#trickie

The arena lights had already dimmed to that tired, end-of-show glow, half the crowd gone, the rest lingering like they were trying to stretch the night a little longer.

Somewhere down the hallway, someone was arguing about whose entrance music was louder. A production guy wheeled a crate past at speed. A championship belt was definitely missing and nobody wanted to admit it out loud yet.

And in the middle of all that chaos…

Trish Stratus was leaning against a wall pretending she wasn’t waiting.

Arms folded. Hair still slightly damp from sweat and adrenaline. That familiar calm expression that fooled everyone except the one person who actually knew her.

Footsteps came in light and fast.

Of course they did.

Mickie James appeared like she’d been teleported in by pure excitement, clutching a water bottle in one hand and a bag of something suspiciously snack-shaped in the other.

“I have news,” Mickie announced immediately.

Trish didn’t even look up. “That’s never good.”

“It’s VERY good.”

“That’s worse.”

Mickie ignored her completely, stepping closer until she was basically invading Trish’s personal space with confidence and zero hesitation. “I found out who’s been stealing my protein bars.”

Trish finally looked at her. “Was it you?”

“…No.”

A pause.

Trish raised an eyebrow.

Mickie’s face stayed very serious for exactly two seconds before cracking. “Okay maybe once.”

“Once?”

“Maybe twice.”

“Try again.”

“Okay fine— I didn’t STEAL them. I just… redistributed them into my body.”

Trish shook her head slowly, already smiling despite herself. “You’re unbelievable.”

“And yet,” Mickie said brightly, rocking back on her heels, “you’re still standing here talking to me.”

That landed exactly where she wanted it to.

Trish didn’t deny it.

Instead she pushed off the wall. “Where are you going now?”

Mickie gasped like she’d been personally invited on a royal quest. “Oh! You’re coming with me?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t NOT say it.”

“That’s not how words work.”

Mickie grabbed her wrist anyway.

Warm. Familiar. No hesitation.

“C’mon,” she said, already dragging her down the hallway like this was the most normal thing in the world. “I’ve got something to show you.”

Trish let herself be pulled.

Not because she couldn’t stop her.

She absolutely could.

But because she didn’t want to.

They weaved through backstage chaos, past a producer yelling into a headset, past someone trying to fix a broken camera rig, past a wrestler still hyped off adrenaline pacing in circles like a storm that hadn’t landed yet.

Mickie didn’t slow down once.

“This better not be another ‘surprise’ that ends with us in trouble,” Trish muttered.

“No promises,” Mickie said cheerfully.

That earned her a light shove.

They turned a corner and slipped through a side exit.

Cold air hit immediately.

The kind that made everything feel quieter, sharper, more real.

The noise of the arena dulled behind them.

And there it was again, that space that only belonged to them when nobody else was watching.

Mickie finally stopped.

Turned around.

Grinning like she’d just pulled off something huge.

Trish crossed her arms. “Alright. What is it?”

Mickie held up the stolen, no, reclaimed, bag in her hand.

“…Snacks?”

Mickie shook her head. “Not just snacks.”

She opened it dramatically.

Inside: a chaotic mix of candy, protein bars, chips, and something that looked like it had been smuggled from three different vending machines.

Trish stared.

Then slowly looked back at her.

“This is your big secret?”

Mickie nodded proudly. “I organized them.”

“You stole these.”

“I prefer ‘curated.’”

Trish laughed before she could stop herself, soft, real, tired in the best way.

Mickie’s grin softened at the sound, like that was the actual reward.

They stood there for a second longer than necessary.

Wind brushing past. City lights somewhere beyond the parking lot. The distant hum of the arena like a heartbeat you could ignore if you tried.

Mickie nudged her shoulder lightly. “You okay?”

Trish didn’t answer right away.

Just looked at her.

At the ridiculous pride. The messy hair. The too-bright eyes like the world never quite managed to wear her down.

“…Yeah,” she said finally. “I’m good.”

Mickie tilted her head. “You sure?”

Trish hesitated.

Then reached out, quick, casual, like it meant nothing.

Fixed a bit of lint off Mickie’s jacket.

“It’s just loud in there,” she added.

Mickie’s expression softened immediately.

“Oh.”

A beat.

Then she bumped their shoulders together. “We can stay out here a minute.”

Trish glanced at her.

“You’re not in a rush?”

Mickie scoffed. “Please. I literally have nowhere important to be except wherever you are.”

That should’ve sounded dramatic.

It didn’t.

It just sounded true.

Trish exhaled, something in her shoulders loosening.

“Alright,” she said quietly. “A minute.”

Mickie smiled.

“Cool.”

They leaned back against the cold wall side by side, snack bag between them like it was some sacred artifact.

Inside, everything was still noise and pressure and lights.

Out here, it was just them.

In Replicants 04x05, his inner dialogue is not only about empathising with Georgie, as any son of an alcoholic would, but it´s also about seeing himself reflected in Georgie´s brother. As a replicant of the guy that no matter how much he loves her, always causes mischief and breaks her heart, and no matter how much she loves him too, she also wants to kill him and ends up brokenhearted and disappointed by him, but keeps giving him chance, after chance, after change. Carmy sees himself as the "mischievous brother," and that´s the sadness in his eyes; it´s not just grief based on empathy or feeling related to the story she shared, it´s also self-loathing because he feels related to Georgie´s brother.

That´s why right after the meeting, he takes a breather before coming back to the restaurant and goes to the museum, which aligns with my take on "Fun Carmy."

He thought about it and then called Pete to change the agreement.

The next day, first thing, Syd gets the updated Docusign, but before that, she gets a text from Shapiro, which she ignores. All of this is in the same ep: 5.

This is when Carmy realized that he was dangerous to Syd. Syd could be Georgie, and he could be Georgie´s brother, "who waters the plant," but destroys everything around him and breaks her heart in the process because she keeps giving him another chance and he keeps letting her down.

SLB

Syd has impostor syndrome, as clearly depicted in her nightmare that showed her inner dialogue, which matches her outer dialogue, because she had said it under the table, etc. Carm, on the other hand, has Self-loading behavior. Not the same, but sometimes similar. The mirroring never ends with these 2.

This is classic SLB, which Syd clocked:

This is classic SLB talk, once they start to heal: (also co-dependant bc of his addictive personality, but that´s for another post bc I´m advocating for their relationship no trying to destroy it).

Usually, self-loading (SLB) is present in NPD or BPD, but Carmy doesn´t fit any of those criteria. The catch here is that Donna does. She fits both, actually, but I´m more inclined to go for BPD, bc of her history and because she developed alcoholism as a coping mechanism to deal with her untreated BPD, which is textbook, as BPD is the most common psychological makeup of most alcoholics, especially females. The narcissistic traits she displayed were actually part of her addiction, not of her base personality per se, so now that her addiction is under control, as I predicted last year, she started to show signs of non-narcisistic behaviour, she´s more human, more kind, empathic and even docile, bc her narcissism wasn´t such, it was actually alcohoilsm.

Paradoxical loyalties

It´s very common in children of addicts to unconsciously copycat one of their parents or caregivers, to feel closer to them, it´s an act of love, believe it or not, and it´s called "Paradoxical Loyalty", according to Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy. Carmy emulated certain traits Donna presented, but he does not have BPD himself. And it´s important to clarify that because BPD is chronic, incurable, but treatable, whereas all of Carmy´s disorders are absolutely treatable and curable. Carmy displays signs of being affected by multiple paradoxical loyalties, but it´s actually a good thing because he has reached the point in his journey where he repairs the damage caused by his ancestors, which ultimately is his role in the family. He´s paradoxically loyal to his father, for instance, (bc he doesn´t only have mommie issues, also daddy issues) and now he has put himself in the position of saving the restaurant by paying off his debt before he leaves, which is something that his father didn´t have the decency of doing before he ditched his family.

All this to say that Carmy fits the self-loathing criteria because he emulates Donna, so her BPD anti-role model rubbed on him at such an early age that made him permeable to develop an addiction, just like her, only in his case workholism, which implies that he uses adrenaline and cortisol to numb himself, instead of alcohol, but the result is the same and the correlated symptoms of aggressive and dysfunctional behavior are a direct product of such addiction. Carmy displayed them all, but in his case, this addiction was developed not just due to mimicking some of his mother's toxic behaviors, but also to drown the rumination of self-loathing thoughts, characteristics of SLB. As I mentioned in previous posts on my #gingerpovs, he´s also most likely neurodivergent (AU-ADD or ADHD and DYS) and 100% suffers from CPTSD and probably even has AHT (Abusive Head Trauma). That´s why when all of these potential diagnoses he definitely fits the criteria of are not taken into account by the Carmy haters just bc they think that being Syd believers gives them the right to overlook all of his challenges, I get flustered. The guy has more mental health issues than the DSM-5, FFS! And I´m a firm believer that you can love Syd and still make room to appreciate Carmy´s love for her and how hard he tries, in spite of carrying such heavy burdens, or as Syd called them in 4x10: "fucking nightmares".

Mischief

IK, it doesn´t look like it, but my original point was that in the AA meeting, Georgie hit a nerve and changed the whole story.

Carmy, with all his traumas and colorful medical history, which remains mainly untreated, BTW, and in constant environmental triggering, saw Syd in Georgie; he saw her as his victim. He was supposed to relate himself as the son of an alcoholic who was hurt by his mother´s addiction more than once, and as a result developed a bunch of issues, and was there to talk about it and listen to others who have gone through the same ordeals, but even though at some point his mind certainly must have taken him in that direction, I´m positive in thinking that the pain in his eyes and the subsequent decision he made of quitting the restaurant, had as endgame protecting Syd from himself, from his inevitable "mischief".

Later on, post-call with Shapiro, he escalated, as he´s keen on doing, and he came up with the whole "retirement plan". Quitting all restaurants was a better exit plan that made it more about him, and less about her. Easily explained by his burnout. But it didn´t start like that; it started like him just quitting The Bear in a desperate attempt to protect her from his own mischief, to make sure she couldn´t say about him what Georgie said about her brother. All of this sounds super calculated, but it´s not for someone like Carmy. In one of his flares of self-loathing, when he feels like nothing and sees Syd as the center of his universe, but at the same time as someone whom he´s deeply undeserving of, he can create elaborate strategies to act on his self-loathing tendencies and self-boycott AGAIN, in a totally "reasonable" way that makes sense in his head, in a matter of hours, one sleepless night, for example, and then act on it with no hesitation. Because that is actually how SLB operates, and I´m sure that listening to Georgie triggered an SLB flare episode.

Bonus track: This is a correction to a previous theory I was working on till last night: Follow the money. It still stands, but the TL I proposed there needs some fine tuning, so here I go: Carmy didn´t call Cicero to tell him he wanted out of the agreement once he got the money to pay the debt, or knew where or whom to get it from, and then updated the agreement, which was the correct way of doing it, after talking it out with Syd, ofc (ep 9). He had already called Pete in ep 5 to update the agreement. So this could mean 2 things: 1- He had already found the resources to cover the debt in ep 5 when he asked Pete to update the agreement. 2- He pulled a kamikaze move and got out of the agreement before getting the money and talking to Cicero. These kamikaze moves can be easily explained by the aforementioned SLB. There´s always the chance that the money doesn´t come from just one person. Like I said, Donna/Michael´s life insurance money seemed to be the best option, but there´s still a list of at least 3 people that can also contribute to helping him out, and Syd, as well. The only one who doesn´t wanna see that restaurant open is Shapiro.

I´m open to suggestions to keep on fine-tuning the follow-the-money theory. DM if you have any ideas pls. TNX.

at this point i refuse to explain myself

"Three... Screw it, I'm eating it." Mickie sat cross-legged on the grass at the park, picking strawberries for her basket, and then proceeding to pick each seed out before eating it.

Or, she tried to. She got about three or four seeds in, before hunger won and she just devoured the berry.

Today was Tuesday, and Mickie's favorite activity as of late was to gather things for her crush, Trish (not that much got gathered, after Mickie was distracted by a gazillion things). She had a bundle of three flowers- one purple hyacinth, and two yellow tulips, and was searching around for a flower of each color of the rainbow, to tie together and surprise her crush with later.

That was the plan, til Mickie heard a voice calling for her nearby.

Ashley and Trish beckoned Mickie over, and Mickie almost froze up and panicked from how hard she was thrown off. How would she explain the flowers?

"Hey! Hey- hey? Whoa..." Ashley immediately noticed Mickie hiding flowers badly behind her back. "What on earth are you doing here...?" Ashley knew it was none of her business, but this new girl was just painfully easy to pick on. Trish didn't approve of it, to be honest.

"Don't listen to her-" Trish gave Ashley a look that told her to shut up. "What's there, sweetie? Show me." Trish decided to be extra kind to Mickie today- poor thing deserves some extra kindness after how other girls talk about her at the performance center.

Mickie looked down. "Well uh- I didn't think I was gonna find you here, but- yeah, these are for you, okay...?" Mickie didn't even sound mad about getting caught, being caught without her guard up in any situation was the one thing she couldn't stand: the ONE thing that would make Mickie infuriated.

But, in this one particular scenario, she felt something else: defeated.

Because, yeah, it technically isn't weird to pick flowers for the girl you fancy. What IS weird though, at least in Mickie's mind, is having said girl catch you in the act, knowing you spend time thinking about her. And kissing her stupid face. And she knows ALL that, now.

Why did something so small bother her? She'd never admit it.

She'd lie about it, but she'd never admit she's insecure and thinks she's not good enough for Trish. Because why would a girl like Trish EVER wa-

She shut the thoughts out and snapped back to reality.

"Mickie? Mickie!!" Trish snapped in Mickie's face. "You uh, zoned out there for a second. You ok?"

Mickie nodded.

"Good. Hey," Trish patted the side of Mickie's arm. "Thank you for these, sweet girl."

There was an awkward pause for a minute, as Mickie just savored the moment and anxiously awaited Trish's response.

"If you... Promise to not tie any of my friends up, or play any crazy pranks, would you like to go out with me to the coffee shop tonight? I'd-" Trish froze up, thinking she definitely would have frozen up by now. "I'd really like to take you out. You... Make me kinda happy, I guess." Trish sounded playfully pained when she said that.

"Hmmm, I dunno, my mom says ya gotta have me home by midnight!" Mickie half joked, playfully sticking her tongue out.

"Dude, it's a coffee shop, we're not going clubbing." Trish playfully grabbed Mickie by the shoulders.

"Heh, yeah, I know. Just sayin'!" Mickie's eyes squinted with happiness and she bounced a couple times. "And don't 'dude' me, you just asked me on a date!" Mickie playfully shouted.

"Hmm, give me a kiss and we'll call it even?" Trish asked, blinking in an exaggerated manner.

"Maybe tonight." Mickie winked and blew Trish a kiss in the air, an odd smooth move from Mickie.