#transgenderparent

It’s Transgender Parent Day! 🏳️‍⚧️

Observed the first Sunday every November since 2009, today we honor transfemme, transmasc, and non-binary parents shaping families with love and strength.

To anyone who has felt depressed or suicidal after their parent/s came out as transgender: you are not alone. You will be ok. I remember when my mom came out as a transgender man and it was hard. What I remember most about it is how many questions I had, like...

Does this mean I am losing my mom? Am I motherless? Is it somehow my fault? How do I tell my friends? Who can I tell? Should I say anything at all? How will this effect me? How could mom do this to me? Why does it hurt so much?

While being faced with these questions all to often feels like the end of the world, they have answers. What I learned through my parents transition is that no one can take away who your parent is to you. Their role in your life may change, the way you address them may also change but at the end of the day your mom will always be your mom and your dad will always be your dad. 

Talk with them and ask what you should call them. When I spoke to my parent my mom told me I can still call him mom because that word means something to me personally. I also learned that a parents gender transition is never the fault of their child. It is something to do with their biology. I know, it is super confusing, but it is true. You are not at fault. 

As for addressing it outside the home, talk to your parent. Tell them how you feel and ask them what you should do. When you can have an honest conversation with a clear result it helps you heal a little more. It hurts, reader, for many reasons. Talk to a therapist about it, or your parent, or another trusted adult who you feel safe with. Finding out why it hurts will enable you to seek ways to heal that hurt. 

Finally, please remember that no one can tell you how to feel. Your feelings are important and valuable. YOU are important and valuable. Some days may be so hard you don't know how you could possibly go on, but I can promise you that there will be days where everything is ok and you can even have a conversation with/about your parent and not hurt. It does get better, it really, really does. 

-Taylor Miles