#transfer things

Ooo. Okay, to be totally honest, I go back and forth on this. Transferring has been really hard and sometimes it’s still really hard. I was naive about the social aspect. My new school is definitely better academically in… kind of every way. I like the block plan, I like not being at Christian school. Science at my current school is also stronger than the (still fairly strong!) science at my old school. This block I was able to withdraw and only lose work in one class, whereas on a semester plan I had two different times where I lost almost a semester’s worth of work in multiple classes.

But at my old school I had a community and a support system that I have not found here, and at this point I can be fairly certain that I won’t find here. I felt out of place in a lot of ways at my old school, but I feel out of place in different ways here.

Sometimes I feel about transferring the way I feel about growing up. My old school feels like somewhere I’m nostalgic for because it was easier, like the way I feel about high school or childhood or whatever. My old school was soft and kind. My new school is harder and colder and I feel more on my own here. That’s an inaccurate oversimplification my brain makes, because my old school was hard too, and I didn’t feel at home there by the time I left or I wouldn’t have transferred. I don’t think I ever felt as alone there as I have felt here, though. 

I’m feeling okay. It’s weird because I don’t know whether the brain fog and the dizziness and the nausea and the fatigue are leftover concussion symptoms or if it’s just a bad day for my normal symptoms. Being chronically ill is confusing that way. But the vertigo has stopped, and the headache is mostly gone, so I think I’m recovered, pretty much. The initial concussion was pretty mild, but then hitting my head again less than 24 hours later made it more complicated and harder to recover from.

I am... not sure how I’m liking my new school. The last month has been SUPER stressful. I very much left my comfort zone in order to transfer, and this school is very different in a lot of ways. I do like it here, but I think I still miss my old school, mostly because there I had friends and here I’ve been having trouble meeting people. Usually I make friends pretty easily but it’s been hard here for several reasons. The people are really nice, I think I like the block plan... I just wish I knew more people, and that I had the time to do things that would allow me to get to know more people? I slept through both activities fairs, oops, and the timing of my lab class meant I couldn’t join choir.

One of my orientation trip leaders (who was a transfer) said that her first month here she thought a lot about whether she should’ve stayed where she was, or whether she should maybe transfer again, but it just took her a while to find her niche or whatever. I also think that being a winter start transfer makes it harder to make friends since everyone (save the seven other winter start transfers) already has friends, you know? As a freshman it’s easier because you’re surrounded by people who also don’t know anyone, so they’re really actively trying to get to know new people. That isn’t true for upperclassmen in the middle of the year.

Also the block plan is weird. The pace is very intense and it makes time pass strangely. I really haven’t been here for very long at all, but in that time I’ve done almost an entire semester’s worth of organic chemistry, so it sort of skews my perception of how much time has passed. 

Teacher says 'okay so you're starting your GSA essay now'

I say yes. 

He said 'Okay I'm going to be clever here" 

Then proceeds to write "'G'-essay" on the board.