#trashtastic

rated “s” for sex symbol

Pete Burns moments that Spin Me Right Round - 135/??

But you know she claimed that cash. Interesting that they felt it newsworthy to provide the breakdown of bills, like, "This dumb bitch didn't have six large in pennies lodged in her hoohoo."

Oh, god bless the early 2000′s and the obsession with trash culture. If trucker hats, Ed Hardy clothing and XTINA wasn’t enough for you, the one hit wonder Willa Ford was probably right up your alley. I mean, look at the thumbnail for this video...the people controlling her vevo did’t choose a shot of her face, or of her dancing. No. They went for a shot of he kookah in booty shorts. If  that alone doesn’t speak volumes about what we’re in for, then IDK what does.

Before I dive into this video (it’s gonna be a long one...there is a lot I have to say) I decided to learn more about Willa Ford. According to her wikipedia, she portrayed Anna Nicole Smith in “The Anna Nicole Smith Story”, appeared in the Lingerie Bowl..which I was not aware was a thing, hosted Pants Off Dance Off, and had a guest spot with the Pussy Cat Dolls in Vegas. If that isn’t an impressive trashtastic early new millennia resume, IDK what is.

 Now lets get into this video mess. I’m going to try and keep this short, but I make no promises, as there is TOOOOOO much to work with.

The opening shots shows us Willa rolling up to a club on a impressive looking bike. But Willa, honey...those shorts? Are those really good to wear when riding a crotch rocket? Aren’t you afraid your gonna get burned? Or what if you fall? You’ll get ripped to shit! I do appreciate the wearing of the helmet, thought. Safety first!

Willa enters the club, and we know shes all that cuz she goes right up to the DJ and kisses him. Apparently her kiss is *hypnotizing* because he gets all confused and has to sit down for a spell while she takes his lapse to put her record on the turn table. Also, whoever approved the font for the video credits deserves to be fired.

So, after spinning her song, and grinding on a bunch of guys, Willa is seen leaving “da club” (which looks more like a house that porn would be filmed in...cuz it’s probably a house that porn is filmed in.) She uses her hypno kiss powers on the valet to get into this fancy car and drive it off. In laments terms, kiddies, Willa commits grand theft auto.

Willa is feeling herself while driving the stolen car. What really gets my goose is she isn’t wearing a seat belt. Come on girl you wear a helmet on the bike but no seat belt? Foolish.

Oh, weird turn of events! She is caught and arrested for stealing the car and loaded into the back seat of a cop car. The cops enjoy a celebratory doughnut. Hows she gonna get out of this one??

Easily, I guess? Shes now back out of the car (never would happen, sorry honey) enjoys a doughnut with one of the arresting officers and then pulls him down with her. OHHH, I see. Blowjob. Clever!

AAAAAAAAAAAND she stole the cop car and drives off as the officers look on helplessly. Then comes the rap breakdown that I won’t bother covering because its just your usual music video fodder.

I guess at some point during her crime spree, Willa had time to pick up a leather coat and what I think is supposed to be a police hat (it looks more like a bell boy cap, in my opinion..) so she can cruise around in a stolen police vehicle without detection. Because the officers who she stole it from are all like “WHOAAAAAA” from her Willa Ford blowjob and haven’t called the incident in.

We end on this shot. And a disclaimer:

What a relief. I was afraid that Willa had a Dementor-esque effect with her kiss. (Honestly, I have made this joke before and wouldn’t mind that ability myself. But that’s another story)