#transition mtf

I’ve tried to start so many blogs in the past. Write about games. Write about comics. But I would always lose interest. Run out of time. But this is different. Because rather than being about traits of me...this is about who I am as a person. This is about a lived experience, and about experiences still to come. 

I am transgender. For 34 and a half years of my life, I lived as the gender I was assigned at birth, male. But for years, honestly for most of my life, I’ve had questions about that. I’ve had questions about who I really was. Most of my friends were girls. I didn’t like to go out and party like all the boys in my class. I was quiet, a bookworm, a gamer. I was also born with a birth defect. A cleft lip and palete. Essentially, my upper lip did not form completely in the womb. I had many surgeries as a child to close my lip, to help with complications that came from having this, and to normalize my look as much as possible. 

If anyone knows kids, especially playground bullies, you know that it is easy for bullies to spot our insecurities. Its even easier when the insecurity is physical. So I tried to hide. I tried to slip into the background, not be seen. If I wasn’t seen, I wasn’t a threat. If I wasn’t a threat, I’d be left alone...

This blog is going to serve a couple purposes. First, on 12/29/2021 will be a new birthday. That date will be the day that Carlie is truly born, and the day I’ll be leaving Curtis behind. That day, I will start HRT to become who I’ve felt like for so long. This blog will document my journey with HRT. Secondly, this blog will serve as a way for me to show that, even when things are really difficult and we struggle, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel regardless of how dark it can be.