Stale
So a few days ago classes just resumed, and I was hanging out with my friends again (most of us are from out of town, see). A lot of us have blogs, and Joy-joy expressed how she thought my blog was going stale for the lack of entries. I gotta say, I got a bit hurt. I've been blogging for over 8 years now and here I was, neglecting the blog I've kept for the longest time. So now I'm killing time waiting for my Theology class, and I don't know what to talk about.
I guess... I've gone back to my old ways again. My life's been ultra shitty, and I just refuse to have any memories of it. I usually have month-long gaps in my journal in which I don't write anything, but now I sort of regret doing that. I mean, it's not bad-bad-bad-bad. It's bad-bad-good-bad-bad-good, but there's still good. And cliched as this may sound, without the bitter, life isn't just as sweet. I remember nothing from June-January of freshman year in high school. Nothing. And it sucks. So I'm gonna write again. It's already the 9th of January, but I'm still going to write down my new year's resolutions.
STOP SKIPPING CLASSES. Geez, I live literally fifteen minutes from campus, and I skip on my 8AM class 2/3 times a week. It's terrible. As much as I hate professors that include attendance in grades, there's nothing I can do about it. So more absences for me!
READ AHEAD. I just... do not know what's happening. I don't read ahead anymore. I used to love doing this last semester, but aghhh for some reason I get too lazy to do it. That reminds me...
NO MORE FRIENDS. I've been watching Friends every chance I get, thanks to Umpa giving Valerie, my sister, all ten seasons. Psshh. It's so unproductive.
Gah. I just remembered why I don't write anymore. I don't want to think. My head's been a terrible place to be in these past couple of months. Picture this: your head is silent, and you try to get your mind to process things you need to process such a relevance theories and imperatives for cross-cultural communication. But in that silence, negativity creeps in. You start to think about things you don't want to think about. What's worse, is these are things you can do nothing about. Nada. Zilch. You can't do anything to make it better.
So that's what's up. No, no. That's only the premise. I've been numb for months because I wanted not to feel the things that those thoughts would make me feel, consequentially fucking up the other stuff I've been doing so well in. Not good. I'm not in a good place right now.
