This is my contribution to the #transportraitgallery where we post a raw pictuere of our face and answer a few questions. My name is Abby and I am gender neutral or neutrois (they/them). As a nonbinary person who is a practicing Christian, I've always wondered about how my gender is viewed within that institution. However, I've also though a lot about my spiritual beliefs and know that I really haven't figured them out yet, but I do know that I exist and will continue to exist in any faith I decide to practice. In terms of my sexual orientation, I discovered I was bisexual before realizing I was trans, but it did play a role. Realizing that I was attracted to multiple genders made me realize there were multiple genders mixing around inside of me as well. So far I am not out to my parents, but I might as soon as I move to college. Keeping it from them has been challenging, especially as I began to present masculine (to cancel out my lack of t). The hardest struggle I have had has been with my thoughts of transition. I desire a male body, but want to keep my female reproductive traits (basically I want to have children). My biggest fear is becoming infertile, but I feel pressured to transition in college because it will be covered in my health care. I have had an amazing time meeting nonbinary people, especially in real life. Especially in my incoming freshman class; it has been great to talk to them about fears and successes and hear how they deal with situations as well. I love all of them lol. I would honestly tell my 14 or 15 year old self that the sooner I stop trying to deny that I am bi or nb the sooner I can start discovering myself. So many things have changed and I wish I was more ready to fully accept them. Overall, my goals are to be fully out and comfortable with myself at some point. I'd like hormones, but only once I am absolutely sure I am ready. However, I want to be seen for who I truly am (but once I stop being indecisive and pick a new name!!) I'm going to go put some make up on now!!!

What else about being transgender/nonbinary would you like to write about? I grew up with two moms and a sister and I never had close male relatives or friends, and I think being surrounded only by Female seriously slowed down me reconsidering my gender. I still don’t know if I would have rather known earlier or not. The fact that I didn’t for a long time just feels like a weak point that can be used to easily delegitimize me.

There is no right way to be trans. Whatever you wear or don’t wear, do or don’t do with your body, don’t do it just to fit the traditional pathway. Keep fighting for yourself. You deserve it.

#transportraitgallery -One way that being trans has impacted my identity is having to adjust my sexual orientation. Before I accepted my gender I was a gay male so reconciling the gayness is still a weird process for me. There's a certain level of sass that seems to be acceptable in gay men but not in women and it's weird to figure out how flamboyant I'm allowed to be while still being perceived as female. -I have had many negative experiences with being trans. Thankfully nothing along the lines of being harassed or physically abused because of it *knocks on wood* but it does make it hard to date. I'll talk about one guy I was talking to on tinder. I should mention that me being trans is in my bio. So I was having a lovely conversation with someone. I think it was a Sunday and we were talking the whole day. We talked about where he was going to school, we discussed Big Hero 6. But then all of a sudden he was like "you're mtf?" And I was like "yeah, why?" And he unmatched me. It irked me for the rest of the day how people can be so rude. -There are a couple things I would love to tell all cisgender people. First, google the basics. Cisgender people tend to ask a lot of stupid questions that could easily be googled. Also asking about genitals is a no. That's weird. And the other thing is that we know that pronouns are hard. In my personal experience, I struggled so hard with getting myself used to my real name and pronouns so I get that adjusting to them isn't easy. So please don't give me this long speech about how it's so hard for you because I'm not interested. Sorry. -If I could have a phone conversation with my younger self I would tell her to stay strong. I know that it's incredibly cliche but I went through some deep depressions which were very hard for me to get through. 7th through 10th grade were very rough, plagued with suicidal thoughts and self harm. But I had to make it through all of that to find who I truly am, and I would thank my younger self for surviving. She is stronger than I give her credit for. -My experience with my family has not been good. I came out to them January 15, 2016 and the months after that were just constant belittling and berating. They made me feel like being trans was a mistake I was making or something I was doing to spite my father or ruin my life with. The end of my senior year was rough but going to college I feel so much freer. My friends now use my real name and pronouns. One of my friends used my real name in front of my parents, and my parents "corrected" her. I costume shows and my real name is in the programs and after seeing the shows they don't talk about them. They are living in denial and there's no dragging them out of it. -There's nothing else I really want to write about being trans.

My mom is one of the most open minded people you’ll meet, the rest of my family, not so much. My mom accidentally outed me to my grandma, and she’s a little bit of a gossip, so I don’t know who knows I’m trans and who doesn’t. As of now I am avoiding contact with the entire family.