how he handles it. His emotional repression comes in the form of trying to ‘manage’ The Scientist’s responses to things, which results in Ford hurting himself long-term emotionally.

Positive Aspects:

The Survivor is extremely adept at his job. Without him, Ford would have succumbed a long time ago. Even if he struggles to do it the best way, The Survivor balances out all of Ford’s self-blaming and hatred instincts and reduces the amount they can express themselves within his consciousness – which keeps him safe. The Survivor is able to be independent and strong – reflecting his lone man travels across dimensions. He is competent and able to do most things he sets his mind to, stoic with determination. His level of self-restraint keeps Ford as a whole more or less stable, and the fact that The Survivor is the face people see externally reflects that he is the easiest of the 3 to reason with or convince of anything. He is practical and deliberate with his actions, able to weigh up the risk associated with an action, and goal-oriented. Furthermore, The Survivor is able to be protective – both of himself and others he cares about. He has sharp instincts and in spite of the coldness of his persona, he shows his love for others by using those instincts to keep people safe above all else.

Negative Aspects:

The Survivor embodies the ‘Trust No One’ phrase drilled into him by Bill, holding a jaded view of the world and of other people as a whole. He is the least socially-oriented and the least concerned with causing upset to others, which leads him to come across as harsh and uncaring in his bluntness. He refuses to let people in because he knows that offers them the power to hurt him, and he refuses to concede any power to do so. Power is a defining part of this aspect, and he likes to hold as much of it as possible in a given situation; unfortunately, this can make him act controlling and aggressive in order to stay feeling on top. The Survivor also holds grudges, representing the parts of Ford that are petty and care disproportionately over small infractions, which he reminds himself of regularly. Similarly, The Survivor, who manages the Ego, is prideful and pushes his perception of himself higher than the average person. This is in part founded, seeing as Ford is considered exceptional in many fields, but his competitive streak to be the best at everything pushes against the perception he holds in his mind that everyone around him will assume he is the worst at everything unless he proves them wrong, over and over. His positive qualities feel transient to him due to his many mistakes, which make him feel the need to repeatedly demonstrate that they are still present. The Survivor needs to be seen a certain way by people, or he feels threatened and unsafe. That fear is often covered by anger, which offers him more power and control of the situation to mitigate any risk.

Names for Others:

Stan – Stanley

Mabel – Mabel

Dipper – Mason

Bill – Monster / Demon

Additional comments:

I think it could be easy to dismiss The Survivor as the part of Ford who’s a selfish jerk asshole and that Ford would be better without it, but I think that misses the point to an extent. The Survivor is how Ford protects himself, and that self-centredness is what keeps him grounded from being used by others or succumbing to self-hatred. I think we all have a Survivor in us, and Ford’s was forced to become big enough to protect the rest of himself by the ways in which the world was unkind to him. Ford developed an ego around his intelligence because he otherwise felt he had nothing to offer. He told himself he was special and great in response to the rejection he faced – because otherwise that rejection just meant he was wrong or bad in some way. He became defensive, aggressive and standoffish in response to a world where he felt constantly betrayed and kicked down. The Survivor operates on Trust No One, because his experience is that there is no one he can trust. He needs to be a lone hero, because people will not love him without trying to use or betray or alter him in some way.

The Survivor, in a sense, operates from a place of love: he acts almost like an older brother figure to The Fanatic and The Scientist, and whilst he isn’t always good at this, he is exclusively loyal and affectionate to them. He is what stands between them and the world, and any decisions he make are to avoid the horrible people outside from hurting the rest of him. He can, and has to be, all he needs. In a multiverse alone where everything and everyone is trying to kill him. Accepting help is admitting weakness and offering an opening for others to attack. Admitting others were right and you were wrong is giving them a foothold to tear into you, gaslight you or a sign you can’t trust your own judgement. And Ford cannot go through that again.

The Survivor initially manifested in Backupsmore because that was where it was ‘him vs. the world’ and that lead him to have his uniquely hostile attitude towards Stanley – basically living in the constant reminder of that perceived intentional sabotage/betrayal. After his time in the portal, of course, he shifted to the area of the mindscape where he had his final confrontation with Bill before the portal reopened.

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The Overlapping Aspects:

The Judge – combo of The Fanatic + The Survivor –

Inspiration points – the rift that opened Weirdmageddon, the console which branded Stan; moments his actions had major consequences – This Ford sits at an in-between age around his 40s-50s.

Summary and Role – The Judge represents the need to take action. Lacking The Scientist, he doesn’t stop to rationalise his actions logically or morally – he operates on pure impulse spurred on by instincts and emotion. The resulting product of The Survivor’s steadfastness and The Fanatic’s passion is a being who makes quick, decisive choices and sticks to them with the most powerful stubbornness one can imagine (hence the name, The ‘Judge’).

In many ways he operates like The Survivor – but with the combination of The Fanatic, occupies a space which resembles the more peaceful/enjoyable parts of his time in the Multiverse. This part of Ford enjoys risk-taking, fighting and adrenaline and the simple satisfaction of chasing a goal which contributes to the greater good.

The conjunction of The Survivor’s instinct to stay alive by any means necessary and The Fanatic’s love extends that need into a form of hyper-protectiveness completely detached from Ford’s own morals – the sort that might, for instance, sell the whole world to keep his family safe.

Extra – This intersection ties strongly into Ford’s relationship with Stanley, both acting and thinking the most like his brother and also physically manifesting both points in time where his impulsive decisions cost him everything. Meanwhile, The Judge himself is exceptionally protective of Stanley, making these events physically scar himself in turn.

The Jury – combo of The Fanatic + The Scientist –

Inspiration points – Project Mentem, Fiddleford’s goggles, the general look of motherboards/computer parts – This Ford is in his mid 20s, around the time he and Fiddleford were working directly together.

Summary and Role – The Jury represents a counterpart to The Judge, involving, slow, careful, deliberate decision-making based on experience. His unique abilities involve literally playing back memories in order to inform his decisions, and he rarely comes up with a new or original point when informing these. He is almost entirely locked into the past in this way, observing his own memories as a ‘Jury’ weighing up evidence.

The Jury lacks the aspect of The Survivor, who frequently comes to represent Ford’s ego and self-preservation – which leaves him without a strong or coherent sense of self at all. I enjoyed combining this aspect with The Scientist’s occasional muteness to create his distinctive sentence-mixing pattern of speaking – being literally only able to repeat others. In spite of all his opinions, they are more like data analysis – averages based on what is provided to him. He is the only version of Ford who doesn’t have some reservations about being re-joined and is the only overlapping aspect to willingly be disjoined, because he doesn’t feel the need to self-preserve that way.

This makes The Jury a bit less emotional – aside from frustration when he can’t articulate himself due to lack of words – but he still is aware of and is able to draw on emotional experiences and face them head-on in a way that Ford, with all his avoidant tendencies, would usually struggle to do. He loves strongly in a logical / analytical way, using shared experiences and appraisals, using his memories as sentiment points the way that Ford’s photo of him and Stan as kids did across his life.

Extra – The Jury is exceptionally linked in with Fiddleford both in visage and in concept – the memory expert and his oldest friend (aside from Stan). His experiences with him, their shared history, and the way in which those memories were evaluated, reassessed and forgiven later on make this relationship extra special to this aspect. Two scientists piecing together and healing the fragments of their experiences with one another.  

The Executioner – combo of The Survivor + The Scientist –

Inspiration points – The multiverse, the interdimensional rift, Jhesselbraum’s robes – This Ford has a nebulous (ha) age obscured by the shifting clouds across him, but is assuredly within the 30 year portal range. He additionally has unique characteristics – with a semi-visible metal plate suspended in his head, and an additional 5 slightly dimmer ‘eyes’ patterned the same way as The Oracle’s on his face. He looks the least human of any aspects or overlapping aspects.

Summary and Role – The Executioner is the summation of Ford’s anguish relating to Bill and the Multiverse. In a single word, he can be described as a pure sense of duty. The Survivor’s stubborn aggression, determination and need to protect intersects with The Scientist’s strong sense of betrayal, analytical nature and prominent moral code, creating a being who is staunchly set on the vengeance that will right the cosmos by any means necessary.

The Executioner is very much still Ford – he is curious and enjoys talking, a fact which Dipper manages to take advantage of – but he responds exceptionally strongly to perceived betrayal, which makes those traits particularly turbulent. Without The Fanatic, The Executioner’s curiosity is detached and clinical, and his pursuit of vengeance is done without any regard for anything he loves. He would destroy the Earth if he knew it would kill Bill Cipher, because in his mind there are many Earths and Bill Cipher is a cosmic threat to the entire multiverse. In this way he has a pragmatic utilitarian moral code which enables him to hurt himself and others in the service of reaching his goal.

The Executioner has a particular disdain for The Fanatic which no other aspect or overlap similarly have, seeing his heart as his weakness. He wants to be the ideal soldier – he takes so strongly after Jhesselbraum’s mission that he physically embodies it. And yet, The Fanatic still refuses to do what it takes to wipe the monster off the face of the world. He hates it – similarly asserting his control over his mind in the same way The Survivor and The Scientist do by hating and hurting himself to try and force himself to be what he needs to be.

Extra – This aspect is, as previously mentioned, mostly tied into Jhesselbraum, who he views as his saviour for the metal plate and his directive. He most easily embodies the part of Ford who gave up on the idea of going home, the one prepared to sacrifice himself for the Multiverse, determined to see her goal all the way through. Nothing else matters; he doesn’t matter. He made a mistake and now he has to undo it. He and Jhesselbraum understand one another well on that front, allowing them to have this unique connection.  

Bonus:

Just for myself as a little fun exercise designing each aspect, I wanted to see if I could fit The Judge, Jury and Executioner into the overlapping ‘states of matter’ of the other aspects.

Because the Judge was a cross between a liquid (The Survivor) form and a solid (The Fanatic) form, I gave him a magma/in-between state core, some solid plating and some weird, flowy/low-gravity rift aspects around the outside.

Because The Jury was a cross between energy/incorporeal matter (The Scientist) and a solid (The Fanatic) form, I thought I could conjoin them by making a powered up/energy-filled solid (like a machine), with the gold wiring computers use for added flare.

 Because The Executioner was a cross between that incorporeal stuff (The Scientist) and a liquid (The Survivor), I went with a cloudy nebula, sort of like the product of boiling liquid with energy. Stars also form in nebulae with energy, so I thought that sort of sat nicely within the theme.

This is a re-attempt because I somehow deleted my previous one!

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This Blog!

Was intended to be a side blog but has more or less become my main one through the power of the hyperfixation demons™. This is all Gravity Falls here babyeee. I'm quite new on Tumblr and so I haven't quite gotten into the swing on reblogging unless I find something I'm like !!! gotta point at it like an interesting bug on the wall, but I largely post about my fics, post chapters for some fics and art relating to Gravity Falls here!

I really enjoy media analysis, character and relationship exploration based stuff, and also just silly things. I'm mostly autistic about the old men, with my favourites being Ford and Stan, then also enjoying Bill and Fiddleford.

I love asks!!! Please talk to meee!! I love to discuss things and also I respond to new people like a very extroverted dog to a knock on the door so never hesitate to say hi!!!

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Me!

Hi and Hello! I'm Lost (a pseudonym which may be subject to change). I am 22 and use She/Her pronouns (but have no preference on gendered language at all) and I'm an AuDHD AroAce (AAAA) - which reflect particularly prominently in my work and interpretations on characters.

I'm a former art student and current psychology graduate, and I also enjoy a handful of other topics including gemology, astronomy, D&D and more™. I'm uniquely delighted by things that come in sets (I.e. card suits, 4 elements, sun & moon, tarot) for one reason or another. I also make and sell jewellery sometimes because I have a bad tendency to hoard shiny things and craft supplies.

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My Fics!

I have a mix of ideas/aus and currently posted fics which I will list below. All are uploaded to My A03 Account!

Active Fics:

Relentless Chase - Longer Detective AU fic -

A relationships-focused fic exploring obsession, relationships and the inherent homoeroticism of having an arch nemesis. It's lower-fantasy than most GF fics, with Bill being a human man here. I purposefully include certain references/parallels to the show but a lot of this is fairly detached. This is my first ever fic and very self-indulgent for me, and I explore aspects of AroAce identities, QPRs and polyamory here.

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Apocalypse Squared - Longer / Open-running 80s Weirdmageddon fic -

When Ford confronts Bill, he wastes no time in simply possessing him to turn on the portal before he can put the retinal scanner in place. Stan watches the apocalypse start from Oregon, and decides that it's probably not a coincidence that that's where Ford lives. He rushes to retrieve him from the demon's grasp, and the two end up on an insane road trip on the run from both their respective past bad decisions. This one is mostly lighthearted/funny but at certain points spontaneously plunges into heavy angst.

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Death and Three Obstacles - Medium (haha pun intended) fic - Ghost Ford au basis -

When Ford dies, Bill possesses his body to prevent it going fully offline and recruits Stan and Fiddleford to come to the house and help him figure out how to revive him. Meanwhile Ford, who would rather die in peace and stop the apocalypse, is very firmly trying to assert that they should cut it out. Everyone experiences a different genre of fic as A ghost, his 2 exes, his estranged twin brother and his corpse have to share a house. This fic emphasises the most negative aspects of Ford's relationships with Bill and Fiddleford and draws on themes of autonomy in relation to the character.

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Circuit Breaker - Medium? (tbd) fic using magic bs -

When Stan doesn't respond to Ford's postcard on account of being abducted and in the process of being murdered, Ford gets desperate and turns to magic to try and protect him as his time allocation from Bill ticks lower. This takes an unexpected turn, accidentally creating a situation where the two brothers swap places after one of them dies. This causes a lot of problems, as the two of them are suddenly dragged deep into the unique dangers the other is facing. Luckily they have a few dependable allies including Stan's.... ex...? Jimmy. This is one of the darker fics I've written / gets particularly heavy at times.

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Stan^4 - The nightmare timestuck au from Hell - unclear length Twins in Time variant -

The Sea Grunk Twins are on their bullshit when they encounter a rift remnant of Time Baby's death. A mistake here sends both of them back to the 80s... as well as drawing 2 younger variants of each of them forwards. Now there are two groups of twins roaming: Grunk Ford (who is also a feral Ford take), Mullet Stan, Teenage Ford (just post science fair), and Child Stan, and: Grunk Stan (who has memory lapses), Paranoia era Ford, Teenage Stan (just kicked out), and Child Ford. Somehow they need to find a way to keep everyone safe in the most dangerous era for both of them - running from both various criminal gangs and Bill Cipher's attempts to mess things up. Oh, and also they can't seem to have healthy relationships with each other and themselves either.

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The Negotiator - length tbd - Dark Stan AU -

When Stan agrees to take Ford's book and bury it, an unexpected visitor pops up and tells him that things could be better if he made a deal. Of course, he's a businessman; he knows better than to take the first offer put on the table. Stan starts the apocalypse for Bill, and is put in a favourable position of power immediately. Better yet, for him, Ford is there and he's stuck with him until he agrees to join the two of them. Stan's just thrilled to have his brother back! Even if he's very, very unhappy with the current situation.

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From Icarus to Theseus - Collection of short one-shots

A collection of short narratives comparing or analysing Ford under the lens/comparison of various Greek mythological figures. A nice chance for me to explore a lot of my character headcanons as well as exploring the character.

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Bonded Pair - Long Multishot / Exploration of AU

A Double Portal, Double Feral AU which looks into all the timeline of a Feral Stan Twins duo from frankly all angles! Will look at canon plot beats and how they vary, lots of unnecessary worldbuilding lore and the most codependent I've written these guys yet.

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Game of Gods - Collection of Scenes / Prompts / One Shots as part of the AU

This AU is also listed below in the AU section, but yes! Game of Gods focuses on a version of Stan and Ford who fell through the portal together and were picked up by Bill and the Axolotl - who each took one twin to make into the Avatars of Order and Chaos. This results in a pair of deity twins who have very different receptions by the multiverse - and all the disasters that entails.

A03 + Original Premise and designs here

Completed Fics:

Orbit of a Trinary System - ~40k Character Study fic -

Bill uses a proverbial bomb he implanted in Ford's psyche to split his mind into pieces / elements, and tries to make the case to the Theraprism that that means they should take Ford in. Stan and the kids enter his mind to prove that they have it handled and Ford does not need to be institutionalised. This fic emphasises the different aspects that make up Ford, how he copes and relates to himself, how he relates to others and how others see him.

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One-Shots:

The Wounded Animal Instinct - ~10k Feral Ford au -

Many animals will conceal injuries or illnesses in order to avoid exposing weaknesses, and others will retreat quietly away to die when they sense the end is near. After Weirdmageddon, Ford struggles to suppress these instincts in relation to his own injuries, leading to an unfortunate incident which may just be beneficial long-term. Hurt/Comfort for the Stan Twins.

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Take One for the Team? - ~2.5k Comedy, Post-canon / Handyman Bill au variant sorta -

The Stan twins get a plea from a Theraprism worker who is just. Really really fed up with their job and life. They ask if they may be willing to perhaps take in the demon, given that he's violently down bad for Ford still. It's a crack treated semi-similarly fic that plays off of / lovingly makes fun of a lot of Bill returns to Gravity Falls fics tropes.

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Synaptogenesis - ~7k Angst, Hurt/Comfort - Memory Gun Erasure fic -

A Fic where 80s Ford is shot with the memory gun to kill Bill. Except, he doesn't really have a photo album, or as smooth a recovery as one might hope for. He's left in a house with 2 strange men, disoriented, frightened and stuck in a bad identity crisis, feeling like an impostor in another, more beloved man's place. Includes gratuitous use of neuropsychology jargon.

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Littermate - ~7k Pure Fluff with some comedy, Werewolf Stan AU

Stan has a full moon in Gravity Falls, catches the smell of his littermate and his wolf self is absolutely overjoyed and ends up surprise adopting him a bit. POV switches between Human Stan, Wolf Stan and Ford, comedy and awkward conversations which leads to a sweet ending.

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An Unmourned Death - ~3.5k Comedy with light angst, Vampire Ford AU

Nobody noticed for 4 years that Ford was a vampire, and when they did it was by complete accident. He does his best to explain it to Stan, who is pretty mortified about it.

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AUs/Plans/Ideas:

Mirrorwalker AU - my own personal self-indulgent multiversal Ford variant where he decides once he's in a hole he may as well keep digging down further

Mirrorwalker Ford finds himself in the mirror realm on his journeys, encountering one of Bill's exes, Bloody Mary. She offers him her own unique deal, and Ford goes fuck it. Literally my life couldn't get worse than with the deal I currently have - at least we both want the same sort of thing. He continues with this mentality, making a shit ton of pacts until he's a much stronger, but less autonomous Ford who also might be part-ghost? He's also obsessed with keeping his relationships in perfect ratios but that's probably fine. He shows up in the mirrors of Gravity Falls, where members of the Zodiac can see him and that freaks them out quite a bit also.

Long explanation here and Original design page here

Game of Gods AU -

Stan and Ford fall through the portal together and are met by Bill and the Axolotl on the other side. Each God takes a twin and grants them power.

Premise and designs here

Fic here

In for a Penny AU - Take on Stan calls Ford first au/fic -

Stan is in trouble, perishing, etc. and calls Ford because he doesn't think he has any time left. Ford rushes across the country, saves him and gets him to hospital. Except, he actually doesn't have the money to pay for it. So he decides to commit to the bit, Gravity Falls has already shown him to be a bit morally ambiguous, and jumps straight to robbing a bank. Things only get crazier from there.

Hook, Line and Sixer - Amnesia/Time loop mix up fic -

An incident leaving Ford with his memories resetting every day results in a fierce competition between Stan and Bill, who every day try to convince him to or not to turn on the portal downstairs.

Language Barrier -

I think I went a bit insane here. Uh. Billford angst upon ye!

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Chapter 8 - The Confession

“AAAARGGHHHHH! WHY ISN’T THIS WORKING?!” The Euclydian screamed out in his native tongue, the one only spoken by 2 beings in the entire multiverse. He ripped apart bookshelves, wrenching bricks from foundations and tearing down walls.

The Fanatic watched calmly from the hand holding him aloft, but surprisingly steadily during this tantrum. He had long since given up on trying to free himself and instead leaned on the top finger coiled around him, head perched on one hand as he observed the other.

“He doesn’t live here anymore, my muse. People do change over time.” He supplied helpfully, even responding to Bill in his preferred language.

“You didn’t!” Bill hissed, returning his attention to the golden man in his clutches.

“Well… evidently I did a little,” The Fanatic teased with a smile, “or you wouldn’t be encountering so much trouble here.”

Bill let out a guttural sound of annoyance in response. He was supposed to be an expert on this place! 30 years was nothing! A blink of an eye!

“Why don’t you help me then, if you’re such an expert?!” he turned his frustration back to the only target available.

“I would, but I’m fairly sure that nobody else would be a fan of that. I don’t know that I’d be satisfied with the outcome, either, given you’re planning to take me away from my loved ones.” He said those words more consideringly than spitefully.

“URGH! Why do you even care?!” Bill folded his upper lid to signal his displeasure, “you barely even know those kids, and your dumb brother messed up your life at least twice. I was the most important person in your life! I was the sun in your galaxy! Your muse. You said so yourself! You should be jumping at the chance to be with me again.”

“You were,” the Ford before him said, “but I don’t love you more than I love my family, Bill. That’s not how this works. Perhaps if I had the option, it would be nice to have you both – but even then, I know not all of me wants that. I don’t know if there is a way for me to be with you again. Not without one of us suffering from it, at least.” He paused, then laughed again dryly, “And knowing you, the one suffering would almost assuredly be me. Let’s not kid ourselves.”

Bill slammed an unoccupied fist down, breaking another desk in the mental representation of Ford’s University. “I don’t get it, Sixer! Why would you be suffering?! I offered you EVERYTHING! Ultimate freedom, knowledge, power—revenge! I don’t know why you suddenly decided you were too good for all that.”

The Fanatic sighed, gently tracing circles over Bill’s finger with one of his own. “I don’t think you understand humans all that well, Bill.” He looked up at him with a sympathetic smile, “it’s true you offered me all that, but it was at the price of destroying everything else I loved. I could love you more than anything, but that wouldn’t mean I’d give everything for it.”

Bill flickered again, weird feelings mixing up under his exoskeleton. They made him frustrated; this human made him frustrated – filling him with confusing feelings he’d never had to deal with before. “You should’ve! I was worth everything! I was your GOD. Nothing should have mattered but me! I was your muse—you LOVED me for that. Then…” his anger flared, taking another hand and pointing his finger accusatorily in the statue’s face, “Then you decided you hated it! You KILLED me for it! Talk about mixed signals, IQ!”

The Fanatic looked up at him with those soft eyes that confused Bill for a moment, quietly. The corners of his mouth turned up as he reached his hands towards Bill’s pointed finger. “Is that what you think?” Gently, he drew it closer to him, pressing it to his cheek softly with one hand, whilst the other held it affectionately. “Bill, I didn’t love you because you were my muse. You were my muse because I loved you.” That warm, reverberating laughter rang out again, tinged with a touch of sadness but just so full of that lovingness which Bill missed so sorely coming from his human. “It wasn’t because you were a God. It was because you were you, Bill.” He said quietly, holding Bill’s finger close, more like a hug now. Everywhere he touched emanated with sheer warmth, the way Bill hadn’t felt since Euclydia.

He stared down at Ford. The words involuntarily slipped out, quieter and less bold than he was used to speaking. “…Why wasn’t that enough, then? …Why did the rest of you stop loving me?”

The Fanatic’s eyes opened back to him, sparkling with the pity he would have decimated any other being in the multiverse for. Bill was so many magnitudes greater in size than him right now, yet in his gaze he felt so small. “I wasn’t enough for you, Bill. I wanted to be. But you weren’t going to use that portal just to be with me. It hurt when I learned you were using me. Then you hurt me again, and again, and again. I had to let that love turn into fear and hatred, or it would have destroyed me.” The Fanatic suddenly looked downward, “I didn’t feel like you loved me. Not when you lied to me; not when you were willing to do such horrible things to me to get me to do what you wanted. You made it very clear that you cared more about that portal than me. I felt stupid. I think most of me still does. It was so easy to love you and… I was humiliated by the realisation that you didn’t love me that same way.” He turned his gaze back to Bill, still sad but more resolved. “If you do love me, you love me selfishly. You want everything, and you’ll only give me what you want to. You want my surrender, my worship, but… you wouldn’t do the same for me. You could make me feel like the most important man in the multiverse, bring me joys no other being could, gift me my own galaxy… and yet, you wouldn’t even consider my freedom. You wouldn’t even think to apologise to me for what you did. Wouldn’t repair the damage you did to me. You wouldn’t even spare my home world; my family. Back then I wanted to believe that you wouldn’t drop to that level and threaten the kids, you know. I hoped that…” his eyes averted.

He laughed, tears made of gold sliding down the surface of the statue but never falling off, just melting back into his form. “I feel like an idiot for loving you anyway, my muse. Everyone looks at me like I’m insane like this. I think I must be. I think I’m the biggest idiot in any dimension, wanting to be wanted by the creature who ruined me. I know you did this to me and yet… I still can’t just…” He looked away, still holding onto Bill so gently. “You broke through space and time just because you wanted to see me again. And yet… you still wouldn’t do it without breaking me apart in the process.”

Bill stared and began to shrink down. Emotions - wrong emotions – coursed through him. The hold he had on the other man slackened, and yet he didn’t get up to run away. Bill didn’t realise he was crying until he felt a golden hand slide up to wipe them. He felt his form shudder, and suddenly the two were trapped in that circuit of bittersweet, laughing tears.

“We’re both so messed up, aren’t we?” The Fanatic laughed out, wiping his eyes.

“…Real freaks of nature, Sixer.” Bill slid to the floor, then slowly began to coil his limbs around the statue. Not tight or restrictive, but gentle – like a hug of sorts. The Fanatic had no objections to it, lifting the now small triangle up into his arms and pressing him against his chest, arms crossed around him.

Bill felt the world go fuzzy. The arms crossed around him were sturdy and soft and he felt so safe. This was the best feeling in the multiverse. This was the most important moment in eternity. It needed to last forever – it had to. Otherwise, he knew that he gave a lifetime of this up just for some failed world-domination strategy that didn’t even feel like it mattered anymore.

“I meant it, by the way.” The form around him rocked slightly, “I love you, Bill. You have a beautiful mind. Not just the knowledge; you were so charismatic and bright. You made the sorts of insane and dark jokes nobody else would make, the ones I felt too weird for liking before. It felt so natural, talking to you. You were so much fun to play chess with, even if I knew you were letting me win sometimes. You challenged me but didn’t push me – not until towards the end of things, anyway. You made me feel important, sure – but the truth is I loved that you made me feel understood. I could… be myself with you. You could see these messy parts of me, all corners of my mind, and decided to stay anyway. I could be a freak, a weirdo, and a loser and… it didn’t matter. I don’t think you’ll ever understand what that meant to me, Bill.”

Every word that ripped through Bill felt like a knife through his bricks and yet so unbelievably… precious. He needed them, they were so much, so valuable. He couldn’t – he didn’t want to – hear anything else. There were millions of years of words inside him and he had to get them all out at once – but he just couldn’t.

“…I think… it was the same for me.” Bill spoke, not even realising what he was saying as he was going. It was like another person was speaking through his mouth, telling him all the things he’d never known. Bill was so used to knowing.  “I don’t think I realised until you were gone.” His non-existent breath caught. “I thought I had forever. I thought I could keep you with me for eternity. I just had to get that portal open, then you’d never be gone. If your planet was ruined, you’d never have anyone else to go to. I’d know you’d never leave.” The aching from his scar pulsed with the same haunting emotions with echoed out through him. The static in his vision, and his mind was flooding.

He burst with energy, with the need to hold onto things. “Let me reunite you. We can- we can still fix this. We can break out of the Theraprism and- when I have my powers back… it can be just us. Exploring the multiverse together. I’ll protect you; you won’t be scared this time. Nothing will hurt you again. You won’t have to die. You won’t have to leave.”

The warm breath on the back of his plane cut him off. The voice was quiet and gentle, and yet firm. “No, Bill. I can’t.” a hand stroked his side comfortingly, “even if a part of me wants to. It’s too late, too far. Maybe some other time, some other place, we could have fixed things, but… I want to be with my family. They need me.”

“I need you more.” Bill urged.

“Oh… my muse.” Ford rested his head atop Bill’s corner, curling around him. “I’m sorry. It’s too late… there’s too much damage. I… I can only talk like this with you because this part of me just isn’t capable… I can’t put everything together fully. You know that don’t you? The real me couldn’t hold you like this. His body aches and burns. He’s covered in scars. He wakes up in the night and cries. He startles at moving shadows, tenses with abrupt laughter. He doesn’t trust. It… could never work. I shouldn’t say I’m sorry. This is your doing, I know. But I… do regret that things couldn’t be different.” He looked sideways, away from the demon.

“What if we stayed?” Bill choked out. “The Theraprism worker didn’t give us a time limit. If I never let you get back to the others, you’ll never reunite. The two of us can just stay here.”

“You know we can’t. And you know I’m not really him. I’m not enough of him to be the man you loved. I can’t challenge you intellectually, I can’t talk to you about formulae and research. I can’t be Stanford Pines.”

“…You know I’ll have to fight for you, right?” Bill felt… that feeling he refused to name curl up inside him. “I can’t let you go. Even if I wanted to. Even if you wanted me to. I have to be selfish. I have to be a monster. I have to try. Even if he fights me, even if I drag him out into the multiverse kicking and screaming.”

Ford sighed and let a long moment of silence draw between the two of them. “…I know. And you know I’ll try to stop you.”

“Hah. I’d be disappointed if you didn’t, Sixer… you’ve always been my foil.”

Ford laughed with some sadness again. “Theraprism… it leads to reincarnation, right? You know there’s another way for us to be happy… you could complete the program. When you reach the gates of the beyond… we could step through together. Maybe another ‘us’ could be happy, someday…”

“You’ll die a long time before I reach that, Sixer.” Bill felt bitter.

“Then I’ll wait for you.” He said, simply.

There was a long silence, as Bill’s eye stung in an agony he hadn’t felt since Euclydia.

Then, he heard a hum from the form behind him, the vibrations transmitting themselves through the sonorous golden metal. The tune was familiar, and soon followed by that deep voice singing quietly. There was a reassuring smile embedded in it, between the tinges of grief.

“We’ll… meet again. Don’t know where… don’t know when.

Oh, I know we’ll meet again.

Some sunny day.”

…

“…Sixer?”

“Yes, Bill?”

“Can we… stay like this? Just a little longer. Before we go to find the others.”