i so strongly oppose the idea of masculinity as being aloof, disaffected, emotionally cold, edgy and anti-vulnerability.
my butch dyke masculinity is one that cries near daily. i feel everything too deeply, i bruise easily, i am everly torn between boundless hope and apathy which i will never cede to.
my masculinity isn't cold or disconnected. my masculinity cooks warm meals for all my friends, my masculinity is here to cherish friendship, love, community.
my masculinity is adoring, its kissing, crying, lying together in the dark with you, the only light i know to be your voice.
my masculinity isn't brittle, its whole and round and full. i'm not cool and i don't think i'll ever be. yes, i want to be liked, yes i want you to like me. yes, i'm hurt, yes, that upset me, yes, i'd like a hug.
and yes, i'll hug you too. i'll lift you up as high as i just can. i'll pick you up when we then say "goodbye", "i love you, friend", "i'll see you soon", I'll count the hours, days and weeks.
i'm not distant, i long for our connection. i want to live and love and shout it loudly as i can.
masculinity doesn't have to be the way that they tried beating into me. my masculinity grew up a tired boy. a lonely boy. a yearning boy. i never thought that i could know such love. i never knew that i could feel so much like "just myself".
my masculinity is anything but rigid. its rough and tumble, i break and fall apart, i come together then again.
i'm not a man but men can live this too. cause neither masculinity nor manhood have to be this cold and distant or aloof.
