let me ramble about petra solano.always accepting.
so let me start by saying magda is manipulative, emotionally and mentally abusive and an absolute trash can. she can rot in prison for the rest of eternity and if anyone should’ve died on this show it’s her && here is an icon to remind you that magda made petra shovel the ground to bury ivan and help her cover up second-degree murder while petra was in the third ! trimester of her pregnancy knowing she had a late term miscarriage last time she was pregnant.
anyway, here it goes. from canon we know that (i) [narrator voice]: petra doesn’t have much experience with friends (ii) she fell in love for the first time when she was in her twenties (iii) ❛ it’s always been me and my mother ❜ – on their own, i think it can easily seem like maybe petra’s just not friendly or not interested in friends, or she just never met someone she liked romantically when she was younger BUT i think the fact that we saw in canon how she did want to be friends with jane, the fact that we’ve heard her say she’s lonely out loud ( which tells us she does want people in her life ), and the fact that it’s so painfully obvious how badly she wants love ( not necessarily romantic ) in her life just by how desperately she clings to it and how easily it has interfered with her ability to be rational on multiple occasions – suggests that there’s more to it than that : i think that even at a young age, magda has always isolated petra and kept her from establishing bonds with other people while growing up – ( this also explains why she’s so terrible when it comes to interacting with people, which we see a handful of moments of on the show. ) – && because of this, petra’s only ever had ONE constant in her life, believed there’s only one person she can truly rely on : magda.
while i think petra’s definitely not oblivious to her mother’s problematic ways ( at least the more obvious ones anyway, ie. lying about the wheelchair ) and she knows that magda is manipulative, selfish, a liar etc. i don’t think she fully realizes the extent of it ( especially when it’s used on her vs when they’re scheming together ), nor does she realize how much magda is able to control her. tbh i feel like petra thinks she’s in complete control of herself and her decisions but she isn’t, at least not where her mother is involved and we see a lot of how magda manipulates her, uses petra’s guilt from the accident, makes petra believe she’s looking out for her when she’s only looking out for herself, etc etc in season 1 until season 2b. despite being aware of a lot of the crappy things magda’s done to her, petra always finds herself going back and i think this ties into having only ever had magda to depend on through her whole life. problematic as magda might be, in petra’s head it goes – she’s my mother and she’s the one person who’s always had my back and lbr they’ve been through a lot of struggles even before milos came along ( and i think this idea in her head solidifies more when raf wasn’t able to be there for her after she was kidnapped, and there’s literally no one else to turn to but magda ).
the turning point of that relationship was when magda framed her for murder ( while she was fudging seven months pregnant ) – i feel like that was petra’s wake-up call, because it can’t get any more straightforward than that. and that’s when she realizes that wow, my mother really only cares about herself and i think petra sees things a bit more clearly after that ( and i also think that it’s why this is the point when magda starts to plot against petra, because she knows she’s lost her hold on her daughter for good ). and as her new mother, i’m proud of her for that, but it’s hard for me to really celebrate because there’s no getting out of the fact that there are damages done to petra’s character, to her mental and emotional state that are irreparable ( idt i need to list down the cray things petra’s done ) + while it may not be obvious, i feel she’s actually more dependent on magda than she realizes. petra’s tough and resilient and a force to be reckoned with and that’s clear with how she somehow manages to power through all the shitty things she’s been through mostly on her own. but we also see glimpses of how she feels inside : lost, afraid, unsure about a lot of things and i think it’s an indirect effect of not having her mother around to reassure her like she always used to, to take care of things for her anymore. it’s the first time she’s ever truly been on her own, and i think there’s a struggle there that she isn’t even aware of.
that said, she is doing a lot better now though, and i think going to therapy helped a lot ( idk my brain hasn’t fully processed the new petra in the time jump ), which is a good thing, of course, and she’s doing well with ellie and anna which is huge, and i think we’ve seen a lot of petra’s potential to break free from her mother’s influence in season two, in terms of character sooo there’s that.. we’ll see i guess in the next few episodes if i don’t end up rage-quitting.
[ side note : for the record, this whole anti-magda post ( can u tell i’m mad ) + attributing her for why petra is the way she is doesn’t mean i’m washing petra’s hands clean from fault from all the shit she’s pulled either, but that’s a story for another day. ]
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*clears throat* i was about to go to bed but who needs sleep when you can talk about lane sisters !!
okay so let’s start how lois was six when their mother died and how she promised her mother and herself that she’d take care of her baby sister always and forever. while crying in her bed at night, snuggling with her old teddy bear, after tucking her sister in bed, after telling her their favourite fairytale, the one their mother always told them before bed. how lois would be strong through the day for her sister and her father while she was dying inside because she missed her mother more than anything in the world. lois had just started school when her mother died and she’d go to home alone, either with her father or someone her father had sent, but always alone. she sees all the kids waiting for their parents, their moms who hug them like they’ve spent years apart and lois just wishes for another hug, for another look or to hear her mom’s voice one more time.
lois never talks about their mother’s time at the hospital. she feels guilty for not saying goodbye to her, she thinks it was her fault neither her or her sister went to see her at the hospital. so instead, she tells lucy all the happy memories. how they used to have a sunday brunch all together, how their mother would sing while cooking, how she’d show them pictures of their parents’ travels around the world. lois kept telling her sister all these stories, day after day, hoping lucy wouldn’t forget their mother, the way she was starting to forget. if they kept remembering all the good moments, their mother’s presence would never leave them.
when lucy went to school and started to be really good, learning faster than other kids, even skipping 2nd grade, it was the same time their father got a promotion and had to move. they all moved out of their family house, and lois, once again, made sure to protect and take care of lucy. living in military bases with other brat children, both sisters learnt their way around the place. they started to call their father as the general, they had daily trains, they invented a secret code so the general wouldn’t catch conversations they didn’t want him to know. both girls would get themselves into trouble often, but lois always had lucy’s back. no matter what, lois would take the fault for lucy. being the older one, and also due her promise to their mother, she felt the need to protect her little sister from their father’s anger and more often than not, disappointed looks.
later, the general decided to enroll lucy in a boarding school in switzerland. she was clearly the most intelligent in the family, she deserved the best education she could possible have. to be someone in the world, to have a bright future. that’s what lois always thought. she kept contact with lucy, still helping her whenever lucy got herself into trouble at school. however, over time, lucy stopped calling and texting. they grew apart. there were times lois didn’t have ways to contact her sister due moving all the time. life started passing by so fast and lucy seemed happy in boarding school, doing all the things she liked. they never talked about their true feelings: lucy never told lois how she envied her for living with their father and being his daughter & lois never talked about how she often would prefer to live far away from the general than feeling nothing else but another one of his soldiers rather than his daughter.
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[text]: wtf is the notebook even about?? “if you’re a bird then i’m a bird” ? they’re both humans ( silas, i feel like i've sent this before but its him af )
text message meme | status: accepting
[ text : stoner hottie 🌿 💋 ] : ok we’ve had this conversation like a billion times. [ text : stoner hottie 🌿 💋 ] : you’re totally high rn aren’t you ?? [ text : stoner hottie 🌿 💋 ] : i’m not explaining this to you again til you’re not.
→ NO! of course not!
→ why would i send those to you on purpose?
→ wait ––– you really think so?
→ of course you are.
→ that wasn’t sarcastic. i just wasn’t doubting it.
→ me too.
