Trapped between two worlds.
So, let's begin by saying my relationship is my first adult one (at age 30). When Kelley and I met, I had just changed my name, come out to my family as genderqueer, and began saving for Top surgery. Now here we are four years later. Over the last 4 years I've gone back to college, co-parented two children through some of the biggest Milestones of their lives, and gotten sober. Somewhere along the way I decided it would be best if I waited for Top surgery because the girls (Riley, now age 8, and Hadley, now age 6) were so young. They've met several queer people and are incredibly open minded. I suppose being raised by a mother, a father, and two step mothers would open a child's mind a bit. Their father is still in their lives and actively participates in their extracurricular activities. I've been happy with that fact, as my father wasn't very active in mine. Kelley (my fiance) and I, have NEVER spoken a foul word about their father, for their sake. See, as much as I dislike him, I still do not want to give then the complex my parents gave me.
Anyways, back to topic. Kelley has always been so beautifully open to my needs and desire to transition. She's loving and supportive in every single way. However, I cannot see a possibility for me to have top surgery or begin testosterone with the life I have now. It feels like I'm stuck; torn between a beautiful life and the freedom of living authentically. I don't know what to do and it's becoming harder as the calendar pages fall. I was binding when Kelley and I met, but haven't much in the last 2 years because it is painful to do every day. I just wanted to know what some of you did in similar situations. I'm new to Tumblr and new to this subject.
