I don't always mean what I've written.

January 1. Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets, JK Rowling (reread) 2. The City of Mist, Carlos Ruiz Zafon ⭐️⭐️⭐️ 3. Cathedral, Raymond Carver ⭐️⭐️ ⭐️ 4. Before The Coffee Gets Cold, Toshikazu Kawaguchi ⭐️

January/February (I'm not sure) 5. The Things They Carried, Tim O’Brien ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

February 6. Before We Were Strangers, Renee Carlino ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 7. Armageddon in Retrospect, Kurt Vonnegut ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

1. Sputnkik Sweetheart, Haruki Murakami 2. Flowers For Algernon, Daniel Keyes ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 3. What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, Haruki Murakami ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 4. The Sense of An Ending, Julian Barnes ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5. Conversations with Friends, Sally Rooney ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 6. The Only Story, Julian Barnes ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 7. Levels of Life, Julian Barnes ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 8. Talking it Over, Julian Barnes ⭐️⭐️ 9. Love, Etc., Julian Barnes ⭐️ 10. What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, Haruki Murakami

August 10. I Was A Kamikaze, Ryuji Nagatsuka ⭐️⭐️ 11. Love Story, Erich Segal  12. Words on Bathroom Walls, Julia Walton ⭐️⭐️⭐️ 13. The Silent Patient, Alex Michaelides ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 14. The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseni ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

2018

1. Always and Forever Lara Jean, Jenny Han 2. The Crimes of Grindelwald, JK Rowling

2019

1. The Shadow of The Wind, Carlos Ruiz Zafon 2. The Angel's Game, Carlos Ruiz Zafon 3. The Prisoner of Heaven, Carlos Ruiz Zafon 4. The Labyrinth of Spirits, Carlos Ruiz Zafon ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

2020

1. The Reader, Bernard Schlink 2. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, Marie Kondo 3. Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix, JK Rowling 4. Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince, JK Rowling 5. Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban, JK Rowling 6. Normal People, Sally Rooney ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 7. The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Schbosky 8. An Abundance of Katherines, John Green 9. 1984, George Orwell ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 10. The Queen's Gambit, Walter Tevis

The ones in italics are rereads. Happy to report that most of them passed the reread test with flying colors, save for An Abundance of Katherines, my favorite John Green as a teenager. Probably my fault, since I’ve overhyped it in my head. Also, I’ve been dropping books cold turkey lately. Life is too short to read books I don’t like and all that. 

Save for 1984. It felt like grunt work, but I felt like I needed to read it... so I did. 

February

I’ve been meaning to write this. I’ve been meaning for this self to write to you, wherever you are, whoever you may be now. I hope it’s a good place. But I’m getting ahead of myself. This is where you are right now:

At this very moment, it’s 12AM. March 29, 2016. A Tuesday. You are printing cases for the last meeting in Environmental Law under Atty. J. Coronel and you are praying, that despite the failed quizzes and the two empty cold-calls, you still pass the class with your target grade. 10 pages every 10 minutes. That’s how the printer is now. A one year-old IP2870 with a replacement cartridge. You’re in your “room”—because it’s got a bookshelf full of your law school stuff in it, and you’ve been all alone since March 28th when Valerie went home because Junjun (yes, it’s a bad day today) told her to throw a party to celebrate her passing her medtech boards. A couple of minutes ago, no. Two hours. Yes, you’ve been on the internet that long. It’s still a struggle. You spent Holy Week without internet and it was so productive. Oh, there’s so much I want to tell you! Yes. A couple of hours ago Val told you that Junjun said med school would depend upon the payment scheme. And your heart is breaking for Val. Because it’s not fair. You’re thinking of everyone you could ask help from. Val doesn’t want to go to Tita Beth because we’re not “less fortunate”, so she wants to go to Tito Rommel. And we’re going to pray for that. That Mamang vouches for Val if she has to. You have an Administrative Law exam tomorrow, the second and final one. You got a 69 on the first exam because although you got a perfect score on the essay, you didn’t memorize the True or False questions. And you also got a 47 on the first ObliCon exam. You get the results for the second exam tomorrow and you’re so scared. Because you’re at where you were last year. When you constantly looked at your target WPA and prayed, and prayed that God would give you this last chance and that you promise not to waste it. But you with your 72 from the first semester of your first year as a second year. But you pray anyway, and you study as hard as you can.

The other day you started having your romantic daydreams again. You can’t seem to live in the moment. And that’s how your problems always sneak up on you. I hope you’re in a good place. I’m going to do my very best to put you in a good place.

Where are you, right now? Are you happy? I know perfect happiness isn’t possible. But what things are you worrying about right now?  

 Love,

I am now locked inside our apartment, without running water (it comes back tomorrow in the afternoon), on the internet. I am terrified of going out and suddenly spitting out blood. So okay, maybe I am a little too dramatic--Val wasn’t given any medication after her operation. I got an antibiotic (I really hate how Co-Amoxiclav is for throat/tonsil infection yet it is GIGANTIC), an antifibrinolytic, and painkillers. Yet here I am worrying. But I have good reason to! Val got to rest for two weeks. I, on the other hand, go back to work on Wednesday. Basically I only have three days of rest left and I am just lying in bed, praying I’m completely healed by then. Val said she spat out blood on the first three days after surgery. In case you forgot, today is my day 3. I looked at my throat this morning and the walls aren’t completely white anymore--there are small red patches now. I won’t look again anymore ‘cause I don’t want to strain my throat further. 

It’s a cycle. An endless cycle. I would go on The New York Times, or Wired—my two favorite websites, just so I don’t feel like a robot. I would exchange messages with family and friends because I hate ever feeling out of the loop… all of this I do at work. But now I gotta pay for it. I’m so blessed, though… that the biggest mistake I’ve ever made at my work was something that got remedied. I didn’t have to literally pay money. It just sucks because it happened.

To be honest though if I was still operating under 715 rules, like I promised myself I would, this would never have happened. I wouldn’t be making mistakes like these. So why did I let this happen? Because I got bored. And because I felt like I could, under 1061… knowing I shouldn’t. My boss wasn’t at work today, so my scolding’s gonna happen when I go back on Monday. And I know I’ll never hear the end of it. I’ll get a scolding for a minimum of three different times by the same person. And until the scolding ends, I don’t think I’ll properly move on from it.

It was my one-year anniversary at work yesterday, and I suppose that’s why I’ve been feeling like looking at how things have been going lately. Which is weird because for the past few weeks I have been feeling so alienated.

So, since the first of August I’ve been working 12 hours a day, arriving before 9 and logging out at 9 in the evening to clean up old files, and I remember my right eye twitching a few days in. I still go home at 9PM, but the twitching has stopped. Lol. 

June

1. Call Me By Your Name André Aciman⭐️⭐️️ 2. Essays in Love Alain de Botton⭐️⭐️ 3. Men Without Women Haruki Murakami⭐️⭐️

October

4. Fahrenheit 451 Ray Bradbury⭐️⭐️ 5. Origin Dan Brown ⭐️⭐️⭐️

November